Taming the "Lust Monster"

[onmyknees]

Thanks again Serap!
I will read Pope John Paul’s letter to women. People are always telling me that I look pretty too and about ten to fifteen years younger than I really am. This makes me feel happy but it does not help me to face the inevitable. Your posts do help me. May I ask if you will consider cosmetic\plastic surgery in the future? I’m just looking for company as I try to grow old gracefully. It seems that in my parish the women that take their faith seriously are all way older than me or way younger. The forty-something women are not around or they are luke-warm Catholics.

 

[Serap]

Thanks again Serap!
I will read Pope John Paul’s letter to women. People are always telling me that I look pretty too and about ten to fifteen years younger than I really am. This makes me feel happy but it does not help me to face the inevitable. Your posts do help me. May I ask if you will consider cosmetic\plastic surgery in the future? I’m just looking for company as I try to grow old gracefully. It seems that in my parish the women that take their faith seriously are all way older than me or way younger. The forty-something women are not around or they are luke-warm Catholics.

I look young for my age also; but I’m sure that will change now that I’m a new mom

Would I consider plastic surgery…nope. The way I see it is that plastic surgery is a billion dollar industry that feeds of of women’s insecurities and their desire to be young and beautiful again.

I can almost always tell if a woman has had plastic surgery…there’s a difference in a natural look and a surgical look. I’m sure you know what I mean.

My “youthenizer” is to exercise and lift weights 3 times a week…eat lots of veggies…and stay happy. Almost everyone I know who eats well and stays active looks at least 5 years younger and it’s much cheaper than plastic surgery

I’m sure that if I met you I would think you’re beautiful and would slap you silly and tell you you’re crazy!!!

You’re right about women our age at church…where are they? Maybe their too busy with little league sports and such…

 

[Alethiaphile]

There is a lot of excellent advice in the original post, but I believe there is an essential ingredient missing:

FASTING

Unfortunately, this ancient Christian discipline is terribly neglected now in the western Catholic church. Yes, I know, Ash Wednesday, Fridays in Lent, and one hour before Communion. That’s better than nothing, but it’s grossly inadequate.

The ancient Church, and the Eastern church today, understood that, in a sense, sensual passions gain a foothold first through the stomach, and have to be fought first there. Of course, battling “the flesh” does not end there, but that’s where it starts. Remember that the first temptation Christ overcame in the desert was physical hunger. Trying to battle sexual lust without first disciplining the gluttonous appetites of the stomach is sort of like trying to learn calculus without learning algebra first.
I honestly believe that the problems with sexual misbehavior by parish priests would not have been so great if there was a regimen of fasting for them, which there is not.
Besides which, Gluttony is in and of itself a mortal sin, and a huge problem for western, especially American, Christians.

 

[iamrefreshed]

There is absolutely NOTHING “shallow” about it. This is where a fair number married women miss the boat. Men become aroused primarily through the eyes. The Sacrament of Marriage does not change this simple fact of human male nature.

Also, be careful not to confuse “love” with “sexual arousal”. Although they are related, these are two entirely different topics. A man can love his wife very deeply and remain faithful, but he will be much more vulnerable to sexual temptation and sinful lust from a wandering eye if his wife has neglected her appearance. This is probably the one thing most men wish their wives had a better understanding of.

I’m curious how you managed to determine that “most men” feel that way.

Did you run a poll?

 

[TLM08]

I’m curious how you managed to determine that “most men” feel that way.

Did you run a poll?

Getting into later mid-life with dozens of male friends, relatives and co-workers I have yet to meet a man who was totally okay with the fact that his wife has stopped taking care of her appearance. That said, a godly husband will remain loving, dedicated and faithful to his wife no matter how far she lets herself go.

Our politically correct secular society displays the ultimate hypocracy by labeling men as “shallow” for avioding heavy, skinny, plain or simply unattractive women as a potential spouse, yet this same society is killing them by anorexia, plastic surgery and by promoting promiscuous behavior all for the sake of finding what this sick society calls “love”… which is nothing more than a series of disgusting hook-ups with an occasional appointment with the abortionist. One look at the newsstand confirms this beyond any shadow of a doubt.

