suicide

[lostalove]

Hi, I’m completely new to this but I have questions!! lots of them! I am trying to study catholocism. I just lost the love of my life one year ago to suicide. He was born, raised a brave courageous catholic soldier, something happened to him emotionally very suddenly that we are all trying to figure out. I am trying to understand it and get some peace. It’s not happening. Our local priest said that the catholic church doesn’t have the same view of suicide as it has in the past. Help! I need to discuss this with catholics.

 

[Kyenta]

Our Heavenly Father is so merciful and understanding. He takes all the circumstances of the reasons for a suicide into account. If there were mental issues, God will not judge so harshly.

We Catholics have a saying: **You never know what happens between the bridge and the water. What this means is that we must never judge. From the moment someone jumps off the bridge and before they hit the water, they may have repented or pleaded forgiveness from God. Only God knows what all the situations are and what was going through that individuals mind.

They are not lost but in Purgatory. Please pray daily for your dear friends soul. The Catholic Church is magnificent in all the ways we can pray and offer up sufferings to help our loved ones reach Heaven. Masses can be said, offering up all our sorrows, trials and works to the Sadred Heart of Jesus for your friends speedy entrance into Heaven, accepting everything in your day to day life and most important, receiving the Body and Blood of Jesus by attending Mass as often as possible.

I know you are not Catholic so you can’t attend Mass but while you study Catholicism you can pray before the Blessed Sacrament (Very powerful).

I will pray for your loved one. When you pray for him, he will be aware of your most generous act. I will pray for you too.

**

 

[Scott_Waddell]

The Church’s teaching on suicide has not changed. Some people think in the past that the Church taught that suicide meant automatic Hell. Not so.

Here is the Catechism teaching on suicide (read especially the bolded):

Suicide

2280 Everyone is responsible for his life before God who has given it to him. It is God who remains the sovereign Master of life. We are obliged to accept life gratefully and preserve it for his honor and the salvation of our souls. We are stewards, not owners, of the life God has entrusted to us. It is not ours to dispose of.

2281 Suicide contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life. It is gravely contrary to the just love of self. It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations. Suicide is contrary to love for the living God.

2282 If suicide is committed with the intention of setting an example, especially to the young, it also takes on the gravity of scandal. Voluntary co-operation in suicide is contrary to the moral law.

**Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.

2283 We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.**

Scott

 

[trailblazer]

Dear Lostalove,

---

Cheer up! Scuicide does not necessarily correlate to mortal sin. There is hope for your loved one!

---

Often suicide is the result of a mental illness in which one’s cognitive abilities are impaired. The person basically acts without true freedom or consideration of the offense against God – key ingredients in mortal sin! Schizophrenics hear voices and see visions forcing them into horrific acts. Manic people feel invincible and take risky behaviors. Depressed people go into dispair and feel hopeless and so misserable that they seek peace the only way they know. As such, scuicide in such cases is ***not a moratal sin. ***
The Church never used to give Catholic funerals to scuicides. Now, with our understanding of mental illness, the Church does give Catholic funerals to scuicides and leaves all judgement to God.

---

---

Love,
Bob

 

[AlanFromWichita]

lostalove:

Hi, I’m completely new to this but I have questions!! lots of them! I am trying to study catholocism. I just lost the love of my life one year ago to suicide. He was born, raised a brave courageous catholic soldier, something happened to him emotionally very suddenly that we are all trying to figure out. I am trying to understand it and get some peace. It’s not happening. Our local priest said that the catholic church doesn’t have the same view of suicide as it has in the past. Help! I need to discuss this with catholics.

Dear lostalove,

I’m so sorry to hear about your loved one.

I used to answer a children’s crisis hotline, including suicide calls. I myself also have recently experienced severe bipolar mental illness, usually manic but last year went through several months of agonizing thoughts including suicidal ones for several hours every day, sometimes to become able to function by the evening.

