Talking before, during and after Mass

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chezel1984

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I’m looking for some advice on best to approach this. Everyday, more so on a Sunday, some people in my parish insist on talking (loudly sometimes) before during and after Mass. It can be very distracting as I’m usually praying at these times. I’ve asked God to help me conquer the distractions but it’s so difficult as some people are louder than others. I love spending time kneeling and praying looking at the Tabernacle before and after Mass.

Once, I tried to pray the Rosary before Mass but the noise levels were so loud that I just couldn’t concentrate. Does anyone have any advice on this please? I’m getting to my wits end with it.

God bless!!
 
I have to tell you, it bugs me too. It’s a struggle for me, for sure.

Have you considered maybe saying something to your pastor, particularly about the talking during mass? Perhaps he can give a reminder or something can be printed in the church bulletin?
 
Try ear plugs, or ear buds with some meditative music. Just remove them when the mass actually begins. The days when church was a place of solemnity and silence are long gone (I know someone will say, not in my church) but in most it just isn’t part of the culture.

In my church they quiet down when the bells announcing mass sound. Prior to that its a giant meet and greet. I say my rosaries in the morning, on the drive home, and try to get one in as I fall asleep (sleep often wins…)

I have been noticing that parents of cranky kids are NOT taking advantage of the clearly marked cry room. Our priest has pointed the room out, but parents aren’t taking the hint.
 
Talking during Mass is definitely not on, and quite shocking.

Does it happen every week, OP? Is it at the Sign of Peace, though?
 
You have these options:
  1. Tell the people around you to please keep quiet and accept the potential consequences of pushback and dirty looks.
  2. Speak to your pastor and ask him to make a parish wide announcement. Again, he might refrain from doing so.
  3. Deal with it and accept people are not going to change.
  4. Find another place to worship
  5. This would be considered by many people “a first world problem” – when Catholics and Christians are being persecuted and killed in other parts of the world, putting up with some noise may not be such a bad problem to have.
 
coachdennis said:
You have these options:
  1. Tell the people around you to please keep quiet and accept the potential consequences of pushback and dirty looks.
  2. Speak to your pastor and ask him to make a parish wide announcement. Again, he might refrain from doing so.
  3. Deal with it and accept people are not going to change.
  4. Find another place to worship
  5. This would be considered by many people “a first world problem” – when Catholics and Christians are being persecuted and killed in other parts of the world, putting up with some noise may not be such a bad problem to have.
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This^^.
Also, being a parish employee, I have tried very hard over the years to get people to not slam the kneelers up.
You wouldn’t kick the furniture in a friend’s house, but in God’s house, it’s fine to slam and bang them at the most solemn parts of the Mass. I started by having the catechists instruct the children (all ages) on Mass Etiquette: Do’s and Don’ts.
Didn’t work. They have apparently no influence on their parents, who are the worst offenders.
Tried putting it in the bulletin. Twice. Doesn’t work. :nope:

No wonder Americans are thought of as barbarians in many places.
It appears we are. 😊

Pray hard. We American Catholics need it. God bless you.
 
Lol, I consider myself as someone who has a high tolerance for noise while praying- I have five boys after all- but this last Sunday there was a mother behind me who talked at full volume to her daughter the entire mass. I couldn’t hear the priest. She wasn’t correcting her or explaining anything about the mass, she was just blabbing away as if she was at the park or a restaurant. I had to pull a St.Therese and think of things to praise her to God with- such as, “It’s good she’s here at mass”, “It’s good her two year old is here as well”, etc., etc. Our priest has already spoken about all the talking before and after mass (he obviously didn’t think of correcting during the liturgy), and it might’ve helped. I don’t know, because I don’t pay attention to other people at those times- I’m able to tune them out. So you might try mentioning it to the priest or do as St. Therese did and turn it into an occasion of merit or prayer for those offending.
 
My parish is in a historic mission, so we get a lot of tourists. Every week there are at least a dozen tourists visiting mass. I think that it is wonderful, despite the noise. Of course, I am in the choir and we are warming up, practicing songs and otherwise making our own noises before mass, though we do try to keep talking to a low volume. I usually end up going to the peace garden if I need solitude to pray, and it is usually quiet unless a school group is touring the mission. If I feel a need to pray at one of the altars in the chapel, I wait until about twenty minutes after mass when most people have cleared out.

As to the kneelers, it’s a losing battle. Our pews are really old, and despite making regular requests during the welcome, the kneelers always get slammed up after the consecration. They’ve stopped saying anything, and I think that it’s because it has been futile. Most of the regular mass attendees are careful with them.

I hope you find your way to have the prayerful peace which you desire for your worship time.
 