Secular society’s incredibly shallow sickness and obsession with degrading and sinful sex acts and surgically enhanced appearance should NOT be confused with a godly wife who takes good care of her body to help keep the marital act as physically pleasurable for both her and her husband as reasonably possible.
God designed her to be attractive to her husband in this way.

The woman who takes good care of herself and keeps up her appearance is an incredible help to a godly husband as he must face the daily and unrelenting pornographic sexual temptations in this world! In a similar way, the husband who remains tender and loving to his wife reduces the chances that SHE will become tempted by lustful fantasy through romance novels or seek attention outside of her marriage.

Obviously this is just a small segment of what it takes to have a successful and godly marriage. Prayer, proper raising of children and incredible self sacrifice are all key components of marriage as well.

Peace!

 

[iamrefreshed]

Our politically correct secular society displays the ultimate hypocracy by labeling men as “shallow” for avioding heavy, skinny, plain or simply unattractive women as a potential spouse, yet this same society is killing them by anorexia, plastic surgery and by promoting promiscuous behavior all for the sake of finding what this sick society calls “love”… which is nothing more than a series of disgusting hook-ups with an occasional appointment with the abortionist. One look at the newsstand confirms this beyond any shadow of a doubt.

Secular society’s incredibly shallow sickness and obsession with degrading and sinful sex acts and surgically enhanced appearance should NOT be confused with a godly wife who takes good care of her body to help keep the marital act as physically pleasurable for both her and her husband as reasonably possible.
God designed her to be attractive to her husband in this way.

Peace!

It would seem to me that you are asking women to do exactly what you are stating is wrong with society in general. Improve their appearance to satisfy another’s desire for them. Did you ever think that those women who have surgery are doing EXACTLY what you state? Improving themselves for others?

I agree that we should all take care of ourselves as we have been blessed by God with our lives and should treat our bodies like temples, for Him.

 

[TLM08]

It would seem to me that you are asking women to do exactly what you are stating is wrong with society in general. Improve their appearance to satisfy another’s desire for them. Did you ever think that those women who have surgery are doing EXACTLY what you state? Improving themselves for others?

I agree that we should all take care of ourselves as we have been blessed by God with our lives and should treat our bodies like temples, for Him.

No… The difference is that one component of sex is the incredibly pleasurable and purely physical aspect of it. For men, this suffers tremendously when wives stop taking care of themselves. I am not speaking of the normal maturing process where the hair grays and the body sags a bit… I am talking about significant weight gain through careless, slovenly appearance and (or) poor hygiene. This message can apply to men as well.

Additionally I believe that men who want their wives to get breast implants or nose jobs etc… are shallow.

This must not be confused with “lust” because we are talking about sacramental marriage here where sex is sacred and truly an awesome gift from God… not the modern liberated woman who can do whatever and whoever she wants… whenever she wants!

 

[ForwardProgress]

You just don’t get it. People in good marriages love and enjoy the physical aspect of lovemaking no matter what the spouse looks like.

 

[TLM08]

You just don’t get it. People in good marriages love and enjoy the physical aspect of lovemaking no matter what the spouse looks like.

Have you asked any men whose beautiful 150lb bride now tips the scales at 300lbs plus? Or the woman who has to sleep with her husband that has stopped bathing except for twice per week? You cannot be serious. Remember, we are discussing the PHYSICAL aspects here!

 

[Yellow_Belle]

…I think I’m going off men…:yup:

 

[ForwardProgress]

We don’t all think like TLM08.

 

[Serap]

We don’t all think like TLM08.

TLM08 means well…just a different opinion is all.

He thinks highly of his wife and women and is also against men objectifying women. He stated that in his previous posts.

I think this debate could go on forever…it’s just one of those things that’s highly personal and depends on each unique situation.

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m curious how you managed to determine that “most men” feel that way.

Did you run a poll?

LOL–I wondered this as well.

My husband admits that the thing that drew him to me were my looks…but looks is not enough to keep a man in a long lasting relationship. If that were the case, why do sooooo many hollywood couples break up? These people are in perfect physical shape, and yet…cheat…on both sides. Hollywood men cheating on women, and the women cheating on their men.

So, yes we should keep our bodies in good shape–for health reasons as well. I just don’t think the theory is true, because of how prevalent divorce is these days, with even the best looking of couples.