Others have posted Church beliefs on suicide. If your concern is whether the Church believes your friend would go to hell, they have answered it. You said you want some peace, so I wondered what we could help with other than the Church teaching.

If you want to talk about how this is bothering you, please do, or not if you’d prefer not to reveal any details don’t say anything you don’t mind the world knowing. We’re here listening. It sounds like you want to understand what sort of emotions you he might have been going through, and how they led to his despair.

Do you also wonder how his Catholic beliefs play into this whole thing, or his relationship with the Church? Is this something that will help you in your efforts to learn Catholicism, or perhaps even join us?

Alan

 

[StratusRose]

Kyenta:

They are not lost but in Purgatory.

I know you are not Catholic so you can’t attend Mass but while you study Catholicism you can pray before the Blessed Sacrament (Very powerful).

---

No one but God knows where that person is.

You don’t have to be Catholic to attend Mass. Anyone can go, you just cannot receive communion.

 

[TheRam]

Dear, i have lost a loved one, but not to suicide. He often called upon Gods answer to let him know if he wanted him home, or should he try harder. It was a great struggle, and nearing the surprise end, he had said so many times, how much more do i have to endure? Once cheered up, he said that god felt that he should pick up and move on…he would help him.

After someone moves on, we wonder…did we do what we could have…did we help or hinder this path…how can i really know if he is alright…how can i know what he still needs…how do i cope when i turn and he is not there…what were his last thoughts…was he begging for help and i did not see…

It can torture a person so deeply. Mine was a son of nearly 19. My motherhood has lost confidence, for i feel like i let him down. I FEEL this, but my head and heart know differently. God loves us all as an indevidual…and i seek to be nearer to him so that i feel less dispair. The closer i am to the Lord (no mater the denomination) the closer i am to understanding pure love, pure exceptance and the power to hold my heart safely each day!

Before prayer: see it as your heart being the door and God knocking because he knows what you need before you do. He can not help you and your heart unless you answer the door, and invite him in. Find a place, make a time…even 10 min that is just for you. Think of it as getting ready for company. Light a candle, burn some insense, and put the kettle on. Get ready for company…you will feel nurvous and shy at first, but you will become great friends of the heart if you see him as a visitor. In your mind you can think of it as journaling…share with him what is on your mind…nothing more…nothing less.
If you are not sure, or over whelmed in what to pray about…pray for peace of heart, pray that God hold you in his embrace when you are scared or sad. Just like your father may have…your heavenly father can do the same for you in so much deeper of a sense.

I came across a prayer card that was unusual because it spoke to my desperation. Sometimes i start it, and end it crying out to the lord. Other times it is peaceful…either way i find it helps me…

Come Unto Me

Yea, let me come, for oftentimes with weeping
Mine eyes are blinded and i can not see;
Unnumbered shaddows o’er my life are creeping,
I tremble, Father; let me come to thee.

Yea, let me come, I am heartsick with yearning----
For what Thy wisdom has withheld from me.
I see but ashes where desires were burning,
I am lonely, Father; let me come to thee.

Yea, let me come from out the pain and sighing;
Let tears depart from me and shaddows flee;
I can not fight alone; I am worn with trying;
And gladly, Father; will i come to thee.

Finish your cup of tea o coffee as you talk, when it is gone…ask him if he would meet you again some time! (or make a time)

Answers are not something that comes fast to the heart that has not learned to tarry with the lord. Be with him, things will make sense a little bit at a time. Know that you are building a friendship…that takes time to do, and to listen and read between the lines. He is there on your every word!

I hope this can help you my dear!

Love,
Allana

 

[Tazgurl21]

lostalove:

Hi, I’m completely new to this but I have questions!! lots of them! I am trying to study catholocism. I just lost the love of my life one year ago to suicide. He was born, raised a brave courageous catholic soldier, something happened to him emotionally very suddenly that we are all trying to figure out. I am trying to understand it and get some peace. It’s not happening. Our local priest said that the catholic church doesn’t have the same view of suicide as it has in the past. Help! I need to discuss this with catholics.

