Surrogacy parent

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texasmavs1985

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A few weeks ago I was approached by an old school mate of mine from high school (which I graduated from high school about 10 years ago). She is in a same-sex relationship with another lady who I have never met before. As a active Catholic I obviously oppose same sex relationships. Nothing against my school mate considering we were friends and still keep in contact on social media’s like facebook. She was in town a few weeks ago and asked if I would help them with having a child through surrogacy. I had a feeling like being hit in the face with a bowling ball (which btw has happened to me before but that’s a different story) because I’m a single guy who has never been married and has no children of my own. I guess I’m having difficulty processing the whole thing because I really never been put into this situation before. On one hand I would like to help my school mate but on the other hand I do not feel comfortable being part of something I don’t believe in (which is same sex relationships).
 
Did she mean you becoming a sperm donor and fathering her child?
 
If you are a practicing Catholic, why is your religion listed as Protestant?

Artificial conception, surrogacy, in vitro fertilization, artificial insemination, etc, are all grave sins against the sixth commandment and something you cannot participate in.

I can recommend the Church documents Donum Vitae and Dignitas Personae.

I am confused, however, by your use of the term surrogacy here. You are a man, and therefore cannot be a surrogate. They are women, and I do not understand why one of them would not be attempting to get pregnant by artificial insemination.

Of course that really doesn’t matter because all of those things are immoral.
 
I am always confused when men get asked this. I mean, sperm banks do exist.

But should you ultimately decide to do it anyway make sure that you go through an attorney who will be able to draft up a contract outlining what rights and responsibilities you will have to the child, if any. Everyone must be on the same page. Period.
 
Well, if you donate sperm to her, than either this lady or her lesbian partner (or both of them) will conceive children using your sperm, and you will be the father of these children. You will have children with your schoolmate or with her lesbian partner, there’s no way to get around this. It doesn’t matter that you won’t have sexual intercourse with either one of these ladies - you will still have children with one (or both) of them, and you will become the father of these children.
 
Is this a real question?

Let us say that you were of a mind that her relationship was just hunky dory. Let’s say you weren’t even Christian, let alone Catholic. I’m uncertain why you would feel like “helping out a friend” would extend to giving up parental rights over your only child so someone you not only are not close to but hardly ever see can raise that child the way she pleases, including in a household with a lover you don’t even know. You would do that to your own flesh and blood?

As it is, though, you think your firstborn would not only be growing up without you as a constant guiding and loving presence in his or her life, but without any father in his or her life at all, in a household arrangement you believe is objectively wrong.

This must be one persuasive acquaintance, that you’d even think twice about giving her an unequivocal refusal. You’d be within your rights to tell her she must not think much of you as a father, to even have asked you to give up your own flesh and blood like that.
 
1ke said:
If you are a practicing Catholic, why is your religion listed as Protestant?

Artificial conception, surrogacy, in vitro fertilization, artificial insemination, etc, are all grave sins against the sixth commandment and something you cannot participate in.

I can recommend the Church documents Donum Vitae and Dignitas Personae.

I am confused, however, by your use of the term surrogacy here. You are a man, and therefore cannot be a surrogate. They are women, and I do not understand why one of them would not be attempting to get pregnant by artificial insemination.

Of course that really doesn’t matter because all of those things are immoral.
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This is the first time in months since I literally came back on this site. Just got confirmed this year.
 
1ke said:
I am confused, however, by your use of the term surrogacy here. You are a man, and therefore cannot be a surrogate.
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Yes, that’s my point, too. A man cannot be a surrogate. He will be the father of the child(children).
 
You would have to masturbate or fornicate. Can’t do either. Period. End of story.

/thread
 
texasmavs1985 said:
This is the first time in months since I literally came back on this site. Just got confirmed this year.
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Welcome back to the Church. Don’t think that being holy means letting people run guilt trips on you. Even a gay man with a lover of his own might turn her down without a second thought, because of his moral obligation to his own child. As for you, you know your moral obligations concerning your bodily integrity as a temple of the Holy Spirit. Fathering children out of wedlock is wrong. You can’t do this.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I am always confused when men get asked this. I mean, sperm banks do exist.

But should you ultimately decide to do it anyway make sure that you go through an attorney who will be able to draft up a contract outlining what rights and responsibilities you will have to the child, if any. Everyone must be on the same page. Period.
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That’s exactly what I was thinking when she approached me with this. I for one, unlike some men, like to keep things zipped up if you know what I mean. I just don’t want to get involved with anything that would bite me in the rear.
 
