Teased at Mass for not wanting to hold hands during Our Father

  • Thread starter Thread starter Magdalena59
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I have a problem with shaking hands when my arthritis is acting up - some people just don’t know how to shake hands and give a painful squeeze instead. I also have an off & on balance problem. When standing I’m better off holding onto the pew in front of me. If anyone is near me, I close my eyes to discourage overtures.

Neither of these minor disabilities are noticeable, and they are not something I want to discuss every Sunday if I’m near someone who doesn’t know me well. I will say, “Sorry - arthritis,” to the greeters & anyone else before Mass, while giving a little bow. I started doing that after I heard someone say about me, “She doesn’t like to shake hands.”

A funny about hand holding during the Our Father: One time I noticed a child I knew with his finger up his nose during much of the Mass. When the Our Father & the sign of peace came around, I thanked God he wasn’t sitting near me! 😃
 
We are asked to offer each other a sign of peace. I will shake hands with those who respond to my extended hand. And vice-versa. We are generally not asked to join hands for the Lord’s Prayer, but someone gets it started and we follow through. I read that only priests should have outstretched hands, though some people pray that way during that part of the Mass. The times we genuflect, stand, kneel, bow, sing & pray are clear.
 
After consecration, my attention is focused on Christ. During the Our Father, I have my eyes closed and hands folded. However, if anyone teased me during Mass, I would pray for them.
 
pianistclare said:
Never works for me. I’ve had people pry my arms apart. :mad:
I even got a lecture from the Deacon “we’re a hand-holding parish, and you hurt people’s feelings”.
He was shocked to hear that it’s not in the rubrics.
His response? “BUT WE’VE ALWAYS DONE IT.”
yeah.
Right.
Whatevs. 😦
Click to expand...
Good grief! :eek: Pried your arms apart? Then that’s their problem. I’d pray for them that they develop a better sense of boundaries and limits.
 
Hand-holding in at mass is a ridiculous leftover from the 1960’s and '70s and pretty much a completely phony expression of community - I have.never seen ANY strangers go from the enforced hand-holding to any sort of further introduction. Having committed this action, which is nowhere prescribed, the people rush away only too happy to nit further the embarrassment of further pretense. Alas the same is mainly true of the gesture of peace, described by Pope Emeritus Benedict as a liturgically meaningless gesture.
 
it is assault and it’s a criticism of a personal spirituality.
I can’t parish shop because I’m the DRE. As the DRE, I feel it’s important not to adopt postures and gestures that are not part of the Mass.
I feel I owe it to the families of the children to be clear on what is correct and what is not.
But I’m still called “unfriendly” by the Deacons. The priest has told them to leave me alone. :o
 
CarmelJerome said:
Hand-holding in at mass is a ridiculous leftover from the 1960’s and '70s and pretty much a completely phony expression of community - I have.never seen ANY strangers go from the enforced hand-holding to any sort of further introduction. Having committed this action, which is nowhere prescribed, the people rush away only too happy to nit further the embarrassment of further pretense. Alas the same is mainly true of the gesture of peace, described by Pope Emeritus Benedict as a liturgically meaningless gesture.
Click to expand...
Phony seems a good description for both the handshake and sign of peace. I have no problem worshipping as a community, but I don’t feel the need to touch anyone or be touched unless it might be before or after Mass outside of the sanctuary. It is a distraction during Mass when I want to be focused on the Mass and Christ.
 
i’ve been in parishes where they ask people to introduce themselves to the persons next to them, before mass starts. i suppose they are trying to encourage some sense of family, but i don’t think it works very well. we need the Holy Spirit to bring people together, not forced attempts at building relationships. don’t even get me started on the official ‘greeter’, it’s not walmart.😛
 
bisco said:
i’ve been in parishes where they ask people to introduce themselves to the persons next to them, before mass starts. i suppose they are trying to encourage some sense of family, but i don’t think it works very well. we need the Holy Spirit to bring people together, not forced attempts at building relationships. don’t even get me started on the official ‘greeter’, it’s not walmart.😛
Click to expand...
LOL. I hear you. We also have a prayer for the Church that we recite before Mass.
All gimmicks.
 
i think the pastors are at a loss. they cannot find enough cantor’s, religious ed teacher’s, eucharistic ministers, music leaders and etc. they try to encourage community (coffee and donuts with free blood pressure screening anyone?) but the parishes are made of of so many cliques, it is a bad job.
 
bisco said:
i’ve been in parishes where they ask people to introduce themselves to the persons next to them, before mass starts. i suppose they are trying to encourage some sense of family, but i don’t think it works very well. we need the Holy Spirit to bring people together, not forced attempts at building relationships. don’t even get me started on the official ‘greeter’, it’s not walmart.😛
Click to expand...
Greeting people is courtesy in action, not an attempt to form a full blown relationship.
Go to any decent hotel and someone greets you and they may open the doors.

The obvious objection is “the Mass isn’t a hotel”. That’s true, but kindness can be practiced everywhere. When people come to our homes we open the door and greet them. The Church is the Body of Christ, I think it is good for people to greet one another. Our parish has greeters hold open the doors and simply say “good morning”. Before the start of Mass we are asked to greet one another. It’s simple and quick.
 
Yeah, I’m all for saying hello to the people around me, but I think it’s problematic that we treat it as some form of social pathology when people don’t like to be touched.
 
We were told by our diocese, Cleveland, some time back that we were not supposed to hold hands but raise them as the priest does to be consistent with early Church practice. Not everyone knows that but enough do it, that the hand holders tend not to be too agressive.
 
bisco said:
i’ve been in parishes where they ask people to introduce themselves to the persons next to them, before mass starts. i suppose they are trying to encourage some sense of family, but i don’t think it works very well. we need the Holy Spirit to bring people together, not forced attempts at building relationships. don’t even get me started on the official ‘greeter’, it’s not walmart.😛
Click to expand...
That is my parish you describe in the first sentence.
Only it is worse, the priest gives us a question like “what is your favorite season or what’s your favorite halloween candy?”
thrn when you introduce yourself you share your answer.
It is truly agonizing. Most people smile and say their name while others will give their answer enthusiastically. What confuses me is the priest wants us to sit in silence before Mass begins then he asks who is visiting and that takes like 5 minutes then we greet one another before Mass even begins so the moments you spent in silence preparing for Mass is totally interrupted.
 
agreed.👍 i don’t know where you are, but when we go to florida in the winter, they do that, like we’re ever going to see each other again. makes me feel like i’m in kindergarten.:confused:
 
clem456 said:
Greeting people is courtesy in action, not an attempt to form a full blown relationship.
Go to any decent hotel and someone greets you and they may open the doors.

The obvious objection is “the Mass isn’t a hotel”. That’s true, but kindness can be practiced everywhere. When people come to our homes we open the door and greet them. The Church is the Body of Christ, I think it is good for people to greet one another. Our parish has greeters hold open the doors and simply say “good morning”. Before the start of Mass we are asked to greet one another. It’s simple and quick.
Click to expand...
i respect your opinion.👍
 
bisco said:
agreed.👍 i don’t know where you are, but when we go to florida in the winter, they do that, like we’re ever going to see each other again. makes me feel like i’m in kindergarten.:confused:
Click to expand...
Yes. It makes you feel like you are in grade school again.
I would like to be treated like I am an adult and I want to show reverence. All of that totally detracts from the mindset I am trying to be in.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top