Supportive of My Daughter's Choice

[SuzySunshine]

My daughter has decided to become a vegetarian. (She is in middle school.) At first I balked at the idea. Now as I am learning more and am meeting other Catholic parents in the same situation, I am realizing this is a good thing!!! Are there other Catholics out there going through similar transformations? In being supportive of my daughter’s choice, a whole new healthy world has opened up to me.

 

[kennewickmike]

Go to the groups section of this website and you will find a group called Catholic Vegetarians & Vegans. Join that group for like minded food diets. You will find lots of people and resources there.

 

[turtle18]

I know several religious orders are vegetarian–they consider it a penance to give up meat.

 

[HarmonyN20]

First of all, kudos to you for supporting her choice In my opinion, this is not so much of a moral issue (what sin is she committing by not eating meat?), but a heatlh choice. I, myself, am not a strict vegetarian, but many of the meals I prepare are indeed vegetarian. My husband and I both have high cholesterol, and it is honestly the healthier choice. My college-age daughter has never been much of a meat eater (save for chicken…lol), and today or tomorrow if I were to stop fixing meat altogether she would not blink an eye.

That said, there are certain guidelines for healthy vegetarianism. A lot of people are under the misconception that merely eating a ton of vegetables is healthy…wrong. Especially for growing children, such as your daughter, certain vitamin requirements must be met. There are countless websites which would be excellent guides, as well as books on the subject. My advice would be to research and discuss this with your daughter so that you can make choices about her diet that you both can live with happily. After all, she is still only 11, and should not be given complete run of things. You are still there to guide and make sure that she is on the right path, even in such a thing as this.

Best of luck to you and your daughter. Get some vegetarian cookbooks; some of the receipes are very very tasty!! My hubby makes a killer vegetarian chili…to die for

 

[Marfran]

Hey Suzy, What a great mom you are!!! I think your topic belongs in the Family Living section, that is unless someone is giving you and your family a hard time about your choices. Check out the CAF group Catholic Vegetarians and Vegans. Catholic vegetarians and vegans are springing up everywhere–just like **gloriously green **plants!!!

 

[David_Zampino]

My daughter has decided to become a vegetarian. (She is in middle school.) At first I balked at the idea. Now as I am learning more and am meeting other Catholic parents in the same situation, I am realizing this is a good thing!!! Are there other Catholics out there going through similar transformations? In being supportive of my daughter’s choice, a whole new healthy world has opened up to me.

Regardless of the merits of vegetarianism (or lack thereof) (I’m NOT going down THAT road! ) I’m not convinced (as a parent of 8 myself, including 2 in middle school) that this is a decision I would leave up to a child.

As parents, we have the responsibility to decide what is best for our children – not the children. As children grow older, they make more and more decisions until adulthood (and even as adults, if they live under our roof, they follow our rules).

As a parent, I would be very interested in learning “why” my daughter is leaning in that direction and “who” and “what” her influences are. They may be positive, but then again, they may be negative.

 

[Marfran]

I know several religious orders are vegetarian–they consider it a penance to give up meat.

Hey turtle18: Love your name!!! So what are you saying??? You think it’s a good idea??? A diet choice with a spiritual side???

 

[Marfran]

Regardless of the merits of vegetarianism (or lack thereof) (I’m NOT going down THAT road! ) I’m not convinced (as a parent of 8 myself, including 2 in middle school) that this is a decision I would leave up to a child.

As parents, we have the responsibility to decide what is best for our children – not the children. As children grow older, they make more and more decisions until adulthood (and even as adults, if they live under our roof, they follow our rules).

As a parent, I would be very interested in learning “why” my daughter is leaning in that direction and “who” and “what” her influences are. They may be positive, but then again, they may be negative.

Hey David: You don’t sound very supportive of Suzy.

 

[kage_ar]

Regardless of the merits of vegetarianism (or lack thereof) (I’m NOT going down THAT road! ) I’m not convinced (as a parent of 8 myself, including 2 in middle school) that this is a decision I would leave up to a child.

