Teen hanging out alone with the opposite sex?

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So I have a question about a new rule in my family that seems a bit unfair to me.

To put things in perspective, I’m a girl turning sixteen in two days, and most of my friends are (practicing Catholic) guys. My very best friend is a guy and we have a great friendship, he’s an amazing kid and he has really good morals. We’ve been friends for about a year.

I’ve hung out with him alone plenty of times and nothing has ever happened that was inappropriate- we’re friends. Our friendship is exactly the same as the friendship between me and my female friends- although maybe a little stronger since we’re best friends but the point I’m trying to make is that it’s a normal platonic friendship.

I hang out with him in groups all the time, too, we aren’t alone 24/7. I’d say I hang out with him in groups most of the time, even. But it is nice for us to hang out one on one sometimes! It’s sometimes good to be able to talk in person one on one without having other people in the conversation. When we do hang out alone it’s in very public places like the park, a restaurant, or a coffee shop. Sometimes he’ll come to my house and we’ll hang out, but we’re on the first floor and my parents are home.

What I’m trying to say is, my best friend and I have a really healthy platonic friendship and I love it. However, my dad today said that I’m no longer allowed to hang out with boys alone. I’d get it if my friends were significantly older than me (this friend is within a year of me and is younger than me), if they were bad kids (he knows all of them!), or if we were hanging out alone in private places (we aren’t), but I truly do think it’s completely healthy and safe for me to hang out with my friend the way I have been.

What are your guys’ thoughts on this? What are some points I can make to my dad about it to change his mind? I know he’s my parent and I will follow the rules he sets but I’m really bummed about this one and I’d at least like to compromise.
 
Your dad has been a 16 year old guy. You demonstrate your maturity by obeying your father in this matter. I was the girl who had mostly guy friends. I will tell you that the older you get, the more difficult it is to resist the urge to get physical with your best friend.

Even those about whom I’d say “oh, he is not AT ALL my type!”, I was also sort of keeping him in an “in case of emergency” boyfriend. Making promises like “if we are 30 and not married, we will marry each other” sort of things.

The young men also develop intense feelings of attraction for women when they are in close, intimate friendships.

Regardless of what movies and TV tell us, God designed men and women to want each other.

The very best marriages I know are when two very best friends, who know each other inside and out, get married. Work now to protect both of your chastity by avoiding the long times alone together.

I have also known the pain of being “best woman” at my best friend’s wedding and at the reception, sitting there under the night sky and fairy lights, him telling me “you know, we can not be as close of friends ever again.” Shedding tears, feeling so rejected.

Another best guy friend got married to a woman I did NOT like. I only went to the wedding and would not even go to the reception, I so disapproved. Now, many decades later, I regret not sharing all of that day with the two of them.
 
what A S said above. To add-a plutonic relationship is somewhat rare. And your father-being a ‘boy’-knows this. Be blessed that he is watching out for you. Everyone should be lucky enough to have a parent watch out for you. Peace.
 
Are you still permitted to hang out at your parents’ home with them there to act as chaperones?
If so, doesn’t sound like a huge problem.
Also, I presume you have Skype or some way to chat one on one without physically spending time with each other.
Your dad is concerned probably about inappropriate closeness cropping up, which could happen. Respect his wishes and socialize in a group.
 
Are you aware of what us kids can do without being in the same room? We’re not in the 1950s.
 
If someone sets their mind on committing sins of the flesh, they will find a way. The things I have witnessed in airplane cabins or on school buses would make your hair curl! Yes, a family can move to a remote area, homeschool, not allow any contact via electronic communications. That is an option that families can take.

As parents who want to see our kids grow into responsible adults in the modern world, we do give our teens freedom in increments. This is directly tied to the way the teen has exhibited moral responsibility.
 
Can you have sexual intercourse and get pregnant through the Skype? Do tell.

It doesn’t sound like this girl and her friend are looking for that kind of relationship, or they’d just be sneaking behind Dad’s back. The dad’s restrictions are designed to prevent the temptation that arises when people are physically close. It’s harder to resist when the person is right in front of you, hugging you, touching you etc than when they’re on video or chat.
 
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Of course the OP has to obey her father…
But I disagree with those posters who insist that platonic friendships between the opposite sex are rare or impossible. I’m a married man in my 30s who still has platonic friendships with women going back to my teen or early 20s years. It’s simply not true that every single man is attracted to every single woman.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Can you have sexual intercourse and get pregnant through the Skype? Do tell.