I know how you feel cuz I lost my boyfriend three years ago. Bu of course I am catholic and always been. He commited suicide also. It still hard to get over but jst somethings you gotta live with. Don’t know why he did but he did. He is the only one that knows why he did it and god only knows whta was going on in his head. I wish he wouldn’t have done it. plus his friends told me that he was depressed and he had a lot of thing going on. he didn’t do drugs I know that for sure. I just wished he would talked to somebody about it though. EWe were in a Long distance relationship for like 7 and a half months and we were doing good until he passed away. I pray for his soul to be in heaven every night.

 

[Didi]

I’m so sorry for your loss and pain. I’ve had several family members and friends who have committed suicide. It’s always very difficult.

I think we always ask “Why didn’t I see it coming? What could I have done?”

The problem is, we won’t have answers to these questions until we see Our Lord after we die, so all the questions do is torment us. We have to let go of them.

We also have to realize that the person committing suicide was in very deep pain, and the only logical answer to them was to escape this life. They rarely think beyond the escape to how their friends and family will react. They are not trying to be cruel. Sometimes they even think that everyone will be better off without them; that they are doing everyone a favor.

What we do have to remember is that our life in earth is just a short journey compared to eternal life. We will all die, one way or another, and we all need to be prepared (as much as we can be!)to meet Our Lord and Savior. Christian music artist Steven Curtis Chapman sings “There’s no better place on earth than the road that leads to heaven…”

It is also very important to pray for the souls of those who die, no matter how they died, that they will soon be in the fullness of God’s glory in heaven.

I pray that you will find peace in your life. You might consider going to Mass, even though you aren’t Catholic (just go for a blessing during Communion time, not receive communion). You could also go before Our Lord and Savior in Eucharistic adoration, because Jesus is really and truly present there, and lay your burdens at His feet.

Maybe Our Lord is calling you to His Church through this tragedy. “We know that in everything God works for good with those who love Him.” Romans 8:28

 

[Kyenta]

STRATUS ROSE,

If you read my whole post carefully, you will see how I explained that only God judges.
Also regarding attending Mass, I also said Pray before the Blessed Sacrament which is obviously in a Catholic Church. I meant to imply that that a non catholic cannot receive Communion during Mass.

 

[deaconswife]

Dear Lostalove,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your loved one. As someone who has been at the point of suicide three times I can assure you that those who kill themselves do not meet the conditions to commit mortal sin. God is a merciful Father and as an earthly parent, I could never condemn my child for an act committed while suffering from a mental condition. Depression is such an insidious condition, and one that anyone who suffers from it would not wish on their worst enemy, Please do not carry any blame for not noticing any signs prior to his suicide, as people who are depressed can often mask their intentions. My parents thought that I was turning the corner and was happy before my attempts. My happiness actually came from making a decision to do myself in. Again, I want to express my deepest sympathy.

 

[TheRam]

Carpe-Diem…Seize the day, make your life extra-ordinary!

Find what is in the moment, what you need to make you happy, find what it is that makes you look for new tomorrows…and dream! Walk through your todays, and tomorrows with god, and the yesterdays do not hurt as badly. Yesterdays were meant to teach us something, but not to set us on a tailspin. With God, his intentions for those lessons, he will reveal them as he sees fit.

Mostly he simply wants you to take comfort in his presence, love him unconditionally, and have faith in him. The rest will fall into place!

 

[Caramel]

Come Unto Me

Yea, let me come, for oftentimes with weeping
Mine eyes are blinded and i can not see;
Unnumbered shaddows o’er my life are creeping,
I tremble, Father; let me come to thee.

Yea, let me come, I am heartsick with yearning----
For what Thy wisdom has withheld from me.
I see but ashes where desires were burning,
I am lonely, Father; let me come to thee.

Yea, let me come from out the pain and sighing;
Let tears depart from me and shaddows flee;
I can not fight alone; I am worn with trying;
And gladly, Father; will i come to thee.

