Teenage stepdaughter and religion

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Rachel126

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I have an 18 year old stepdaughter. She lives with her mother, not with us, although we have always had regular visitation with her. When she was growing up, her mother would off and on attend various non-denominational Protestant churches, most of which involved things that freaked my stepdaughter out (people rolling in the aisles, screaming, etc.). These had the effect of completely turning her off to religion. We took her to Mass with us, but she was fully uninterested and now refuses to go. I am trying to figure out how to best reach her to give Catholicism, or any form of Christianity, another chance. Teenagers can be difficult, and I don’t think a message of “become Catholic or you’re going to hell” is going to be helpful and would probably serve to turn her off further. Anyone have any advice or experience with this?
 
I would have been receptive to Life Teen at that age. Try that.
 
Parish Youth Group activities…or if college is on the horizon…Newman Center/Catholic Student Union fellowship/activities Volunteer to work in a Catholic charity 1x month…Saint Vincent De Paul Center or help work with parish youth to make/cook food at parish that will be for local homeless shelter.

Also, see if you can get her to view Father Robert Baron;s *Catholicism *DVD series. The historicity and universality of Catholicism is beautifully presented…quite breathtaking in its beauty with superb filmography, paintings and excellent editing…along with a positive catechesis…filmed at sites around the world.

Plus visit his website and let her see some of his reviews of movies or current events…archived list is substantial. His reviews and his Sunday Mass homilies are also at the site…he is quite excellent and balanced with a calm demeanor…recognizes “goodness” and “truth” where ever they are found…looks for the positive aspects if any are there…while always being faithful to the Church.
wordonfire.org/#

Coming Home Network for short testimonials and TV commercials they have run in major cities.
chnetwork.org/

Lastly, I really applaud your efforts…you too have a heart of genuine love for your stepdaughter…God bless you in all that you are doing.

Pax Christi
 
Rachel126 said:
I have an 18 year old stepdaughter. She lives with her mother, not with us, although we have always had regular visitation with her. When she was growing up, her mother would off and on attend various non-denominational Protestant churches, most of which involved things that freaked my stepdaughter out (people rolling in the aisles, screaming, etc.). These had the effect of completely turning her off to religion. We took her to Mass with us, but she was fully uninterested and now refuses to go. I am trying to figure out how to best reach her to give Catholicism, or any form of Christianity, another chance. Teenagers can be difficult, and I don’t think a message of “become Catholic or you’re going to hell” is going to be helpful and would probably serve to turn her off further. Anyone have any advice or experience with this?
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I think that the damage has been done, and it won’t be easy to undo. Live as the most vibrant, happy, loving, Holy Spirit-filled person you can possibly be. Don’t preach to her, and don’t make her come to Mass with you (you really can’t anyway). Does her dad want her to become a Catholic? Does he care? You will have to follow his lead - if he doesn’t care, you aren’t going to make much headway. It can’t really come from you since you’re her stepmom.
 
Lancer said:
Parish Youth Group activities…or if college is on the horizon…Newman Center/Catholic Student Union fellowship/activities Volunteer to work in a Catholic charity 1x month…Saint Vincent De Paul Center or help work with parish youth to make/cook food at parish that will be for local homeless shelter.

Also, see if you can get her to view Father Robert Baron;s *Catholicism *DVD series. The historicity and universality of Catholicism is beautifully presented…quite breathtaking in its beauty with superb filmography, paintings and excellent editing…along with a positive catechesis…filmed at sites around the world.

Plus visit his website and let her see some of his reviews of movies or current events…archived list is substantial. His reviews and his Sunday Mass homilies are also at the site…he is quite excellent and balanced with a calm demeanor…recognizes “goodness” and “truth” where ever they are found…looks for the positive aspects if any are there…while always being faithful to the Church.
wordonfire.org/#

Coming Home Network for short testimonials and TV commercials they have run in major cities.
chnetwork.org/

Lastly, I really applaud your efforts…you too have a heart of genuine love for your
stepdaughter…God bless you in all that you are doing.

