Teenage Sons...Less than excited about being Catholic

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Stepmomof2

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Hi Folks,
I have two teenage sons who have been asking to go to a “non-denominational” youth group on Wednesdays. I was able to put them off for a year by just saying no, however their mother has recently started letting them go on her weeks. We (my husband and I) made a deal with them, that IF they went to Mass on Sundays, they could go on Wednesdays. What we told them we felt that they are not deeply rooted in their Catholic faith to be able to sense when “the religion” stuff started to turn from their beliefs, so they needed to embrace their own Faith if they wanted to go. Now they brought home a “weekend retreat” flyer and they want to go… Our own parish has a very weak youth program. They meet once a month, and it isn’t as “FUN” as this non-denominational group. I also don’t want to push them further from the Faith by forbidding this group, I am afraid they would start to resent not being able to go with their friends…Honestly, we are very blessed- our kids are rebelling by going to a youth group :D, but how do we keep them engaged in being Catholic, and not lose them because it isn’t “fun” for a teenager…Any guidance would be appreciated =)
 
Well, it is normal for teen-agers to question their beliefs. A lot of people stray and come back. My daughter is 21 and has started going to a protestant group for fellowship at her college. She was thinking about joining one of their Churches and we just talked about some of the Catholic teachings and whether she truly believes them. As we talked she realized how out of synch the doctrine was and the Catholic doctrines that she truly accepted.

It is good that they will be involved with a christian youth group. Be exposed to the concept of a wide community of the faithful. Even if we are in some disagreement, we can emphasize our common ground where possible. Other kids rejecting promiscuity, abortion, and general immorality is a good thing.

I would recommend getting them some apologetics books and insist they read them. They will be challenged on their faith, they need to truly understand the basis for the Church’s teachings and the protestant’s positions. Here are some books that I recommend:
  • “Catholicism and Fundamentalism” Keating
  • “What Catholics Truly Believe” Keating
  • “Where is that in the Bible” Madrid
  • “Surprised by Truth” Madrid
They also need to understand the differences between the Catholic Bible and the Protestant Bible, Martin Luther’s positions, Sola Scriptura, etc. I teach middle school CCD and it’s amazing the number of kids who are unfamiliar with these. The books above will help your teens with that. Here’s a couple of links:

ewtn.com/library/answers/deuteros.htm
northforest.org/ProtestantErrors/Luther.html

If they do start parroting back things they are hearing, I would ask what is the authority behind that doctrine/position/interpretation of scripture. Catholic Church? Martin Luther? A specific minister’s interpretation of scripture?
 
why not make a deal with them if they do the first five saturdays of fatima they can then go to the demonation of their choice, as long as they do it earnestly.
see the link below. while you and your husband can entrust them to the protection of our lady.Alos why not yourself and your husband do it with them

google.ie/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&ved=0CCYQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.fivefirstsaturdays.com%2F&ei=9UFbUMHNC8KHhQecn4GoBg&usg=AFQjCNE14G03vLhTXbHZ5MdQ-iM42O3USQ&sig2=QQwTZceNZHTjLcBNudZzmQ
 
One of the biggest reasons I wonder why our Catholic churches don’t feel a need to put more emphasis on youth ministry! Are they afraid of “fun” youth groups because they’re “too protestant?” do they hold the attitude of a woman I met once; “Kids don’t need fun, we have the Eucharist!” which is a very ill-constructed phrasing. Or is it a lack of interest?

No, seriously. Why don’t more Catholic churches have a “fun” youth group in addition to catechism classes?
 
You have to admit, and I think you did, there could be worse rebellions! But, the truth is that time spent with other people’s churches will probably bring issues. Our faith is very different from some and what we believe and practice is also. Given the trials and tribulations of a teenagers life, spending time in a church group that would have members who not only don’t have the same beliefs but may come from homes that scorn our beliefs would be asking for trouble. If the youth group in your parish is not up to par, could you possibly find another parish group to join? It takes time to build the roots of our faith so that when confronted with opposition you can feel confident with what you believe and not be swayed to another because they are more fun or less strict.
 
