Sundays when Visiting Family

[Genovefa]

I have a question about Sunday obligations.

If I am visiting family/friends on a long weekend and it seems rude/untimely to go to Mass, is it a sin? Could I go on a Tuesday or the first available day that is appropriate?

 

[Genovefa]

I am talking about a situation where I would have to leave a dinner they have prepared or something like that. I am not yet Catholic, but I want to faithfully attend Mass (without partaking). I am also wondering what the rules are should I decide to become Catholic.

I have thought that I could attend midnight Mass on Christmas eve and it would not disrupt, but then I reconsidered when I thought about driving around an unfamiliar city by myself that late on Christmas Eve. Perhaps it is not safe for me to go alone so late.

 

[Corki]

I am talking about a situation where I would have to leave a dinner they have prepared or something like that. I am not yet Catholic, but I want to faithfully attend Mass (without partaking). I am also wondering what the rules are should I decide to become Catholic.

I have thought that I could attend midnight Mass on Christmas eve and it would not disrupt, but then I reconsidered when I thought about driving around an unfamiliar city by myself that late on Christmas Eve. Perhaps it is not safe for me to go alone so late.

Since you aren’t Catholic yet, the obligation doesn’t apply to you.

For Catholics, the obligation doesn’t apply when a person can’t get to Mass due to distance, illness, lack of transportation etc. There is also an exception to the obligation when you have to care for infants or those who are sick. There isn’t a “hospitality” exception.

Now, the good news, The Sunday obligation is fulfilled by attending Mass at any time on Sunday or attending the anticipated Mass on Saturday evening. For Christmas, those Masses generally start around 4 or 5pm on Christmas eve and there are several Masses on Christmas day, sometimes even a Christmas evening Mass,.

 

[Genovefa]

So, how does one handle something like this? Any recommendations?

I guess I am afraid that I won’t be permitted to attend by those around me. I don’t always have control in such situations it seems.

I am considering converting and this is something I am concerned about.

 

[Aelred_Minor]

As someone else has said, until you actually are received into the Church as a full member, you are not required to go to mass every Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation (such as Christmas), though obviously it’s a good idea in general.

Once you are a Catholic, you do have that obligation. But there are exceptions if there are really good reasons why you can’t make it, like an illness (your own or someone you have a responsibility to take care of) or lack of transportation. You aren’t required to do the impossible, or to neglect very important duties to make it to mass. You can also ask for a dispensation from your pastor from your obligation if you know in advance you will be in a difficult situation.

Once you become Catholic you’ll have to discern whether your family situation is serious enough to justify missing mass. If on a given Sunday or Holy Day of Obligation you are relying on family members to give you transportation and they flat out refuse, then obviously you are not required to do the impossible. If you are just embarrassed because they aren’t Catholic and don’t understand why you want to go, then that’s probably not a good reason and you should still go. For all the shades of gray in between, it will just depend on the situation and I would say talk to your priest about it if you are unsure.

But again, for this Christmas since you are not yet a full member of the Catholic Church you do not have to go to mass if you don’t want to.

 

[Joannm]

So, how does one handle something like this? Any recommendations?

I guess I am afraid that I won’t be permitted to attend by those around me. I don’t always have control in such situations it seems.

I am considering converting and this is something I am concerned about.

Are you an adult? That is an important question in addition to who will stop you from attending? If the problem is transportation you can always call a cab if the church is not too far. If it is a question of the people being offended by your going to church then I think you need to discuss this with them before your visit. Tell them you are converting and that attending Mass is very important to you and you would appreciate their understanding and perhaps their cooperation in helping you get to Mass.

 

[Aelred_Minor]

Are you an adult? That is an important question in addition to who will stop you from attending? If the problem is transportation you can always call a cab if the church is not too far. If it is a question of the people being offended by your going to church then I think you need to discuss this with them before your visit. Tell them you are converting and that attending Mass is very important to you and you would appreciate their understanding and perhaps their cooperation in helping you get to Mass.

Heh, I forgot about that possibility. There aren’t always cabs to be called in some areas, like where I live. She did mention something about a city though.

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

So, how does one handle something like this? Any recommendations?

You can discuss it with your pastor, he has the authority to dispense you from the Sunday obligation.

