Teenage daughter, same sex marriage

[on_the_hill]

We got a Christmas card from a relative, a woman in her early 30s who has a marriage to her female partner.

My younger teenage daughter never met our relative because we live 500 miles away from where she and her spouse live. My daughter appreciated the spirit of the card, and showed some interest in who it was from. I reminded her about their wedding. She said, “Oh, yeah. That’s the one we couldn’t go to because it was ‘adults only.’”

I said yes, that was the one. She said, “It’s disgusting. But I can’t say anything about it. Also, my religion is against it. I hope they don’t change that.”

I have mixed feelings about her reaction. On the one hand, I’m glad that she rejects the notion of same-sex marriage. On the other hand, I don’t want her to think of people as disgusting.

 

[Rosebud77]

We got a Christmas card from a relative, a woman in her early 30s who has a marriage to her female partner.

My younger teenage daughter never met our relative because we live 500 miles away from where she and her spouse live. My daughter appreciated the spirit of the card, and showed some interest in who it was from. I reminded her about their wedding. She said, “Oh, yeah. That’s the one we couldn’t go to because it was ‘adults only.’”

I said yes, that was the one. She said, “It’s disgusting. But I can’t say anything about it. Also, my religion is against it. I hope they don’t change that.”

I have mixed feelings about her reaction. On the one hand, I’m glad that she rejects the notion of same-sex marriage. On the other hand, I don’t want her to think of people as disgusting.

She is not calling the people disgusting but same sex… HUGE difference and she is right and great to have a child like that,

 

[1ke]

The video “The Third Way” is very powerful. It’s on You Tube or Vimeo, just Google it. Maybe watch it and see if you think it’s right to watch with your daughter and prompt a discussion on dignity and compassion.

 

[AdamP88]

We got a Christmas card from a relative, a woman in her early 30s who has a marriage to her female partner.

My younger teenage daughter never met our relative because we live 500 miles away from where she and her spouse live. My daughter appreciated the spirit of the card, and showed some interest in who it was from. I reminded her about their wedding. She said, “Oh, yeah. That’s the one we couldn’t go to because it was ‘adults only.’”

I said yes, that was the one. She said, “It’s disgusting. But I can’t say anything about it. Also, my religion is against it. I hope they don’t change that.”

I have mixed feelings about her reaction. On the one hand, I’m glad that she rejects the notion of same-sex marriage. On the other hand, I don’t want her to think of people as disgusting.

It’s ok to think of the actions involved as disgusting. They are. Just not the people. Maybe explain that distinction to her?

 

[on_the_hill]

It’s ok to think of the actions involved as disgusting. They are. Just not the people. Maybe explain that distinction to her?

Yeah, it took me by surprise. I’m fairly certain she didn’t mean the people themselves.

 

[Lea101]

The video “The Third Way” is very powerful. It’s on You Tube or Vimeo, just Google it. Maybe watch it and see if you think it’s right to watch with your daughter and prompt a discussion on dignity and compassion.

The one by Fr Mike? I watched that too

Although she may not mean that the people are disgusting, the choice of word IMO is worrying. Maybe I’m too soft or something.

Also she adds on by saying her religion doesn’t allow it, and she hopes they don’t change it…I may be reading too much into this but it basically sounds that she personally finds homosexuality disgusting, and her religion just so happens to be against it, and because she finds it disgusting, she hopes it does not change rather than finding homosexuality wrong bc it contradicts TOB, etc…maybe this is worth addressing.

Hope you’re not offended. You want her to be against homosexuality not bc of it’s ‘gross factor’ but because it is not how sex is supposed to happen according to the church. More compassion is needed in this area! She is young too, so while it is normal for her to say stuff like this, it’s a good opportunity to teach her about sexuality in general.

I don’t know if what i said makes sense bc it is midnight and i am exhausted

 

[sugarmouse]

The video “The Third Way” is very powerful. It’s on You Tube or Vimeo, just Google it. Maybe watch it and see if you think it’s right to watch with your daughter and prompt a discussion on dignity and compassion.

Another good one (also free to watch online) is “Desire of the Everlasting Hills” (I actually thought this was better than “The Third Way”, although both are good).

 

[on_the_hill]

Hope you’re not offended. You want her to be against homosexuality not bc of it’s ‘gross factor’ but because it is not how sex is supposed to happen according to the church.

Not offended at all. Just a little surprised at her vehement response to it. My wife and I have never characterized other people’s situations using words like that.

 

[phil19034]

We got a Christmas card from a relative, a woman in her early 30s who has a marriage to her female partner.

