Talking About Touching, again!

[Moms3Angels]

I would still caution against approving of any program without fully anaylzing it’s content and reading the pros and cons. AND, if you are lucky, your school will stick to the materials and not add other materials behind your back, without your knowledge.

On the topic of poor parenting, recently in NH a group of students from the public school attending an outside program through the YMCA, took a field trip to an abortion clinic. The parents gave persmission for their children to go on the field trip, but were not aware they would be visiting Planned Parenthood, an abortion clinic. I suppose the adults who made this brilliant decision felt that parents simply weren’t doing their job and wanted to make sure these kids knew right where to go for birth control and abortions. That is some of the current mindset you will find primarily in public schools, but unfortunately in some Catholic schools too. At what point do you say, enough is enough. AT what point do you say, I will make those decisions for my children.

Knowledge of any topic is no guarantee that the action will not be taken. In fact, some kids have admitted by attending programs like D.A.R.E. actually peeked their interest in drugs. Something I’m sure many adults never considered.

Children need to know as much as possible to keep them safe, but there are no guarantees. The parent/child relationship should be supported and never undermined. If this program is really about helping parents/students, than the Parish should be going directly to the parents and instructing them on how to talk to their children, IF they haven’t already done so.

When you introduce a stranger into the mix. When you ask a stranger to speak about the most intimate topics with your children, are you not telling them it’s ok that others can freely talk about sex with your kids? If someone brings up the topic of sex with my children, they will feel VERY uncomfortable. That feeling of uncomfortableness is IMPORTANT. It’s important because it’s a red flag to them that something isn’t right. But if you put them in a classroom and tell them they have to sit there and be uncomfortable, what you’ve done is basically tell them to supress those feelings of discomfort. That it’s ok that strangers talk to them about sex. That it’s ok to feel uncomfortable.

My children will recognize that as something WRONG. This way if they go to a friend’s house and their friend’s father decides to bring up sex for inappropriate reasons, they will know that it is wrong and that father is NOT supposed to be discussing that subject with them. If I allow anyone to bring up this subject with my kids, am I not telling them that it’s ok to be uncomfortable in a situation where sex is involved? It’s ok for all kinds of people to discuss sex with them? Sounds like a mixed message to me.

I think there are many consequences to consider when allowing numerous instructors to discuss sex with your child. This should only be done when a child is in a “risk” situation, or when the parent does not have the resources to do it themselves.

By accepting these progams in the classroom, it takes the burden off of those responsible for the scandal in the first place.

 

[iamrefreshed]

You have many valid points moms3.

I also think you have seen many abuses of programs that were meant to be beneficial. What did the parents of the children brought to Planned Parenthood do about it? I cannot imagine a school doing something like that without permission. Where did they say they were going on a field trip to?

I am very sorry to say that many parents do not teach their children about sex abuse or worse yet are the abusers. Are you aware that 1 in 3 women were sexually abused in their lifetime? And 1 in 6 boys?

Someone is not doing their job as parents. I believe society has a responsibility to those who do not have loving parents like you.

 

[Firefox]

This happened to my old elementary school. I’m going to give facts. The computer teacher last year was accused of touching a third grade girl. He admitted to it on local TV. That was thrown out, because he asked for a lawyer, somewhat dancing around it, and he never got one… anyway.

This girl talked to her best friend, then she went to her mother. That got parents asking their kids, and then there were many kids who came forward. It’s believed the girl told someone because the school, for the past few years, put the students through the Safe Touch program.

This indirect chain from him telling his buddy, to an attorney, got evidence in another way. So, he settled. Ty Topper…

Did I mention this was St. Mary’s Catholic School in Albany, Oregon? And that my brothers were friends with Topper’s kids? They are fine, it never happened to them.

 

[Sarabande]

I am very sorry to say that many parents do not teach their children about sex abuse or worse yet are the abusers. Are you aware that 1 in 3 women were sexually abused in their lifetime? And 1 in 6 boys?

Someone is not doing their job as parents. I believe society has a responsibility to those who do not have loving parents like you.

I think that many of the parents of abused children are actually good parents - I know mine were and were very protective of me and my siblings. They never allowed us to be alone with men not related to us. They were doing their jobs as parents, but little did they know that they had a pervert in the family. I think the problem is that more often than not, the abusers tend to be family members or trusted family friends. No one would ever believe that anything like that could happen to their children if they are already taking precautions to protect their children. I was 5. That is a hard age to want to talk about sex or inappropriate touching. Perhaps something should have been said, but in the 80s, things like that weren’t known to be so prevalent, nor did it seem like something to discuss since I was usually babysat by family.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I first believe that it would be ideal for the parents to speak with their children one on one, rather than get it from others. But, after reading more and thinking about it, sometimes society does need to do something to protect those children who don’t have anyone in their family to protect them. I still think I was too young to talk to and thankfully, I had enough sense and I believe God/my guardian angel protecting me and telling me to never allow something like that to happen to me again. Then again, I also had very loving parents who probably gave me that confidence and feeling, yet I still felt embarrassed and ashamed of it for years and never told anyone. Some children don’t have the kind of parents that I have. I can’t imagine how much harder it was and is for them.

I think about a woman my husband knew in college who was continually raped by her father from the time she was a little girl. He had even impregnated her at one point, which tragically ended in an abortion. I wonder if she had any support or program while she was a child to let her know that what her father was doing to her was evil and wrong and if would she have spoken up. Would she have sought help sooner? When she eventually spoke up in college, her family abandoned her, because the revelation brought about shame on the family. She had no support.

I agree with Moms3Angels that there should be serious review of the programs offered at these schools and parishes and if something does not fit within the beliefs of the parents, then they should be able to choose to not allow their child to witness the program. But we should have something for those children who do not have the love and support of their family or those whose entire families were victimized either physically or emotionally/mentally by a trusted family member or friend. Those loving parents may need to have a program to be able to spot warning signs in their children. I wonder how many loving parents are unknowing victims with their children being abused right under their noses by other people they also love.

I’m really tired, so I hope I’m sounding coherant. Good night.