Catechism of the Catholic Church:
2181 The Sunday Eucharist is the foundation and confirmation of all Christian practice. For this reason the faithful are obliged to participate in the Eucharist on days of obligation, unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness, the care of infants) or dispensed by their own pastor.

Code of Canon Law:
Can. 1245 Without prejudice to the right of diocesan bishops mentioned in can. 87, for a just cause and according to the prescripts of the diocesan bishop, a pastor can grant in individual cases a dispensation from the obligation of observing a feast day…

In canon law terms Sunday is considered a feast day (canon 1246).

However, it must be remembered that the supreme law of the Church is the salvation of souls (canon 1752). The Church’s rules, regulations, canons, etc. are meant to lead us on the way to salvation. They are not meant to be a theological game of twister. Common sense should always prevail when dealing with situations as you describe.

 

[1ke]

If I am visiting family/friends on a long weekend and it seems rude/untimely to go to Mass, is it a sin?

You have a solemn obligation to attend Mass. “Visiting friends” is not a reason to miss Mass. Yes, it is a sin to purposely miss Mass.

Could I go on a Tuesday or the first available day that is appropriate?

You can certainly go to Mass on Tuesday* in addition to *Sunday. Not as a replacement for Sunday.

 

[Genovefa]

I am adult, but I am also a wife.

I will not worry too much about it this year, but if I decide to go through RCIA, I will discuss it with the priest. I only ask because I do not want to pursue RCIA if I there is not some way to deal with this.

I have an added complication that my husband suffered a brain injury three years ago. Although he is fine at home without me, when we are traveling, he needs me more. If he doesn’t want to attend Mass with me while traveling, I feel that I cannot attend.

He is doing very well, but TBI is something many do not understand–he needs me more than most husbands. I don’t know how strict the rules are. He isn’t my child. He’s my husband. Will a priest understand?

When I first asked the question I sort of didn’t realize what I was really concerned about. I am sorry. It has been a very difficult last few years.

 

[1ke]

I am talking about a situation where I would have to leave a dinner they have prepared or something like that. I am not yet Catholic, but I want to faithfully attend Mass (without partaking). I am also wondering what the rules are should I decide to become Catholic.

You make arrangements ahead of time in such situations. You check to see what time mass is where you will be. You look for all the available mass times. If the dinner time is the only Mass time, you politely explain to your host that you have an obligation to go to mass and need to arrange for that.

I have thought that I could attend midnight Mass on Christmas eve and it would not disrupt, but then I reconsidered when I thought about driving around an unfamiliar city by myself that late on Christmas Eve. Perhaps it is not safe for me to go alone so late.

While you are not yet Catholic, you do not have the obligation to attend Mass. But, you certainly will need to do so after you are received into the Church. I think you are overanalyzing it and overly concerned about being “rude” or “disruptive” or whatever. You simply tell your hosts ahead of time that you will need to attend Mass, here are the options, and ask what works best for everyone involved.

 

[1ke]

I am adult, but I am also a wife.

I will not worry too much about it this year, but if I decide to go through RCIA, I will discuss it with the priest. I only ask because I do not want to pursue RCIA if I there is not some way to deal with this.

I have an added complication that my husband suffered a brain injury three years ago. Although he is fine at home without me, when we are traveling, he needs me more. If he doesn’t want to attend Mass with me while traveling, I feel that I cannot attend.

He is doing very well, but TBI is something many do not understand–he needs me more than most husbands. I don’t know how strict the rules are. He isn’t my child. He’s my husband. Will a priest understand?

I was trying to ask the question without explaining the situation too much, but I didn’t do so well.

As usual, with more information comes a different answer.

The obligation to attend Mass is not without qualification. If you are sick, caring for an infant, or caring for a sick person then you may have a valid reason to miss mass. Same for inclement weather when traveling is dangerous. Or if you are in a place where you are not able to get to a church (remote location for instance).

I think you are being overly concerned. Of course a priest will understand a situation where you are caring for your disabled husband.

 

[Genovefa]

I am sorry…I sort of didn’t really post what I was really worried about the first time. Please read my previous post. I explained it.

I hope there is mercy in my particular situation and that if I talk to the priest before RCIA he will understand.

 

[Kathryn_Ann]

I have a question about Sunday obligations.