My younger teenage daughter never met our relative because we live 500 miles away from where she and her spouse live. My daughter appreciated the spirit of the card, and showed some interest in who it was from. I reminded her about their wedding. She said, “Oh, yeah. That’s the one we couldn’t go to because it was ‘adults only.’”

I said yes, that was the one. She said, “It’s disgusting. But I can’t say anything about it. Also, my religion is against it. I hope they don’t change that.”

I have mixed feelings about her reaction. On the one hand, I’m glad that she rejects the notion of same-sex marriage. On the other hand, I don’t want her to think of people as disgusting.

This is actually very good. She said “it’s” disgusting, not “they are” disgusting.

Pretend for a moment we are talking about heterosexual fornication and she said, “it’s disgusting.” Sin is disgusting, but the sinners themselves are not.

 

[AdamP88]

It’s better than if she said: “Mom, why is the Church so against LGBT rights? I think LGBT people should be equal!!”

At least you can work her to show her the right attitude.

Though if she’s talking about the specific behaviours engaged in by gay individuals, then she’s right…some of them are disgusting.

 

[pianistclare]

Another good one (also free to watch online) is “Desire of the Everlasting Hills”

Yes, that is a very good video.

 

[Irishmom2]

Another good one (also free to watch online) is “Desire of the Everlasting Hills” (I actually thought this was better than “The Third Way”, although both are good).

“Desire of the Everlasting Hills” is very good, I “third” that. Some will think it is a bit long, but worth watching.

 

[tseleehw]

I don’t see a problem with what she said from the way you describe it. I can see your concern about going too far in one direction, but better it be in this direction than the other.

 

[EasterJoy]

The video “The Third Way” is very powerful. It’s on You Tube or Vimeo, just Google it. Maybe watch it and see if you think it’s right to watch with your daughter and prompt a discussion on dignity and compassion.

This is a very good presentation. It expresses how lonely it can feel to be a Christian who feels an attraction to one’s own sex, the pressure to deny the attraction is there or to avoid having even legitimate friendships or on the other hand to feel pressured to identify with that attraction.

Which of us, after all, wants to identify with the one aspect of ourselves that poses some challenge? Nobody even wants to be the guy who can’t eat gluten or the woman who can’t manage stairs, let alone the person who isn’t going to be looking for a romance or having biological children.

 

[on_the_hill]

You said younger teenage daughter so I assume she could be as young as 13-14 even?

Yes. 14.

Older one is at college. She’s probably more "conservative’ but keeps her opinions to herself, even amongst family.

 

[on_the_hill]

It’s better than if she said: “Mom, why is the Church so against LGBT rights? I think LGBT people should be equal!!”

It’s more better than you realize. I’m her dad.

She’s the one who said, a long time ago, that she was glad women couldn’t be priests because she didn’t want to be one.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

We got a Christmas card from a relative, a woman in her early 30s who has a marriage to her female partner.

My younger teenage daughter never met our relative because we live 500 miles away from where she and her spouse live. My daughter appreciated the spirit of the card, and showed some interest in who it was from. I reminded her about their wedding. She said, “Oh, yeah. That’s the one we couldn’t go to because it was ‘adults only.’”

I said yes, that was the one. She said, “It’s disgusting. But I can’t say anything about it. Also, my religion is against it. I hope they don’t change that.”

I have mixed feelings about her reaction. On the one hand, I’m glad that she rejects the notion of same-sex marriage. On the other hand, I don’t want her to think of people as disgusting.

I think your daughter has a good grasp.
Its quite natural to be repulsed by deviant sexuality.

 

[EasterJoy]

I think your daughter has a good grasp.
Its quite natural to be repulsed by deviant sexuality.

The problem is that it is quite “natural” even for people who have the inclination themselves to be repulsed by it, just as a person who has a visible skin difference might find the looks of their own skin repulsive when others find it only unusual or even unnoticeable. We are all anxious to fit in, and any of us who even imagine that no one else would want to be like us are going to feel like an outcast.

It is very important for Christians to understand that someone with same sex attraction could very easily be in greater need of friendship and a sense of acceptance than others with sexually disordered thinking of a more typical kind.

 

[on_the_hill]

It is very important for Christians to understand that someone with same sex attraction could very easily be in greater need of friendship and a sense of acceptance than others with sexually disordered thinking of a more typical kind.

Nicely put. I hadn’t thought of it from this perspective before now.

 

[phil19034]

Yes. 14.

Older one is at college. She’s probably more "conservative’ but keeps her opinions to herself, even amongst family.

Sounds like you are doing a great parenting job!

May God Bless you and your children. Amen.