Teaching our children safe sex

[whatevergirl]

When did ‘good parenting’ turn into an exercise of ‘objectively’ discussing all possible courses of action and then stepping back and allowing them to make their own decisions?

I think it was when relativism became the dominant moral framework. When silly things like ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ fell out of fashion and became just too ‘judgmental’.

Relativists just don’t make good parents. Kids need direction–that’s the whole point of parenting. Parenting is nothing less than setting a child on the path to heaven, and heaven can’t be reached by contracepting, aborting, and generally misunderstanding the whole point of human life and relationships. You have a greater responsibility for the salvation of your child than setting them adrift without a compass in regards to sexual morality.

And even if you don’t believe that their immortal souls are in danger by contracepting and aborting–can’t you see that both of these things harm women, men, and their relationships (married or otherwise)? Can’t you see the damage which they are doing in our culture which no longer values marriage, in which so many children are raised in broken families, where abuse, rape, and the objectification of women are prevalent? ‘Safe sex’ does not exist, especially when we’re talking about emotions.

I’m a 20 year old woman, engaged to be married in a little under two years to the love of my life, and we are both–and will remain–virgins until our wedding night. I know that I have been committed to chastity throughout my youth because of the strong example and teaching of my mother, who never shied away from discussing sex, contraception, or abortion, but who always did so with a firm view towards what is right and what is wrong. Without that experience, I know that I would have been completely lost–as many of my former classmates and some friends are–in our ‘sex ed’ culture with its message of consequence-free and commitment-less sex. I thank God every day for her

Praise God that you have stayed pure…and are waiting for marriage.

 

[Rach620]

I wonder if “real” Catholics get into Heaven faster than “Cafeteria” Catholics… HMMM

I wonder if many of us make it into heaven at all…the narrow path, and passing through the eye of the needle, and all that…

It sure does require God’s grace!

If you can live the virtuous life required of a child of God while being a ‘cafeteria Catholic,’ then by all means, I’m not going to stop you.

But that’s just probably not possible. The Church’s teachings are meant to ensure that we lead virtuous lives and cooperate with God’s grace in our lives so that we can reach heaven. Because of that annoying original sin, we tend to like the vices more than the virtues–and our most recent name for justifying our sinfulness is ‘cafeteria Catholicism’. But this just doesn’t fly with God.

I always say it, but quite honestly, our faith is and should be one which seeks to understand itself. Someone who is genuinely trying to *understand *their faith will not pick and choose at mere will which teachings to follow and which to ignore.

If you know that “man only finds himself in a complete gift of himself,” (Gaudium et Spes 24) and that sex as procreative and unitive entails that ‘complete gift,’ it quickly follows that contraception impedes/prevents it. And any normal human being would rather *find *himself than lose himself, so contraception is therefore out of the question–whether this is easy in practice or not.

So genuine understanding of the beautiful unity of Catholicism really quite inevitably leads to orthodoxy, to embracing the goodness of each and every teaching of our faith as essential–even those pesky ones about sexual morality. It leads to a love of the virtuous life for God’s sake–for love of the virtue of chastity because it brings us closer to God! It’s simply amazing, this Church that Christ established

I really suggest that the OP tries to *understand *why the Church teaches that premarital sex and contraception are wrong. Pope John Paul II really explained the theology of the body so beautifully that I have never heard of anyone rejecting it who has made a good-faith effort to understand it. There are so many really new and refreshing perspectives on this subject which have only come along since the mid-1980s…Christopher West and Jason Evert to name a couple. Definitely check them out–and then talk to your kids!

 

[blessedtoo]

I would suggest you do some better research before you go calling people naive.

In 1993 the University of Texas analyzed the results of 11 different studies that had tracked the effectiveness of condoms to prevent transmission of the AIDS virus. The average condom failure rate in the 11 studies for preventing transmission of the AIDS virus was 31%.

A variety of studies have found that condoms have an “annual failure rate” of 10% to 36% when it comes to preventing pregnancy.

STDs are frequently passed through “skin to skin” contact even when condoms are used. This can happen because the bacterial or viral germs that cause many serious STDs (such as human papillomavirus, chlamydia, herpes, and syphilis) do not infect just one place on your body. They may infect anywhere in the male or female genital areas.

The United States’ Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports that 56 million Americans have an incurable STD. That means 1 in 5 Americans are infected!

12 million people get a new STD each year.

33,000 people get a new STD every day and 22,000 of them are 15 to 24 years old.

25% of High School students will be infected with an STD before graduation.

