Taking control.

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Lilsheep88

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If I play by the rules and be a “good Christian” I will lose, and it will only bring more suffering for me. Its time that I take things in my own hands and act out of strategic interest, and place my self interest and survival before anything else… and if it means being an ***** to people, disregarding other people’s feelings, withholding information or be just being cold or heartless… or doing things that GOD DOESNT APPROVE. i dont care. I’m taking things and my destiny in my own hands… No more waiting around, no more vague ideas of hope or relying divine will… Its my life and its my control.

But everytime I do this… I feel guilty. Is there anything wrong with viewing life this way? Can doing things my way be reconciled with “God’s will”? Can we be good Catholics, while at the same time act on our own interest? do we have to play by the rules when others are not playing it? or it is more strategic not to play by the rules?? Especially what if prayers dont seem to be answered… is it a sin to start taking control and assert my own will rather than waiting around…? Since I’ve gone back to my faith, I truly felt that I have lost all sense of autonomy. I was a supreme realist back then… and I sort of still am… I like to view things black and white… And since I came to appreciate the faith I was brought up in, it wasnt what it was a year ago, when I can just do things when I wanted to… now I have to consider if its wrong or not, or if im hurting anyone, or if my actions are moral or immoral? WHYYYYYYYYY… Why cant I play by my rules.

Like if people are such pricks to me, I would have gladly returned the favour two fold… but now I CANT cuz I have to be a good catholic. Like honestly, I dont feel the immediate pay off of being a good Catholic. Sorry… I just feel so confused. Like all the time I spend in prayer, all the time I ask and beg for God for help… I feel that its all useless and if I werent such a weakling and took things in my own hands it would be much more effective. Whats the point of waiting around when I can take direct action NOW.

Like HONESLY… i think that the more I dig into my faith, the more brainwashed I am becoming. Sometimes I think this is all just mind play… what if its not a spirtual attack? WHAT IF ITS just my mind playing tricks on me…

Like I’m 23 and I should be living the life now… I shouldnt be micromanaging each and everyone of my actions like if its right or wrong because it is driving me crazy right now. LIKE HONESTLY… if everything is WRONG THEN i MIGHT AS WELL lock myself in my house because the world out there is FULL of bad influences. And yes., I AM SCARED to commit myself to God’s will because I am scared of uncertainty. Everything could be passed off as God’s will… like if you jump of the bridge it can still be considered God’s will…
Honestly, I am scared of uncertainity, maybe which is why I am scared to give myself completely to God’s will. HOW DO I TRUST GOD’S WILL IF THERES SO MUCH BAD things GOING ON IN THE WORLD… how do I know that If I completley submit to him that it would be something good for me. On the other hand, I can just take the world as I fInd it, live with the contingencies and base my actions of survival…

Please help me. I am sorry I am talking this way… I am really confused about my whole life right now and sometimes I have a feeling Its just me and I’m psycho. Maybe its a spirtual attack, maybe its a lack of faith or maybe its all this Machiavelli and realism that I have immersed myself in for the last 2 years. I dont know.
 
Why does it seem that If I want to be a true follower, I HAVE TO CHANGE MY VERY BEING. Shouldn’t God just accept me for who I am? Its like trying to fit into a group of friends… I shouldnt change myself in order to fit in. True friends take you for who you are… but if you decide to truly follow God and live your life textbook Catholic, you have to make changes that may not fit your personality, or doing things that you are not comfortable with. I dont know… is this a lack of prayer? A lack of commitment? A lack of faith? Like it seems that I cant even enjoy my life… like I cant smoke, I cant party as much anymore, I cant swear, cant listen to rap music, I cant download stuff online, I cant flirt with the opposite sex, I cant express myself completely, and I cant be me because I want to be a follower. Theres too many restrictions on my existence. I always get comments like okay… be a Christian be live your life too… but how can I?
 
The very simple answer to why you cannot “play by your own rules” is because this is not your life, or your world, or your universe. It’s God’s.

Secondly, you are not going to find peace in your own will. If hedonism is the key to true happiness, then the world should have millions of truly happy people, visible at every street corner and on every TV show and magazine. Suffice it to say this is not the case.

You cannot serve two masters, it is either your will or His. The good news: His will is designed for your ultimate good and happiness. It is crafted by the most intelligent, benevolent and wise being in the universe.

Can you say the same for your will? 😉
 
i’m not saying hedonism… I’m saying just live a little… geeze. because I am also a human not a robot.
 
Talk to a scientifically-trained psychologist. They can help untangle your thoughts.
 
I am also a human, not a robot (and Catholic!).

I had fun last night at the social at the student center at the local church. I got to talk to a lot of good Catholics and I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. I left that night feeling pretty happy. I had fun, and I didn’t have to compromise my morals. In fact, I would say I enjoyed it more because I knew that no one was going to do anything crazy–for instance, no one was going to throw themselves off a bridge.

I think if you got the chance to make friends with good Catholics, who generally are looking out for you, you’re feelings of repression might fade.
 