Cheating and viewing porn has little to do with a spouse gaining weight, etc…It has more to do with the way that man thinks about women to begin with. A man cannot serve both God and man, as we have read in Scripture. So, if a man truly loves and RESPECTS his wife, he won’t cheat or look at porn. Not talking about a glance, I’m talking about abandoning his wife for another woman, or for porn, etc…I have seen very unattractive couples with loooong marriages, and very beautiful couples who don’t last more than a year.

Looks are fleeting. Don’t get me wrong, I like when my husband compliments my looks, but that is not the glue that has held us together for all these years. Oh my gosh, no.

I hear what you’re saying, though. It just deserved mentioning that hollywood couples, who are very beautiful indeed, are breaking up by the second.

 

[whatevergirl]

Have you asked any men whose beautiful 150lb bride now tips the scales at 300lbs plus? Or the woman who has to sleep with her husband that has stopped bathing except for twice per week? You cannot be serious. Remember, we are discussing the PHYSICAL aspects here!

Stopped bathing except for twice per week? lol

You’re reachin’ now, TLM.

 

[TLM08]

It’s apathy, coldness and indifference to the things that attract us to one another in the first place that opens the door to temptations of the flesh. A wife who neglects her appearance is doing an equal injustice to her marriage as the man who no longer treats his bride as special through tenderness.

Wives… Think back to when you were dating your husbands. How much time did you spend in front of that make-up mirror? Obviously there is FAR more to love than the physical, but instinctively, even back then you knew that your outward beauty was the doorway to a man’s heart. Maintaining your appearance for your husband lets him know that he is still special

Try this little experiment if you have doubts. Fix your hair and put on a little make-up before he gets home… or before you see each other after work. If he asks what’s going on, tell him you did it for him. I can almost guarantee you will be queen for the night!

Peace

 

[whatevergirl]

It’s apathy, coldness and indifference to the things that attract us to one another in the first place that opens the door to temptations of the flesh. A wife who neglects her appearance is doing an equal injustice to her marriage as the man who no longer treats his bride as special through tenderness.

Wives… Think back to when you were dating your husbands. How much time did you spend in front of that make-up mirror? Obviously there is FAR more to love than the physical, but instinctively, even back then you knew that your outward beauty was the doorway to a man’s heart. Maintaining your appearance for your husband lets him know that he is still special

Try this little experiment if you have doubts. Fix your hair and put on a little make-up before he gets home… or before you see each other after work. If he asks what’s going on, tell him you did it for him. I can almost guarantee you will be queen for the night!

Peace

I don’t disagree with you here. When we BOTH dress up for one another…it makes us both feel like we’re in the giddy stages of dating again. It is nice to feel that way now and again. Marriage is about sacrifice…and it’s in the day to day that we grow closer in love with one another…but, looking attractive for one another, is a plus for any marriage.

I will say though many men who struggle with sexual temptation, whether it be porn or cheating, or visitng strip clubs, actually has more to do with his insecurities, than his wife’s looks. If you look at how many men have attractive wives, yet still cheat or view porn, you’ll know what I’m saying.

Good points though. Men, you can also be treated like kings for a day if you turn your heads away from the football game to listen to what we have to say. Sorry, sometimes we just can’t wait for commercials.

 

[fbl9]

Agreed & Thanks for pointing that out! These networks deliberately shoot these doll babies from the best possible angle, often times before a “frontless” news desk for that all important “leg shot”… Background colors are carefully chosen to compliment the woman anchor’s hair, jewlery and dress color. Most men don’t even realize how they are being manipulated into watching their channel. From a purity standpoint, it is much safer to get your news from mainstream news websites where you can choose to just read the stories!

and here i thought it was me doing the noticing,ie,if the camera shot showed a woman it seems (sometimes) almost as if the focus is on a certain aspect of a woman…all is good in the OP’s plan for the married guy,however care must be taken in that the husband then doesn’t turn to lusting after his wife,desiring her only for the cause of his own satisfaction…and another bug,what if at this particular time in the man’s life his wife takes a dissinterest in marital relations?goood plan none the less…i do agree with the frequent confession and most important a daily prayer life(which btw is what i feel would be the best defense)