Teaching about chastity, I need help from guys

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jacquelyn_1194

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Hi,

I was wondering if there were any guys that could help me with some advice.
How can I explain a guy the Catholic teaching on sexuality in a way that it is interesting and that at least it will leave him thinking. This friend believes unchastity will not harm his relationship with God and with his future wife. Specially, is there anyone out there that used to disagree with Church teaching and later changed his mind? What triggered this? Was it a book? Retreat? Example from other men?

Thank you

J
 
Well, I am not a guy, but I have a suggestion for you. I attended a youth rally with our Confirmation class a couple of weeks ago and the speaker was wonderful. He was engaging and humorous, but also no nonsense about living the faith. I have never seen our class so attentive and they all gave him rave reviews.

Look up Chris Stefanick on his web site, reallifecatholic.com or on YouTube. I think you will find the videos titled “No Imitations” will speak to your topic.
 
I grew up. I realized it’s just sex and without being in a loving marriage it lacks true emotional and spiritual pleasure and connection. I remember in high school I had this huge crush on this girl and a female friend asked me if I loved her and like a dork I said yes, and she quickly replied, “You don’t know what love is.” It bothered me for a long time, but back then she was right, I didn’t know. I’m sorry my answer isn’t more profound.

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jacquelyn_1194 said:
Hi,

I was wondering if there were any guys that could help me with some advice.
How can I explain a guy the Catholic teaching on sexuality in a way that it is interesting and that at least it will leave him thinking. This friend believes unchastity will not harm his relationship with God and with his future wife. Specially, is there anyone out there that used to disagree with Church teaching and later changed his mind? What triggered this? Was it a book? Retreat? Example from other men?

Thank you

J
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I’ll present you (not that I credit myself with it) with a male argument: would you like if your girl did X? If not, then it’s hardly fair for you to do X. Actually had me stop doing X.

Plus, a girl’s reaction is not going to be ecstatic when you tell her about all that. In fact, less than externally carried out sins against the sixth can make a girl feel bad. Think in perspective. Be light on your future Miss Right. At that point you may wish you had been.

And let’s not forget “conquests” don’t make you any more manly. I guess “less” is actually the answer, since it tends to involve an abdication of self-control, which is a very manly virtue. Honour and self-control. Goes hand-in-hand with respecting, honouring and waiting for your wife, much less so with conquests or indulgence.

Oh, and Casanova said the greatest lover would stick with one woman.
 
Hey ya!

I’m a 21 year old Catholic guy…and fingers crossed i can be of some sort of help.

I’ll be perfectly honest with you, like most guys there’s not much more i’d love than sex - and lots of it! Maybe cause i went to an all-boys school, i was anxious and fumbly around girls when i left school (and still am!) - anyways, perhaps God used this to frustrate my woeful attempts to get sex. I was still a virgin at 19 years old when i rediscovered Jesus.

Anyways, looking back now, i am SO SO thankful to God for protecting my chastity.

The gift of your virginity is so special because you can only give it once and because it is as intimate as a man and woman can get.

Imagine if you were giving your husband or wife a present for their birthday. Would you take the present out of its box and use it with somebody else, before you give it to your spouse?? Of course not!! In the same way, the gift of your sexuality should be given, unused, to your spouse.

Also, if you’ve had sex with another partner, then your spouse could feel that they are being compared to your previous partner. If you’re both virgins until your marriage night, then you wont know any different…and will therefore be completely satisfied with each other.

I’ve had a few friends (even guys) come crying to me because they felt so upset and guilty that they had lost their virginity out of wedlock…which wasnt the proud feeling that i thought i wud have had. So i’ve decided that i’d rather wait and fully enjoy sex instead of feeling guilty and not enjoying it.

But the main reason for remaining a virgin is because God commands it.
 
I am a married man who after many years finally learned how to live my married vocation chastely. I had always lived my marriage faithfully, but not chastely.

Living chastely is using your sexual function in accord with your state in life, consistent with your vocation.

I went to a class on “marital chastity” in which I learned a very beautiful thing about sex. Living chastely means that all my desires must be directed to making my wife feel loved as no other woman feels loved. My goal is to make her the happiest woman on the face of the earth. No kidding.

To full accept that as a goal I had to struggle to understand that to make my wife the happiest woman on the face of the earth she must be very close to God, drawing closer to God each day. Because no one is happy when they are distant from God. To help me do this for my wife…to pursue her greatest good - as if it were my own good! - I must not be thinking about myself. I have to master selfishness, with great abandonment. This in turn is a great good for me…I can be most happy by serving my wife out of love for God.

So with regard to sex…my desires, my needs, my happiness aren’t pursued by me…they are pursued by my wife…my focus is her greatest good…her focus mine…both converging on God.

Our marriage was great before we learned this but is now far greater afterward. I didn’t think that was possible…but it is.