From the Catechism:

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2376
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Techniques that entail the dissociation of husband and wife, by the intrusion of a person other than the couple (donation of sperm or ovum, surrogate uterus), are gravely immoral. These techniques (heterologous artificial insemination and fertilization) infringe the child’s right to be born of a father and mother known to him and bound to each other by marriage. They betray the spouses’ "right to become a father and a mother only through each other."167
2377 Techniques involving only the married couple (homologous artificial insemination and fertilization) are perhaps less reprehensible, yet remain morally unacceptable. They dissociate the sexual act from the procreative act. The act which brings the child into existence is no longer an act by which two persons give themselves to one another, but one that "entrusts the life and identity of the embryo into the power of doctors and biologists and establishes the domination of technology over the origin and destiny of the human person. Such a relationship of domination is in itself contrary to the dignity and equality that must be common to parents and children."168 "Under the moral aspect procreation is deprived of its proper perfection when it is not willed as the fruit of the conjugal act, that is to say, of the specific act of the spouses’ union . . . . Only respect for the link between the meanings of the conjugal act and respect for the unity of the human being make possible procreation in conformity with the dignity of the person."169 2378 A child is not something *owed *to one, but is a gift. The “supreme gift of marriage” is a human person. A child may not be considered a piece of property, an idea to which an alleged “right to a child” would lead. In this area, only the child possesses genuine rights: the right “to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents,” and "the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception."170
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L_piperatus said:
Yes, that’s my point, too. A man cannot be a surrogate. He will be the father of the child(children).
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I most likely got this whole situation confused or twisted up somehow when brainstorming the whole scenario. I’m just totally confused about this thing. This whole thing is literally the 1st time a female friend of mine came up to me and was like “i want a kid but i’m with another lady, would you like to help?” type situation. I know the church is against things like surrogacy parents and other things that would violate the 6th commandment. I guess what I’m trying to figure out is how to I resolve the situation with my friend. I mean if I loose her as a friend then so be it but what would be the most appropriate action to take when discussing the matter. I for one don’t want kids and I certainly don’t want to get into something I’m gonna regret in the future.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I am always confused when men get asked this. I mean, sperm banks do exist.
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Using a sperm bank most often means the child will never have a chance of knowing who his father is. When one uses a known donor at least the child gets this much.

It is still wrong to purposely father a child you will knowingly relinquish and abandon.
 
One humorous way to respond would be: “Sorry, I’m not ready to be a father. I’m not even married yet!” 😛
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
From the Catechism:
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2377 and 2378 does make a lot of sense after reading it through in mentally digesting the information. I’m going to do some praying and talk to some close friends of mine and family about this. As stated before its like being smacked in the face with a bowling ball and the last thing I need to do is to do something I will regret in doing.
 
texasmavs1985 said:
I most likely got this whole situation confused or twisted up somehow when brainstorming the whole scenario. I’m just totally confused about this thing. This whole thing is literally the 1st time a female friend of mine came up to me and was like “i want a kid but i’m with another lady, would you like to help?” type situation. I know the church is against things like surrogacy parents and other things that would violate the 6th commandment. I guess what I’m trying to figure out is how to I resolve the situation with my friend. I mean if I loose her as a friend then so be it but what would be the most appropriate action to take when discussing the matter. I for one don’t want kids and I certainly don’t want to get into something I’m gonna regret in the future.
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You tell her “no, i’m not interested in being the father of your child”.

Regardless of whether or not you’re just the donor, the reality is that YOU are the father of that child. There is no contract which would overcome that reality, and even if there was, it wouldn’t overcome the familial duty of a father to care for his children.

Even if you DID help her, and drew up a button tight contract on what was expected of you, you should be warned: judges can, have, and do throw out those sorts of contracts all the time, requiring even anonymous sperm donors to pay child support at times.

So you have no obligation to do anything immoral or reckless to “help” her (and in reality your cooperation would not be “helping” her at all). Children are not a commodity which you can give to her, they are a blessing by God to be conceived in a real marriage.

You don’t have to tell her all that though, just stick with “no.” and leave it at that. If she doesn’t understand and accept that, she’s not your friend anyway.
 
Actaeon said:
You tell her “no, i’m not interested in being the father of your child”.
…

You don’t have to tell her all that though, just stick with “no.” and leave it at that. If she doesn’t understand and accept that, she’s not your friend anyway.
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She should be able to understand “I don’t want to father a child I will not be raising.”
 
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