Supposedly Catholic view of miscarriage. Is hospital wrong?

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Borgia1

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So my wife recently had a miscarriage due to trisomy 13. She had the miscarriage and a few days later was scheduled for a D + C to remove the remains.

I was grieving and did not really have time to investigate what should be done with the remains in accordance with my Catholic faith. The child was 13 weeks old and here is what I did and the responses I received.
  1. First, let me explain my view of the Catholic perspective which isn’t necessarily correct. My view is that life begins a conception, thus at 13 weeks my child was a person and upon death to keep in accordance with my faith should be buried or cremated. This is my underlying assumption of the Catholic faith’s perspective which again may or may not be correct.
  2. I called the doctor and asked what is done with the remains and he didn’t really answer. I informed him I’m Catholic and of my believes which are in line with #1. He told me no one has ever asked him this before and he didn’t know the answer. He said he would do whatever he could in line with my wishes, medical ethics, and the law. I saw this as reasonable but was a little disappointed the hospital did not have a policy in place for the doctor to follow.
  3. I was not able to reach my priest. The hospital has an on call multi faith religious center. I spoke with the episcopalian (minister?) who was on call. He said he would call the Catholic priest and ask.
  4. I was never able to speak directly with the priest so I got this third hand through the episcopalian. He said the priest said that I was under no obligation to do anything with the remains and that all I should do is have a priest go to my wife’s side and do the last rights over the remains and than the hospital would discard them as they saw fit.
  5. I went along with this because I didn’t have time and didn’t want to stress my wife out or cause a rift between myself and the hospital. However, I’m not sure the priest was correct here as it just doesn’t follow with what I was taught about Catholicism. Again maybe the priest is correct and I am wrong and if so great. I’d rather be wrong in this situation. Does anyone have any insight? If I am correct I am going to contact the hospital and inform them of such and try to get them to change or formulate a policy more sensitive to the wishes of Catholic parents in these situations. I just hate the though of the remains of my son in with all the needles and other medical waste like garbage. It has been bothering me ever since. Perhaps I should have been stronger and fought this with them more but it was such a stressful time and I still don’t even know I am right. Again, hopefully I am not.
 
I’ll let others respond to the bulk of your inquiry. I just want to express my condolences for your loss and prayers for your family.
 
If this happened to me, I would speak to my parish priest. God Bless.
 
Thx, I just sent them a request. Had no idea this existed. when I hear back I’ll post the response. (as long as I remember).
 
At our Catholic hospital, the family has the option to claim the remains however the hospital has a plot at the Catholic Cemetery where all “unclaimed” are buried.

You might want to speak to your Catholic Cemetery and ask if such a plot exists in your town. They will likely know how to interact with a secular hospital on the matter.

Each state has a gestational date when the fetus is required to be treated in death the same way as any born person. Younger than that, it is a decision of the health care provider.

Once you are into the healing phase, it would be good to offer to spearhead an effort to assist. Again, speaking to your Catholic hospital and the Catholic Cemeteries is the first step. Find out if they have or would be willing to set aside a small plot for the purpose of interring those who die in the early weeks.

If you have an option in the future to patronize a Catholic hospital, what you have experienced is a very good reason to do so.
 
I understand you are grieving. And I’m sorry for your loss. You posted this same question 4 days ago.

What you did was the best you could in the circumstances. If you want to talk to someone at the bioethics center about what to do in the future to be prepared if this ever happens again (God forbid), by all means do.

But you have no reason to second guess or feel any guilt over what you did do, given the situation and responses you received, and hospital protocols.

A 13 week miscarriage is much different than a later term situation. At 13 weeks a baby is only 2 inches in size, and may be difficult to identify amongst the uterine lining and fluids that would be expelled also. I’m sure the hospital rarely if ever has been asked for remains at this stage.

It’s not wrong to ask, and it’s wonderful you wanted to cremate and inter the remains, but if this wasn’t possible, again you didn’t do anything wrong.

Please make sure you and your wife get some counseling during this difficult time.
 
@Borgia1

Do Miscarried Babies Go to Heaven?

