Teen says she's atheist

[lucky3x]

My 16 yo told us she has been atheist for the past several years. She has always attended Catholic schools. We told her that she still needs to attend church with us as a family but cannot receive communion. She’s been giving us a hard time recently about attending church. Are we doing the right thing by making her go?

 

[Xantippe]

This is a tough one. I speak without ever having teens, but I feel strongly that at 16, she shouldn’t be allowed to stay home and do NOTHING. I think I might offer her the choice of either going to church with you on Sunday morning or doing some work of service (that you will check up on). She could help make lunch at a women’s shelter or she could mow a frail elderly neighbor’s lawn–there are lots of wonderful options for the young atheist And check up on her, of course. Not going with you to church should not mean that she has the house free for shennanigans with her boyfriend, if any.
.
I also suggest a mandatory reading program. You can get suggestions here on stuff to require her to read and discuss with you. Even if she is an atheist, she should be thinking about ethics and her moral responsibilities. Being an atheist doesn’t let her off the hook.

 

[anruari]

It is VERY common for teenagers to go through Rebellious phases.
However for many others a common rejection of the faith of their parents at this age becomes entrenched.

I would propose that there is no One Right way to handle this situation, however, it is essential that your handling of it is done in a way that will let your daughter see that it is a response of Love.

The Atheist position, is very different from the Formal Agnostic or Skeptical Agnostic Positions.
To the Atheist, the “Fact” that there is no god, and no possibility of a God or god, is a position of belief. That position will reject any but the most incontrovertible evidence to the contrary. “There cannot be a God”.

The Formal Agnositc believes that it is impossible to know for certain either way, and therefore it is illogical to hold a firm belief either way, or to follow any one defined religion.

The informal or Skeptical Agnostic believes that there is no way on earth to know whether or not there is a God, unless good evidence is presented to the contrary, and any such evidence or argument will be treated with a critical analysis and skeptical mind.

These are very different positions, and it may be helpful to use debating style questions to probe where your daughters current mindset actually lies.

From the Time of St. Thomas Aquinas these issues have been defined and developed. In the absence of other evidence, formal or skeptical Agnosticism is a far more rational belief to adhere to than to true Atheism… but an attitude of skeptical agnosticism, or even a hybrid of Skeptical Atheism is a position which leaves far more hope that you or someone else will be able to reach your daughter and share with her the Good News of Jesus Christ.

As a 16 year old she may not be overly receptive to hearing a lot on the topic from you, however it is always possible that you can help steer her towards some other people or person who can help her to reassess these issues.

Remember: Knowledge about God, and Jesus. the raw belief that he exists is not the same thing as Faith. Faith - a Grace of the Holy Spirit, is the direct result of hearing the Good News, in a meaningful way, and very often the result of some form of conversion encounter resulting from that witness.

There are a wide range of evangelical outreach programmes aimed at teenagers which can help them and be a vehicle for that witness and encounter. Groups like Life Teen, Youth 2000, World Youth Day, and many more. Ask around in your parish or wider locality so see what organisations are active in your area.
It is possible that you may be able to persuade your daughter to attend one of their outreach programs.

Other than that all you can do that is sure to help is to Pray for her - every day.
St. Augustine similarly rejected his mothers faith. He did not revert to Christianity until his 30’s, but his mother had prayed for his conversion every day of his life.
Not only did he become one of the “Fathers of the Church”, but his mother was also canonized due to her unwavering Faith and prayers for the conversion of her son.

What you cannot do is force a person to believe or have Faith. - Even God himself does not attempt to do this.

 

[Beryllos]

My 13 year old sometimes talks like that. She still has to go to Mass.

Please reconsider your position on her receiving Communion. When a 16 year old declares that she is an atheist, does she really mean it? Can she really understand what she is saying? It could be just her immature way of expressing doubts. Even saints had moments of doubt.

Before you conclude that she is in a state of mortal sin, let’s review the 3 criteria: “Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent.” If I were her advocate, believe me, I could argue on all three of those points that it may not be mortal sin. So do not rush to judgement. With regard to receiving Communion, I recommend leaving it up to her.

 

[Beryllos]

One more thing… It may help if you talk to a priest by yourself. Also perhaps meet by yourself with a catechist who works with teens. (Yourself, at least at this stage, to avoid unprepared confrontation which may do more harm than good.) They may have some insights to help you understand your teen and do the best thing for her spiritual growth.

There is reason to be hopeful. All those years attending Mass and Catholic school are not wasted. They have built a good foundation which will help your daughter to ride out these times of doubt or rebellion.

Look for other ways you can exert a positive influence. If your family is in the habit of praying before meals, talking about the Sunday scriptures, and giving praise and thanks to God at family times, keep it up. If not, you might try gradually working some of those into your routine.

May the Holy Spirit assist you and your family, and guide you always toward lives of faith and love.

