Teen is using profanity

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My beautiful, intelligent and somewhat shy teen is using profanity with her friends in emails, texts and private conversations. Profanity is not used in our home, but it apparently is considered “cool” in her circle of friends. I am deeply concerned about the direction she is taking; although my first reaction is to “lay down the law” I want to use the approach that will make her want to stop, rather than only stopping “because I said so”. Help!
 
What kind? Is it actual blasphemy, or are we just talking about vulgar choices of words? Because at least for the first one, you can say, “Because God doesn’t like it when you say those things.” 😉
 
when I try to talk to other teens about curse words i point out one thing, that it looks ugly when they say it. especially girls. (i am a teen) I used to say bad words all the time, i stopped saying them when i realized it wasn’t so cool, so with time it might go away if you firmly disprove and tell her whats right and whats wrong. Just let her know its indecent but not in the way of its bad and cause i say so. Just let her see that its actually not cool.

what isn’t appropriate to say in church isn’t appropriate to say at all(:

Hope this helps.
 
It’s a bad habit, it’s not cool, and it doesn’t attract boys.

I recall picking up this habit when in the military, and then forgetting and using such words among family and friends, who were put off by it. I broke the habit.
 
Mom_of_teens said:
My beautiful, intelligent and somewhat shy teen is using profanity with her friends in emails, texts and private conversations. Profanity is not used in our home, but it apparently is considered “cool” in her circle of friends. I am deeply concerned about the direction she is taking; although my first reaction is to “lay down the law” I want to use the approach that will make her want to stop, rather than only stopping “because I said so”. Help!
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Define “profanity” because what some would consider profane words, others do not.
 
Start having her research the historical roots and actual meaning of each profane word she is using - that may work. After a couple hours of extra work most teenagers with the average level of teenage motivation will not be back for more.
 
It is a bad habit because it causes people to use the same words over and over instead of being more creative in expressing their feelings, avoids learning new words, etc. Essentially, it dumbs people down to use profanity. Also, profanity loses its shock value when it’s overused (originally it was supposed to be used to express intense emotions, exclamation of pain, etc. but not everyday use).

It might or might not be cool. It might or might not attract boys. But if it’s considered “cool” then maybe you’re in the wrong crowd and need to look for new friends. And not all boys/young men are decent people and they’re not all worth attracting. You won’t attract a decent guy by talking that way. You might have to wait longer to date (most boys are quite immature and unfortunately might be impressed with girls who use profanity), but at least when you do date it will be someone who’s actually worth your time. 👍
 
JimG said:
It’s a bad habit, it’s not cool, and it doesn’t attract boys.

.
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JimG is right about this.

I plead guilty to having a mouth on me sometimes, but never in mixed company or around kids.

Remind her that polite people don’t generally talk like this. JimG is also right-it’s not attractive or classy to hear a girl curse up a storm. It’s like the great scene in the move Rocky, where the title character is talking to a girl who used profanity and was hanging out with the wrong crowd-men might take her out, but they don’t take her seriously.
 
oh and I will be honest as a woman serving in the Army I picked up a mouth and a half - and around my Army friends I still end up in the perpetual hand basket if I don’t watch myself. I did have to relearn a whole new language when I got home from Iraq.
 
I’d tell her the same thing I tell teen, and pre-teen boys. How you talk with and to your friends when it’s just your little group of buddies is one thing. How you talk around others and in places where it’s not just you and your buddies is something else. Don’t get them confused. Also, it’s a weak mind that gets stuck using bad words all the time. Millions of words in the English language I’m sure you can find some others.
 
I used to have an absolutely foul mouth. Working in customer service will do that to ya if you aren’t careful–one gets so incredibly frustrated with customers/coworkers/insane corporate situations or expectations, and with coworkers all around you using that sort of language in the breakroom et all…well, you get the idea.
However, I realized it had become an issue when I found myself automatically using that kind of language in most conversations, and not just in insane breakroom rants about moronic or nasty customers.
As I understand it, “bad language”, per se, is different from blasphemy. Blasphemy is a far more serious sin.
How did I break myself of the habit? 'Twasn’t easy. I ended up substituting rhetoric, some Monty Python quotes (“Get me the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!”) and the occasional rude comment in another language. (I once knew a choir director who, when beset by a distinctly peculiar congregation on the one hand and a choir full of Strong Minded Women on another, would swear fluently in Lithuanian at the organ, but that’s another story.) I wish I were a more charitable person than I am–I’m working on it, but it’s a nasty struggle–but for now I’ll accept that I not teach small children words that their parents would rather not define quite yet. I still find myself biting my tongue on occasion, but it’s gotten better.
For your situation, I’d recommend a few things, depending on what kind of language we’re talking about:
  1. If it’s blasphemy, it isn’t okay, EVER. Period, full stop, end of statement. I used to use it. As I broke myself of the habit, a word would occasionally slip out, at which point I’d immediately stop and apologize to Our Lord. Might sound hokey, but it works, if only because it’s embarrassing to say “Sorry, Lord” out loud.
  2. If it’s “dirty” language, particularly a word generally used to denote excrement, I’d roll my eyes and ask if she couldn’t find something a bit more original. I mean, really? It’s the adult equivalent of a three-year-old calling something he doesn’t like “poopy”, and it’s just as juvenile. For that matter, “poopy” has more syllables. 😛
  3. If it’s sexual language, even if not meant sexually (see the word which usually indicates copulation, and words referencing male or female genitalia), I’d ask her (as a previous poster suggested) to look up the precise etymology of the word, and then have a TOTB-centered chat about why such language is disrespectful about the pretty glorious thing that is human sexuality. The phrase “**** you” is particularly nasty because of what it really means: “may you have this ‘embrace’ with no love in it.” Not good, not good at all. As for the words indicating genitalia, I, as a different previous poster suggested, would explain that they’re not cute, amusing, or attractive and, in addition, that they’re pretty disrespectful to God because He created those organs to give us the power to create new life, and by using those words like that we’re saying that those organs which are to be respected over others are the opposite of that. No, not appropriate. Words have meaning.
 
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Any smut-mouths in here?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/ponyguy/wave.gif :tsktsk:

Foul language seems to be simply a way for someone to attempt to “fit in” and act the “tough person” because the “tough people” are bold enough to show their contempt for “the rules” of decent, polite society.

Most of the men with whom I served in the military had the smut-mouth habit, and they’d probably admit to experiencing embarrassment when they were back home visiting their family.
To me, a man brandishing a potty-mouth has a weak mind, and compensates with his trash-mouth; a woman using profanity turns my attention away from her, and suggests that she is “tramp-ish,” and not deserving of respect. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/ponyguy/No-no.gif
 
Remind her that at some point in the future a prospective employer may well be looking through her Facebook/email/IM history (they can do it!) to see what kind of person she is/was. Does she really want to be rejected for a job because she used to have potty fingers online?

DaveBj
 
Not everybody uses bad language, even in the military. While going through basic training I had a couple of DI’s. One of them never used any profanity whatsoever. But he was so good at chewing us out that it took me several weeks to notice.
 
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