T
TruthSkr
Guest
My wife and I were both raised Catholic, both having gone to Catholic school from kindergarten through high school. Many years ago my wife stopped attending Mass because of issues with the Catholic Church. It began with bad memories of having seen priests at her high school doing inappropriate things with female students and peaked with the recent sex scandal. Her trust in the hierarchy of the Church eroded and she felt that she should not be bound by rules made by men she could not trust. This is not a cop out; she is dead serious. We have been married 41 years. My wife is a good woman who cares deeply for others and who lives a life that is more selfless than mine. She tries to follow the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule (do unto others…), but does not practice any faith. She tells me that she prays to God, but that her prayer life is between her and God. While at home I faithfully attend Mass every Sunday, however there is a problem whenever we travel together. Recently, we traveled to Florida to visit an old friend whose wife suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. It was a very tragic death and my wife was very nervous about getting through the experience. She spent over ten years of her life care-giving for three members of her immediate family, all of whom died from painful, protracted illnesses. This caused her to suffer from some kind of travel anxiety that may or may not be part of the problem. While in Florida she refused to attend Sunday Mass with me and strenuously objected to me leaving her in a hotel room while I went off on my own to attend Mass. She feels very strongly that a husband should never leave his wife while traveling out of town. Rather than get into a heated argument and challenge her to a test of wills I agreed to not attend Mass. We have discussed this subject on numerous occasions and she will not compromise on this. She says her parents were religious people who always attended Mass at home, but never went while on vacation. We have many friends, most of whom are Christian, but not a single one attends Mass/church when traveling away from home. I know this does not make it right, but how am I to deal with all this? It is a no win situation.
On a related matter, when I travel alone, as I do whenever I go on ski trips with friends, as my wife does not ski, none of my friends go to church. In order for me to attend Mass it would sometimes be necessary for me to ask my friends to adjust their schedule to accommodate my needs. An example would be I might have to ask them to hold off on having dinner until later to wait for me to return from Mass. Or I might even have to ask them to drive me to Mass if we are sharing a rental car. I have never experienced anyone having to do these things to attend Mass and it does seem unreasonable to expect others to accommodate my needs while they are also on vacation. What do I do? Please do not suggest my wife attend counseling as we had that discussion many times and she refuses. I have also read about asking for a dispensation from the parish priest, however I come from a very large parish of several thousand parishioners, and don’t think the priests would appreciate hearing from me every time I take a trip.
On a related matter, when I travel alone, as I do whenever I go on ski trips with friends, as my wife does not ski, none of my friends go to church. In order for me to attend Mass it would sometimes be necessary for me to ask my friends to adjust their schedule to accommodate my needs. An example would be I might have to ask them to hold off on having dinner until later to wait for me to return from Mass. Or I might even have to ask them to drive me to Mass if we are sharing a rental car. I have never experienced anyone having to do these things to attend Mass and it does seem unreasonable to expect others to accommodate my needs while they are also on vacation. What do I do? Please do not suggest my wife attend counseling as we had that discussion many times and she refuses. I have also read about asking for a dispensation from the parish priest, however I come from a very large parish of several thousand parishioners, and don’t think the priests would appreciate hearing from me every time I take a trip.
If you can’t work out the rental car schedule, then plan to take a taxicab or public transportation there and back–or maybe even call the parish you plan to attend and ask if a parishioner might be available to give you a ride. We’ve traveled with non-Catholic friends before, and we usually just let them know that we have plans to be at this church at such-and-such a time for about an hour, and if they choose to go ahead with dinner or whatever, that’s okay with us. Depending on the situation, we might even invite them along (though they generally politely decline). Most times, they generously wait for us and just do something else during that hour and a half it generally takes us to get to Mass and back. Sometimes, we’re on our own for dinner or we miss a scheduled event, but that’s okay.
