Talk to priest?

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Monica37

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I have a question, how often do you meet with your priest to discuss personal matters? I have no one to discuss a nagging issue with because of the nature of the issue. It has been confessed, but it is a deeper issue of sin and has become difficult to recieve Communion. On the other hand, I don’t want to bother a busy priest with my “junk”. I really trust his opinion and advice. I have met with him once before, so this would be the second time in like 2 years. How do they generally feel about people kind of dumping stuff on them like that? I feel I need to go more in depth than what would be appropriate for the confessional.

Would particularly like to hear from any priests on this.

Thanks
 
Pray and seek a spritual director, who is not a counselor. Your diocese should have a list of spiritual directors who have been trained for. They are both lay persons, priests, religious brothers and sisters. I have one spiritual director who is a priest and I meet him once a month. He is super busy but makes our meeting possible. When one feels comfortable with a particular spiritual director, s/he can share deep thoughts/struggling, and this is very beneficial to himself in growing.
 
I would recommend that you seek out the answers from good Catholic books on the topic at hand. If it is something that personal, and you are in doubt, don’t talk to the priest.
I’ve been taught to only bring up sins in the confessional. Perhaps seek out a Catholic
therapist if it really bothers you.
 
Any priest would welcome the chance to talk to you about this. You can just call the rectory and ask to set up a meeting time. If it’s really bugging you, then just go and walk to the rectory and ask to speak with a priest. Remember, that’s their job.
 
Go to the rectory, call the rectory? That is where they live. I wouldn’t disturb them there, they may get angry.
 
How often do I meet with my pastor to discuss spiritual matters? The answer is: it depends. During difficult times, maybe several times in six months. Most of the time, not once in several years. And you want to meet yours for the second time in two years? Gosh, you are just eating up his time.

I don’t mean to be flippant about using a pastor’s time, but the priests I know consider being asked privately for spiritual guidance to be a major part of what they do. They aren’t counsellors or therapists, but they are usually happy to be one of the people you talk to about whether you might be helped by seeing one. They might not have time to become your spiritual director, but they can help you figure out how to find one. By profession, they help you navigate difficulties you have with the sacraments and joining in the life of the Church, too.

Besides, they know that sometimes all you need to hear is that struggling with sin is what everybody who bothers to tend to their spiritual life at all has to cope with. You may just need an expert on sin to tell you that mastery over sin is an on-going work, as much as to be expected as weeding is to be expected as a part of gardening, and that just because you find it tedious and exhausting does not mean that you’re doing it wrong.

When they see that what they have to offer has released the tension out of your shoulders and allowed the smile to come back to your face, believe me, the time is well worth it to them.

But yes: make an appointment, be willing to take his advice seriously, and don’t expect him to be your regular spiritual director unless you have a formal arrangement with him to that effect.
 
I agree with EasterJoy! There was a time in my life that I met with a wonderful Jesuit priest, every week, under obedience to him. I was dealing with a difficult situation, and he really helped me through it! He would give me very good counsel and spiritual direction and then hear my confession. Weekly confession is very good when you are dealing with difficult times in your life!
I realize that in most parishes there may not be enough priests that they (or rather in many cases, he) can offer you weekly meetings, but 2 years! That is far from overusing his time!

God Bless you!
To Jesus, though Mary!
 
Monica37 said:
I have a question, how often do you meet with your priest to discuss personal matters?
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I would suggest you call your priest and make an appointment. If he thinks you’re coming to him too often he’ll let you know. If he thinks that rather than an occasional meeting with him you need either a therapist or a spiritual director he can give you referrals for that as well.
 
Our Pastor waned us during a homily one time of calling in the middle of the night, and said “Don’t you dare call me in the middle of the night…” Another time a homeless parishioner knocked on the door of the rectory because she was cold. The priest slammed the door in her face, then braggged about it in a homily. Maybe I’m shell shocked but I haven’t exprerienced that paternal bond- ever, and I’m a cradle Catholic. Nope, in my experience priests are scary and mean. Especially in the confessional.
 
cknick said:
Our Pastor waned us during a homily one time of calling in the middle of the night, and said “Don’t you dare call me in the middle of the night…” Another time a homeless parishioner knocked on the door of the rectory because she was cold. The priest slammed the door in her face, then braggged about it in a homily. Maybe I’m shell shocked but I haven’t exprerienced that paternal bond- ever, and I’m a cradle Catholic. Nope, in my experience priests are scary and mean. Especially in the confessional.
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How very sad.

When I think about the people who have influenced my spiritual life and helped me move into a deeper relationship with God, many of those people are priests. I’ve had priests who have encouraged me, who have supported me through problems, and who have helped me see where God might be calling me. I can’t imagine calling on my pastor during a time of need and being brushed off…or my last pastor, or the one before that, or the one before that.

I’m sure there are bad priests out there but I guess they’re not in my archdiocese.
 