As parents, we have the responsibility to decide what is best for our children – not the children. As children grow older, they make more and more decisions until adulthood (and even as adults, if they live under our roof, they follow our rules).

As a parent, I would be very interested in learning “why” my daughter is leaning in that direction and “who” and “what” her influences are. They may be positive, but then again, they may be negative.

Amen!

 

[Marfran]

My daughter has decided to become a vegetarian. (She is in middle school.) At first I balked at the idea. Now as I am learning more and am meeting other Catholic parents in the same situation, I am realizing this is a good thing!!! Are there other Catholics out there going through similar transformations? In being supportive of my daughter’s choice, a whole new healthy world has opened up to me.

Hey kage and David: Did you read the lady’s post??? She said she realizes it’s a good thing and is looking for other Catholics who are going through the same transformation. Are you also going through this transformation??? If you are, can you give her a hug of support??? :hug1:

 

[Christy_Beth]

Middle school is a good time to help the child with a healthy diet. And a vegetarian one is very healthy. Actually, a child can be a vegetarian early on, if the parents have chosen that diet. But, on their own, I think middle school students should have at least some say in what they eat.

 

[David_Zampino]

Middle school is a good time to help the child with a healthy diet. And a vegetarian one is very healthy. Actually, a child can be a vegetarian early on, if the parents have chosen that diet. But, on their own, I think middle school students should have at least some say in what they eat.

Any time is good to talk about the importance of a healthy diet. I’m not talking “healthy” or “unhealthy”. And I’m not debating the merits (or flaws) of vegetarianism.

And, of course, middle school students “should have at least some say”! I’ve got 8 kids, from 18 down to 4.

What I WAS saying is that I strongly question the wisdom of allowing a child that young to make such a major life choice on their own. Is such a choice truly the child’s choice? Or are outside pressures acting on the child, perhaps inappropriately so.

That was the question I asked. And that remains the concern I have.

 

[Marfran]

Any time is good to talk about the importance of a healthy diet. I’m not talking “healthy” or “unhealthy”. And I’m not debating the merits (or flaws) of vegetarianism.

And, of course, middle school students “should have at least some say”! I’ve got 8 kids, from 18 down to 4.

What I WAS saying is that I strongly question the wisdom of allowing a child that young to make such a major life choice on their own. Is such a choice truly the child’s choice? Or are outside pressures acting on the child, perhaps inappropriately so.

That was the question I asked. And that remains the concern I have.

I see your point–but this child has chosen a healthy diet and the participation of the parents will ensure that she understands nutritional facts, etc. What do you do about the kids that want to eat junk??? The sugared cereals, the fast food… I think that’s an even bigger problem. (And all these companies that market to, and direct their advertising to attract kids with nutritionless foods.) They’re saying that this next generation of children won’t live as long as their parents, because of obesity and all it’s complications. You can talk to your kids about nutrition–but they won’t get it–unless they actively participate in some of the decisions on what they eat.

 

[David_Zampino]

I see your point–but this child has chosen a healthy diet and the participation of the parents will ensure that she understands nutritional facts, etc. What do you do about the kids that want to eat junk??? The sugared cereals, the fast food… I think that’s an even bigger problem. (And all these companies that market to, and direct their advertising to attract kids with nutritionless foods.) They’re saying that this next generation of children won’t live as long as their parents, because of obesity and all it’s complications. You can talk to your kids about nutrition–but they won’t get it–unless they actively participate in some of the decisions on what they eat.

You see my point – but you don’t address my point.

I’m the parent – I control if and when my children eat junk. Or don’t eat junk. It’s my responsibility. That’s every parents’ responsibility. I’m fully aware of the machinations of the advertisers! I know what is advertised! (I also know that BOTH sides of most of these issues use the press and the advertisers to target children, and that’s part of my point as well.)

But again . . . THAT’S NOT THE ISSUE!