If I am visiting family/friends on a long weekend and it seems rude/untimely to go to Mass, is it a sin? Could I go on a Tuesday or the first available day that is appropriate?

Hi, I agree with the others that as you are not yet a Catholic, you are not obligated. However, it is not rude at all to let them know that you feel drawn to attend Mass while visiting them, and let them know of your options (early Christmas Eve Mass, a Vigil Mass, etc.) while asking if they are planning special family activities at that time or another time.

If you were already a Catholic and visiting someone, it would be kind of them to recognize this and make you feel comfortable about attending Mass. There is a website :coffeereadMassTimes…) that will help you when traveling. I always refer to that when away from home and make plans accordingly as much as is possible.

If you are now a minor, cannot provide your own transportation, as you are not yet a Catholic, there is no obligation. That said, habits formed now in your faith journey are important, so once you are Catholic, you should never feel shy about letting people whom you are visiting know of your earnest desire to attend Mass. For now, you may be happy to find that there is a way to attend and if not, you shouldn’t feel guilty if it doesn’t work out this time. :angel1:
:harp::heaven:

 

[Genovefa]

I am sorry…I sort of didn’t really post what I was really worried about the first time. Please read my previous post. I explained it.

I hope there is mercy in my particular situation and that if I talk to the priest before RCIA he will understand.

Yes, I am being paranoid. This is the one thing that would keep me from converting. And I don’t know why I just didn’t ask the question I really wanted to ask. I sometimes forget that my situation is a bit out of the ordinary…my immediate concern was with “imposing” by leaving my husband, along with his friends and family.

I guess I have heard/read things that caused me to wonder about the strictness. And my husband is not obviously disabled–it is like the “walking wounded”.

 

[dachsiemom2]

As stated above, the obligation doesn’t apply if one is a caregiver for someone that needs them when away from home - in your circumstance. I wouldn’t be concerned about this, but if it would help, speak to your priest about your circumstances.

 

[Genovefa]

I feel better.

I guess I didn’t consider myself a “caregiver” --just a wife, so I didn’t think it applied to me.

I am sorry if my concern seems a bit silly…

Thanks for everyone’s help.

 

[chuckfrmvalyfrg]

I feel better.

I guess I didn’t consider myself a “caregiver” --just a wife, so I didn’t think it applied to me.

I am sorry if my concern seems a bit silly…

Thanks for everyone’s help.

Sorry to hear about your husband’s injury but it is encouraging that he is doing well/ better . Like you said , with TBI , any disability may not readily be apparent . And , yes , I think you are most certainly a care giver !

 

[dochawk]

The east is less legalistic, and has a different notion of obligation, but nonetheless . . .

There is a great tale of a monk whose name I can never remember when I want to . . . He was with a young monk in town, and attended a meal with a junior monk–indeed, a feast d uring a past. The younger monk pointedly observed his fast, while the senior partook with his hosts.

When they returned to the monastery, the hunger. One pridefully ratted the led out.

The abbot responds that, “you know the fast well, but know nothing of charity.”

When at a non-catholic gathering, don’t snub the hospitality by drawing attention to the fast.

Similarly, don’t make an issue of leaving the gathering. If you can attend Mass without disrupting the gathering, of course. If you will be disrupting or causing a commotion, don’t.

hawk

 

[Monica4316]

I have a question about Sunday obligations.

If I am visiting family/friends on a long weekend and it seems rude/untimely to go to Mass, is it a sin? Could I go on a Tuesday or the first available day that is appropriate?

what do you mean by rude? I think it could be a good witness. I don’t think it is rude.

I wouldn’t say this changes the Sunday obligation. The Sunday obligation is only removed if you can’t go, not through your choice… for example: being really sick, having absolutely no transportation, no Catholic churches at all in the city or any towns/cities nearby, etc.

If you are not Catholic yet, the obligation does not apply to you.

If you have to leave a dinner, etc, to go to Mass, - perhaps you can discuss this with the family ahead of time like let them know you need to be at Mass at a particular time. Also when you are able to receive the Eucharist, if you become Catholic - keep in mind the fast that should be kept before Communion. It seems complicated and I know sometimes it is, I’m the only Catholic in my family… but if you discuss your plans ahead of time, that makes it easier

God bless!