Support ?

[MariaTheresa]

I would like to know if someone out there can help me lean on Jesus more. I am suffering a serious depression and I know God is with me but I am having a very hard time on my life. Could someone talk to me about God ?
I have been trying to go to Mass more often and I talk to my priest and am in counseling, on meds etc.
If God would only reach out and lay his hand on my head…

Any help/thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[Epistemes]

In a letter to her confessor (Monsignor Volpi) St. Gemma Galgani wrote:

Jesus once said to me: “Do you know, daughter, for what reason I send crosses to souls dear to me? I desire to possess their souls, entirely, and for this I surround them with crosses, and I enclose them in sufferings and tribulation, that they may not escape from my hands; and for this I scatter thorns, that souls may fasten their affections upon no one, but find all content in Me alone. My daughter, if you do not feel the cross it cannot be called a cross. Be sure that under the cross you will not be lost. The demon has no strength against those souls who for My love groan under the cross. 0 My daughter, how many would have abandoned Me if they had not been crucified. The cross is a gift too precious, and from it come many virtues."
I prayed then to Jesus that He would not concede to me any grace except that of loving Him very much, and Jesus said: “Oh soul dear to me, if you truly love Me, behold My chalice; you can drink it to the last drop. On this chalice I have placed My lips, and I want you to drink it.” I told Jesus to do with me as He would. And then He said to me: "I have sent this cross to you, you do not appreciate it; rather it is contrary to your desire, but the more it is contrary, the more it is like Mine. Would it not seem to you a dreadful thing to see a father in the midst of sorrow and the children enjoying themselves? When I shall be your Spouse of blood, I will come to you, but crucified; show your love to me as I have shown it toward you, and do you know how? By suffering, pains, and crosses without number. You ought, therefore, to consider yourself honored, if I lead you on paths hard and painful; if I permit that you be tor*mented by the demon, that the world despise you, that persons most dear to you afflict you, and with daily martyrdom, I permit your soul to be purified and tested. And you, daughter, think only of practicing great virtue; run in the path of the Divine Will, humbled, assured, that if I hold you to the cross, I love you.”

 

[MariaTheresa]

I am not familliar with St. Gemma but that is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. I hope it is true.
What does your signature mean?

 

[dret]

MariaTheresa, try to get a copy of “Arise from Darkness” by Father Benedict Groeschel. Not only is he a wonderful priest but he is also a trained psychologist, and this book has done wonders for many people. You can read some excerpts from it here:

books.google.com/books?id=GL2twpmdRNUC&dq=groeschel+arise+from+darkness&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=4&ct=result

Praying for you, God bless!:heaven:

 

[Epistemes]

I am not familliar with St. Gemma but that is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. I hope it is true.

If you would like to know more about St. Gemma, please visit this link:

stgemmagalgani.com/

What does your signature mean?

Giving all to you.

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

In a letter to her confessor (Monsignor Volpi) St. Gemma Galgani wrote:

This quote is quite exceptional. A superb saint. You have your answer here. It may be hard and not to your liking but Jesus is showing his great love for you. I heard a story of a very sick young man suffering a great deal and in his prayer he asked Jesus to cure him. He heard a very distinct voice say , " if I cured you, you’d go to hell." He replied, Ok Lord. You have eternity before you. Accept the cross and you win eternal life. You will never suffer more than you can bear. Guaranteed. Hang in there, things get better. Bad times do come and go, and good times come and go. When bad times come it’s not forever.

 

[Trishie]

You’re seeking God so He will help you to find Him. “Seek and you will find” Jesus said.
I’l keep you in my prayers, MariaTheresa

 

[Christy_Beth]

Your depression is not unheard of. I’m also under treatment for depression. Along with a few other things. It’s definately hard to see God’s hands in our lives when we are in the middle of an “episode.” Most days I feel like I’m holding on to the smallest of threads. It’s in the learning to let go that we receive our greatest blessings.

 

[MariaTheresa]

Thank you for your support. I want to be able to please the Lord even during this time. It is hard to be confident that this is worth something to Him.

