Taming the "Lust Monster"

[TLM08]

As a man approaching my 50s, I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that the single biggest road block men face in the road to holiness is sexual temptation via the internet.

Good men seem to have very little problem staying out of porn shops and peep shows. Good men do not have affairs, buy dirty magazines or visit prostitutes. But how many good men would immediately turn their head if they were home alone and while fixing a snack, glanced out their kitchen window, saw an attractive woman (who forgot to close her curtains) getting undressed?

How difficult would it be for him to stay away from his kitchen window if this woman made this a regular habit? Well, the internet is a lot like that!

Since mainstream society is so sexually charged, the “Lust Monster” has grown so huge and powerful that defeating him takes knowledge and personal discipline and prayer.

The “Lust Monster” cannot be defeated unless it is weakened first. The struggle of pornography and masturbation should be considered a multifront war. Stopping both at the same time is like jumping on the tracks and stopping a freight train. If you can stop everything at once, then great! But if you are sick to death of failing time after time,

You might try the following approach:

FIRST: Stop looking at pornography cold turkey. Destroy any pornography in your house. Do not “surf” the internet. Do your banking, read your emails and news then log off. This is easier than you think. ATTEND REGULAR CONFESSION!

SECOND: Start the practice of glancing in the other direction when immodestly dressed and …or attractive women come into view. Say this little prayer: “Jesus, Mary and St. Joseph watch over me. St. Michael protect me”. Limit television viewing. Don’t watch CNN, FOX, MSNBC or any other television news network for that matter! Keep your mind busy with prayer and work. ATTEND REGULAR CONFESSION!

THIRD: Only NOW you can start addressing the masturbation issue. The frequency of this sin will likely have slowed significantly by now or even stopped completely. If you are married, you need to praying daily in thanksgiving to God for sending you a beautiful wife and ask him to help you to become the most loving, giving and affectionate husband you can possibly be. The key is going to be channeling all of your sexual energy into your marriage… This is where wives and be a tremendous amount of help by taking care of their health and keeping up their appearance.

Contrary to popular belief, the way to a man’s heart is NOT through his stomach… it’s through his eyes

If you are not married, then you will have a much more difficult time and you should seek the advice of a good priest! And yes… once again…ATTEND REGULAR CONFESSION!

If anyone has anything to add, then great!
I hope this helps!

 

[Fox]

Well, its ok to watch Fox news!

 

[ForwardProgress]

This is where wives and be a tremendous amount of help by taking care of their health and keeping up their appearance.

Contrary to popular belief, the way to a man’s heart is NOT through his stomach… it’s through his eyes

What in the world does this mean??? How shallow is that!!!

 

[Maxply]

Excellent, quotable post!

I hate to think where I would be if I was in my early 20s, say in college, and had today’s internet access!

I feel sorry for young men, actually, They’ve had a major boulder put on their shoulders with this stuff.

 

[Serap]

This is where wives and be a tremendous amount of help by taking care of their health and keeping up their appearance.

Contrary to popular belief, the way to a man’s heart is NOT through his stomach… it’s through his eyes

I don’t have an issue with this statement because men’s minds are created differently than women and that’s just the way it is. A wife taking care of her physical appearance WILL help the marriage.

Likewise, I would want my husband to take care of his health too. No one wants to be married to a slob :

BTW…I tell my husband no surfing porn on the web because of computer viruses and it works

 

[TLM08]

What in the world does this mean??? How shallow is that!!!

There is absolutely NOTHING “shallow” about it. This is where a fair number married women miss the boat. Men become aroused primarily through the eyes. The Sacrament of Marriage does not change this simple fact of human male nature.

Also, be careful not to confuse “love” with “sexual arousal”. Although they are related, these are two entirely different topics. A man can love his wife very deeply and remain faithful, but he will be much more vulnerable to sexual temptation and sinful lust from a wandering eye if his wife has neglected her appearance. This is probably the one thing most men wish their wives had a better understanding of.

 

[TLM08]

I don’t have an issue with this statement because men’s minds are created differently than women and that’s just the way it is. A wife taking care of her physical appearance WILL help the marriage.

Likewise, I would want my husband to take care of his health too. No one wants to be married to a slob :

BTW…I tell my husband no surfing porn on the web because of computer viruses and it works

Sight unseen, I can tell that your husband was blessed with a beautiful wife (inwardly and outwardly) who understands what takes to keep things interesting at home.
God Bless you!