May I add:
In the forty years of birth control and “safe sex” education in America
-The annual divorce rate has doubled.
-The percentage of children living with a single parent has doubled
-births to unmarried women have increased more than 400 percent.
-In 1960, syphilis and gonorrhea were the only two known STD’s and each was treatable with antibiotics.
-Today there are over 20 diseases with 12 million newly infected persons each year.

I won’t even get into the numbers on abortion since the advent of “safe sex” education.

The numbers don’t lie.

 

[whatevergirl]

May I add:
In the forty years of birth control and “safe sex” education in America
-The annual divorce rate has doubled.
-The percentage of children living with a single parent has doubled
-births to unmarried women have increased more than 400 percent.
-In 1960, syphilis and gonorrhea were the only two known STD’s and each was treatable with antibiotics.
-Today there are over 20 diseases with 12 million newly infected persons each year.

I won’t even get into the numbers on abortion since the advent of “safe sex” education.

The numbers don’t lie.

Why is society so ignorant to these numbers, though??

 

[Rach620]

Why is society so ignorant to these numbers, though??

Because the truth hurts, stops all the ‘fun,’ and forces women to realize that the sexual revolution has earned them nothing more than pain. Our culture is in denial.

It’s a sad situation.

 

[whatevergirl]

Because the truth hurts, stops all the ‘fun,’ and forces women to realize that the sexual revolution has earned them nothing more than pain. Our culture is in denial.

It’s a sad situation.

Yes…true. It does sadden me…

 

[blessedtoo]

The genie is really out of the bottle now. It seems nearly impossible to force it back in. As Humane Vitae prophesied, the slippery slope which began with the universal approval of birth control has continued downward and into depths even the Pope might never have imagined. Try to suggest the clear connection between all these issues to someone who is knee deep in attachments to this world, and they will look at you like you are koo-koo.

 

[LittleDeb]

When did ‘good parenting’ turn into an exercise of ‘objectively’ discussing all possible courses of action and then stepping back and allowing them to make their own decisions?

I think it was when relativism became the dominant moral framework. When silly things like ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ fell out of fashion and became just too ‘judgmental’.

Relativists just don’t make good parents. Kids need direction–that’s the whole point of parenting. Parenting is nothing less than setting a child on the path to heaven, and heaven can’t be reached by contracepting, aborting, and generally misunderstanding the whole point of human life and relationships. You have a greater responsibility for the salvation of your child than setting them adrift without a compass in regards to sexual morality.

And even if you don’t believe that their immortal souls are in danger by contracepting and aborting–can’t you see that both of these things harm women, men, and their relationships (married or otherwise)? Can’t you see the damage which they are doing in our culture which no longer values marriage, in which so many children are raised in broken families, where abuse, rape, and the objectification of women are prevalent? ‘Safe sex’ does not exist, especially when we’re talking about emotions.

I’m a 20 year old woman, engaged to be married in a little under two years to the love of my life, and we are both–and will remain–virgins until our wedding night. I know that I have been committed to chastity throughout my youth because of the strong example and teaching of my mother, who never shied away from discussing sex, contraception, or abortion, but who always did so with a firm view towards what is right and what is wrong. Without that experience, I know that I would have been completely lost–as many of my former classmates and some friends are–in our ‘sex ed’ culture with its message of consequence-free and commitment-less sex. I thank God every day for her

I want to be just like your mother!! I am from the generation of extremes. Some of us had moms who were too shy about sex to have frank discussions. The others had moms who promoted, “loving relationships while using protection.” Neither way worked. None of us were happy in that life, and none of us were virgins when we married. We have all had to overcome the repercussions of it.

Thanks for reaffirming there is a better way. Your mom’s method is my plan. Most of my female friends, regardless of their religious beliefs, have come to me with questions on how to talk to their children. It is such an honor to be included in this very personal relationship.

 

[jmcrae]

As a Catholic that follows the teaching of the Church as completely as I can as a human being I’m just hoping I make it to purgatory…

Same here. I read one time in the It’s Time newspaper, in an interview with Sister Lucy (of the children of Fatima) that when Our Lady showed them a small glimpse of Hell, they saw the souls falling in as thick as snowflakes in a December blizzard. That was in 1917, before birth control was legal anywhere in the world, and before any version of the so-called “sexual revolution” - one can only imagine how many souls are falling into Hell every day, today.

I bet you not a one of those souls ever thought they would go to Hell for real, either. I hear a lot of people joking and laughing about Hell, and everyone says, “Don’t judge me; I’m just doing my best, here,” but the real thing is not so funny.