Stepmomof2 said:
Hi Folks,
I have two teenage sons who have been asking to go to a “non-denominational” youth group on Wednesdays. I was able to put them off for a year by just saying no, however their mother has recently started letting them go on her weeks. We (my husband and I) made a deal with them, that IF they went to Mass on Sundays, they could go on Wednesdays. What we told them we felt that they are not deeply rooted in their Catholic faith to be able to sense when “the religion” stuff started to turn from their beliefs, so they needed to embrace their own Faith if they wanted to go. Now they brought home a “weekend retreat” flyer and they want to go… Our own parish has a very weak youth program. They meet once a month, and it isn’t as “FUN” as this non-denominational group. I also don’t want to push them further from the Faith by forbidding this group, I am afraid they would start to resent not being able to go with their friends…Honestly, we are very blessed- our kids are rebelling by going to a youth group :D, but how do we keep them engaged in being Catholic, and not lose them because it isn’t “fun” for a teenager…Any guidance would be appreciated =)
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The solution is for the father to be deeply involved in apologetics and to live it through discussions with them. Under these circumstances I would not forbid them to attend that weekend retreat but I, as a father, would ask for an honest commitment to deepen their understanding of the Catholic Church and her history.
 
witsend said:
One of the biggest reasons I wonder why our Catholic churches don’t feel a need to put more emphasis on youth ministry! Are they afraid of “fun” youth groups because they’re “too protestant?” do they hold the attitude of a woman I met once; “Kids don’t need fun, we have the Eucharist!” which is a very ill-constructed phrasing. Or is it a lack of interest?

No, seriously. Why don’t more Catholic churches have a “fun” youth group in addition to catechism classes?
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The problem is that youth fun activities are usually not possible because there is no money, there are not enough volunteers, and the time the kids are going to spend with Church activities is very limited.
 
Cristiano said:
The problem is that youth fun activities are usually not possible because there is no money, there are not enough volunteers, and the time the kids are going to spend with Church activities is very limited.
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So why can the Protestant churches do it? what are we lacking/
 
witsend said:
So why can the Protestant churches do it? what are we lacking/
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Probably because the have more volunteers and they do not invest as much time for proper catechesis. Would you rather invest time and effort in raising a Catholic that has a true relationship with God or do you want to entertain kids? Remember that Bl. John Newman said that Catholicism is not sipping a cup of tea, it is an intellectual effort. A lot of protestants deal with the feel good and have fun aspect only. You also must understand that there are some parishes that do a lot of fun things too, some have more practical problems than others. My parish is lucky to have enough people, money and participation that we can do catechesis, social work, and entertainment events.
 
Cristiano said:
Probably because the have more volunteers and they do not invest as much time for proper catechesis. Would you rather invest time and effort in raising a Catholic that has a true relationship with God or do you want to entertain kids? Remember that Bl. John Newman said that Catholicism is not sipping a cup of tea, it is an intellectual effort. A lot of protestants deal with the feel good and have fun aspect only. You also must understand that there are some parishes that do a lot of fun things too, some have more practical problems than others. My parish is lucky to have enough people, money and participation that we can do catechesis, social work, and entertainment events.
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Love how you seem to think it’s an either-or. You can have the most intellectually stimulating “true relationship” program you can offer, but if they’re so bored they don’t care, what good does it to? That’s why not a single kid in my first grade CCD class actually got confirmed. Not one. We all dropped out, because all we did was go to CCD< get given a worksheet packet, and go home. Oh sure, there was all sorts of truth in there, but so what? We didn’t learn it. Don’t see what’s so hard about a CCD teacher browsing the internet for some Christian Jeopardy ideas or letting the students bring snacks once a month. What’s so resource consuming about that? How hard is it? I teach CCD now, and it’s not hard at all. Laziness is about the only excuse I can come up with.
 