To me, the point is this: when, and to what extent, to the CHILDREN make major life decisions! And again, this does not necessarily have to do with food choices, though this is the example currently under discussion. My minor children don’t make those choices – their parents do – my wife and myself. Do I allow choices, within appropriate controls and circumstances? Of course I do! “Kids, you have to choose a vegetable this evening. Do you want salad or green beans?” That is an appropriate “kid’s choice”. My 16-year-old chose to give up flesh meat for Lent. She consulted with me – and I joined her in that discipline. I also made sure that she had enough alternate protein in her diet. My parental choice; my parental responsibility.

But for a 12 to 14 year-old to unilaterally decide on a lifestyle decision of this nature (and again, vegetarianism is NOT the issue here – just the topic for discussion) and for the mother to (apparently) unilaterally concede, is problematic and troublesome to me.

I’m in Religious Education. I’m responsible for the Christian Formation of 500 children, ages 5-17. All too often, I see parents say, with regard to Religious Education, EXACTLY what this mother is saying about her pre-teen daughter. “Well, I just can’t get them to go to Mass.” “Well, I just can’t get them to go to Religious Education.” “Well, I can’t make them get up for church.” (Of course, the kids manage to get up for school or sports!)

Yes, I know that the analogy is not perfect, and I’m not trying to equate a dinner-table rebellion with refusal to attend Mass.

But what I AM saying, is that, in my personal opinion as the father of 8 – AND in my professional opinion as a religious educator – is that this is not the sort of major life decision that a pre-teen can – or should – make unilaterally, and then expect Mom to immediately accede. As the adult, those are the decisions that God has called THE PARENT to make. If the girl wants to make such a decision when she is of age and on her own . . . well God bless her and go in peace! Until that point – the parent is responsible.

And again, I ask the question: What are the influences causing the girl to move in this direction? Have these been explored? Is this a real concern for health and for the well-being of animals? Is it a PETA protest, throwing blood on the Oscar-Meyer Wiener-mobile? (An extreme example, I know – but you get my point.)

I’m still hoping that you (or someone) will address my real concern (which again, has little to do with vegetarianism) and everything to do with the role of parents in the lives of their children.

 

[Christy_Beth]

I believe that the parents do have final say in things. But, if the child is choosing a healthy lifestyle, what’s the issue? If the child wants to try out for the track team, would the parents give an unilateral no? In this case I believe that the child should be encouraged to follow this diet, monotered of course. If someone else in the family wants meat every night, then fix that person some meat. But don’t force meat on the one who doesn’t want it.

 

[David_Zampino]

I believe that the parents do have final say in things. But, if the child is choosing a healthy lifestyle, what’s the issue? If the child wants to try out for the track team, would the parents give an unilateral no? In this case I believe that the child should be encouraged to follow this diet, monotered of course. If someone else in the family wants meat every night, then fix that person some meat. But don’t force meat on the one who doesn’t want it.

Again, YOU ARE MISSING MY POINT! And I am trying VERY HARD not to make this a vegetarian issue. A pre-teen does not have the background or resources or information to make this kind of decision – and a parent who unilaterally “caves” on this issue bothers me tremendously!

Once AGAIN, my significant point has been ignored. WHY does this pre-teen suddenly want to make this decision? What outside influences (which may or may not be parentally be desired) are encouraging her?

What is the back story?

 

[David_Zampino]

I know several religious orders are vegetarian–they consider it a penance to give up meat.

Partially true.

The Rule of St. Benedict prohibited the consumption of the meat of quadrupeds. (Beef, pork, etc.) Fish was consumed, as was, in certain circumstances, poultry. Likewise the Carmelites.

It is best and most accurate to consider the attitude of these orders to be what is stated – strictly a penance (and one, which in circumstances of ill health can be altered) rather than an approval of 21st century vegetarianism.

 

[Toughguy]

Why is this in social justice???

 

[Marfran]

You see my point – but you don’t address my point.

