Teen hanging out alone with the opposite sex?

[Padres1969]

Seems a reasonable way to approach it to me. Or ask if an exception can be made for your best friend.

 

[1ke]

Aren’t we being a little harsh here?

I don’t think so.

Kids are more aware of the “facts of life” than the grandparents and parents at the same age. Blame that on the internet or whatever, but it is the fact.

It’s actually not a fact at all. That’s your opinion.

You can try “hammering” your kid, but they will see through you and, more importantly, what are they going to do once they are on their own?

Um, hello, figure of speech.

Black and white “because I told you so” works for a kid running out into traffic, but that does not help them navigate the things they already know nor does it help them own their values that you hopefully are guiding them towards.

If you actually read what I wrote to the OP, instead of making assumptions, you would see I recommended dialog with her parents about trust, boundaries, safety, and the changing boundaries as she grows from 16 to 17 to 18.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I don’t think 1ke is being “harsh”. The person (presumably a young person) posting in the thread is not using particularly good etiquette.

This is not a thread about how much young people know about sex or whether old people know how to cyber on messaging apps (newsflash, some of us work in technology and we’re more than well aware of everything anybody can do with it).

This is a typical thread about teenager’s parent gave them a rule and she doesn’t like it.
On CAF we have a longstanding policy that we don’t advise minors to do things against their parents’ will, unless perhaps it is some life-or-death abuse situation which this definitely is not.

In the end it does not matter if we think dad is reasonable or say he is living back in the 1930s. He is her dad, the rule is reasonable whether or not we’d impose such a limit for our own children, and what he says, goes.

Having a young person come on here and have what amounts to a baiting tantrum about young people’s sexual behavior is way out of line for the thread. I didn’t flag it only because I’m trying to be patient, since I think the poster’s intent was to get the adults in the room all excited. 1ke said what needed to be said.

 

[cmscms]

And that is what I think is sad. I don’t believe that only guys can share your interest. When I was younger there was a pressure for girls to get along better with guys than other girls. Kinda of like for a girl to be cool and in the ‘in crowd’ she had to get along better with guys. And young women fall for it.

I think it is healthy to have friends of the opposite sex, only if the majority of your friends are of the same sex.

 

[Lara]

There’s another aspect which you may want to consider. If this fellow is your best friend, your father may actually not respect him much and recognize there is a chance that you two will begin dating. Perhaps he’d respect more a boy who would go for the gusto and date you. In other words, he may see this boy as somewhat weak or effete. He may wonder why this boy would be content being in the friend zone.

After many years, I’ve come to realize that while men and women make great friends, it may not always be wise even if it’s completely platonic. For instance, I stopped a platonic friendship with a fellow because I realized all his female friends were actually holding him back from dating and getting married. He was enjoying various aspects of befriending women without committing to dating.