 

[xAlisonx]

M a r i a T h e r e s a.
i’m so sorry beyond words, MariaTheresa, that you are suffering so deeply right now. i know exactly what you are going through, for ever since i converted back to Christianity after two and a half years in darkness, i have gone through many extremely deep and severe spiritual depressions, lasting anywhere from a day to a week at a time. my heart goes out to you and aches for you, as i know much of what you might be feeling and thinking right now, having experienced it myself, and i only hope and pray that i will be able to help you, support you and offer you hope, healing and encouragement in at least some small way through this post.

i’d like to share with you a little of my own story before i offer some advice that i hope and pray will help you immensely, only because i want you to know that you are far from alone in this, and that i can relate to you so much. before i gave my heart to Jesus on november 22, 2007, i had endured two and a half years of severe major depression, severe anxiety, social phobia, panic disorder and traits of borderline personality disorder, all diagnoses i have been given that trapped me within a deep darkness. beginning at the age of twelve (i am now sixteen, and healed and saved from so much through God’s Love), i fell into a deep depression, and began cutting myself, starving myself and struggling with suicidal thoughts. over time, my depression and self-destructive tendencies deepened, resulting in many extremely traumatic and painful experiences before culminating in my nearly fatal suicide attempt on march 28, 2007. the only reason that i am still alive to tell you this is because God literally intervened with a miracle to preserve my life when i tried to die, for reasons that i still don’t understand. i’m telling you this because i want you to know that i have also endured pain and suffering, and i just recently emerged from yet another very serious spiritual depression. i have realized that my Cross to bear in my life is built of these depressions and my mental illness, and i have a feeling that the depression you are experiencing right now is one of the crosses that Jesus has sent you because of His great Love for you.

when i experience my own spiritual depressions, i tend to believe the lies that literally consume me, the deepest one being that God has abandoned me and doesn’t love me. i want to make incredibly clear, before i say anything else, that God loves you infinitely more than you could ever imagine or comprehend. He always sends heavy crosses to those He loves the most, not to bring you down, but because He wants you all to Himself, and uses these crosses to purify your soul. of course i don’t know His exact reason for sending you this cross, but please know that even the most unbearable crosses are the greatest blessings, and will lead to the greatest glory in Heaven. rest assured that you are being afflicted because of how passionately God loves you, so that you can be brought closer to Him. not only is God reaching out and laying His hand on your head, but He is carrying you when you are too weak to take another step, holding you in His arms, close to His Heart. when we are hurting, God hurts with us, so please rest assured that God not only knows and sees what you are going through, but is experiencing it with you. that’s how close He identifies with you, and that’s how much He truly loves you. please don’t ever doubt His Love for you through this time of darkness. Satan will want to make you feel worthless and alone, but know that you are far from alone in this, for Jesus is within you and with you, and that the cross you have been sent just proves your infinite worth in the eyes of God, that are resting upon you now in Love.

 

[xAlisonx]

[an excerpt from St. Faustina’s diary, *Divine Mercy in my Soul] (saint-faustina.com/Diary/DMIMS1.shtml – highly recommended)

Conversation of the Merciful God with a Suffering Soul.

Jesus: Poor soul, I see that you suffer much and that you so not have even the strength to converse with me. So I will speak to you. Even though your sufferings were very great, do not lose heart or give in to despondency. But tell Me, My child, who has dared to wound your heart? Tell Me about everything, be sincere in dealing with Me, reveal all the wounds of your heart. I will heal them, and your suffering will become a source of your sanctification.

Soul: Lord, my sufferings are so great and numerous and have lasted so long that I become discouraged.

Jesus: My child, do not be discouraged. I know your boundless trust in Me; I know you are aware of My goodness and mercy. Let us talk in detail about everything that weighs so heavily upon your heart.

Soul: There are so many different things that I do not know what to speak about first, nor how to express it.

Jesus: Talk to Me simply, as a friend to a friend. Tell Me now, My child, what hinders you from advancing in holiness?

Soul: Poor health detains me on the way to holiness. I cannot fulfill my duties. I am as useless as an extra wheel on a wagon. I cannot mortify myself or fast to any extent, as the saints did. Further more, nobody believes I am sick, so that mental pain is added to those of the body, and I am often humiliated. Jesus, how can anyone become holy in such circumstances?