 

[Jon_S_1]

My 16 yo told us she has been atheist for the past several years. She has always attended Catholic schools. We told her that she still needs to attend church with us as a family but cannot receive communion. She’s been giving us a hard time recently about attending church. Are we doing the right thing by making her go?

Don’t just “accept” her atheism. Challenge it! Atheism falls on its face. Ask her to defend it. Don’t be antagonistic , but prepare yourself with some knowledge snd then set aside some time to discuss the cult of atheism.

I would make her go to church, and let her make the determination on whether she should receive communion after ensuring she understands the requirements for it.

 

[ThatCatholic]

Still make her go to Mass. Advice her not to receive, however forbidding her would be against canon law, since only an ecclesiastical court or a bishop could impose a formal censure.

 

[MJJean]

My husband and I are debating this same thing with our son. He is 12 and “a man of science” He won’t even entertain the idea that science and Christian faith are not mutually exclusive. He frustrates me to no end!

My husband said he will not force our son to go because he was forced to go as a child and that is why he fell away from the Church in the first place. As soon as he was old enough that he could enforce his will he stopped going to Mass and didn’t return for more than 20 years.

Our priest and the Sister who have been so helpful to us agree with my husband and say that we should live our faith, encourage our son to think about it, and never force him to attend RCIA or Mass. So, as much as I don’t like it, that is what I am doing.

I do agree with the other poster who said that it would be a good idea to have your daughter do something productive with the time she would normally be at Mass. While we are at Mass my son is expected to stay home, not have company (we have a neighbor who keeps an eye out) and he has to do chores. Pick up the living room, feed and water the dogs, clean his room, etc. When he gets older, if he still won’t go to Mass, I will try to find a local place he can go to volunteer his time helping others. But I am really hoping he will feel called to go with us.

 

[Jon_S_1]

My 16 yo told us she has been atheist for the past several years. She has always attended Catholic schools. We told her that she still needs to attend church with us as a family but cannot receive communion. She’s been giving us a hard time recently about attending church. Are we doing the right thing by making her go?

I was just listening to catholic answers live and regarding a similar issue they said.

It’s interesting that when raising kids we regulate their lives; their cell phones, where they go, who the associate with, everything…except when it comes to the most important thing for them, their walk with Christ, their eternal salvation, we let them do whatever they like…we let them walk to spiritual death or figure it our themselves.

Does such action really connotate a true belief in Christ for salvation?

I personally would not let my 16 year old skip church and certainly not my 12 year old. A 12 year old is a child.

 

[SGTTOM]

I am turning 19 this September. I’ve often struggled with my belief in God. I try to be as understanding to your daughter as possible. The world we live in often makes me feel like anyone who believes in God is a crazy, delusional, bigot. I am often told there is no evidence towards God’s existence or of creation. This of course is not true but as a young adult who is not the most experienced or knowledgeable the truth can be difficult to see.

I would ask have you talked to your daughter in detail about why she no longer believes in God. Maybe you can help her understand the truth better.

I would make her come with you to Mass, it is only an hour or so out of every week. It isn’t asking very much at all. Having lived with you her whole life she should at least be able to understand why you want her to come.

Anyhow I would suggest you talk with her about it regularly. Be understanding and make sure the talks don’t turn into arguments. I’d suggest getting books or video series for her to watch about the existence of God and such. I wouldn’t force her to watch them but suggest them and make them available. Last of all just set as best an example as possible.

I am not a parents but maybe my advice can be of some help.
Its a difficult situation and I’ll pray for you.

 

[jmcrae]

My 16 yo told us she has been atheist for the past several years. She has always attended Catholic schools. We told her that she still needs to attend church with us as a family but cannot receive communion. She’s been giving us a hard time recently about attending church. Are we doing the right thing by making her go?

Yes. It’s a family activity. She’s a member of the family. She can “hate” it all she wants; she still has to be there, same as being home in time for dinner every day after school, and going to her sibling’s sports thing to cheer them on.

it also nullifies the idea that if you claim to be an atheist, you get to sleep in on weekends.

But do probe for the source of this idea - she may be experiencing peer pressure that is making her think that being an atheist is “cool” or that being an atheist is the only way to succeed in a difficult economy, or she may have bought into a stereotype that she will be poverty-stricken her whole life if she is a believer in God.

 

[ThatCatholic]

he has to do chores. Pick up the living room, feed and water the dogs, clean his room

Forcing someone to do unnecessary non-charitable work on Sunday seems contrary to how Christians should keep the Lord’s Day, especially when the person is being forced to work specifically because it is Sunday.

“Every Christian should avoid making unnecessary demands on others that would hinder them from observing the Lord’s Day”

 

[Beryllos]

Forcing someone to do unnecessary non-charitable work on Sunday seems contrary to how Christians should keep the Lord’s Day, especially when the person is being forced to work specifically because it is Sunday.

