Talk me down from being an irresponsible selfish idiot?

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Rob_s_Wife

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My dh is going to Sweden on a business trip in either June or mostly likely July, for probably 1 week, maybe 2.
Before he goes he will be laid off of his job of 13 years with a severance pkg. equal to approx 4 months of current pay, which is currently low enough to qualify us for food stamps.
the plan is to spend that severance on paying off everything except the mortgage and then using what little is left on other minor needs. (all major needs and all debt except the van were taken care of with our tax refund)
but…
**i. don’t. wanna. **
Just once I don’t want to be smart and responsible!
I wanna take myself and my kids to see Sweden with their pa!
I wanna throw caution to the wind and give my kids a once in a life time trip to remember!
I wanna see the world!
I want to see the mountains Heidi was written for!**
I want to be a totally irresponsible selfish idiot.
can anyone understand?
travel is probably the ONLY regret I have about having a large family. It’s not enough of a regret to make me regret having the kids, but my one dream that has never changed/died has been to travel. Not even europe specificly neccessarily, just anywhere the wander lust took me, kwim?
It’s the only thing that stinks about being the SAHM.
I sit at home doing what I do (and honestly not wanting to change it!) while dh goes places. Even when it’s somewhere I wouldn’t even want to go, I’m so jealous of his travels. And it’s not because I want to get away from the kids. I actually like traveling with the kids, I just can’t afford to do it much.
So… I’m wasting energy surfing the net for the best airline tickets for a family of 11 (YIKES!) , knowing that even if I find the best of deals in within his severance range is still a stupid waste of money better spent on more important needs for our future and thus I feel like a selfish, irresponsible idiot for even contemplating this nutty idea.
And yet… I want to take my kids to Sweden!
so talk me down …
 
I totally understand the desire to go. I have been dying to go to Europe my whole life, and I have never been.

However, ARE YOU NUTS? A family of 11 going to Europe when their sole provider has no job? Not smart at all, and you know it. I know it is boring to always be sensible, but do not let having 4 months pay in one place burn a hole in your pocket. It’s going to be more difficult than ever to get a job after being laid off now. You really need to be practical with your severance package.

I know you already know this, but thought I’d say it anyhow. Go ahead and surf the net, study what there is to do there, and give your husband some suggestions of things he might like to do. He can also bring you back all kinds of interesting things. I think now the wise thing to do would be to live vicariously through him.
 
Oh, and I went to the LA Times Travel & Adventure Show a couple of weekends ago and picked up a million travel brochures for places I will probably not see anytime soon since I am a single mom of 4.

I guess I make up for it by being a tourist in my own backyard. I am always taking the kids to museums, hikes, local attractions…It amazes me that people who live in a given area don’t do all that their city has to offer.
 
Oh dear, Sweden sounds wonderful…

Once in a lifetime opportunity and all that…

Oh my, I don’t know if I would be able to resist the temptation in your shoes.

I guess going without the kids isn’t an option huh?

Sorry, I guess I am not much help. I would rather travel than anything :o
 
well yes i’m nuts…
**one can’t stay entirely sane raising 9 children can they;) **
and I never want to see another dadblum cowboy, indian, prairie, or oil boom topic for the rest of my life - just about the only things my state is known for and I’ve lived here my entire life.
but hey…
I’m trying to be sane. I’m trying to talk myself into being content with not going…
**failing miserably, but still trying…😊 **
 
Think of Heaven, and how it is much better than anything on this Earth.
 
mommamia said:
Oh dear, Sweden sounds wonderful…

Once in a lifetime opportunity and all that…

Oh my, I don’t know if I would be able to resist the temptation in your shoes.

I guess going without the kids isn’t an option huh?

Sorry, I guess I am not much help. I would rather travel than anything :o
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I’m not much help either. It would be hard to keep me home.

This is an opportunity that won’t come along again.
 
Hello there–I don’t blame you and you are not being selfish. It’s natural to want to visit other places of the world.

I think it would be fine if your husband had something else lined up after this job…soooo…start sending resumes for him during the day, all it takes is a few resumes sent every day to get things going, and hopefully, he will be interviewing soon…are you sure he is going to be losing his job? I ask because that is so bizarre that a company would pay so much money for an overseas trip, and then lay someone off…but nothing makes sense in today’s economy! :o So…if he can find a new career before the business trip…then, I don’t see why you couldn’t go? Does that sound reasonable?

Maybe I live in a dream world…I dunno.:heaven:
 
Unfortunately, in the current economic climate it would be extremely unwise to do this. You aren’t selfish, but you shouldn’t take your children on this trip. You should pay off your bills and pray for a new job for your husband.

Blessings to your family.
 
That’s weird they’re sending him after he’s laid off?