It doesn’t sound like this girl and her friend are looking for that kind of relationship, or they’d just be sneaking behind Dad’s back. The dad’s restrictions are designed to prevent the temptation that arises when people are physically close. It’s harder to resist when the person is right in front of you, hugging you, touching you etc than when they’re on video or chat.
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Yeah, pretty close. You know millennials are having less sex and abortions right?
 
DominusEmpyreus said:
You know telling not to do something makes kids want to do it more right? You know kids are better informed now than you probably ever were?
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To the first question: if we go with this reasoning, we should stop imposing any restrictions whatsoever on kids.

To the second question: being “better informed” has no bearing on the matter. As TheLittleLady said, God designed men and women to want each other.
 
I can see how this rule that was made all of a sudden would be frustrating. Especially when your best friend happens to be a guy. However, I have to say you need to obey your dad. Maybe talk with him and ask about why he made this rule all of a sudden and how he would recommend you hanging out with your best friend. Try and stay calm about it when you talk to him and instead of asking for what you want, ask him for his reasoning and ideas. I don’t necessarily think he doesn’t trust you or the friend but he probably does know/worried about what can happen to even the most careful.
I hope it all works out! As a teen girl myself, I haven’t ever been told that I’m not allowed to be with guys alone, probably because I never had any guy friends until I met one or two from theater (we’ve never done anything outside of hanging out during shows and practices though). I think the only time I’d been somewhat alone with one of them was when we both left the main room to go to the one next to it (there may have been someone else in there but I can’t remember) that is connected by archways because the conversation was disgusting and we were uncomfortable. However I know my parents would rather that if I’m doing something, I hang out alone with my own gender or in a group with both genders.
Maybe try and find some activities you can do with this friend as well as other friends that your parents would approve of?
 
Roguish said:
To the second question: being “better informed” has no bearing on the matter. As TheLittleLady said, God designed men and women to want each other.
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We’re not robots and I think I might be suffering from SSA anyway.
 
I saw the title of the thread and thought, simply, “Dangerous.”
As an 18 year old guy right now, I can tell you that I wouldn’t want my sister, who’s your age, hanging out with any boys alone. Doesn’t mean all of us are assaulters or rapists (#notallmen, eh?), but I certainly wouldn’t want to give anyone the chance. I personally have never been tempted to make a move on a female friend when I was alone with them, but then, I don’t generally feel that temptation so strongly as to act on it in real life. There are plenty of men who do.
Bottom line, it may be unfair, on a case by case basis. But this is your father, and you should obey him; his intent is your safety.
 
You could ask your dad if he trusts in what he’s taught you up until now. Hasn’t he done a good enough job of providing you with strong moral guidance? Have you given him reason to worry?

And you could ask why it’s a problem now when it wasn’t a problem last week.
 
Without getting into matters of confidence, as a parent, I once had a similar rule with a daughter (I think she was 17 or 18 at the time), at her request. After a rather long discussion one time with her and her boyfriend, we agreed this would be a rule. To make this happen, I had to stay at home sometimes with them and give them the house while I played chaperone. I had to drop them off and pick them up. Maybe you could talk to your father and find some middle ground that will give you two lots of time to do what ever friends do, but with supervision.
TheLittleLady said:
If someone sets their mind on committing sins of the flesh, they will find a way.
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It sounds like this young lady is wanting to keep it clean. That’s an important difference. You are right that anyone can find a way if they really want. I think it would be constructive to have a dialogue with the parents to find compromises that will give the two people time to be together and be friends (or more, if that changes) and give enough supervision to reduce the chances of a physical encounter.

@catholic12 and @StephenBales, you two give us hope for the future. I sure like hearing the good stories sometimes, especially now, as my youngest son is in the eighth grade and I have to go through the teenage thing for the first time in fifteen years.
 
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Is it an all-or-nothing kind of thing? Could he hang out in your living room when your parents or someone else is at home? Family room studying, playing video games, etc.? Your room with the door always propped open?
 
This boy isn’t the OP’s boyfriend. He’s a platonic friend. To me that makes a big difference.
 
It won’t make a difference to a father. Also, they are platonic at this time. This should mean that a compromise that will satisfy the father should be rather straightforward.
 
In two years time you will be 18 and allowed to make your own decisions as a grown up.
 
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