 

[ForwardProgress]

There is absolutely NOTHING “shallow” about it. This is where a fair number married women miss the boat. Men become aroused primarily through the eyes. The Sacrament of Marriage does not change this simple fact of human male nature.

Also, be careful not to confuse “love” with “sexual arousal”. Although they are related, these are two entirely different topics. A man can love his wife very deeply and remain faithful, but he will be much more vulnerable to sexual temptation and sinful lust from a wandering eye if his wife has neglected her appearance. This is probably the one thing most men wish their wives had a better understanding of.

You all are ridiculous…my wife has gained 40 lbs since kids, but I don’t view her as any less attractive! She could lose both her legs and I would still see her as sexy. Sad, people!

 

[Serap]

You all are ridiculous…my wife has gained 40 lbs since kids, but I don’t view her as any less attractive! She could lose both her legs and I would still see her as sexy. Sad, people!

Your wife is very lucky to have a loving husband like you.

 

[TLM08]

You all are ridiculous…my wife has gained 40 lbs since kids, but I don’t view her as any less attractive! She could lose both her legs and I would still see her as sexy. Sad, people!

Since you brought it up… Would a100lb weight gain and a loss of both legs due to compliations from diabetes effect your physical relationship?

What’s sad to see that large numbers of perfectly natural women going to these plastic (butchers) surgeons to get breast augmentations, lip implants, nose jobs, butt lifts. etc… Now THAT is shallow! The word “sexy” is juvenile and crude as well.

A woman’s God given natural beauty is a gift to be shared with her husband. In concert with her intellectual and spiritual dimensions, a woman’s physical attractivensss strengthens the marital bond. For a woman to neglect this aspect of herself is to leave her husband extremely vulnerable to temptation and sinful lust that this culture embraces.

You have missed the point of the original post entirely.

 

[Caesar517]

I don’t agree with the sequential approach in the opening post at all. I think that once you have made the decision to fight the “lust monster” all efforts should be simultaneous. If you contine some sinful habits after you have made the decision to quit, I think you are doing more damage to yourself than ever before. There are many related habits in the “lust monster” category. Stopping one makes it easier to stop the others. On the other hand, continuing one makes it harder to stop the others.

 

[jfoges]

Well, its ok to watch Fox news!

Um, have you seen the females they have on the Fox News shows?

It seems the qualification for a woman to get a job at Fox News is a journalism degree, blond hair, nice legs, and a certain chest size.

 

[TLM08]

Um, have you seen the females they have on the Fox News shows?

It seems the qualification for a woman to get a job at Fox News is a journalism degree, blond hair, nice legs, and a certain chest size.

Agreed & Thanks for pointing that out! These networks deliberately shoot these doll babies from the best possible angle, often times before a “frontless” news desk for that all important “leg shot”… Background colors are carefully chosen to compliment the woman anchor’s hair, jewlery and dress color. Most men don’t even realize how they are being manipulated into watching their channel. From a purity standpoint, it is much safer to get your news from mainstream news websites where you can choose to just read the stories!

 

[Simon_X]

Great advice all around. Thinking guys will appreciate it more than gals, but that’s okay. Thanks for contributing sound advice to help us with this struggle…

 

[YipYupYep]

There are filters that run over your computer and block sites that you want out. Gambling, violence, language, and porn to mention a few. The best one I know of is Integrity on line. Netmop is another. You need to tinker with it a bit. Get to know the software and I guarantee it will block out everything. Be sure to include proxy servers. If it does not block proxy servers is’t no good.

The filter should provide accountability. It should send an email to a third party with all the sites you have visited. Every day.

So, what about the password. Give it over to your accountability partner to set it, or worse case, let customer support set one for you. Be sure you have tinkered with it enough and it is working right.

One like Integrity on line will really work.

 

[TLM08]

I don’t agree with the sequential approach in the opening post at all. I think that once you have made the decision to fight the “lust monster” all efforts should be simultaneous. If you contine some sinful habits after you have made the decision to quit, I think you are doing more damage to yourself than ever before. There are many related habits in the “lust monster” category. Stopping one makes it easier to stop the others. On the other hand, continuing one makes it harder to stop the others.