We also practically canonize everyone who dies, no matter what kind of lives they led. I was at the funeral of a bank robber - a guy who spent most of his life in jail, married three women without ever divorcing any of them, stole all their money, etc. - and even there, they were talking about what a “good guy” he was at the funeral. I am sure the kids who were present there must have figured, well, hey, if a guy like that can be called “good” at the end of his life, then what is there to reach for? Just make as much money and have as much fun as you can in this life, and don’t worry about any kind of consequences, because, ultimately, everyone is called “good.”

 

[prodigal-sun]

I hope so, too.

The only advice my mother ever gave me was, “If you think you can be ready for sex before you are ready for marriage, you’re wrong about that - and don’t let anybody kid you otherwise. You will know that you are ready for sex when you are married to the man you want to have sex with, and ready to raise your children.”

It’s all she ever had to say, because I knew right away that she was right.

AWESOME!

“That’s all I gotta say about that” Forrest Gump.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Hi,

I’m a teenage girl and I have a couple things to say.

There is no such thing as “safe” sex. I am still in HS (not for long though) and I hear every day about condoms breaking and “but we used protection!!” The only birth control that provides STD protection is the condom and even that’s risky. Statistics show that condoms have a 15% failure rate in preventing pregnancy and are even worse when it comes to preventing HIV. I would never entrust my life to a piece of porous latex (or w/e else they make condoms out of)

Another thing that comes up is the emotional issues. Every day, I hear about girls who have the hardest time breaking up with a guy because they shared so much physical intimacy with the guys. I also hear of girls who use guys just for hookups while the guys really like these girls and see it as a way to get close. A condom can’t protect you from that. It’s really sad to see.

I’m in a relationship and we’re both practicing abstinence. I believe it helps because I truly appreciate who my boyfriend is and I know he does for me as well. There’s no pressure to have sex or anything else, we just try and get to know each other and spend time together. Besides, we’re also best friends and I wouldn’t want to do anything to ruin that.

I understand why parents teach kids “safe sex”, my parents did that for me as well, but in reality, there is no such thing. The only truly safe sex that protects from physical, emotional, and spiritual consequences is abstinence. Besides (for those of us called to marriage) once you’re with the love of your life, are you really going to care about those other people?

 

[jmcrae]

I understand why parents teach kids “safe sex”, my parents did that for me as well, but in reality, there is no such thing. The only truly safe sex that protects from physical, emotional, and spiritual consequences is abstinence. Besides (for those of us called to marriage) once you’re with the love of your life, are you really going to care about those other people?

God bless you, sweetheart!!

I can see that you are a very intelligent young woman, and that you have set your feet upon the path to Heaven. You also have a statistally higher chance of becoming well-educated, earning a lot of money, marrying well, and having happy well-adjusted children.

Keep up the good work, and don’t let anybody drag you down into the gutter - not for anything!! Hold on tight to your wonderful future, and don’t ever let go.

 

[Smber2c]

I don’t think her kids need your pity. Sound to me that they will be well informed and able to make the right choices for them.

Not telling children that sex before marriage is a grevious lack of information that any Christian parent should be ashamed of. The idea that a child can make clear decisions on their own on with these issues is a joke.

We don’t let toddlers choose for themselves if they will play in the street.
We don’t let middle school kids feel out if they want to sit through math class.
And we shouldn’t leave it to high school kids to decide for themselves if chastity until marriage seems logical.

Parents need to lead their kids to truth with confidence and conviction. Teen pregnancy isn’t the result of kids not getting how to use a condom, it’s from kids having sex when they shouldn’t be in the first place. And pregnancy isn’t the only risk. Above was mentioned the 25% STD rate for high school grads. Then there is the emotional trauma of sharing that intimacy flippantly. (leading to run aways, depression, suicide, etc…)

Yes, eventually kids will decide for themselves, but parents who are limp noodles when it comes to teaching morals simply lead children to instead follow popular culture and thus slowly and painfully learn that all of cultures romantic wanderlust and lustful promises are lies.

Hopefully the are still alive and whole when that journey is over.

 

[Maria1212]

I think you owe it to your children to teach them why there is no such thing as safe sex. I attended a Catholic all-girl`s highschool, and with parental permission, they taught us about what to expect during your first trip to the gynocologist etc. They taught us about each method of birth control, explained what it was, the side effects, and its failure rate. We learned that safe sex really was a myth. It is important to teach them why premarital sex is a sin, but also why it is unhealthy from a physical standpoint.

We learned the Catholic position on birth control and premarital sex, but we also learned about STDs so that we were educated with facts. Believe me, studying about STDs is one of the best ways to prevent people from having sex!

It is also important to teach them that people can carry STDs and not show any signs of it. One of my friends contracted an STD from her husband. He didnt know he had it, and was never tested for it. It was a horrible shock for her.

