Talking in Church & Proper dress

[breneriu]

I 'm always upset when I go to mass because upon entering the church there is so much talking I can’t even concentrate on praying or reflect.There is even an occasional cell phone going off! As I look around I see teenagers and even older women dressed as if they were going to the beach after mass and being a young man can be very distracting.I dont like to sound like a prude but when I was a young boy my mother never let us talk in church and dressed us up in our Sunday best.We always showed respect in God’s house.I was so upset after mass that I told my wife that we are going to attend a parish much further from our home where the parish priest does not tolerate talking in church and improper dress.What ever happened to the strictness of the Church?What ever happened to the respect people had for it?

 

[Flluffycat]

Not being Catholic myself, I can assure you that this problem isn’t limited to Catholocism. When I got to church on Sundays, I sometimes have to control myself not to turn around and hiss, “Quiet!” at some of the talkers.

I don’t mind people coming to worship dressed casually, but there’s a difference between casual and immodest.

 

[Bud_Stewart]

Flluffycat:

… don’t mind people coming to worship dressed casually, but there’s a difference between casual and immodest.

Very well put, I couldn’t say it better myself.

As for being talkative and disrespectful, I would see the pastor to see if he might be willing to make a statement prior to Mass, or even a blurb in the church bulletin, stating that people must be quite and respectful in church. You probably are not the only person annoyed with the situation. I think by approaching your priest you’ll be doing all of your parishioners a favor.

 

[Tyler_Smedley]

Darn right, maybe some priests should put a blurb in that bulliten about coming dressed to meet Jesus, because that is what you will be doing!

 

[Veronica]

There is a longer thread about proper dress in the Sacraments topic if you are interested.

 

[Dr.Colossus]

I was in Mass one Sunday, and there was a large youth group that had just gotten out of an activity in another part of the church. They were in the vestibule, but were talking so loudly that it began to disrupt Mass. The priest–a wonderful man, but one with limited patience for disrespect–stopped what he was doing (this was just after the opening prayer), marched to the back of the church, opened the doors and told them if they were that excited about being here, maybe they should come in and worship. They were all so shocked that they came in, sat down, and sat quietly through the whole Mass!

 

[Les_Richardson]

Dr. Colossus:

I was in Mass one Sunday, and there was a large youth group that had just gotten out of an activity in another part of the church. They were in the vestibule, but were talking so loudly that it began to disrupt Mass. The priest–a wonderful man, but one with limited patience for disrespect–stopped what he was doing (this was just after the opening prayer), marched to the back of the church, opened the doors and told them if they were that excited about being here, maybe they should come in and worship. They were all so shocked that they came in, sat down, and sat quietly through the whole Mass!

Right on!

 

[pennyh]

Cell phones should be left in your car or turned off. If you plan on answering it then you should probably be somewhere else. As far as talking, tuning it out is a learned behavior and if you have children you can learn that pretty quickly. I believe in being respectful in dress for church as far as no one should be scantily dressed, but I don’t think you have to be in dress clothes to worship God. I work 24 hours and my days rotate, so if I work Sunday, then I go to mass Saturday night, sometimes straight from a football or soccer game and my kids still in dirty uniforms. The other choice is being late or not going, neither which is a choice for our family. I think that God does not care if I’m in my dress clothes, uniforms, or even clean, as long as setting the example that mass is a priority in our lives. I think most folks should check themselves as to why they are worried about how someone is dressed when they should be concentrating on the graces of the mass. I know we at our parish most know each other, and understand some of the dress, however I have been to other parishes where we have gotten funny looks for not being “dressed up”, and I wanted to pull those folks aside and ask them why they seemed worried about the clothes on our backs. I also think that many people cannot afford dress clothes that kids outgrow in a few months and have to be replaced. God knows why they are there…

 

[Timidity]

pennyh:

Cell phones should be left in your car or turned off. If you plan on answering it then you should probably be somewhere else.