Lilsheep88 said:
If I play by the rules and be a “good Christian” I will lose, and it will only bring more suffering for me. Its time that I take things in my own hands and act out of strategic interest, and place my self interest and survival before anything else… and if it means being an ***** to people, disregarding other people’s feelings, withholding information or be just being cold or heartless… or doing things that GOD DOESNT APPROVE. i dont care. I’m taking things and my destiny in my own hands… No more waiting around, no more vague ideas of hope or relying divine will… Its my life and its my control.

But everytime I do this… I feel guilty. Is there anything wrong with viewing life this way? Can doing things my way be reconciled with “God’s will”? Can we be good Catholics, while at the same time act on our own interest? do we have to play by the rules when others are not playing it? or it is more strategic not to play by the rules?? Especially what if prayers dont seem to be answered… is it a sin to start taking control and assert my own will rather than waiting around…? Since I’ve gone back to my faith, I truly felt that I have lost all sense of autonomy. I was a supreme realist back then… and I sort of still am… I like to view things black and white… And since I came to appreciate the faith I was brought up in, it wasnt what it was a year ago, when I can just do things when I wanted to… now I have to consider if its wrong or not, or if im hurting anyone, or if my actions are moral or immoral? WHYYYYYYYYY… Why cant I play by my rules.

Like if people are such pricks to me, I would have gladly returned the favour two fold… but now I CANT cuz I have to be a good catholic. Like honestly, I dont feel the immediate pay off of being a good Catholic. Sorry… I just feel so confused. Like all the time I spend in prayer, all the time I ask and beg for God for help… I feel that its all useless and if I werent such a weakling and took things in my own hands it would be much more effective. Whats the point of waiting around when I can take direct action NOW.

Like HONESLY… i think that the more I dig into my faith, the more brainwashed I am becoming. Sometimes I think this is all just mind play… what if its not a spirtual attack? WHAT IF ITS just my mind playing tricks on me…

Like I’m 23 and I should be living the life now… I shouldnt be micromanaging each and everyone of my actions like if its right or wrong because it is driving me crazy right now. LIKE HONESTLY… if everything is WRONG THEN i MIGHT AS WELL lock myself in my house because the world out there is FULL of bad influences. And yes., I AM SCARED to commit myself to God’s will because I am scared of uncertainty. Everything could be passed off as God’s will… like if you jump of the bridge it can still be considered God’s will…
Honestly, I am scared of uncertainity, maybe which is why I am scared to give myself completely to God’s will. HOW DO I TRUST GOD’S WILL IF THERES SO MUCH BAD things GOING ON IN THE WORLD… how do I know that If I completley submit to him that it would be something good for me. On the other hand, I can just take the world as I fInd it, live with the contingencies and base my actions of survival…

Please help me. I am sorry I am talking this way… I am really confused about my whole life right now and sometimes I have a feeling Its just me and I’m psycho. Maybe its a spirtual attack, maybe its a lack of faith or maybe its all this Machiavelli and realism that I have immersed myself in for the last 2 years. I dont know.
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"Christ Himself died on the cross, He wore a crown of thorns, which drops of blood; like a rose, he walked behind the cross; the forgiving beyond the measure of human forgiveness. he raised his eyes to heaven and pray, "

:’

He is Truth,

"when soldiers approaching , when shouts rose-Defend yourself! and laughters, then they stretched him face upward on the ground, to nail his hands to the arms of the cross, and raise him to the pillar. but he remained silent,

the lightinging-flash lighted the sky, the earth, the cross, the earth trembles!"

he is dead,

:’

“Will he rise from the dead?”

that he has risen from the dead

I understood then what the promise of resurrection signified.

" O Mild! O Merciful! he brings us salvation, and eternal life and happiness.

He is Truth,

:’

Lilsheep, let us in every thing look at God.
 
There’s a lot of questions to answer here, but all of them (unsurprisingly) lead back to the passion of the Lord Jesus Christ and his love for us. As such, how Father Vincent Serpa usually responds to these kind of posts is with a reflection on the passion.

Here’s a link that might help you to put this all into perspective:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=622604

May God’s grace go with you. 🙂
 
The problem here is your assumption that trying to do things your way is going to work out really well, even on a worldly level. We simply don’t have the power to make the best choices regarding…anything…no matter how “strategic” we are, without God.

Speaking of strategy, why are you concerned about which way of living is the most strategic? As in, what exactly is your aim, that you must develop a strategy to impel yourself towards It? Money? Popularity? Romance? Fame? I am just throwing ideas out, not assuming.

If your goal is heaven, the best strategy I know is practicing the catholic faith. If you have worldly goals, I’m sure there are lots of methods to get them, some effective and some not; some spiritually sound and some spiritually dangerous. But if you reach success in the eyes of the world, then what?

If your goal is self actualization or something along those lines, or fulfillment, again, the best strategy is practicing Catholicism. But bear in mind I mean becoming the self God made you to be, not the other one we all have with sins and imperfections. So yes, we do let God change our whole character; but the beauty is that He slowly removes all the stuff that wasn’t really “us” and brings us to who we are meant to be. Which incidentally will let you be way more “yourself” than ever before; so don’t worry about losing self expression.