witsend said:
Love how you seem to think it’s an either-or. You can have the most intellectually stimulating “true relationship” program you can offer, but if they’re so bored they don’t care, what good does it to? That’s why not a single kid in my first grade CCD class actually got confirmed. Not one. We all dropped out, because all we did was go to CCD< get given a worksheet packet, and go home. Oh sure, there was all sorts of truth in there, but so what? We didn’t learn it. Don’t see what’s so hard about a CCD teacher browsing the internet for some Christian Jeopardy ideas or letting the students bring snacks once a month. What’s so resource consuming about that? How hard is it? I teach CCD now, and it’s not hard at all. Laziness is about the only excuse I can come up with.
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If kids do not care about the most intellectually stimulating program that is available then it means that they are stupid, plain and simple. They want only brainless entertainment. However, the main problem that you mention here is different and you hit the point very well with you observations. Intellectual laziness on every side is killing the religious education programs.

There are teachers do not use an intellectually stimulating program at all, the limited volunteers do not know how to teach and often they do not seem to care on how to improve their skills. You talk about laziness but that includes teachers, parents and students. You mentioned that none of the people in your class got confirmed, that is a failure of the parents that did not do their job. Protestants are not better off, they just lower the bar to make it fun thus appealing and the result is seen in how many abandon their faith once they get older, they are in worse shape than the Catholics.

I do not believe in kids having fun during the catechism classes, I believe in kids being intellectually stimulated but sadly that does not appear to be the trend in today’s society, just look at the situation of most public high schools. I have been teaching catechism from 4th grade up to confirmation and I can tell you that if you make the class intellectually stimulating then kids come back, of course you have to adapt it to the age level. This year I started a class with 9th graders and at the end of the second class the wast majority voted that the following class should be on the proofs of the existence of God. They are not geniuses that attend special high schools devoted to philosophy, they are just kids that discovered that using their brain to understand religion is a very fulfilling experience, I have seen that year after year. Some of the high school kids that have now being confirmed come to the parish breakfast to have conversations about religion and they are now involved as volunteers too.
 
Cristiano said:
Probably because the have more volunteers and they do not invest as much time for proper catechesis. Would you rather invest time and effort in raising a Catholic that has a true relationship with God or do you want to entertain kids?
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I don’t think that catechesis and “fun” are mutually exclusive. I was raised in a Protestant church and was very active in the youth activities. A typical week looked like this: Sunday morning church service and Sunday school class, Sunday night youth group, and Wednesday night church service and small group Bible study. In addition to that there were weekend retreats three times a year and church camp for a week in the summer.

I was very well catechized by my Protestant church, with probably 4-6 hours per week of catechesis in an average week between the services and Bible studies. The youth group activities were different than Sunday school or service – there was always a devotional and prayer, but the focus in youth group was usually more on Christian fellowship rather than catechesis. We had movie nights, sports tournaments, service projects, etc. The summer I was 16, the youth ministry at our church set up a schedule where every single day there was some sort of youth group activity going on. I spent a lot of time that summer at church, and it was great.

Really, what’s wrong with spending quality time with a group of other teens who believe in God and are trying to avoid immorality?
OP, in your case I don’t think I’d forbid them from going, since they’ve already been going to the group and making friends there. I would, however, suggest that you and their dad remind them (gently) prior to the retreat about the differences in Catholic and Protestant teachings. Also, since your parish doesn’t have a strong youth program, try looking around at nearby parishes and the diocese to see what programs they offer for young people. If you can find a Catholic youth retreat for them to attend, they can go to that too. 🙂
 
AnastasiaRomano said:
I don’t think that catechesis and “fun” are mutually exclusive. I was raised in a Protestant church and was very active in the youth activities. A typical week looked like this: Sunday morning church service and Sunday school class, Sunday night youth group, and Wednesday night church service and small group Bible study. In addition to that there were weekend retreats three times a year and church camp for a week in the summer.

