Suspicious of Traveling husband :(

[1ke]

If one’s spouse is their beloved and their closest companion, then I would not think that being called by them often would generally be a problem unless it was in the middle of a meeting or something.

When I’m at work, especially when traveling, I am in meetings and busy all day and don’t have time to just chit-chat. It would be a problem if my spouse, a friend, or whoever were to call me continually through the day.

All I can think is that if I were a traveling husband, a call from my wife (not that I have one yet) would be just what the doctor ordered.

Sure, during the evening. Not during the work day.

 

[Steeltemplar]

When I’m at work, especially when traveling, I am in meetings and busy all day and don’t have time to just chit-chat. It would be a problem if my spouse, a friend, or whoever were to call me continually through the day.

Sure, during the evening. Not during the work day.

Well, I think that the qualifier in my post about “unless it was in the middle of a meeting or something.” indicated calls that did not cause significant disruption.

The OP’s posts don’t show any sign, IMO, that she is calling too often or at wrong times. I think she has every right to be able to interact with her husband frequently. Marriage and family should be among the highest priorities in a person’s life. If they are not, then something is out of balance.

 

[whatevergirl]

I think without knowing all the details it is hard to give the perfect advice. I mean, we don’t know if movingmom has had conversations like this in the past with her husband, we don’t know if he was just having a bad day. I will say though, from personal experience, that traveling (for any reason) is tiring…and for work, it’s even more tiring. Sleeping in hotels is tiring, so movingmom–perhaps he was just short on sleep, and snapped. I’m hoping that is all it was. He may be thinking that all he is doing is trying to provide for the family, and he is being questioned on his reason for not answering the phone, you know?

But, my prayers are with you movingmom, that you will find the right words to go over your feelings with your husband. Hopefully, you both will resolve anything unsettled. God bless.

 

[busta]

Little backround, I am a stay at home mom for the last 10 years (3 kids). My husband travels frequently as part of his job. I have always had my insecurities about him traveling, me staying home doing the everyday stuff. His life = glamour, mine = mundane. He has told me that it is no picnic traveling, being away from his family and I believe it - sort of.
Yesterday he didn‘t call me, email, inquire about the kids (who had a huge awards ceremony at school and parent/teacher conferences) for over 24 hours. I called him approx 3 times to let him know how the kids did. Finally at about 6:00pm I got a creepy call from someone from the “cable company.” I got weirded out and really needed to talk to him - no answer. Finally he calls at 9:30 like there‘s no big deal. I ask if he‘s hurt/in the hospital before I lay into him about being irresponsible, what if the kids are hurt and I couldn‘t reach him etc. He says his phone and blackberry (which, I am not kidding are vitual extensions of his body) were both left in the rental car most of the day. I found this incredible hard to believe, he did not contact ANYONE for 24 hours, not me, not work, nobody? He literally does not go anywhere without his phone. I asked him if I was supposed to believe this and he said he didn‘t have to put up with listening to me and hung up.
He spends most week days away from the house. He has his own work laptop, phone, expense account. He does the bills for our home. I would have no idea if takes out money and where it goes. On the flip side, when his is home he is always accounted for. He doesn‘t go outside to use the phone, he doesn‘t text much, I do all of the wash, he goes to Mass with me and loves his kids. However, when he works from the office (about 45 minutes from here) he comes home most nights at about 8:00 and some nights much later after business dinners. I have always trusted him and let him have free reign concerning his hours.
Am I missing something? Is he just the workaholic I think he is or is there something going on? I have no money of my own to speak of, I have no access to his phone or computer. Should I just let this go? He is flying home tonight, he is supposed to go to Mass with us this evening. Any advice and prayers would be greatly appeciated!

 

[Mograce]

If I was you, I’d be worried he was cheating too.

I am a stay at home mother of four, who homeschools. My hubby had to got out of town one night-once and only once for a training session. He admitted to me when I asked him after he returned, that after we spoke on the phone (I had suggested before he went that porn was on hotel TV’s and he should just turn it to EWTN and not channel surf, just in case) he came across HBO looking for a movie to watch and saw a documentary on porn with naked people, of course. He said he turned it after 2 minutes. Later it turned to 5 minutes, so I don’t know how long he watched.
My husband is the gold standard. Yet, he managed to fall into temptation even after being warned of it beforehand. Our marriage suffered for a while because of this. Others may say, “Oh, no big deal…at least he turned it.” My husband has vowed to forsake all others and that includes porn stars and their nakedness.

