Take it higher (to his supervisor)?

[danjiri]

My fairly recent ex-boyfriend has been at seminary this past year. (He was secretly discerning while his was with me; we broke up a year ago. You can search “danjiri” and see the story.)

He called me from seminary. I try to keep the conversations short. Long story short: He still calls, emails, misses me, loves, me, thinks about me a lot. I don’t return the sentiments.

Just this week I told him that his (sometimes frequently, mostly a couple months between) communications are inappropriate:

• They are like my calling from a new boyfriend’s (there is none) place to tell him how things are going.
• They are not empathetic.
• He never wants to keep them short. He always has stories – good and bad – to share.

He had never thought of it that way. Now he is emailing questions about it.

Tell his superiors? Keep trying to fend him off like this? Block his number somehow? I have just blocked his email address.

 

[justagirl]

If he’s struggling with this in seminary, he needs help. If you tell him to talk to his spiritual director (or whatever they have in seminary), would he do it?

 

[RevDrNorth]

My fairly recent ex-boyfriend has been at seminary this past year. (He was secretly discerning while his was with me; we broke up a year ago. You can search “danjiri” and see the story.)

He called me from seminary. I try to keep the conversations short. Long story short: He still calls, emails, misses me, loves, me, thinks about me a lot. I don’t return the sentiments.

Just this week I told him that his (sometimes frequently, mostly a couple months between) communications are inappropriate:

• They are like my calling from a new boyfriend’s (there is none) place to tell him how things are going.
• They are not empathetic.
• He never wants to keep them short. He always has stories – good and bad – to share.

He had never thought of it that way. Now he is emailing questions about it.

Tell his superiors? Keep trying to fend him off like this? Block his number somehow? I have just blocked his email address.

He needs to understand that this is not fair to you emotionally. Bravo to you for being strong. You can be kind BUT firm. He does indeed need to discuss this with a Spiritual Director and sort his feelings out. He has put his hand to the plow but is looking back and that will not get him where he is going. NOR should he use you as an excuse for not getting on with his spiritual development. What he is doing does not seem emotionally mature or healthy. His questions should be to his spiritual adviser and not to you when he knows this is inflicting pain and discomfort on you.

 

[tampagrl]

My fairly recent ex-boyfriend has been at seminary this past year. (He was secretly discerning while his was with me; we broke up a year ago. You can search “danjiri” and see the story.)

He called me from seminary. I try to keep the conversations short. Long story short: He still calls, emails, misses me, loves, me, thinks about me a lot. I don’t return the sentiments.

Just this week I told him that his (sometimes frequently, mostly a couple months between) communications are inappropriate:

• They are like my calling from a new boyfriend’s (there is none) place to tell him how things are going.
• They are not empathetic.
• He never wants to keep them short. He always has stories – good and bad – to share.

He had never thought of it that way. Now he is emailing questions about it.

Tell his superiors? Keep trying to fend him off like this? Block his number somehow? I have just blocked his email address.

I agree with the advice of the poster below.

And to answer your question - No, I would not tell his superiors. It would be different if he’d already professed vows or something, but if that’s not the case, then talking to his superiors is his business. Just continue to be charitable but firm. You’re familiar to him so it’s easy to “use” you in this way.
Hope things get better for both of you.

 

[danjiri]

Thank you all.

I just emailed him and told him that until he speaks to his SD I don’t want to hear from him.

Phew! That felt good and focused.