Love,
Allana

Dear Allana,

I don’t think I did the quote thing right, but I wanted to let you know that the poem touched me so deeply. I lost my husband to suicide when we had been married just four years and I was pregnant (third pregnancy, but the only one that I didn’t lose through miscarriage.) That was over twenty years ago but the pain never goes away completely and sometimes it is overwhelming. But I love the poem!! Thank you!!

Caramel

 

[LynnieLew]

lostalove:

Hi, I’m completely new to this but I have questions!! lots of them! I am trying to study catholocism. I just lost the love of my life one year ago to suicide. He was born, raised a brave courageous catholic soldier, something happened to him emotionally very suddenly that we are all trying to figure out. I am trying to understand it and get some peace. It’s not happening. Our local priest said that the catholic church doesn’t have the same view of suicide as it has in the past. Help! I need to discuss this with catholics.

Hi there.
I just wanted to say that you have provided a wonderful witness of openness and hope.
May you find the peace you desire. Seek and Ye Shall Find. I suspect you will do so in Christ’s loving arms.

Veritas!
LynnieLew

 

[Peter_Wright]

Thread moved to a the appropriate forum that is more germain to this topic.

 

[viktor_aleksndr]

Mental illness may spare the soul of a person committed suicide. But if he done it intentionally without any mental incapacity then it was wrong. But we cannot judge a person on committing suicide. It is the judgement of GOD on what HE will do to the soul of the person. GOD understand everyhing.

Lat’s Pray for the soul of that person and all the Catholics who committted suicide.

 

[Seeks_God]

This thread hit close to home for me. My little borther took his own life 5-1/2 years ago. He left his girlfriend and daughter and it was extremely upsetting for my family. Being Catholic, a Rosary and funeral were held for him and I have struggled and struggled with the thought of his salvation. My brother did not live the holiest of lives - far from it. But I knew he loved God, I had never heard him deny God either. Most of my family believes he did it because he was drinking alcohol the night he did it. I would agree but he had considered it 3 months previously to actually doing it. I’m not sure what I think - Was he or was he not in his right frame of mind? Is anyone in his/her right frame of mind when they commit suicide? I do not know. I did not know alot. I questioned my beliefs alot at this point. This event caused a serious amount of introspection on my part. Is my brother in Hell? I couldn’t accept it; he made a mistake - I just knew it! He loved God! But I didn’t know…

What I have gained comfort in is knowing that it is not my responsibility to be concerned with what happens to my brother’s sole. God will take care of that. It wasn’t my responsibility to be concerned with his actions as right or wrong. That was God’s concern as well. I have gained alot of comfort knowing that God will take care of me and I have adopted the adage “Let Go and Let God.”

It seems to help…

SG

 

[Caramel]

When my husband committed suicide I was told by my parish priest that he had gone to hell. No question about it. That was the way it was. It hurt so bad to think about that!! But I came to realize that if he wasn’t in his right mind he would be what is called a “Holy Innocent” and that is a person who is not responsible for his or her actions. That would mean that he had gone to heaven.

Within the last several years I have been told by my (new) parish priest that my husband did not go to hell. God doesn’t damn people who are sick mentally and have no control over what they do. God loves us!!

Hope this helps,

Caramel

 

[crobynb]

Come Unto Me

Yea, let me come, for oftentimes with weeping
Mine eyes are blinded and i can not see;
Unnumbered shaddows o’er my life are creeping,
I tremble, Father; let me come to thee.

Yea, let me come, I am heartsick with yearning----
For what Thy wisdom has withheld from me.
I see but ashes where desires were burning,
I am lonely, Father; let me come to thee.

Yea, let me come from out the pain and sighing;
Let tears depart from me and shaddows flee;
I can not fight alone; I am worn with trying;
And gladly, Father; will i come to thee.

Wow - thank you so much for sharing that. It has been a while since something has grabbed my attention like that. So beautiful.