My point is: There is a certain anonymous factor in traveling. No one knows you, you are out of the area and if another willing co-worker or a stranger and you want to hook up-well, would it be really that hard to hide? No. It brings another dimension into the temptation.

I have no idea whether your husband was cheating but it looks really suspicious to me as well. Here’s why-if you are what the others on the board are suggesting-a low self esteem laden stay at home mom who is overly suspicious and pesters her husband out of fear of his fidelity then it would stand to reason that out of love and concern for you he would make sure to call so you didn’t become over-wrought with suspicion. Or at least he would have been a little more convincing with his explanation instead of acting suspicious and hanging up on you.

Instead your husband did the very thing that would send you “over the edge” into fearful imaginings. Either your husband is mean spirited and decided to torture you by making you think he is cheating or he is cheating.

At any rate, I wouldn’t believe all is well in traveling spouse land. When I went to confess my jealous and unforgiving nature the priest told me, “Well, I can see why you don’t trust men. We are ensnared by weaknesses in this area. I am frankly shocked at the things that go on the the workplace-how men and women are throw together for long car trips, business meetings, in hotels…it is inappropriate and fraught with temptations that are pretty frequently given into.” (this is what I remember verbatim) Then I said, "That’s not helping Father, it makes me feel more worried about my husband now that he is working with women…) He told me that I should pray fervently that my husband doesn’t give into the temptations that are sure to come his way because many men fall in the workplace and on the road…GREATTTTT.

Topping it off-People say, “Oh we talk about our spouses, kids etc.” That really isn’t safe either. Should we be that confidential and friendly with members of the opposite sex, inviting them to feel close to us as we spill our secrets and complaints and desires with them???

The world we live in has put men and women in positions they were never meant to be in together. My husband should not be spending more time with his female co-worker that with his own wife and kids. I only thank the Lord that he doesn’t have to travel with her. And I strive to be the best wife and mother so he doesn’t get to use the excuse “my wife makes me unhappy”.

I hope I am totally wrong about your husband.

God Bless!

 

[kage_ar]

As someone who has spent more than her share of time on travel for business. I work in a male oriented business, and have never felt thrown into the kind of compromising and immoral situations some here have described.

For the OP, if he has a blackberry - maybe you can work out a time to text every day. This way, if he is in a meeting, he can still touch base.

 

[whatevergirl]

Me neither. I work in a very male dominated environment, which I don’t consider a ‘near occasion’ to sin. We need to guard our hearts, certainly–but I don’t believe that environment causes a person to sin, I think rather a person’s own belief system, and where they are with God, can cause someone to sin. There are plenty of non working people who cheat, just like there are people who are working, who cheat with one another.

I don’t think it is as prevelant as some people think. Corporate America isn’t what we see on tv, with shows like Boston Legal, etc…People are actually …working! LOL

Now, I have been to sales conferences before, where there is drinking…and people can get carried away, even though they are married. Men who have hit on me at these things…but I show no interest, and remind them that ‘I am happily married.’ So, should I fear the working place because of these encounters? Nah. Do I suppose these men save their cheating ways for business trips? No way do I believe that. I don’t think men and women need to go on business trips in order to cheat…if you want to cheat, you will find a way. And cheating is more about the person cheating, than it is about the marriage.

You are in my prayers, movingmom. I have a feeling things will work out.

 

[CatholicSam]

For the OP, if he has a blackberry - maybe you can work out a time to text every day. This way, if he is in a meeting, he can still touch base.

I think this is a great idea! Work out a time each day when you will touch base either electronically or on the phone. Maybe once in the morning and once in the evening, or maybe lunch time and bed time. It’s also important for the children to have their father as an active part of their lives. It would be awesome if he could talk for just 2-3 minutes a day (minimum) with each child. I don’t care how busy his schedule is, he has a couple of minutes every day that he can talk with his wife and kids.