Dear Catholic Exchange: God’s peace, I just lost my third baby to miscarriage in the first trimester. What happens to a miscarried baby’s soul, and will I be united with my children in Heaven? Thanks, Anne Dear Anne, Peace in Christ! The Catechism, no. 1257, states: “Baptism is necessary for...
catholicexchange.com catholicexchange.com

Peace in Christ! The Catechism , no. 1257, states: “Baptism is necessary for salvation for those to whom the Gospel has been proclaimed and who have had the possibility of asking for this sacrament .” Clearly, a child in the womb has neither had the Gospel proclaimed to him or her nor “had the possibility of asking” for Baptism. Faith must trust that a miscarried child would not be excluded from the everlasting mercy of Jesus—who went to the extent of leaving His Father’s right hand, assuming human flesh, and suffering horribly on the Cross because He desired so much to redeem. This is why the Catechism notes in the same paragraph that “ God has bound salvation to the sacrament of Baptism, but He Himself is not bound by His sacraments ” (emphasis original; cf. no. 1261).

How might the effects of Baptism come to a child, even still yet in the womb? The Church teaches that a person who is prevented from Baptism, but who desires to be Baptized, either explicitly or implicitly, receives the effects of Baptism, i.e., salvation ( Code of Canon Law , Canon 849). Baptism is not just what happens to an individual; Baptism is bound to the “community of believers. It is only within the faith of the Church that each of the faithful can believe” ( Catechism , no. 1253). In other words, Baptism is not just the faith of the individual, but also the faith of the Church. Thus, a “catechumen or the godparent is asked: ‘What do you ask of God’s Church?’ The response is: ‘Faith!’” ( Ibid ). Inasmuch as a child is baptized because of the faith of the parents and godparents, it would seem reasonable to assume that parents who would have baptized their child, but were prevented, have an analogous situation. After all, it is the faith of the parents and godparents that is presented at baptism, not the child’s. It would seem, then, that a parents/godparents’ desire to baptize a child/godchild if the child is not able to receive Baptism should suffice. This idea, referred to as the “vicarious desire for baptism,” was put forth by Cardinal Cajetan, who lived during the years of the Reformation. Though this theory is considered theological opinion and not a part of the Church’s official teaching, it is a reasonable inference from Church teaching—one in which we can find consolation.


Some Guidance on Disposition of Fetal Remains
By Ron Hamel, Ph.D., Senior Director, Ethics, Catholic Health Association of the United States

Over the past several years, and even more of late,
many CHA members, as well as non-members,
have inquired about the disposition of fetal
remains. Interestingly, the current fourth edition of the
Ethical and Religious Directives for Catholic Health Care
Services (ERDs) does not address the issue. Nor was any
guidance offered by the third edition that came out in
1995.
 
Sorry for you loss. I dont have any knowledge to share, only to say that as another person who knows nothing about the situation, like you, I feel that your son should also have a right to a burial or cremation and a funeral. Once your head can cope with things I’d try talk it through with the priest. I commend you on your humility and compassion in this situation. Try not to beat yourself up, your son is in a happy place. God bless you.
 
Borgia1 said:
I went along with this because I didn’t have time and didn’t want to stress my wife out or cause a rift between myself and the hospital
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You consulted a priest and followed his advice. Most importantly, you supported your wife and will do the same in the days, weeks, months to come. My advice is not to grieve over what you might have done differently. Look to the future, knowing that your little one is with Jesus, perhaps being rocked and sung to, by angels.

You will grieve over what might have been. The pain is real, but healing will come, in time. Maybe there is a support group near you, for parents who experienced miscarriage, stillbirth and early post natal loss. So you can see you are not alone and that others are going through a similar experience. “Going through” is key; there is peace on the other side.
 
Last edited:
1ke said:
You posted this same question 4 days ago.
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I appreciate your comment but I just want to be clear I did not post the same question 4 days ago. I posted a question the day of asking what I should do. Now that everything has occurred I have posted another question asking if what happened was appropriate and how the church views this. Obviously the questions were somewhat similar but I think they are very clearly not remotely the same.
 
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