Jesus: **True, My child, all that is painful. But there is no way to heaven except the way of the cross. I followed it first. You must learn that it is the shortest and surest way. **

Soul: Lord, there is another obstacle on the road to holiness. Because I am faithful to You, I am persecuted and suffer much.

Jesus: It is because you are not of this world that the world hates you. First it persecuted Me. Persecution is a sign that you are following in My footsteps faithfully.

Soul: My Lord, I am also discouraged because neither my superiors nor my confessor understand my interior trials. A darkness clouds my mind. How can I advance? All this discourages me from striving for the heights of sanctity.

Jesus: **Well, My child, this time you have told Me a great deal. I realize how painful it is not to be understood, and especially by those whom one loves and with whom one has been very open. But suffice it is to know that I understand all your troubles and misery. I am pleased by the deep faith you have, despite everything, in My representatives. Learn from this that no one will understand a soul entirely - that is beyond human ability. Therefore, I have remained on earth to comfort your aching heart and to fortify your soul, so that you will not falter on the way. You say that a dense darkness is obscuring your mind. But why, at such times, do you not come to Me, the light who can in an instant pour into your soul more understanding about holiness than can be found in any books? No confessor is capable of teaching and enlightening a soul this way.

Know, too, that the darkness about which you complain I first endured in the Garden of Olives when My Soul was crushed in mortal anguish. I am giving you a share in those sufferings because of My special love for you and in view of the high degree of holiness I am intending for you in heaven. A suffering soul is closest to My Heart. **

Soul: One more thing, Lord. What should I do when I am ignored and rejected by people, especially by those on whom I had a right to count in times of greatest need?

Jesus: **My child, make the resolution never to rely on people. Entrust yourself completely to My will saying, “Not as I want, but according to Your will, O God, let it be done unto me.” These words, spoken from the depths of one’s heart, can raise a soul to the summit of sanctity in a short time. In such a soul I delight. Such a soul gives Me glory. Such a soul fills heaven with the fragrance of her virtue. But understand that the strength by which you bear suffering comes from frequent Communions. So approach this fountain of mercy often, to draw with the vessel of trust whatever you need. **

Soul: Thank You, Lord, for Your goodness in remaining with us in this exile as the God of mercy and blessing us with the radiance of Your compassion and goodness. It is through the light of Your mercy that I have come to understand how much You love me.

 

[xAlisonx]

a website that has helped me immensely during my past spiritual depressions is walking-wounded.net. while it is not Catholic, it has a lot of amazing Christian resources related to depression and suffering, that i hope and pray will help you as much as they have helped me.

you ask us to help you learn how to lean on Jesus more—first of all, i just want to say that i admire you so much for your perseverence in faith and trust in Jesus even through the darkness you are experiencing. when i fell into my depression at the age of twelve, i also fell away from God completely and into deep mortal sin, and it was only through His serious loving pursuit of me that i found my way Home. the fact that you still have faith in Jesus says much about your strength, determination, courage and beauty of heart, and i know that God is extremely pleased with you for it. i definitely recommend that during this painful time of suffering, you persevere in prayer, for even when Satan tries to pull you away from God, it is essential that you continue to make your way closer to Him. the closer we get to God, the more desperately Satan tries to get us to fall—and the fact that you are suffering this way shows that you are headed in the right direction, closer to the One who will love you and cherish you forever. not only do i recommend persevering in prayer, but i also suggest that you focus deeply on improving your spiritual life during this time, through reading Scripture (locating and memorizing encouraging passages and verses may help you), frequent reception of the Sacraments, time before the Blessed Sacrament and time alone with God. i highly recommend that you spend some time alone with Jesus in Eucharistic Adoration, and simply pour out your heart to Him. He doesn’t want fancy words, and He doesn’t want you to hide anything from Him. He is waiting even now with open arms to receive you, and He wants so desperately for you to lay your head on His shoulder and simply let Him love and comfort you.

