Teaching Teen the right way to date?

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This isn’t so much a rule or guideline, but a way of approaching dating from a wider perspective of general parenting:

Keep the communication going. Talk to each other. Learn about who her/his friends are. Get to know the parents of kids in the group of friends–in our experience, “dates” develop among classmates, people in the same activities, etc. Believe it or not, the “dates” that have happened have been with boys who go to our church, so we know the parents; or with boys who are neighbors, and we know the parents; or with boys on the swim team, and we know the parents.

We take the prohibitions on a case-by-case basis, but so far we haven’t had to make any declarations. Our girls have a pretty good sense of themselves. My wife does a marvelous job of talking to them about situations they need to be aware of and avoid–but that goes for everything, not just dating.
 
1lucy1 said:
my old rule was: first date must be dinner with the family, dates must be in public

but then I kind of realised that no teenager is going to want to spend time with the family on the first date, it’s seen as a step to take when they are “serious” about each other. So the teenager will probably not tell mom and dad about his/her relationships. (that’s my experience, I understand that this could work with teens that are close with their family)

So I kind of changed it to: first couple of dates must be in public, when they established a relationship (as in girlfriend and boyfriend, not two people just “hanging”), then they should introduce him/her to the family. Before that however, the parents must be told that the child is going on a date. Name, age, how they met must be told. my vow to the kids is that I won’t freak out if they tell me that they are going on a date (but I’ll secretly stalk the person on social media) :rolleyes:

my oldest daughter is a hopeless case (not to sound horrible, i just know that she won’t tell me if she is dating or not)

my other daughter is still not interested in boys, she is in a girls’ school anyway. She has crushes on male celebrities but that’s about it (she says that there’s no good looking guys here, haha)

son says there’s no girl he cares about, even in a platonic way :o He’s in the “dating makes me poor” stage

So I don’t know if my advice will work or not.
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Our guidelines look a lot like this. I would add that we also do not allow visits to the gf/bf house unless a parent is there, and no bedrooms. How do I know that is what is happening at the houses my kids visit? I ask them, and then tell them I believe them. (And so far I have known the other parents, so, sneakily I do really know.)
 
Is a father or mother being too strict if they tell their teen they can’t be at their boyfriend or girlfriend’s house if the parents aren’t home even though siblings and friends are there?
 
MainBrain said:
Is a father or mother being too strict if they tell their teen they can’t be at their boyfriend or girlfriend’s house if the parents aren’t home even though siblings and friends are there?
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I think that the parents - who you know should be there.
 
MainBrain said:
Is a father or mother being too strict if they tell their teen they can’t be at their boyfriend or girlfriend’s house if the parents aren’t home even though siblings and friends are there?
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In our house or the friends house (even same sex) parents must be home. Siblings don’t count.
 
I have seven kids who are all adults now but even back in the eighties our rules included no friends of the opposite sex in your bedroom and nobody at any friend’s house or our house for that matter if the parents were not home. I was the meanest mom ever. according to my kids.
Some of my kids challenged these rules more than others and there were kids my daughters would only see on the front porch. It was their choice not mine and I am still not sure why. Maybe they thought we would not approve.
Setting rules is hard but raising a baby is harder.Most of raising a teenager is a challenge but when they are grown it is more than worth it.
 
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