You must admit that the raging alcoholic who is destroying his life by consuming an entire fifth of booze each day along with a 12 pack of beer would benefit tremendously by permanently giving up the booze along with 10 of those 12 beers!

The same could be said for the smoker cutting back from 2 packs per day all the way down to a single cigarette after each meal. With prayer and time, these vices can disappear entirely.

Too many young men give up because they get discouraged after a fall. You must crawl before you can walk. Porn is the gasoline that is fueling the fire of masturbation. Cut off the fuel source and be patient… the fire will gradually burn itself out. This is not license to masturbate. But we must recognize that this habit isn’t going to stop overnight! Regular confession and prayer are very effective weapons that act like a fire extinguisher. With work, those flames will die out.

 

[YipYupYep]

For a woman to neglect this aspect of herself is to leave her husband extremely vulnerable to temptation and sinful lust that this culture embraces.

I think you are right on in the case of the vast majority, and it works both ways. The gentleman needs to do his work also.

 

[Neil_Anthony]

Um, have you seen the females they have on the Fox News shows?

It seems the qualification for a woman to get a job at Fox News is a journalism degree, blond hair, nice legs, and a certain chest size.

Also fox ‘news’ always seems to pick ‘stories’ with a sexual theme. Last week I was on their website and they had a story about a man who was robbed by a group of bra-less women wearing coveralls. What kind of a ‘news story’ is that? It wasn’t covered by the normal news networks.

 

[wynnejj]

Thank you for your post. Very good advice. The stepwise approach is very good. Too many times people set goals that are unrealistic and doom their goals to failure from the start. There is an automatic subconscious mechanism in the mind that measures our attempts towards goals, dockets our successes & failures, and if too many failures, it re-adjusts our core belief systems about whether said goal can ever be achieved. Once our core belief systems deny the goals attainability, reason alone may be insufficient to change the belief system to accept that the goal can indeed be attained.

Here’s a tip about what you should absolutely NOT do.

DO NOT make a VOW to NEVER do the thing again. I did this with cigarette smoking and, it worked just fine. I was able to quit cold turkey. I tried this with my “lust monster” vice, and failed & failed again. Eventually I got in the habit of putting my morals on hold, succumbing to the vice, and then took my morals off hold, and felt remorse. But I had lost all resolve to solve the problem. That’s giving up on addiction, folks. Bad formula!

A comment about husbands & wives keeping healthy & keeping up their appearances…

I once disqualified a girl that I was serious about because of one thing. She was overweight & complained about it. In the same night, she would glory in all kinds of sweets, extra large sodas, etc. I couldn’t take the hypocrisy. Appearances was not the issue for me, it was more the message I was receiving that “Hey I have a problem, and I know it, but I intend to do nothing about it. Take it or leave it, but that’s the deal with me.” Actually, it was very similar to the problem I was having about putting my morals & resolve on hold while I succumbed to my vices egregiously.

 

[Caesar517]

You must admit that the raging alcoholic who is destroying his life by consuming an entire fifth of booze each day along with a 12 pack of beer would benefit tremendously by permanently giving up the booze along with 10 of those 12 beers!

Certainly, he would be better off than before, but if the goal was to be entirely sober, I think the most effective way to accomplish that goal is to not touch a single beer.

The same could be said for the smoker cutting back from 2 packs per day all the way down to a single cigarette after each meal. With prayer and time, these vices can disappear entirely.

Every single testimony I have every heard about people who have quit smoking says that trying to cut back isn’t going to reduce your body’s dependence because you are still smoking. It does make your body unhappy because you aren’t getting enough of the drug.

In both of the above examples, however, the action is not intrinsically evil. It is ok to do things like that in moderation. It is never ok to masturbate.

Too many young men give up because they get discouraged after a fall. You must crawl before you can walk. Porn is the gasoline that is fueling the fire of masturbation. Cut off the fuel source and be patient… the fire will gradually burn itself out. This is not license to masturbate. But we must recognize that this habit isn’t going to stop overnight! Regular confession and prayer are very effective weapons that act like a fire extinguisher. With work, those flames will die out.

If cutting off pornography will kill masturbation, how come everyone who has this addiction started masturbating before they started viewing pornography? I’ve never heard of things starting the other way around. People view pornography because their imagination won’t cut it anymore. As with any addiction, you need more and more to get the same effect.