 

[teme]

I guess being a woman, with kids, I just can’t imagine a valid reason why someone would be “out of touch” with the family for a length of time. We are normally relatively communicative and this seemed out of the ordinary to me. When I questioned him regarding his actions he shut down - so I got a little suspicious.

I travel about monthly, so less frequently than your husband. Like him, the blackberry is an extension of my body, to the annoyance of my wife. Something to consider (if this is the only suspicious event). He reported his blackberry and phone were in the rental car all day. If true, he probably is either feeling horribly behind, or actually will be up the rest of the night catching up. So, his restful evening in the hotel has turned into an all-nighter of work, and he was calling you back to get a breather from the stress.

I know when I’m stressed, the last thing I want is to be “bothered”. Noth that you are a bother, but if he was already feeling bad about leaving his left arm in the car, and not calling you, it’s likely the thought of his wife thinking he’s cheating on her is probably a stressor he didn’t want to deal with. He may have called for relief and understanding, and instead of being supportive, you may have added to his own self-deprecation, and given him one more thing to stress about.

If you begin a conversation with him, and start it recognizing how hard it must be to travel, and that he probably had a hard time getting caught up after a day without the blackberry, you may find a far more receptive audience than in your phone conversation.

 

[TIME]

If I was you, I’d be worried he was cheating too.

I am a stay at home mother of four, who homeschools. My hubby had to got out of town one night-once and only once for a training session. He admitted to me when I asked him after he returned, that after we spoke on the phone (I had suggested before he went that porn was on hotel TV’s and he should just turn it to EWTN and not channel surf, just in case) he came across HBO looking for a movie to watch and saw a documentary on porn with naked people, of course. He said he turned it after 2 minutes. Later it turned to 5 minutes, so I don’t know how long he watched.
My husband is the gold standard. Yet, he managed to fall into temptation even after being warned of it beforehand. Our marriage suffered for a while because of this. Others may say, “Oh, no big deal…at least he turned it.” My husband has vowed to forsake all others and that includes porn stars and their nakedness.

My point is: There is a certain anonymous factor in traveling. No one knows you, you are out of the area and if another willing co-worker or a stranger and you want to hook up-well, would it be really that hard to hide? No. It brings another dimension into the temptation.

I have no idea whether your husband was cheating but it looks really suspicious to me as well. Here’s why-if you are what the others on the board are suggesting-a low self esteem laden stay at home mom who is overly suspicious and pesters her husband out of fear of his fidelity then it would stand to reason that out of love and concern for you he would make sure to call so you didn’t become over-wrought with suspicion. Or at least he would have been a little more convincing with his explanation instead of acting suspicious and hanging up on you.

Instead your husband did the very thing that would send you “over the edge” into fearful imaginings. Either your husband is mean spirited and decided to torture you by making you think he is cheating or he is cheating.

At any rate, I wouldn’t believe all is well in traveling spouse land. When I went to confess my jealous and unforgiving nature the priest told me, “Well, I can see why you don’t trust men. We are ensnared by weaknesses in this area. I am frankly shocked at the things that go on the the workplace-how men and women are throw together for long car trips, business meetings, in hotels…it is inappropriate and fraught with temptations that are pretty frequently given into.” (this is what I remember verbatim) Then I said, "That’s not helping Father, it makes me feel more worried about my husband now that he is working with women…) He told me that I should pray fervently that my husband doesn’t give into the temptations that are sure to come his way because many men fall in the workplace and on the road…GREATTTTT.

The world we live in has put men and women in positions they were never meant to be in together. My husband should not be spending more time with his female co-worker that with his own wife and kids. I only thank the Lord that he doesn’t have to travel with her. And I strive to be the best wife and mother so he doesn’t get to use the excuse “my wife makes me unhappy”.

I hope I am totally wrong about your husband.

God Bless!

Grace - not sure if you saw this earlier, but my 2 cents is Marriage is not some stagnant arrangement that allows you to coast through life with. The world is so poisonous these days, I think you have to be peddling every day to protect your Marriage and children.

I do some traveling and have lunch and dinner with others who travel too. A couple of things come to mind.

