Talking to my mom

[donna369]

my mom and i have been through alot together and overcome so much. my mom is the one i credit with bringing me back to the church. my mom is also the one who loves to call me now and gossip about others. recently i have come to realize (or maybe really just become more sensitive to the fact) that we should not talk badly about others. and i must admit that is mostly my mom talking about people i do and don’t really know.
today she began talking about someone and said something kinda bad (never awful) and i told her to stop that, it was sinful. without skipping a beat she lightened up but still spoke about that person. i know my mom and i believe she is telling the truth but it is flavored with her opinions.
is it right for me to correct my own mother? am i going to far?
i do have to say that i want to hear about what is going on since we are so far apart and rarely get to be together. i miss and love my family. what should i do?

 

[Francie3]

We can all learn from each other as Christians including parents.
If she begins saying something bad, honestly and kindly stop her each time until she gets over this flaw, and if she wont stop, say “I love you Mom. I have to go” And the last statement is true because you don’t want to listen to gossip.

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a8.htm

God bless your mom and you.

 

[donna369]

just one more thing so i can be sure.
when does talking about someone - with facts - become gossip? is gossip always sinful? or is it only when you put in your personal opinions? and are all negative opinions bad? i mean my mom has a degree in psych and i minored in psych and she has been discussing with me opinions and ideas about some people; one i know very well, one i’ve met once, and one i have never actually met but know about. where do i draw the line?
ok, that was more than one question but i want to be clear how far we can go since i, sadly, want to know what is going on. but i don’t want to have to go to my priest everytime i talk to my mom!

 

[vames]

If we are not scrupulous, the line should be easy to draw.

We are humans, so we naturally have opinions about the others. Good opinions, bad opinions - this is not a sin. Also, there is harmless gossip between friends or relatives, without any consequences, like “Julie dyes her hair again - I find the new color awful” or “hehe, the Joneses have a new car - another credit, when they have such low-paying jobs?”. If that’s the case, then be aware that loneliness, various personal frustrations, the professional habit to observe and analyze people (since she has a degree in psych) and the mere need to talk to you, to be in touch with you can easily explain the need to comment about others; you can become bored with such conversations, but remember that you don’t walk in your mother’s shoes, you are much younger, so please don’t judge her.

Another thing is to badmouth some people with constant real envy or anger, wishing them bad or saying lies about them, knowing that this would damage their reputation in the eyes of the community. If that’s the case, then gently try to tell your mom that she is doing herself harm by focusing on such things (when anger or envy are cultivated, the result = more anger and envy) and that she should find other preoccupations. Choose something that is interesting to both of you (music, books, nature, religion, movies and of course psychology, but without the need to condemn others for what they do) and engage her in conversation about it. Tell her that life is short - it shouldn’t be wasted with unimportant things like what the Joneses do. Lighten up, mother! You get the idea.