So your friend should struggle…and it does take struggle…this is good…to learn that living chastely before one is married and living chastely afterwards is very much the same.
 
Contrary to what many believe, the Catholic church does not see sex as some dirty and “let’s not talk about it” type of thing. Catholics believe that it is a precious life giving act. Sex is a beautiful thing, because it is the only profoundly loving act which can bring another into the world. Your friend doesn’t understand that recreational sex is violation of love. It takes sex out of its loving and life giving context and makes it more of a self pleasure, more of a lustful act. This is why sex should be within the context of marriage in accordance with God’s will. Sex should be treated delicately. It should not be stripped of its very nature, the nature to give life. Once you are committed to a spouse who will help build a good family, then you marry them and with this marriage comes a beautiful and loving environment to bring a third into.

God bless
 
Thank you for all your advice. I really appreciate it
J
 
=jacquelyn 1194;10557615]Hi,
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I was wondering if there were any guys that could help me with some advice.
How can I explain a guy the Catholic teaching on sexuality in a way that it is interesting and that at least it will leave him thinking. This friend believes unchastity will not harm his relationship with God and with his future wife. Specially, is there anyone out there that used to disagree with Church teaching and later changed his mind? What triggered this? Was it a book? Retreat? Example from other men?
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Thank you
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J
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WHO’S in charge? God or him?

Why did God create sexuality?

PROCREATION and unity. Married only.

Genesis 4:1 The man had intercourse with his wife Eve, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain. ‘I have acquired a man with the help of Yahweh,’ she said.

Birth is Controlled by God
John.1 Verses 12 to 14: “But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God; who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. “

Gen.38: 6-10 “And Judah took a wife for Er his first-born, and her name was Tamar. But Er, Judah’s first-born, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. Then Judah [the Father of both sons] said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife he spilled the semen on the ground, lest he should give offspring to his brother. And what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD, and he slew him also.
 
“Chastity” at its most fundamental level means loving rightly. How could NOT doing that do anything but harm your relationship with your partner or God?
 
I went through a conversion process in my life, because “I’ve been away and returned to my father’s house.” Why I walked away? Simply because my depth and knowledge of the Church was very shallow, and because my questions lacked answers. I refrained from communing my religion, I became agnostic and went in search of my truth. “Noli forces ire, in teipsum redi: in interiore homine habitat veritas” - St. Augustine. The translation means: Do not look outside, get yourself in yourself: truth dwells in the inner man. And I found it, because I found the Father

Love is the central message of Christ, and as we are told by Paul, we would be nothing without it. The marriage is to legitimize the union between a man and a woman, as well as its fulfillment can only belong to this sacrament. What is a relationship that is sustained by sexual appeal? It is just sex appeal, and that is not what Jesus taught us. We must love others for what they are, at their heart, not by their carnal pleasure, because it is not a virtue of mind. Love is when two souls are able to run together and not when a body sublimates the other.

Sex is wrong when it isn’t done for the purpose of procreation, is comparable to prostitution. It is a disorder like any other, the similarity of gluttony, which seeks to exalt the sensitive pleasure through taste. Sex can also fall into this category. Love, in the view of the Church, requires a lot of giving. First a person should not look at the other to fill her own void, or find someone else to “pass the time”. Dating is a rehearsal for the wedding, and it should not extract qualities that belong only to it, as the sexual act itself.
 
Colmeia said:
I went through a conversion process in my life, because “I’ve been away and returned to my father’s house.” Why I walked away? Simply because my depth and knowledge of the Church was very shallow, and because my questions lacked answers. I refrained from communing my religion, I became agnostic and went in search of my truth. “Noli forces ire, in teipsum redi: in interiore homine habitat veritas” - St. Augustine. The translation means: Do not look outside, get yourself in yourself: truth dwells in the inner man. And I found it, because I found the Father

Love is the central message of Christ, and as we are told by Paul, we would be nothing without it. The marriage is to legitimize the union between a man and a woman, as well as its fulfillment can only belong to this sacrament. What is a relationship that is sustained by sexual appeal? It is just sex appeal, and that is not what Jesus taught us. We must love others for what they are, at their heart, not by their carnal pleasure, because it is not a virtue of mind. Love is when two souls are able to run together and not when a body sublimates the other.

Sex is wrong when it isn’t done for the purpose of procreation, is comparable to prostitution. It is a disorder like any other, the similarity of gluttony, which seeks to exalt the sensitive pleasure through taste. Sex can also fall into this category. Love, in the view of the Church, requires a lot of giving. First a person should not look at the other to fill her own void, or find someone else to “pass the time”. Dating is a rehearsal for the wedding, and it should not extract qualities that belong only to it, as the sexual act itself.
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Welcome home! :extrahappy:
 
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