Pax Christi
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It really depends on the youth group or Newman Center. If you want your stepdaughter to become interested in religion, then make sure that the students in the group are well grounded and practice a balanced, moderate form of Catholicism. And make sure that the priests/ coordinators associated with the group are welcoming and non-judgmental. Some college groups can appeal to more strictly Catholic students. I stayed in a Catholic dorm while I was on campus associated with the Newman Center. The location was great and the people were quite nice, but they were also very devout Catholics… lots of Latin Mass types. The priest also wasn’t an ideal pastor of college students, especially those who had a more moderate faith.

Perhaps there is some sort of interfaith youth group that volunteers in the community that she could be encouraged to attend?
 
kag1982 said:
The location was great and the people were quite nice, but they were also very devout Catholics… lots of Latin Mass types. The priest also wasn’t an ideal pastor of college students, especially those who had a more moderate faith.

Perhaps there is some sort of interfaith youth group that volunteers in the community that she could be encouraged to attend?
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Oh! Because you really don’t want a young woman to be influenced by those devout Catholics. Heavens no! What will really get her to Catholicism is to have her interact with people who don’t take their faith seriously at all, and to have her mix with heresy. That will definitely make her want to know, love and follow the truth!

I really can’t believe you said that.
 
POJIUJH said:
Oh! Because you really don’t want a young woman to be influenced by those devout Catholics. Heavens no! What will really get her to Catholicism is to have her interact with people who don’t take their faith seriously at all, and to have her mix with heresy. That will definitely make her want to know, love and follow the truth!

I really can’t believe you said that.
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Perhaps, such devotions would turn off someone who isn’t very strong in his or her faith; the young woman was already turned off by certain Protestant practices. Also, no offense, but traditional Catholic communities aren’t known for their openness and tolerance. I don’t think that it is going to help deepen her understanding of the Catholic faith if her peers in a certain group are telling her that she’s going to Hell because she hasn’t been to Confession and doesn’t attend Mass regularly. (Yes, this happened to me in college… My favorite experience was when a friend got yelled at by the Newman Center pastor because she hadn’t been to Confession since she was eleven - Great way to encourage that Sacrament.)

The girl in question needs to meet other peers her age that have religious faith, but also a balanced life. And she needs a non-judgmental environment. That is why I suggested perhaps there is a broader Christian youth group (or even a broad interfaith group) that is focused on community service. This will allow her to see faith in a positive light.
 
At 18, although she is still a teenager, she is considered to be an adult. So, as I see it, at this point, you can encourage her to attend Catholic events or go to mass with you. You can suggest things to her. But beyond that, it’s up to her.
 
kag1982 said:
The girl in question needs to meet other peers her age that have religious faith, but also a balanced life. And she needs a non-judgmental environment. That is why I suggested perhaps there is a broader Christian youth group (or even a broad interfaith group) that is focused on community service. This will allow her to see faith in a positive light.
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I totally see your point. I wonder if she’d like to help out in a food bank or something along those lines?

Bless you for trying. Don’t give up… you never know when the seeds you help to plant take root and grow.
 
kag1982 said:
Perhaps, such devotions would turn off someone who isn’t very strong in his or her faith; the young woman was already turned off by certain Protestant practices. Also, no offense, but traditional Catholic communities aren’t known for their openness and tolerance. I don’t think that it is going to help deepen her understanding of the Catholic faith if her peers in a certain group are telling her that she’s going to Hell because she hasn’t been to Confession and doesn’t attend Mass regularly. (Yes, this happened to me in college… My favorite experience was when a friend got yelled at by the Newman Center pastor because she hadn’t been to Confession since she was eleven - Great way to encourage that Sacrament.)

The girl in question needs to meet other peers her age that have religious faith, but also a balanced life. And she needs a non-judgmental environment. That is why I suggested perhaps there is a broader Christian youth group (or even a broad interfaith group) that is focused on community service. This will allow her to see faith in a positive light.
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Kag, if someone is weak they need something strong, not more weakness. Traditional communities aren’t all of a sudden crazies just because of one priest you know.

Besides, you are lucky you have them in your neck of the woods. I went 17 years as a practicing Catholic before I even heard of the Eucharist being the physical body of Christ, what confession really did or what Papal infallibility was. If a priest yelled at me for not going to Mass or confession he would have been the first - and I would have heeded him. He would have been telling the truth as my soul was in serious jeopardy due to not knowing and not having that grace.