here are some good resources on suffering that i hope and pray will help you immensely:
catholic-pages.com/life/suffering.asp
scripturecatholic.com/suffering.html
fisheaters.com/offeringitup.html
ministryhealth.net/mh_articles/016_principles_of_suffering_outline.html
suffering.net/

 

[xAlisonx]

during my most recent spiritual depression, when i was laying in bed barely able to move, broken and bleeding desperately, as soon as i offered my suffering up to Jesus for love of Him, for the sake of the souls in Purgatory and for the conversion of sinners, i immediately felt better. i suggest that you do this, not because i’m trying to imply that you’re selfish in any way, but because suffering can become redemptive as soon as we offer it up to Jesus, and lead to our greater glory as well as great blessings. i hope and pray that this will be the case for you.

i’ve also learned that it’s important to note the difference between praying to be healed and accepting God’s Will in our suffering. during a previous spiritual depression, i posted on here and changed my signature to Lord, i am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and i shall be healed. i was crying out to God for help, hope and healing – yet when i changed my signature instead to Jesus, i endure this for You , i immediately felt better. i will pray to God for your hope and healing, yet if it is His Will not that you be healed, but that you continue to suffer from your depression, i promise you that He is not deliberately holding back from healing you because He wants to hurt you, but because He always knows what is best for us, and many times suffering is what keeps us close to Jesus and away from Hell. one great way to offer up our suffering for love of Jesus is to tell Him: Jesus, I endure this for You, and to resist all temptation to give up completely, through suicide or through abandoning the faith, and persisting in our spiritual life and growing closer to Him. i am determined that in all of my future spiritual depressions, i will continue to offer up my pain and endure it for love of Jesus, trusting that it will please God and lead to my growth in holiness.

if you’d like to tell us why you are having such a difficult time in your life right now, please know that no one here will ever judge you for anything that you are going through. it takes great courage, strength and bravery to reach out for help, and i admire you so much for reaching out on here as you have. if you’d rather not say what you are experiencing at this time, of course i respect that—just please know that you can be as open as you’d like, and don’t ever have to hold anything back. if you’d like to talk to someone who has experienced suffering and truly cares for you, and whose heart goes out to you and truly aches for you, please feel free to contact me anytime at all, for i am always here and will always care.

God loves you, and i promise you that this suffering you are going through is a gift and a blessing from Him that truly shows just how deeply and passionately He will forever care for you.

MariaTheresa, i sincerely hope and pray that you feel better soon, and if it is God’s Will, that you soon experience His complete healing and restoration. please know that i will be keeping you in my constant thoughts and deepest prayers. stay strong, stay safe and take care of yourself. know that you are far from alone in this, and that you are loved far more than you could ever imagine. God bless you!

love,
in the peace and love of Christ,
alison

 

[MarieVeronica]

I am not familliar with St. Gemma but that is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. I hope it is true.
What does your signature mean?

Hi MariaTheresa! What a beautiful name you have! If you’d like to read more about St. Gemma… here is a link. There is also a new thread (in this forum)… about her.

stgemma.com/index.html

I’d like to share the most comforting truth with you… that I know. And that is… JESUS LOVES YOU! He is Head over Heels… crazy in LOVE with you (and me… and all of us!). God bless you. You are in my prayers.

MV :flowers:

 

[MariaTheresa]

Thank you MarieVeronica and xAlisonx for your kind words and prayers. xAlisonx you have a very good understanding of suffering it seems.I am sorry that you too have had this type of experience. I do tend to want out of this life immediately when I am so far down. I need Jesus to be standing closer than I do to myself, if that makes sense. I have often been confused about the nature and purpose of suffering.
I have suffered mental illness most of my life stemming from genetics and a painful home environment as a child. It is very hard to believe God is in love with me. I had to quit my ( long time )job last summer and also my therpist (and friend) died about the same time. He took care of me for the past 8 years. I lost my whole life in a little over a month. I have kids and a good husband but that doesn’t seem to sink in nearly enough. I get very frustrated with myself and my life whether my perceptions are accurate or not.
Your support is much appreciated.

 

[MariaTheresa]

Thank you Christie Beth, John and Trishie for your help.