Support for divorced people in the church

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Philena

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Does anyone have a parish that welcomes or supports divorced people? We divorced people are hurt and wounded, and many are trying to live by the Church’s teachings, yet we get little to no support from our parish, our Church, or any other sorts of resources. Yes, we all know that marriage is for live, etc, etc, but why can’t we acknowledge that there are people out there who have gone through divorce and possibly annulment and are single parents in need?

Our Protestant brothers and sisters are much more accepting and tolerant and helpful to those who have been divorced. Why can’t we, while still teaching the truth of marriage? It seems we are pushing divorced people out of the Church because they are an inconvenient reminder that not all marriages end in happily ever after.

Bad things do happen to good people, and it seems we are blaming divorced people for “not trying hard enough” or “not sticking to their vows” and not loving them as Christ loves us.
 
Philena said:
Does anyone have a parish that welcomes or supports divorced people? We divorced people are hurt and wounded, and many are trying to live by the Church’s teachings, yet we get little to no support from our parish, our Church, or any other sorts of resources. Yes, we all know that marriage is for live, etc, etc, but why can’t we acknowledge that there are people out there who have gone through divorce and possibly annulment and are single parents in need?

Our Protestant brothers and sisters are much more accepting and tolerant and helpful to those who have been divorced. Why can’t we, while still teaching the truth of marriage? It seems we are pushing divorced people out of the Church because they are an inconvenient reminder that not all marriages end in happily ever after.

Bad things do happen to good people, and it seems we are blaming divorced people for “not trying hard enough” or “not sticking to their vows” and not loving them as Christ loves us.
Click to expand...
www.beginningexperience.org
is a good place to start.

I converted from protestantism because they were way too tolerant of divorce and remarriage after remarriage.
 
My parish has a support group for divorced Catholics (and we’re not that large a city, really).

Perhaps you could approach your pastor and ask him about starting a group? Can start with just having people come to the parish hall or center once a month, with prayers, sharing of tips for helping ‘keep the faith’ for yourselves and your children, etc. and see where it goes.

I know that 15 years ago when I was first separated that there was very little in my parish for the divorced as a support, so maybe that’s where your parish is right now --but in those ensuing years, because people started getting involved, now there IS support. Maybe this is your call to work to get your parish the help it needs in this area.
 
I did approach our FF director about starting a group a few years ago, but he said there was “no interest”.

I should ask our new FF director and our new pastor.

As a convert to Catholicism, living in Protestantland, I find it very difficult to live the Faith alone with no support.
 
I hear you. . .Heck, you can live in ‘indifferent Catholic land’ and be in the same boat (for example, look right now at New England. The percentage of people who consider themselves religious is appallingly low considering that in states like Massachusetts and Rhode Island the majority of the people are Catholic. . .but I digress.)

That’s why I suggest the friendly computer. Especially if you’re already struggling with few fellows and low interest, it’s good to have on-line ‘support’ and encouragement while you’re building up the support in ‘real world’ venues.

And so often, “little support” can translate to, “I myself am not in YOUR situation, I don’t really ‘know’ anybody in the situation, I’m afraid if I got involved I might “catch” divorce or something, and really with starving people in Haiti/buzzword/crisis of the week I don’t feel like putting even MORE effort into my job”. . .Not saying this is exactly what your FF went through but it’s possible; none of us is perfect. It could have
been more like, “We feel your pain of course, pray more to God (on your own time of course) and here’s a pamphlet on the rosary.”

It does get a little better with lots of prayer (and time). I remember for the first 10 years or so (it took 7 years of separation before the divorce, which may have prolonged the time) that every time I was at church it seemed like the emphasis was on happy marrage and families and that ‘divorce and single parents’ were like seeing a cockroach in the kitchen–horrifying, dirty, and to be exterminated and ignored!–but a lot of that was because I was insisting on ‘personalizing’ everything. I mean, back in the first years of the marriage when things were not so awful, I certainly didn’t sit there going, “I’m a good happy married person and those people who get divorced are awful people!” So why, when I was divorced, did I tacitly assume that that was the attitude of the Church --because I was 'assuming" all this personal ‘disapproval’ that never really actually existed! They weren’t ‘ignoring me’ because I was divorced; it’s just that society is going through a huge upheaval and there is now a lot more divorce than there was even 50 years ago, and everyone (not just the ‘Church’) is in the position of having to adjust to that upheaval. And it takes time to do it ‘right’; and of course, individuals and individual parishes make a difference. Some work very quickly and ‘get it right’ on everything (not just divorce outreach); some work more slowly, in fits and starts, make wrong moves now and then. . .

It will get better. Christ and His mother are on your side and St. Joseph too. Put your family under the protection of the Holy Family at home and pray, pray, pray. You’re in my prayers too.
 
In the parishes in my town, divorced, widowed, single parents, single people, married people, parents, all are welcome in every group. I cannot imagine a Catholic parish where divorced people were not permitted to volunteer or join groups - speak to your pastor!!!
 
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