I was very well catechized by my Protestant church, with probably 4-6 hours per week of catechesis in an average week between the services and Bible studies. The youth group activities were different than Sunday school or service – there was always a devotional and prayer, but the focus in youth group was usually more on Christian fellowship rather than catechesis. We had movie nights, sports tournaments, service projects, etc. The summer I was 16, the youth ministry at our church set up a schedule where every single day there was some sort of youth group activity going on. I spent a lot of time that summer at church, and it was great.

Really, what’s wrong with spending quality time with a group of other teens who believe in God and are trying to avoid immorality?
OP, in your case I don’t think I’d forbid them from going, since they’ve already been going to the group and making friends there. I would, however, suggest that you and their dad remind them (gently) prior to the retreat about the differences in Catholic and Protestant teachings. Also, since your parish doesn’t have a strong youth program, try looking around at nearby parishes and the diocese to see what programs they offer for young people. If you can find a Catholic youth retreat for them to attend, they can go to that too. 🙂
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You are talking about 4 to 6 hours a week of work with kids. I am in the situation where I have barely 18 hours (real time) with them in a whole year. The other problem is that when it comes to other activities we have to deal with lazy people, the parents expect someone else to provide money, personal time, and transportation. I am active in a parish where there are enough stubborn volunteers that are willing to be present but sometimes that is at the expense of family life. I do not see anything wrong with spending fun time with the kids but people have to deal with priorities and I see that right now in my parish the lack of volunteers is a problem. Parents are lazy, for each kid that is there you should expect to have at least an adult that is available and that is not happening. My parish probably has two thousand teenagers and having the usual 30 volunteers for the youth is not sufficient when you need an adult for no more that 15 kids at the time.
 
That’s hard but I think I would let them go and continue to work on creating deeper roots for their Catholic faith. Have they been confirmed? I think it can be rough for kids b/c they need fellowship and it doesn’t sound like your Parish is providing much of an outlet for Christian fellowship. I haven’t found a Catholic church yet that does, at least not for anyone under 40. And I can definitely see the toll that has taken on attendance/membership of younger people and families in my area. I actually take my entire family to a Christian church group that I helped form with 4 families, none of which are Catholic except for mine. I love the Christian fellowship that they receive there. I wish I could do it with other Catholic families but I do not know a single Catholic family.
 
witsend said:
So why can the Protestant churches do it? what are we lacking/
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Just off hand i would say the following​

*commitment from the parents and other volunteers
*age appropriate material at an affordable cost
*Guidance from the diocese
*networking between parishes
 
KCCatechist said:

Just off hand i would say the following​

*commitment from the parents and other volunteers
*age appropriate material at an affordable cost
*Guidance from the diocese
*networking between parishes
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All of these are indeed barriers, but I would suggest that the biggest barrier is a culture in many (I daresay most) Catholic parishes that you go to church for Mass, but nothing else. It’s hard to create a program for youth or get volunteers or anything else when the parishioners have an expectation that “church stuff” is only an hour on Sunday, and maybe an hour a week for CCD. Evangelical protestant churches don’t have that kind of culture – even the adults, for example, go to Sunday School or Bible study, and there’s a lot of encouragement of Christian fellowship.

I love the Eucharist, and I will never leave the Church… but I will say that I dearly miss the fellowship of the evangelical Protestant churches I belonged to prior to my conversion.

I’ve discussed this before with an Eastern Orthodox friend of mine who is studying for the Orthodox priesthood. He is a convert to Orthodoxy from evangelical Protestantism, and he has noticed the same culture in many Orthodox parishes. His theory is that this culture results from the history of the Catholic and Orthodox churches. In the “old country,” the entire village would be Catholic or Orthodox. The church had liturgies and catechesis, but there was not much need for the church to create opportunities for Christian fellowship, because fellowship occurred naturally in the village where everyone shared the same faith as you. He thinks that many Catholic and Orthodox parishes have maintained that culture, even though in the USA and most Western countries you can no longer count on Christian fellowship outside the church. Evangelical Protestant churches, on the other hand, began in areas where they were very outnumbered – so they never assumed that Christian fellowship would occur easily outside of church.

Just a theory, but I’ve always found it a fascinating one.
 
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