It is important to teach your children both the spiritual and physical and emotional consequences of premaritial sex. In today`s world, spiritual reasons aside, it simply is not worth the risk for a few minutes of pleasure!

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[dwc]

Count me as another one who believes a parent’s responsibility is to firmly and consistently provide moral guidance, without contradiction. I love what whatever girl said, about expecting more from our kids, setting the standard higher, and maybe they will meet that standard. My kids are 14, 12 and 8. What I have learned so far is that, in general, they will seek to achieve our expectations of them. If we don’t expect them to meet high standards, such as to pick up after themselves, use good table manners, be respectful, diligent about tasks and school work … they aren’t. When we consistently make it clear that we expect certain standards of behavior and model them ourselves, our kids comply fairly easily.

I just don’t see how a parent can honestly expect that their child will make healthy and moral decisions about sex when they are giving clearly mixed signals. Make no mistake about it, sex is a health issue.

Our diocese sends a presenter to speak to each 8th grade class about sexual issues – abortion, premarital sex, pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. This is a week long program. Before the presentation is given to the kids, the material is presented to the parents. A movie on sexually transmitted diseases was particularly powerful. I considered myself fairly well informed but I was honestly shocked by the information presented. The movie is a documentary featuring various doctors – pediatricians, gynecologists and internists, discussing the myth of safe sex and describing in detail how STDs are transmitted ORALLY as well as with condom use. One of the moms at this meeting is a college professor and I asked her if she thought the movie exaggerated – she said no, that her college has a health clinic that is really just an STD clinic because of the overwhelming presence of STDs on college campuses, much of it oral. I also asked my doctor (specializes in peds and internal medicine) and he confirmed what the doctors in the movie said.

Sorry to be so long winded, but to the OP — you are not nearly as well informed as you think you are. You owe it to your children to get the true facts and make sure they know the facts. Then, with courage and conviction, urge them to make the right decisions for themselves, their future spouses, and their children.

 

[Windmill]

I think it is a little funny. We here on these boards are like an ant mound - someone disturbs the mound and walks off, but the ants swarm for hours afterwards.

The OP has long since abandoned this thread, yet here we continue, debating.

It’s no small matter - fornication, cohabitating, etc… I don’t mean to make light of the subject. It’s very sad when people feel like the only answer is to compromise God’s will with the World, the Flesh, and the Devil.

 

[Riley259]

Of course I am hoping my children will abstain from sex until they are in a loving, committed relationship. But I plan on teaching them about safe sex and contraceptives, in addition to teaching them about abstaining.

I would rather have a sexually active adult child that is ALIVE and healthy, than a sexually active adult child that didn’t have the proper education and is fighting a deadly disease.

Teach your kid the beauty of chastity instead. They’ll not only stay alive and healthy but they’ll also be joyful.

 

[whatevergirl]

I am just stunned at your naviety. What would happen if you find yourself in a marriage to a man with an STD and who continually mistreats you verbally? Would you stay with that man because your mom said to on your wedding night?

It is lack of education in the Catholic homes that is spreading STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Just because we are Catholic doesn’t mean that we cannot inform our children on all things sexual.

And no, I don’t believe that a loving, committed relationship is necessarily marriage.

No…it’s really the lack of trusting our kids that perhaps they can abstain that leads to unwanted pregnancies and STD’s…it’s the lack of love in the homes nowadays…dad’s disappeared, and girls are looking for love between the sheets with their random boyfriends…boys are having sex, because there is no real male role model in their lives to teach them how to treat women…

THESE are the reasons for unwanted pregnancies…and STD’s. .

 

[bluerose]

No…it’s really the lack of trusting our kids that perhaps they can abstain that leads to unwanted pregnancies and STD’s…it’s the lack of love in the homes nowadays…dad’s disappeared, and girls are looking for love between the sheets with their random boyfriends…boys are having sex, because there is no real male role model in their lives to teach them how to treat women…

THESE are the reasons for unwanted pregnancies…and STD’s. .

 

[Elizastaci]

The “safe sex” concept makes me so angry! I’m a 20-year-old college student, and my three closest girlfriends have all had pregnancy scares within the past month, while practicing “safe sex”, because they grew up thinking that with condoms they’d be okay.

And in only one case is the young lady still with the gentleman she was with during the scare. It’s so sad. They know how I feel, and I try to influence, but only one is currently a practicing Catholic, so I don’t know how much luck I’m going to have.

While I complain sometimes about my so-so love life…I am so grateful that living chastely has kept me from the heartache that plagues my girlfriends when they have sex with their boyfriends.