I would be happy to give you advice otherwise, however, there have been many times i have poured my heart out to a priest or religious, only to be met with rudeness, correction, rejection, or argument. As a result, when i have issues, i go to select lay ministers. I’m always met with warmth, patience and love. I’m careful now about confession, too.

I hope you find the help that you need, from a caring, compassionate minister–whether it be lay, consecrated, or ordained…
 
cknick said:
Our Pastor waned us during a homily one time of calling in the middle of the night, and said “Don’t you dare call me in the middle of the night…” Another time a homeless parishioner knocked on the door of the rectory because she was cold. The priest slammed the door in her face, then braggged about it in a homily. Maybe I’m shell shocked but I haven’t exprerienced that paternal bond- ever, and I’m a cradle Catholic. Nope, in my experience priests are scary and mean. Especially in the confessional.
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There are some cranky (and worse) priests out there, but they are the minority in my experience. I’m sorry that yours is otherwise.

The incident with the homeless woman is shocking. A priest can’t meet every need, but not being able to meet a need is no excuse for any Christian to totally abandon compassion.

The OP, however, is in the fortunate position of having a pastor that she has learned she can trust. (Incidentally, she might consider making her confession by appointment, letting her pastor know that she anticipates needing more time and a more in-depth discussion than other penitents at his regularly scheduled time should be expected to endure.)
 
cknick said:
Go to the rectory, call the rectory? That is where they live. I wouldn’t disturb them there, they may get angry.
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Well, our rectory isn’t where the priest lives, although visiting priests do, and all the offices are there. It’s the only place TO call or go to.

Neither my pastor not the priests in residence would ever slam the door, that’s for sure. Now, sometimes no one is there (like when, say, someone [ahem] is supposed to be “church sitting” on Saturday so the church can remain unlocked but there’s no one to let her in… :D)

I would definitely not think talking this infrequently to your priest should be a problem, but a spiritual director and/or therapist sounds like a good idea if it’s ongoing.
 
I’d say it depends upon the nature of the issue, and the personality of the priest. Everyone has different gifts, even priests. You can always give him the option, that is ask him if he thinks you should discuss this with him or if he feels that you’d be better off at your dioceses’ pastoral counseling center, or even if he has someone else he can recommend.

We tend to hear more about the cranky priests, but so many of them are not like that. A woman at work had been lapsed since the 60’s and she said one day out of nowhere she found herself sitting in her car in a church parking lot in the middle of the afternoon, crying her eyes out. A priest walking by came to the car, knocked on the window, and brought her to his office and gave her a glass of water and some kleenex and a mission rosary.
 
Wow…what a beautiful priest…

Our Pastor said that his favorite part of his job is when people cry…
 
Monica37 said:
I have a question, how often do you meet with your priest to discuss personal matters? I have no one to discuss a nagging issue with because of the nature of the issue. It has been confessed, but it is a deeper issue of sin and has become difficult to recieve Communion. On the other hand, I don’t want to bother a busy priest with my “junk”. I really trust his opinion and advice. I have met with him once before, so this would be the second time in like 2 years. How do they generally feel about people kind of dumping stuff on them like that? I feel I need to go more in depth than what would be appropriate for the confessional.

Would particularly like to hear from any priests on this.

Thanks
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I doubt if in 60 years I have talked to a priest about personal problems, outside the confessional, except under spiritual direction. I did visit a priest on campus who happened also to be a counsellor and qualified to deal with non-confessional, non-spiritual issues I was facing at that time, but I would not ordinarily expect my parish priest to help with issues outside the pastoral care area. I ordinarily would see a doctor for medical issues, a qualified therapist for family or psychological issues, and see my priest for spiritual or sacramental issues. If the issue has spiritual or pastoral ramifications, yes I might ask for an appointment to discuss it, but not button-hole him after Mass or use the confessional as a forum.
 
cknick said:
Go to the rectory, call the rectory? That is where they live. I wouldn’t disturb them there, they may get angry.
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they would never get angry, but the proper way to set up an appointment is usually to call the office and ask to speak to them for that purpose. You say, if a secretary answers, I would like to make an appointment with Father to discuss a pastoral issue. No need to give any detail whatever. look in the bulletin and see what contact information is there, might even have his pager, cell or email address.

I must belong to a different church than cnick because I have never had that experience or heard of such a thing
 
Wow, thanks for all your replies. I just wanted to clarify that the underlying issue is not what I would expect him to “fix”, just talk to me about how the issue has affected my spiritual life, specifically Communion (help to see if I’m thinking the right way on that).

I think I will ask him, he has offered to take time before with other matters though I have not yet taken him up on that. I’m really private so even asking is really difficult. Hence asking a bunch of strangers on an anonymous message board before making the commitment to ask my priest :o!

Anyway, thanks again
 
I need to talk to a Priest. I am a University of Phoenix student doing a paper on this religion for my Humanities class.
A part of this paper is to interview a Priest. Could someone please help me?
 
Contact your closest Catholic parish and ask to speak to a priest. If you don’t know where your closest parish is, try masstimes.org – you can put n a city or zip code.
 
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