I’m the parent – I control if and when my children eat junk. Or don’t eat junk. It’s my responsibility. That’s every parents’ responsibility. I’m fully aware of the machinations of the advertisers! I know what is advertised! (I also know that BOTH sides of most of these issues use the press and the advertisers to target children, and that’s part of my point as well.)

But again . . . THAT’S NOT THE ISSUE!

To me, the point is this: when, and to what extent, to the CHILDREN make major life decisions! And again, this does not necessarily have to do with food choices, though this is the example currently under discussion. My minor children don’t make those choices – their parents do – my wife and myself. Do I allow choices, within appropriate controls and circumstances? Of course I do! “Kids, you have to choose a vegetable this evening. Do you want salad or green beans?” That is an appropriate “kid’s choice”. My 16-year-old chose to give up flesh meat for Lent. She consulted with me – and I joined her in that discipline. I also made sure that she had enough alternate protein in her diet. My parental choice; my parental responsibility.

But for a 12 to 14 year-old to unilaterally decide on a lifestyle decision of this nature (and again, vegetarianism is NOT the issue here – just the topic for discussion) and for the mother to (apparently) unilaterally concede, is problematic and troublesome to me.

I’m in Religious Education. I’m responsible for the Christian Formation of 500 children, ages 5-17. All too often, I see parents say, with regard to Religious Education, EXACTLY what this mother is saying about her pre-teen daughter. “Well, I just can’t get them to go to Mass.” “Well, I just can’t get them to go to Religious Education.” “Well, I can’t make them get up for church.” (Of course, the kids manage to get up for school or sports!)

Yes, I know that the analogy is not perfect, and I’m not trying to equate a dinner-table rebellion with refusal to attend Mass.

But what I AM saying, is that, in my personal opinion as the father of 8 – AND in my professional opinion as a religious educator – is that this is not the sort of major life decision that a pre-teen can – or should – make unilaterally, and then expect Mom to immediately accede. As the adult, those are the decisions that God has called THE PARENT to make. If the girl wants to make such a decision when she is of age and on her own . . . well God bless her and go in peace! Until that point – the parent is responsible.

And again, I ask the question: What are the influences causing the girl to move in this direction? Have these been explored? Is this a real concern for health and for the well-being of animals? Is it a PETA protest, throwing blood on the Oscar-Meyer Wiener-mobile? (An extreme example, I know – but you get my point.)

I’m still hoping that you (or someone) will address my real concern (which again, has little to do with vegetarianism) and everything to do with the role of parents in the lives of their children.

David–I apologize, I still haven’t figured out how to multiquote more than one poster… But if you go back to Suzy’s original post, she says that she is on board and supportive of her daughter, and that she is looking for other Catholics to share her experience with. You are troubled that this mother has buckled, and given into a whim of her daughters??? Sounds like the mother is past that stage. Sounds like it has brought new discovery to her (the mother). You mention that your daughter gave up meat for the entire month of Lent and that you did too–and that you guided her (your daughter) and participated with her, and supported her. Well, isn;t that what this mother is doing also??? Why are you judging the mother, instead of supporting her??? We should not control our children–we should help them to grow–because that’s what they’re doing–growing, learning, having experiences that help them evolve into adulthood. This mother is doing exactly what you did–guiding, learning more herself, supporting, being there…

Ditto to TOUGHGUY, this belongs in the FAMILY LIVING AREA.

 

[David_Zampino]

Marfran,

I agree that this probably belongs in Family Living. I don’t know how to move the thread; perhaps a forum moderator could do so.

However, you’re still missing my point entirely.

And I do think that there is a difference between a 16-year-old wanting to accept a short-term penance for Lent (after parental discussion and permission) and a middle-school child wanting to make a unilateral, permanent lifestyle change.

And I further – still – question what outside influences were placed on the child – and – whether the mother has delved into that question.

Again, shifting away from vegetarianism, let’s frame the context somewhat differently.

Are you a parent? What would YOU do if your middle-school child came to you, and announced that he or she was making a life-altering decision? Would YOU ask questions and see if there was any back-story going on?