Ask your husband to go for it and ask his (ex)employer to foot the bill for the whole family. YOU NEVER KNOW!

Other than that - yeah, there will be other chances. Not when they are little, mind you, but probably when they are adults you’ll be able to travel with them while they are paying their own way. Or at least some of them. Before they have kids and can’t go.

OR

at least when they are teenagers and can help save with part time jobs if that’s in your plans for them.

Here’s another reason not to go right now: the little ones won’t remember it. I don’t remember the ages of the youngest few of your kids, but anyone under 5 or 6 probably will not remember the trip.

I’d say just keep that dream going for a little longer.
 
oh not being clear…
dh is absolutely being laid off in June
the trip is being paid for by another company and will hopefully result in a new job.
obviously said company is not going to pay for all of us
and said possible future job will not be in sweden, but in the states. dh might occassionally travel for short periods (usually no more than a couple weeks and mostly only 1 week) depends where the company gets contracts for him.
 
Rob_s_Wife said:
oh not being clear…
dh is absolutely being laid off in June
the trip is being paid for by another company and will hopefully result in a new job.
obviously said company is not going to pay for all of us
and said possible future job will not be in sweden, but in the states. dh might occassionally travel for short periods (usually no more than a couple weeks and mostly only 1 week) depends where the company gets contracts for him.
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Hmmm…I don’t know. I think it’s too risky I suppose, not knowing for sure, the status of dh’s career future…you know? I think that while it sounds exciting now, it will be fleeting…and when the dust settles…and all you have are photos of the trip…but piles of bills with less money to pay them, you might wish you hadn’t gone. I used to be a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of woman, but as a wife and mom…it seems that I always try to be cautious first. I was thinking if he had a definite job after the trip, it could be doable…you wouldn’t have to stress at the possibility of not having anything for him to turn to. I think it’s incredibly awesome that you have nine kids…my husband is one of nine kids, and it’s really beautiful that you have a large family. God bless. Not sure if I helped any? 😃
 
Is there anyplace that is, say, an 8 hour drive from your house that you could slightly splurge on?
 
Rob’s Wife,

How about going on the trip by yourself with your husband…a sort of second honeymoon??? I highly recommend it, I know it would be heartbreaking to leave the children, but it sounds to me that you are long overdue for a break and this is something that you dearly, and clearly, long for.

The hotel is already taken care of, all you need to do is pay for your airfare…even if you have to take another flight, separate from your hubby…it’s okay, at least you’re still going to be there together. Take time for yourself, while he is conducting business, take walks, treat yourself to some window shopping, visit museums, etc. This will do wonders for your spirit and you’ll remember it fondly when you’re faced with challenges such as your husband’s lack of employment (BTW: pray to St. Joseph the Worker, he has made many miracles for me and friends throughout the years, in terms of employment opportunities…)

I have traveled extensively with my husband, we have been fortunate enough to take the children through miles he’s earned, etc. While it is very nice to have the kids’ along, being together and alone does wonders for a marriage. So, again, I encourage you to take that trip. Find a dear friend/relative who would be willing to move in your home while you’re away or farm the children out to various friends, etc.

My neighbor travels a lot with her husband and she always has each one of her three children stay with friends/neighbors and it works out really well.

I’m sure your children will be anxiously anticipating whatever trinkets they know you’ll be bringing home to them… 🙂

Good luck and let us know what you decide…

GerlyOne
 
Rob_s_Wife said:
My dh is going to Sweden on a business trip in either June or mostly likely July, for probably 1 week, maybe 2.
Before he goes he will be laid off of his job of 13 years with a severance pkg. equal to approx 4 months of current pay, which is currently low enough to qualify us for food stamps.
the plan is to spend that severance on paying off everything except the mortgage and then using what little is left on other minor needs. (all major needs and all debt except the van were taken care of with our tax refund)
but…
**i. don’t. wanna. **
Just once I don’t want to be smart and responsible!
I wanna take myself and my kids to see Sweden with their pa!
I wanna throw caution to the wind and give my kids a once in a life time trip to remember!
I wanna see the world!
I want to see the mountains Heidi** was written for!
I want to be a totally irresponsible selfish idiot.
can anyone understand?
travel is probably the ONLY regret I have about having a large family. It’s not enough of a regret to make me regret having the kids, but my one dream that has never changed/died has been to travel. Not even europe specificly neccessarily, just anywhere the wander lust took me, kwim?
It’s the only thing that stinks about being the SAHM.
I sit at home doing what I do (and honestly not wanting to change it!) while dh goes places. Even when it’s somewhere I wouldn’t even want to go, I’m so jealous of his travels. And it’s not because I want to get away from the kids. I actually like traveling with the kids, I just can’t afford to do it much.
So… I’m wasting energy surfing the net for the best airline tickets for a family of 11 (YIKES!) , knowing that even if I find the best of deals in within his severance range is still a stupid waste of money better spent on more important needs for our future and thus I feel like a selfish, irresponsible idiot for even contemplating this nutty idea.
And yet… I want to take my kids to Sweden!
so talk me down …
Click to expand...
It is not wrong to want to go, but it would be wrong to go. God expects us to be financially responsible for ourselves to the extent we can be. I know you already know this though. All the hidden expenses, like passports for your family, would be extremely expensive. This doesnt mean you cant travel ever, but it means you should not travel until you can afford it.

