Teenage Dating Question

[on_the_hill]

It wasn’t that long ago and there are many places where it still happens.

How long ago is not long ago? I’m 52 and never knew this to happen and never heard of it happening from my parents, in-laws, or even grandparents.

My opinion is that poor social skills are oftentimes hidden by rules and customs, and people with social anxieties often use rules and customs as protective shells. “I can’t ask a girl on a date because I haven’t finished my marriage discernment,” is very likely, “I can’t ask a girl on a date because I’m too bashful.”

 

[TheLittleLady]

Depends.

We raised our kid to be independent, to be a critical thinker, to know his own limits and he earned much freedom.

Other parents may have chosen to shelter their kids, keep them naive, and to suddenly turn them lose with no supervision would be a mistake.

 

[1ke]

How long ago is not long ago? I’m 52 and never knew this to happen and never heard of it happening from my parents, in-laws, or even grandparents.

Right.

My mother in law is 90. She and my father in law did not have a chaperone when they were dating.

I think people look nostalgically at days gone by and imagine them to be something other than they were.

 

[Loud-living-dogma]

Depends on the culture. After my mom was widowed, she basically used me as a chaperone on dates with her beau. So I saw a lot of operas as a teenager.
She also felt that respectable young ladies would not be alone with a man in his home, etc.
Let’s just say she was a bit out of step with the parents of my peers in the 1970s and 1980s.

 

[Dougbro1]

No dating for my daughter until she is 18. No dating one on one even with a chapanone. She can go out with a group of friends, fine. She may have a crush, fine. But she should enjoy high school and meet new friends and have fun and learn. No boyfriend’s! Easier said than done.

My family has a similar rule. No dating for me until I’m eighteen either. At all.
However, I don’t really mind.
For background information, I am homeschooled (well, online schooled), and because of this, I don’t feel the need to get a date “because everyone else has one” the way people in public school do.

I actually think if kids are homeschooled it might be easier to “enforce.” The rule was 16 for dating in our house, but honestly, none of them wanted to date or had any opportunities to do so until 17 or so, except a school prom or such, and that was always done in groups.

I can attest to that!
Despite not being in public school myself, however, I have known people who are, primarily from a parish youth group, and every high schooler who goes to a public school has someone whom they date. I have even known teens who let things be taken too far through their dating relationship, and these instances have served as warning signs to me to not treat dating as trivial. I probably will end up waiting beyond the 18 year mark, to be honest, and in all honesty, that won’t be too hard for me. After all, I don’t have as much to offer compared to others my age in the looks department

 

[whatistrue]

After all, I don’t have as much to offer compared to others my age in the looks department

I suspect that a majority of your peers would say the same thing, and most would be wrong.

 

[Dougbro1]

Haha, fair enough.

 

[twf]

Yep. While I’m married now, as a young man I think I often used the excuse “I’ve been discerning the priesthood” to avoid asking girls out. Without that excuse I would have been equally hesitant.

 

[on_the_hill]

Yep. While I’m married now, as a young man I think I often used the excuse “I’ve been discerning the priesthood” to avoid asking girls out. Without that excuse I would have been equally hesitant.

I myself am acutely aware of choices I made by default.

 

[poche]

Actually this happened to me in the 1970s and I understand that in Latin America if a girl from a respectable family is going out with a boy it is expected that she will bring a chaperone (aka brother sister aunt etx…)

 

[Asonglaw]

I don’t think allowing children experience the “real life” as a way of preparing them is right. Some experiences which the “real life” offers, leaves terrible scars.

I agree though that rules however strict, should not be meant to groom fear, rather should be with dialogue and meant to nurture responsibility.
I think everyone will once in a while, disobey etc. But once wounded, one begins to better appreciate and recall the rules of the parents (hopefully before drifting too far).