My church solved the kneeler issue about 15 years ago - they just removed them all! It was a diocese thing, new churches were to be built without them, so our church simply removed them. Got in maybe two more rows of pews that way. It helps me, I’m a tripper, and my wife is a complete ‘fall down go BOOM!’.

There is also a small chapel available for quiet prayer, though you might not get your fav seat!
 
Guess some people just don’t believe in contemplative prayer. Enough said.
 
paperwight66 said:
Talking during Mass is definitely not on, and quite shocking.

Does it happen every week, OP? Is it at the Sign of Peace, though?
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Yes it does, can happen during the Consecration and also just before Communion.
 
Hey Chezel - I hear you! Do you have misophonia? I do & have given up on going to church early to pray. After last Saturday I was in tears & told my husband I didn’t want to go to Mass at all any more - I get nothing out of it on bad days.

After I calmed down, we discussed it & I’m going to try earplugs. If a certain person is there I’ll have to wear them throughout the Mass.

The other alternative is to ask our priest for permission to go to Mass during the week instead of on Saturday. I don’t think he’ll understand, so I’m going to try to avoid that.

I go to the most quiet parish we have available - I moved there from the really noisy one that I’m “supposed” to attend.
 
I know it can be quite distracting to find quiet before mass when everyone is taking their seats so I understand how you feel. 🤷 What you could do is invite them to pray with you…🙂 Here’s a thought. Someone told me as they travel on the train to work in downtown Chicago they have no problem in praying the rosary. That is the point of contemplative meditative prayer, to help tune all the distractions out in order to take you deeper in prayer… It may take some discipline and practice, and I’m still working on that, but if it is too difficult still, which I know it can be, than I would recommend ear buds. I feel we can’t always avoid the noise so it’s better to learn how to still pray whether there is noise or not. Imagine trying to pray during wartime or some other crisis…🤷 You could mention it to the pastor to remind the congregation. Also, is there a place in your Church building that would be more quiet before or after mass?
 
Karen107 said:
Someone told me as they travel on the train to work in downtown Chicago they have no problem in praying the rosary. That is the point of contemplative meditative prayer, to help tune all the distractions out in order to take you deeper in prayer…
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Indeed. But it’s generally easy to drown out the white noise. I used to ride the train into Chicago a lot too btw.
 
I think part of the problem is that people take a very casual attitude in going to church. Do they actually think about why they genuflect when they walk in and who they are genuflecting to?

I explained it to a friend once in this way - imagine you were invited to see the Queen. You wouldn’t walk in, give her a nod and then ignore her while talking to all and sundry around you. You’d be very much aware of being in the presence of the Queen and would act accordingly. You would want to spend every moment you were able to talking with her! Our attitude should be as such and even more so when in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.

For the OP - sometimes a meaningful glance to make people pipe down, worth a try.
 
Most people in our church are quiet, but I have one friend who insists on talking to me before Mass. She will interrupt me as I am praying the Rosary with the rest of the congregation. None of what she has to say is important enough to warrant interrupting prayer. All of it can wait until after Mass. It really makes me mad.:mad:
 
AngelusDomini said:
For the OP - sometimes a meaningful glance to make people pipe down, worth a try.
Click to expand...
You must know some really nice people if they respond to a “meaningful glance!” I’ve glared at people to no effect, and even talked to them. The talkers seem to feel entitled. One woman even told me that was the main purpose of Mass, to talk with people.
 
pianistclare said:
This^^.
Also, being a parish employee, I have tried very hard over the years to get people to not slam the kneelers up.
You wouldn’t kick the furniture in a friend’s house, but in God’s house, it’s fine to slam and bang them at the most solemn parts of the Mass. I started by having the catechists instruct the children (all ages) on Mass Etiquette: Do’s and Don’ts.
Didn’t work. They have apparently no influence on their parents, who are the worst offenders.
Tried putting it in the bulletin. Twice. Doesn’t work. :nope:

No wonder Americans are thought of as barbarians in many places.
It appears we are. 😊

Pray hard. We American Catholics need it. God bless you.
Click to expand...
Agree. It is a shame. The adults are the worst offenders. And we wonder why children follow suit.
 
Bonnie said:
You must know some really nice people if they respond to a “meaningful glance!” I’ve glared at people to no effect, and even talked to them. The talkers seem to feel entitled. One woman even told me that was the main purpose of Mass, to talk with people.
Click to expand...
I agree that some people act entitled to carry in a conversation as though they are sitting at a restaurant. It is inconsiderate and distracting and you shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting solemnity and reverence before Mass starts.
When we moved into our new church, the priest made several announcements about remaining quiet once we entered into the main part of the church and that conversations should take place out in the foyer. It seemed to have worked as we have been in the new church 3 years and I have never been disturbed by people conversing loudly. It is nice to feel the reverence and quiet around me.
 
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