1. If your husband is a Sane, rational person, and even half way catholic guy, their is practically no way he would turn from a sweet, loving, giving and rational wife.
2. If the wife, has a me vs. you mentality, is fussy, crabby, always railing at the husband type and looking for things to condemn & complain about the husband. This is not someone he would rejoice in being around. As well, tries to use sex as a weapon against the marriage and husband. Then the wife could be in trouble.

The vast majority of times, when you dig deep to find the root cause, an affair is the result of many problems, not the start.

Originally Posted by Proverbs 31:10-12
A good wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.

Originally Posted by Proverbs 31:26
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Originally Posted by Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

 

[BlestOne]

Wow! this is certainly divided… Sorry but I have to side with the ones who think perhaps you are a little paranoid or feeling a little unfulfilled. I am the wife and I have to travel at times too. When I am working, often it is in remote areas where there is no cell service so no contact… or if I am in a hotel… I may have fallen asleep from my busy day. I usually call dh once a day when I am away, but not at a set time because of the hours I keep when working. On the rare occasion when I get a hotel with a hot tub… I do not take my cell phone with me to the hot tub! One night we actually had a meeting in the hot tub because my 2 male co-workers and I needed to pow-wow after a very long day of training and working… Nothing bad went on at all… we just all needed to relax and I told them I needed to use the hot tub so if they wanted a meeting, I suggest they get their swim trunks on and follow… they did… (no, I am NOT the boss) but they saw the logic in what I was doing… we were brainstorming and desperately needed to be relaxed… besides if we met in one of our rooms… they would be drinking way too much to find a solution.

Anyway, trust me… I love to travel, but it is exhausting and lonely. I would be really upset with dh if he questioned me like you did your dh. But none of us are 100% in your shoes… you are the only one that knows the whole reason you got so upset… things like a look on the face or a recent indifference… so we really can’t tell you anything substantial.

I also think if dh lost his blackberry… he was probably totally stressed out from losing it and way behind in his work… so you probably really upset him at a very bad time.

Best of luck and prayers for you and your husband… I think I would start out greeting him with an apology when he gets home…

 

[Cristiano]

I am addicted to my Blackberry; however when I travel sometime I cannot or would not talk to my wife for 24 hours. It is already a pain to travel and it is a pain to have family conversations over the phone. I love my family but for me it takes a real effort to make conversation over the phone. I usually call once a day but I cannot really stay on the phone, it is just unnatural to me. For me the phone is a tool to communicate something fast, not to chat,

I think that the OP simply does not do well when her husband is traveling or at work and that is the real cause of the problems. She has to learn to accept the fact that she misses him and that she would rather have him at home. This is something easy to say but not to do.

 

[DJgang]

I think you have a workaholic husband just like I do…I know, for me, at certain times of the month, I misinterpret my husbands’s mannerisms…

I’m trying to keep my post in first person, I don’t want to say…yes your husband is having an affair, no your husband is not, or yes, blah, blah, blah…

You’ve just got to pray. And be open and honest with him. I know that my husband is not one who likes to fight about things. I’ll get all worked up over something, finally boil over and turns out, it was nothing.

One year, my husband missed our oldest son’s birthday, he left for work before our son woke up for the day and he didn’t get home until 10pm. That’s about only time I really lost it with him.

I’ve learned the hard way to only call him maybe twice and let him return my call. I probably would have said the same thing that you did…“Hey honey, are ya in the hospital?? I’ve been trying to call you all day…what if something was really wrong?” However, I have found that I’ll just leave a message, like this … (screaming kids in the background and I am very calm) “Okay, honey, it’s like 8pm and I don’t have J’s homework finished and N is screaming his head off, and I would love for you to be home right now, so please, please come home, I need you”…

I get a lot more out of him like that…and can make him feel bad as well.

But seriously, Your husband is probably a workaholic … I don’t know all the details of his day that day…what exactly he was doing. If he was in meetings all day, yes, I can see him leaving behind that cell phone. My husband is to the point that he only turns his on when he feels like talking to someone, otherwise, you have to leave a message…and he leaves it in his truck all the time…maybe your husband is getting burned out and really needed a break from his cell… he was tired and sleep that night without any worries…wouldn’t you love a night like that.

Be honest with him. Of course, try not to resent him from being away from you so much, I know it’s hard. And sometimes that resentment can ooze out via situations like this one.