Even if you did decide to go, you wouldn`t enjoy the trip knowing it was something you could not afford. And not only would you not enjoy it, which is a waste of money, you would be out of all that money as well!

I have found that whenever I spend money I don`t have, bad things (usually expensive things!) tend to happen. Like an unexpected car repair. But when I do my best to manage what I have been blessed with, God finds a way to provide what I need.

Even if all you can afford to put away is five dollars a month, start a vacation savings fund. And take this vacation when you can truly enjoy it! It is okay to dream. But it doesn`t mean you need to implement that dream right now!

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
Rob_s_Wife said:
My dh is going to Sweden on a business trip in either June or mostly likely July, for probably 1 week, maybe 2.
Before he goes he will be laid off of his job of 13 years with a severance pkg. equal to approx 4 months of current pay, which is currently low enough to qualify us for food stamps.
the plan is to spend that severance on paying off everything except the mortgage and then using what little is left on other minor needs. (all major needs and all debt except the van were taken care of with our tax refund)
but…
**i. don’t. wanna. **
Just once I don’t want to be smart and responsible!
I wanna take myself and my kids to see Sweden with their pa!
I wanna throw caution to the wind and give my kids a once in a life time trip to remember!
I wanna see the world!
I want to see the mountains Heidi** was written for!
I want to be a totally irresponsible selfish idiot.
can anyone understand?
travel is probably the ONLY regret I have about having a large family. It’s not enough of a regret to make me regret having the kids, but my one dream that has never changed/died has been to travel. Not even europe specificly neccessarily, just anywhere the wander lust took me, kwim?
It’s the only thing that stinks about being the SAHM.
I sit at home doing what I do (and honestly not wanting to change it!) while dh goes places. Even when it’s somewhere I wouldn’t even want to go, I’m so jealous of his travels. And it’s not because I want to get away from the kids. I actually like traveling with the kids, I just can’t afford to do it much.
So… I’m wasting energy surfing the net for the best airline tickets for a family of 11 (YIKES!) , knowing that even if I find the best of deals in within his severance range is still a stupid waste of money better spent on more important needs for our future and thus I feel like a selfish, irresponsible idiot for even contemplating this nutty idea.
And yet… I want to take my kids to Sweden!
so talk me down …
Click to expand...
Pray about this and if God gives you that “peace that passes all understanding” and you get confirmations then go. If not, don’t.
Blessings to you in whatever He has for you,
mlz
 
I agree with Gerly One…take the trip with ur husband as a second honeymoon…the kids will probably love the ‘break’ from mom and dad…lol…and I think it would lift both you and ur husband’s spirits during this time!..take lots of pics, and as Gerly One said, bring back lots of trinkets for the kids…I really hope u get to do this!!..Good luck!!!
 
Worldliness is not Godliness.
ref:John 1:10, John 3:17, John 11:9, John 15:19, Jude 1:19, Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 7:10, Titus 2:12, Ephesians 6:12, 2 Peter 2:5, Isaiah 13:11, Matthew 13:38, James 1:27, Colossians 2:8, 2 Corinthians 10:3, Galatians 3:22, 1 Corinthians 7:33, John 3:19.

Seek God First;Deuteronomy 4:29, Psalm 14:2, 1 Chronicles 22:19, Hebrews 11:6, Matthew 6:33, Psalm 69:32
 
I would do it. I have only five children right now, but I would GO! Sensibility in finances is overrated. 😉
 
I’m going to pray that:
  1. God will give you His Heart for this matter, whatever that is.
  2. St. Joseph will intercede for you to make this trip not only achieveable but abundantly luxurious.
  3. If God doesn’t want you to have this blessing, that He consoles you with another.
I had an opportunity to go to on a pilgrimage to Europe 10 years ago that didn’t work out. I was so disappointed, but then I found out I was expecting our fourth baby!! Just a few weeks before we conceived my dh who had been adamant that we were “done,” had had a sudden change of heart.

I like my new present better than the one I asked for.

I still hope you get to go, though. 🙂
 
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