I’ve given up lots of stuff I thought I could never, and I am getting the fulfillment now that I once believed those things would bring me.

I could tell you lots of stories about taking the reins and going for my way and how well that worked out, vs living for God and truth and sacrifices.

Basically, in the words of someone wise, “what you think is out there, ain’t out there.”. I know it isn’t, because I’ve looked.

But it is in Jesus, so, I highly recommend doing things His way.
And He totally accepts you for who you are now, and wants to help you grow and change into all He dreams of for you. But he accepts and loves you right now more than you can comprehend. 🙂
 
erine said:
So yes, we do let God change our whole character; but the beauty is that He slowly removes all the stuff that wasn’t really “us” and brings us to who we are meant to be. Which incidentally will let you be way more “yourself” than ever before; so don’t worry about losing self expression.
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I think the issue here is some people have already discerned (with guidance from the Faith no less) who they are meant to be. However, problems arise when that clashes with others who insist on imposing upon them… religious people included.

If you ask me, I’m just seeing a huge false dichotomy here. If being true to yourself is synonymous to being true to what God wants from you, then why should other people try to control you (yes, even the religious ones)?

For instance, what if I had finally discerned that the priesthood was NOT for me?

What if I had discerned that a life stuffed with novenas, liturgies, and vigils is more unhealthy than beneficial?

Shouldn’t I then be entitled to keep living that way and be right to admonish those who think they know better than what I have discerned?

Anyways, to the OP, Catholic morality may seem complicated but you don’t need to micromanage if you get the core idea of it all. Don’t let people with scruples or those elf-proclaimed 'spiritual folks dictate to you as if they were the Pope or the Magisterium. Just study the basics and you’re good.
 
Lost Wanderer,

Just saying my experience and what the bible says about dying to self, and trying to explain to lilsheep why I discovered it not to be a terrible thing. Some people think the concept sounds really scary, and that puts them off the whole church. So I like to explain why I have found it beneficial so far, lest they lose all the benefits of the church. As I said God made us to be ourselves and accepts us as we are right now. I’ve also found that if I let Him, he helps me grow in ways I never imagined. This doesn’t mean I give up myself or my dreams or passions. I actually feel much closer to my dreams and passions now, as I grow closer to Jesus through the church. And I don’t think you have to be a priest or do tons of novenas or anything. Those are just there if we feel drawn to them. Sorry if you had an experience of religious people forcing these on you. I do think it’s important to get lots of help with discernment, for sure, but it’s ultimately between you and God.
 
Hello.

Much has happened since I posted my initial post. Sorry, I wrote that under a state of panic. I guess what I am trying to say was… How does one die (or kill himself rather) and find life in Christ? Sure it is easier said than done… I’ve been told many times it will happen gradually, over much meditation and prayer… But this is easier said then done. I really do want to change my ways but I find it hard to turn over a new leaf and recreate for myself a brand new personality.

When you mean dying in Christ, does this mean letting go of old habits? old perceptions? old ways of doing things? and pretty much the charactheristics that make you you.? If that is the case, how come I find it incredibly hard to turn over a new leaf then?? I know deep in my heart that I want to change, I know I need to change… but I cant, because thats WHO I AM. I am scared to let go of who I am. Do you get what I am trying to say?? For instance, I love being confrontational and dominant and I cant seem to change that aspect of my personality. I love being in control and have an issue of people stepping on my pride… I want to hang on to many aspects of my old self and still be a follower of Christ (because I cannot imagine not being otherwise). Is this still possible? Or do I need to die completely and be completely "reborn"

What is it that I need to do to be reborn and be a new person? Do I need to stop being closed minded and be more open to ideas? Or do I need to go do a little more soul searching or something… **What is it that I have to do to embrace the doctrines and teachings of the Catholic church to stop complaining about it when I live it out?? Because everytime I try to be a “good” Catholic, I always have to complain and whine about it. ** I am embracing the idea now that to be a good Catholic means to be counter-culture, to not be the cool kid, to be the black sheep in the group, to abstain from many things and I know this is something that I need to do… but that doesnt mean I like it, you know what I mean? I keep telling myself that sometimes I wish faith were a pill, that it could just be something Ill take and itll change me in a snap.

So how does one go about dying in Christ? Does this just happen automatically?

Anyhoots I was able to pass by church today and I am feeling a little better. Thanks for your responses I feel much better now.
 
Lilsheep88 said:
For instance, I love being confrontational and dominant and I cant seem to change that aspect of my personality.
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So did St. Paul … he was the
confrontational and dominant type.
And he’s in heaven now.
Grace builds on nature.
How can you use your confrontational nature to serve God?

And you’re in good company, because he
struggled as you did. To quote him from the Bible:

“For that which I work, I understand not. For I do not that good which I will; but the evil which I hate, that I do.”
~~ Romans 7:15
Lilsheep88 said:
So how does one go about dying in Christ? Does this just happen automatically?
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Not automatically. But it can be done.
To quote Paul again:

"And I live, now not I; but Christ liveth in me. And that I live now in the flesh: I live in the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and delivered himself for me. "
~~ Galatians 2:20

:blessyou:
 
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