I will pray for you.

Oh, and one more thiing…my husband has one of those stupid Blackberries…sometimes, I just email him! He seems to respond better to that lately…

 

[maria29]

If I was you, I’d be worried he was cheating too.

I am a stay at home mother of four, who homeschools. My hubby had to got out of town one night-once and only once for a training session. He admitted to me when I asked him after he returned, that after we spoke on the phone (I had suggested before he went that porn was on hotel TV’s and he should just turn it to EWTN and not channel surf, just in case) he came across HBO looking for a movie to watch and saw a documentary on porn with naked people, of course. He said he turned it after 2 minutes. Later it turned to 5 minutes, so I don’t know how long he watched.
My husband is the gold standard. Yet, he managed to fall into temptation even after being warned of it beforehand. Our marriage suffered for a while because of this. Others may say, “Oh, no big deal…at least he turned it.” My husband has vowed to forsake all others and that includes porn stars and their nakedness.

My point is: There is a certain anonymous factor in traveling. No one knows you, you are out of the area and if another willing co-worker or a stranger and you want to hook up-well, would it be really that hard to hide? No. It brings another dimension into the temptation.

I have no idea whether your husband was cheating but it looks really suspicious to me as well. Here’s why-if you are what the others on the board are suggesting-a low self esteem laden stay at home mom who is overly suspicious and pesters her husband out of fear of his fidelity then it would stand to reason that out of love and concern for you he would make sure to call so you didn’t become over-wrought with suspicion. Or at least he would have been a little more convincing with his explanation instead of acting suspicious and hanging up on you.

Instead your husband did the very thing that would send you “over the edge” into fearful imaginings. Either your husband is mean spirited and decided to torture you by making you think he is cheating or he is cheating.

At any rate, I wouldn’t believe all is well in traveling spouse land. When I went to confess my jealous and unforgiving nature the priest told me, “Well, I can see why you don’t trust men. We are ensnared by weaknesses in this area. I am frankly shocked at the things that go on the the workplace-how men and women are throw together for long car trips, business meetings, in hotels…it is inappropriate and fraught with temptations that are pretty frequently given into.” (this is what I remember verbatim) Then I said, "That’s not helping Father, it makes me feel more worried about my husband now that he is working with women…) He told me that I should pray fervently that my husband doesn’t give into the temptations that are sure to come his way because many men fall in the workplace and on the road…GREATTTTT.

Topping it off-People say, “Oh we talk about our spouses, kids etc.” That really isn’t safe either. Should we be that confidential and friendly with members of the opposite sex, inviting them to feel close to us as we spill our secrets and complaints and desires with them???

The world we live in has put men and women in positions they were never meant to be in together. My husband should not be spending more time with his female co-worker that with his own wife and kids. I only thank the Lord that he doesn’t have to travel with her. And I strive to be the best wife and mother so he doesn’t get to use the excuse “my wife makes me unhappy”.

I hope I am totally wrong about your husband.

God Bless!

I’m sorry but I don’t really understand this at all. Are you saying women shouldn’t be in the workforce at all? Or in jobs where they don’t work around men? Because that’s what it would take in order for a man and a woman not to be around each more than their spouse. I work 40-60 hours a week and I see people at work more than I see my husband and child some weeks.

 

[scarlet405]

No, I agree, you should never discuss your spouse with family or friends.
QUOTE]

I find a flaw with this…that being that even if you do (what I consider unnessary) discuss him with your family or friends, whether or not there is something to hide, they will make YOU look like the bad one. You should always go to the spouse first!!! Whether they choose to be honest with you depends upon your relationship.

I feel good communication will help, counseling may or may not be for you (depends upon the couple), prayer certainly should be a part of your lives. Remember a life without trust, isn’t really living. You need to communicate to your husband that you trust him, you are just concerned when you can’t reach him for important events, or sickness of children… I also TOTALLY AGREE that you need to be involved in the financial status of your family. What if “God forbid” something happen to your husband…here you are with NO CLUE as to what money is available, how the bills are paid, tuition for school, clothes… You have to have (name removed by moderator)ut otherwise you are not a couple but a person who deals out money, while one receives much as a mother/child relationship.