I agree with this in principle, but there are always exceptions–that’s what they made the “vibrate” feature for.

 

[TacyLou]

This appeared, for the first time, ever, in our bulletin this Sunday.

" A Gentle Reminder Please remind yourselves and your children that Mass etiquette begins with a fundamental respect for the importance and sanctity of the Mass. An attitude of reverence should guide behavior at any religious service, but for Catholics it is especially true. This means that the presence and behavior of those present throughout the service not detract in any way from the reverence accorded to the Mass. Our choice of clothing, posture, and participation should reflect an attitude of dignity and attentiveness. Food and gum are not to be consumed or chewed at Mass."

:clapping:

I was once at a Mass where 3 different cell phones rang. One, ok, someone forgot…but that should have been a “head’s up” for everyone else to check their’s to make sure it was off!!!

I have no problems with jeans and tshirts at Mass as long as they are not vulgar. I love to see the Church full of people! But, do we really need to see bellybuttons and the tops of thong underwear? :tsktsk:

 

[Dr.Colossus]

But, do we really need to see bellybuttons and the tops of thong underwear?

I agree completely. Custody of the eyes is so difficult when you’re kneeling behind a young woman wearing a tiny t-shirt, low-cut jeans and red lingerie. This has happened to me on more than one occasion, and it wasn’t even the same girl!

 

[koolbeens18]

I have noticed this problem of people talking during Mass, or young adults dressing innappropriatly at my own parish, which is why I prefer attending the Latin Mass offered 2 Sunday’s out of the month. I never hear cell phones go off, kids talking, or see people’s under garmets at that Mass. I think young adults really need to be taught how to dress properly, and being 18, I have run into this problem with my parents before we started attending church. These teens, mainly girls, dress in what they think looks ‘nice’ but ultimatly are just trying to snag a guy, and sadly they don’t take a break for church…

 

[coralewisjr]

This is not a problem in the traditional Catholic parish DH and I attend!! It’s wonderful. All the women wear veils (I’m getting used to that and learning how to keep it on my head during all of Mass) and only the priest and babies talk during Mass, the beautiful traditional Latin Mass…except when the congregation sings or responds, of course. Modesty isn’t an issue, either - I see many women wearing skirts and dresses! We have to drive about an hour one way to get to that parish, but it is well worth it.

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne

 

[Santa_Cruz]

I have stopped going to my neighborhood church just a few blocks away because of all the talking during Mass. Only it wasn’t from the people in the pews, it was the alter servers. Two young boys and a girl talking and giggling all during Mass. :tsktsk:

Now I attend a Latin Tridentine Mass. Problem solved.

 

[surfinpure]

pennyh:

As far as talking, tuning it out is a learned behavior and if you have children you can learn that pretty quickly.

I don’t even think children talking before or during Mass is appropriate. When I was a Protestant I didn’t mind at all that people visited with each other before the service, but being a Catholic is very different. During RCIA our priest made it very clear that you do not chit chat before or during Mass. This is when we are supposed to be in prayer or meditation before the Blessed Sacrament. It is therefore not only disrespectful to other parishoners who are praying, it is sacrilegious.

I think we should not tune them out, but speak with the priest and try to effect a permanent change. This cannot be tolerated.

I believe in being respectful in dress for church as far as no one should be scantily dressed, but I don’t think you have to be in dress clothes to worship God. I work 24 hours and my days rotate, so if I work Sunday, then I go to mass Saturday night, sometimes straight from a football or soccer game and my kids still in dirty uniforms. The other choice is being late or not going, neither which is a choice for our family. I think that God does not care if I’m in my dress clothes, uniforms, or even clean, as long as setting the example that mass is a priority in our lives. I think most folks should check themselves as to why they are worried about how someone is dressed when they should be concentrating on the graces of the mass. I know we at our parish most know each other, and understand some of the dress, however I have been to other parishes where we have gotten funny looks for not being “dressed up”, and I wanted to pull those folks aside and ask them why they seemed worried about the clothes on our backs. I also think that many people cannot afford dress clothes that kids outgrow in a few months and have to be replaced. God knows why they are there…

We certainly have to make allowances for modern times and work schedules, but I agree with the principle of being clean and dressed appropriately for Mass whenever it is at all possible.