“Every Christian should avoid making unnecessary demands on others that would hinder them from observing the Lord’s Day”

But the kid doesn’t want to observe the Lord’s Day and is unwilling go to church. What do suggest the child do while the family is at Mass?

 

[Jon_S_1]

But the kid doesn’t want to observe the Lord’s Day and is unwilling go to church. What do suggest the child do while the family is at Mass?

Go to mass. There is no reason for them not to.

 

[lucky3x]

Thanks for all the advice. My daughter actually does a lot of volunteer work. We talked to her religion teacher who advised us not to push or lecture her, just let things come up naturally. She said she started having doubts back in middle school when they learned about the Greek and Roman gods. She thinks that since that was the commonly held belief and they were wrong then we probably are too. She was actually tearful when talking about how bad things happen to people and if there was a God, how could he allow this? She has a wonderful group of friends however, she also has a couple of “odd” friends that are also atheist that I’m sure has fueled the fire.

 

[Beryllos]

Sounds like a great girl. Give thanks and praise for that! May the Holy Spirit strengthen her faith.

 

[Jon_S_1]

Thanks for all the advice. My daughter actually does a lot of volunteer work. We talked to her religion teacher who advised us not to push or lecture her, just let things come up naturally. She said she started having doubts back in middle school when they learned about the Greek and Roman gods. She thinks that since that was the commonly held belief and they were wrong then we probably are too. She was actually tearful when talking about how bad things happen to people and if there was a God, how could he allow this? She has a wonderful group of friends however, she also has a couple of “odd” friends that are also atheist that I’m sure has fueled the fire.

If those are her reasons, then I highly encourage you to study up and talk to her because those are the reasons of a child not an academic atheist argument.

Maybe try listening yourselves and sharing Patrick Coffin’s How to talk to Atheist CD. OR look up Jennifer Fulwhiler’s minister (former atheist now catholic).

 

[Cider]

My 16 yo told us she has been atheist for the past several years. She has always attended Catholic schools. We told her that she still needs to attend church with us as a family but cannot receive communion. She’s been giving us a hard time recently about attending church. Are we doing the right thing by making her go?

I think it’s fine to insist that going to church is something we do as a family. When she moved out she can make her own decision.

 

[MJJean]

Forcing someone to do unnecessary non-charitable work on Sunday seems contrary to how Christians should keep the Lord’s Day, especially when the person is being forced to work specifically because it is Sunday.

“Every Christian should avoid making unnecessary demands on others that would hinder them from observing the Lord’s Day”

He is very firm in his belief that God does not exist and is a myth that people made up before there was real science and have kept around to make themselves feel better. I try to educate him and make him understand that his beloved science and Christianity are not mutually exclusive. But if he is going to be stubborn then he is most certainly going to get his butt out of bed and do something useful. Being Atheist doesn’t mean sleeping in on Sunday with absolutely zero responsibility.

My husband, daughter, and I are up and getting ready by 7 am. We leave at 8 am and do not get back home until between 12:30 and 12:45 pm. If I left the boy to his own devices he would crawl out of bed around 11 am and play video games or watch tv until we walked in the door.

I don’t think it harms him in any way to give him productive things to do while we are at RCIA and then Mass. Besides, the work is not “unnecessary”. The pets ( 4 dogs, a cat, a tortoise and a parrot) need to be fed and watered twice daily. The boy’s bedroom gets disgusting if I let it go a even a day. And the stuff left laying around the living room is, for the most part, his mess.

 

[Jon_S_1]

He is very firm in his belief that God does not exist and is a myth that people made up before there was real science and have kept around to make themselves feel better. I try to educate him and make him understand that his beloved science and Christianity are not mutually exclusive. But if he is going to be stubborn then he is most certainly going to get his butt out of bed and do something useful. Being Atheist doesn’t mean sleeping in on Sunday with absolutely zero responsibility.

My husband, daughter, and I are up and getting ready by 7 am. We leave at 8 am and do not get back home until between 12:30 and 12:45 pm. If I left the boy to his own devices he would crawl out of bed around 11 am and play video games or watch tv until we walked in the door.

I don’t think it harms him in any way to give him productive things to do while we are at RCIA and then Mass. Besides, the work is not “unnecessary”. The pets ( 4 dogs, a cat, a tortoise and a parrot) need to be fed and watered twice daily. The boy’s bedroom gets disgusting if I let it go a even a day. And the stuff left laying around the living room is, for the most part, his mess.

Can I just encourage you to take him to mass. He is not old enough to make this decision. He lives in your home and should follow your rules. You still have many formative years to train him and I’d just encourage you to require him to go. He doesn’t have to believe it but there’s no reason he can’t attend.

You know like if he hated his grandma and you all planned a trip to see her I’m sure you would make him go, and yet your not doing that with visiting God.