Now I have just started reading this, so I will have to read the rest before I post again. I need to get up to speed. I should have done that first, lol, hard day at work.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

 

[Mograce]

Dear Maria,

Yep, I actually mean that men and women should not be working side by side for long periods of time, nor should they be on business trips sharing a ride, a hotel or a hot tub…(sorry Blest). Several of my friend’s husband travel, and I can not tell you how many times these men have been propositioned by strangers while traveling and even flirted/propositioned by female coworkers they have traveled with! They don’t even go to the hot tubs.My friends are good Catholic homeschoolers too, whose husbands frequent the Confessional, which made me nervous for my girlfriends, considering the comments of the priest…

The world we live in has made it appear that the only choice is to give in and “go with the flow” which, I’m afraid, my be going straight to hell.

If I may use Blest’s scenerio she offered us here:

Perhaps there are those who can be practically naked in a hot tub with 2 men and be holy enough not to notice them in a fleshly way and are lucky enough that the men don’t notice her either…
BUT is this the usual reality?
Should co-workers see us in a bathing suit?
Should we put ourselves into these situations, feeling confident in ourselves that WE will not stray, because we are impervious, somehow? That whatever physical effect we may have on our co-workers doesn’t matter to their marriage or our souls?
That the flirtation is harmless…sexual innuendos amount to “nothing”…
That the “high” we get from being noticed by co-workers as attractive is okay…
That feeling of looking forward to seeing a certain co-worker is innocuous?
That discussing my spouse and his/hers shortcomings is natural since I spend so much time with my dear co-worker…oh, he/she looks so pulled together and attractive always, while my husband/wife looks…well…maybe going for a drink won’t hurt. I deserve to unwind. Oh, how he/she understands me! It’s like we’ve always know each other. I wish I could talk to my husband/wife like that. Co-Worker is so confident and capable. Husband/Wife is so unpleasant. I love going to work! I get to see Co-Worker, there. Maybe staying later at work is the best thing, I have to get everything done and earn my keep, besides Co-Worker will keep it fun. Then we’'ll go out for a drink.
Oh, my, Co-Worker likes me too, I can tell. If only. Well, last night husband/wife was so unreasonable and demanding. Co-worker appreciates my hard work. Co-worker thinks I am great. If only I wasn’t married. Should I be with husband/wife? Maybe it was a mistake from the beginning. Co-worker and I kissed. It meant nothing. We were just overly tired from all the work. Guilt. Mistreat husband/wife out of guilt. He/she reacts. Start fights. Can’t wait for Monday to see Co-Worker. More sexual displays of affection. Yearning. Wanting. Affair. Divorce.

Getting too familiar with co-workers of the opposite sex should be a huge no-no. Most affairs are began at work. It is true that one doesn’t HAVE to travel to have an affair but it sure makes it a lot easier.

Maybe people who are married should choose careers that keep a more stable home life and not travel. Yes, it is ideal for women to be at home, in my opinion.

 

[SusanWMS]

Movingmom, whether or not your husband has stepped over his bounds, the point is to start praying heavily about it right now.

Take it from someone who knows…I wish I didn’t have knowledge in this area but I do. To make a long story short, my husband was going to leave me for a young Russian woman. Dispite her enticing ways, it was still not enough to overcome the power of our Lord’s grace, mercy and not to mention forgiveness.

I regret not praying prophetically when I saw the first warning signs. I wanted so much to keep thinking that he was an untouchable man. If I would have been lifting our marriage up in heavy prayer, it may have been enough for him to withstand such temptations.

Try this short prayer and say it over and over again. “Jesus, Mary and Joseph, please save my husband, me and our marriage.” Stomp the ground if you want. Be prophetic! Plead that Jesus will surround you, your husband, marriage and family with his loving protection.

Take care and God Bless you.

 

[Just_wondering]

I am frankly shocked at the things that go on the the workplace-how men and women are thrown together for long car trips, business meetings, in hotels…it is inappropriate and fraught with temptations that are pretty frequently given into.

I don’t travel for work, but I am a woman working in an environment that’s 90% men, and I really think that the temptation to cheat when men and women work together is exaggerated.

