Taking the high road

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I’m weighing my options. I want to send a Facebook message telling someone from the past how I felt about something truly hurtful they did. I risk seeming completely crazy and starting drama but maybe I’ll finally get my closure.
The high road is to forget about it. It’s been over a year, the incident still makes me want to cry.
I’ve been fixated on this incident for awhile.
What is there to do?
I am seeking counseling but the wheels in my head keep turning
 
Jump4Joy said:
I’m weighing my options. I want to send a Facebook message telling someone from the past how I felt about something truly hurtful they did. I risk seeming completely crazy and starting drama but maybe I’ll finally get my closure.
The high road is to forget about it. It’s been over a year, the incident still makes me want to cry.
I’ve been fixated on this incident for awhile.
What is there to do?
I am seeking counseling but the wheels in my head keep turning
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Wait until you can run it by the professional in your life. Fixation is never good and it’s only going to stand to make you look unstable.
 
What are alternatives to fully put the lid on the box, bury the box and throw away the key?
 
Yup! Move on and don’t look back. The devil constantly tempts us to dredge up the past. Well, The past is dead and we shouldn’t spend precious time dwelling on it.
 
Don’t you think if it we’re so easy to move on? I would. I want tangible, practical ways to do so. I 100% agree that I should not look back and move on
 
If you do decide to do it, Facebook may not be the best way to do it.

You would be best doing it privately in a way that will not hurt the other person or any third party.

Based on your query, getting closure should not hurt another person. That is more like revenge than simple closure.
 
If you weighed in your own fault and it was “little to none” you should be at peace. Off course that can be real difficult - letting go, together with forgiving. [I say this because in the blame-game it’s a terrible trick to feel blame for what isn’t your blame (the moral dissection of any situation is always complex). (The psychological technique of “gas-lighting” is frequently associated with this.)]

Lets assume you were wronged and didn’t in turn wrong the other person.

Here comes a “big catch”: How to stop loving if we are supposed to love? Or better, how to love while stopping to feel? Better still, how to get a grip on your feelings while keeping with sound charity (love)?

Well, lets be pragmatic: It won’t change anything. [And it’s usually said: you’ll be giving a big satisfaction to the one who wronged you.] Still pragmatic: is realistically any peace to be gained from talking to them - are they even able to recognize reason or use reason?

Closure is to be found elsewhere. And it probably won’t be easy. That person holds a debt towards you, forgive that debt and any restitution. [Any understanding may simply not be possible.]

If your wound is deep, let’s assume that person caused you real harm and injure and serious loss. Because that gravity of the “good you were deprived of” would justify not being able to let go. Then you might be in a really “hard spot” between a rock and a hard place. Needing to re-equate how you go about “that good” in itself.

A very complete (and quite complex) overview&buildup is given in the following video. Yet, what you may be necessitating is something else. There is no way to know from the content of the OP.

 
Just remember what happened. It is not my strong suit to move on easily or quickly regardless.
 
Jump4Joy said:
It is not my strong suit to move on easily or quickly regardless.
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This is quite determined by personality, some persons have a harder time in letting go. Not necessarily wrong, it depends.

The key word, applied to the OP, might be “Rumination”. But when this happens, normally, there are very complex underlying reasons. And not being able to let go is a terrible thing.
 
Forgive. It might be hurtful and you are resentful. You cannot forget the hurt that they did to you. Forgive. Let it go. Start anew.

God bless you.
 
Understood. Back to your first question - I would avoid Facebook entirely. There is simply too much chance of it becoming something more than between you and this individual (and yes, I understand you said FB Message).

I don’t know if you could get some face-time with someone like a counselor at Catholic Family Services and if you do not have that or something very similar, then possibly Lutheran Family Services. although they are usually aimed at family issues (such as divorce), they might be a good resource.

And if that is not available or they don’t cover your issue, check your insurance coverage and make an appointment with a psychologist. No, you are not crazy! But they are skilled at assisting people who are locked into a pattern of thought, hurt, and “ruminating” and can help you obtain the skills to deal with the issue.

Remember we are called to love one another. It says “love”, not “like”. Love is not an emotion; it is a choice. Liking is an emotional attachement or reaction. And if you have been hammered somehow, it can take quite a bit of effort and some skill to let it go and move on.

Coming to terms and to peace on the matter is not either simple or quick for most people. There are means of dealing with such issues, and eventually obtaining peace of mind and heart. That does not mean that it won’t be entirely gone; things can trigger old memories of it. But over time, with the necessary skills, it won’t linger and will not cause the pain it once did.

I urge you to find someone who can assist you in coming to terms with the matter.
 
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Jump4Joy said:
I struggle with ruminating.
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The video I indicated will indicate a good “road-map” and keep your meditation busy in the meanwhile. That way you’ll be conducting a productive analyses towards whatever will follow instead of ruminating. If it was “romantic” in nature the master text is “Love and Responsibility” by Karol Wojtyla (regarding the good itself). And this is, indeed, the master text.
 
I don’t know how to forgive. I think I’ll write that goodbye letter to myself. Anytime that temptation to dwell comes or to interact, I’ll just write myself the letter
 
Yes, that can be one of the ways. You did well because forginess is a decision. It is not easy, our human nature usually does not want to let go. But God asks us to forgive, therefore He can help us, if we are at our wit end and turn to Him for help.

In our early days during forgiveness sessions, we were asked to write those things/people we need to forgive in our lives. The letters were collected and offered up in a mass in a symbolism (later to be burned) as we pray for the strength to forgive.

Forgiveness is more to ourselves as it is for the person we forgive because in forgiving we are set free from its enslavery and sin.

God bless.
 
I’m still tempted to write that letter. Maybe I’ll ask my friends for advice.
 
Wait for the counseling and speak to them. They’ll be able to advise you better than we ever can on how to move forward.
 
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