You ask why some people worry about the clothes on your backs. Perhaps some are too concerned, yes, but I fear, on the other hand, that America in particular is getting much to casual with our faith entirely and this is only a symptom of it. Before Vatican II, women were required to wear head coverings in Mass as a sign of respect and modesty. Now I see girls coming dressed in in micro-mini-skirts, or with bare midriffs, or in tight and low-cut shirts, or completely bare shoulders! **This can only be the result of a gradual breakdown in standards of modesty in church. ** It didn’t happen overnight. It happened one change at a time. I think the first step toward immodesty was casual dress. First no head covering … then pants … then somewhere down the road you get the image of Britney Spears going forward to take communion.

God help us.

 

[coralewisjr]

Santa Cruz:

I have stopped going to my neighborhood church just a few blocks away because of all the talking during Mass. Only it wasn’t from the people in the pews, it was the alter servers. Two young boys and a girl talking and giggling all during Mass. :tsktsk:

Now I attend a Latin Tridentine Mass. Problem solved.

That’s horrible! I was an altar server in my parents’ Novus Ordo parish when I was younger and that wouldn’t have been tolerated. The priest probably would’ve glared at us. We only talked to each other when we had questions about what we were supposed to do next. Yay for the Traditional Latin Mass!! veils, modesty, reverence, all male altar servers…

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne

 

[space_ghost]

…about all you can do is bring it to the attention of the priest… he will probably stop the problem with the altar servers, but i doubt much will or can be done with those in the crowd… you might have say something yourself, and then try to think loving prayerful thoughts while you feel the burning eyes of those around you because you expected a prayerful venue to worship…

not an easy task… good luck…

Peace:thumbsup:

 

[netmilsmom]

pennyh:

I think most folks should check themselves as to why they are worried about how someone is dressed when they should be concentrating on the graces of the mass. I know we at our parish most know each other, and understand some of the dress, however I have been to other parishes where we have gotten funny looks for not being “dressed up”, and I wanted to pull those folks aside and ask them why they seemed worried about the clothes on our backs. I also think that many people cannot afford dress clothes that kids outgrow in a few months and have to be replaced. God knows why they are there…

Let me start by stating that there is a dress code at my parish. This dress code does not apply to jeans or ball uniforms. Our CYO teams frequently attend Holy Mass before each game.
Our dress code is for less than modest dress. Boys with their underwear hanging out, women with bellies showing, that stuff.

We dress in our parish as if we are going to a celebration. You don’t see beach clothes or picnic clothes at our parish. As the mother of young children, I can tell you that fine clothing can be found at Salvation Army or on E-Bay. My Easter suit came from Salvation Army for $8.00 and my daughter’s First Communion dress came from an E-Bay shop for $50.00, veil included.

I don’t have a problem with jeans. When people come in jeans to our parish, they don’t look out of place because there are no belly shirts or Muscle shirts with them. There is a matter of decorum to be followed. If your best clothes are those that show off your belly or are so tight that it leaves nothing to the imagination, it is time to rethink one’s best.

A lady with a black skirt and white blouse looks so classy. A gentleman with a pair of dockers and a polo shirt looks great too. A church “uniform” is not unreasonable when one prefers the latest styles that leave nothing to the imagination.

 

[devoted]

My definition of casual dress may be very different from some elses.

If a definition of proper dress is not indicated, then we fall into the same trap that businesses have fallen into with their declaration of “casual dress”.

 

[netmilsmom]

devoted:

My definition of casual dress may be very different from some elses.

If a definition of proper dress is not indicated, then we fall into the same trap that businesses have fallen into with their declaration of “casual dress”.

Welcome!!!
You are very wise!