I have had offers, but generally from men that didn’t know I was dating anyone, because I kept my private life to myself. And when I said I wasn’t interested, they apologized and backed off, simple as that.

I do agree that it’s better not to discuss too much about your private life with opposite-sex colleagues. I think there is some potential, if there is some attraction, for the colleague to think “I could treat you better than that.”

I’d say if this was a one-time only occurrence, it probably happened because he was stressed and not in the mood to argue when you called. On the other hand, if this happens regularly, then there are probably issues to deal with.

 

[Aninhas]

Dear Maria,

Yep, I actually mean that men and women should not be working side by side for long periods of time, nor should they be on business trips sharing a ride, a hotel or a hot tub…(sorry Blest). Several of my friend’s husband travel, and I can not tell you how many times these men have been propositioned by strangers while traveling and even flirted/propositioned by female coworkers they have traveled with! They don’t even go to the hot tubs.My friends are good Catholic homeschoolers too, whose husbands frequent the Confessional, which made me nervous for my girlfriends, considering the comments of the priest…

The world we live in has made it appear that the only choice is to give in and “go with the flow” which, I’m afraid, my be going straight to hell.

If I may use Blest’s scenerio she offered us here:

Perhaps there are those who can be practically naked in a hot tub with 2 men and be holy enough not to notice them in a fleshly way and are lucky enough that the men don’t notice her either…
BUT is this the usual reality?
Should co-workers see us in a bathing suit?
Should we put ourselves into these situations, feeling confident in ourselves that WE will not stray, because we are impervious, somehow? That whatever physical effect we may have on our co-workers doesn’t matter to their marriage or our souls?
That the flirtation is harmless…sexual innuendos amount to “nothing”…
That the “high” we get from being noticed by co-workers as attractive is okay…
That feeling of looking forward to seeing a certain co-worker is innocuous?
That discussing my spouse and his/hers shortcomings is natural since I spend so much time with my dear co-worker…oh, he/she looks so pulled together and attractive always, while my husband/wife looks…well…maybe going for a drink won’t hurt. I deserve to unwind. Oh, how he/she understands me! It’s like we’ve always know each other. I wish I could talk to my husband/wife like that. Co-Worker is so confident and capable. Husband/Wife is so unpleasant. I love going to work! I get to see Co-Worker, there. Maybe staying later at work is the best thing, I have to get everything done and earn my keep, besides Co-Worker will keep it fun. Then we’'ll go out for a drink.
Oh, my, Co-Worker likes me too, I can tell. If only. Well, last night husband/wife was so unreasonable and demanding. Co-worker appreciates my hard work. Co-worker thinks I am great. If only I wasn’t married. Should I be with husband/wife? Maybe it was a mistake from the beginning. Co-worker and I kissed. It meant nothing. We were just overly tired from all the work. Guilt. Mistreat husband/wife out of guilt. He/she reacts. Start fights. Can’t wait for Monday to see Co-Worker. More sexual displays of affection. Yearning. Wanting. Affair. Divorce.

Getting too familiar with co-workers of the opposite sex should be a huge no-no. Most affairs are began at work. It is true that one doesn’t HAVE to travel to have an affair but it sure makes it a lot easier.

Maybe people who are married should choose careers that keep a more stable home life and not travel. Yes, it is ideal for women to be at home, in my opinion.

Very well said. Thanks for your post, Mograce. If you don’t mind I’ll copy it and send it to a friend of mine who is always telling me she doesnt care to give sexual signs of affection to her male co-workers. She asks me “what’s the problem?”… I guess your answer will enlight her greatly. God bless you all.

 

[IrishAm]

I wish I had trusted my instincts the FIRST time I couldn’t reach my traveling husband and the explanations just didn’t seem to add up.

Many men and women travel and work very hard in all kinds of situations without compromising themselves or their families.

Others do not. Sometimes the ones you would least expect to not . . .

I realize, and agree, that talking with friends and family about the marriage is often a bad idea; but it may be time to discuss your fears and feelings with an outsider. I was isolated, too; and there was no one to counter his explanations. I would never have spoken ill of my husband, and, as a result, there was no one to say to me, “you’re right – that just doesn’t sound right to me, either.”