Nobody benefits from a totally feminized faith (not that femininity is bad, but that the rejection of masculinity is) this turns more people away from the faith than almost anything else. I can say this growing up in a country where it is all that’s left.
 
POJIUJH said:
Kag, if someone is weak they need something strong, not more weakness. Traditional communities aren’t all of a sudden crazies just because of one priest you know.

Besides, you are lucky you have them in your neck of the woods. I went 17 years as a practicing Catholic before I even heard of the Eucharist being the physical body of Christ, what confession really did or what Papal infallibility was. If a priest yelled at me for not going to Mass or confession he would have been the first - and I would have heeded him. He would have been telling the truth as my soul was in serious jeopardy due to not knowing and not having that grace.

Nobody benefits from a totally feminized faith (not that femininity is bad, but that the rejection of masculinity is) this turns more people away from the faith than almost anything else. I can say this growing up in a country where it is all that’s left.
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I’m talking about my experience with Newman Centers and I’m assuming that the experience is in general. (The Newman Centers likely self-selects very religious kids.) I’m 31-years-old and don’t live anywhere near any traditionalist types. I live near Chicago in a very liberal area. My parish is very liberal and I appreciate it very much. I like “feminine” faith. Isn’t that what Marian devotion is all about?

And am just providing advice based on my own experience with the Church growing up. I can tell you being judgmental and close-minded is a great way to turn people off and away from the faith. The young woman in question isn’t going to Mass at all. I don’t know if she is even Catholic based on the description above. She was turned off by certain attitudes and practices at a Protestant (Pentecostal it seems) service. Why would you think that lectures of the Real Presence or Papal Infallibility help her? Why do you think a priest screeching at her about going to Hell, especially concerning practices that she doesn’t even know about? Which is why I suggested encouraging her to see positive influences of faith in people’s lives through action, such as a volunteer group.
 
kag1982 said:
My parish is very liberal and I appreciate it very much. I like “feminine” faith. Isn’t that what Marian devotion is all about?
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Feminine is different than feminized, as I already mentioned. Liberalism is totally incompatible with the Catholic faith, there is no such thing as a liberal Catholic for the same reason there are no square circles. Either one is a Catholic or not. Just because your parish is this way doesn’t mean it’s right.
And am just providing advice based on my own experience with the Church growing up. I can tell you being judgmental and close-minded is a great way to turn people off and away from the faith. The young woman in question isn’t going to Mass at all. I don’t know if she is even Catholic based on the description above. She was turned off by certain attitudes and practices at a Protestant (Pentecostal it seems) service. Why would you think that lectures of the Real Presence or Papal Infallibility help her? Why do you think a priest screeching at her about going to Hell, especially concerning practices that she doesn’t even know about? Which is why I suggested encouraging her to see positive influences of faith in people’s lives through action, such as a volunteer group.
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You’re again assuming that all “devout” Catholics do nothing but be “negative”, “judgmental” and “scream at people”. Volunteer groups are not a protestant phenomenon. Do you not think this is (in your definition) being judgmental?

She was turned off from religion because she saw protestants acting insane. No doubt she also heard many “warm and fuzzy” preaching along the way. You are suggesting she meet with more protestants, or at the very least former Catholics. Do you not think that what she might need to see is a faith that is based on solid, deep, sane intellectualism? She knows the rhetoric and insanity, she ought to see the reason and clarity.

You seem to have quite a major problem with the Catholic faith. Christ only went to the bother of leaving Paradise to die for us and leave us a Church that the gates of Hell will not prevail against, this needs to be taken seriously.

For the sake of my blood pressure I am unsubscribing from this thread. I will not see your replies. I can’t believe someone who identifies as Catholic could say things like this.
 
To get back on topic, what I would recommend is to get her something to read that will show her the sanity of the faith - even things that might refute pentecostalism. As you’re describing it, her barrier is that she groups all Christians as being crazy. The only way that can be broken through is if it can be proven to her that Catholicism is not like that. You don’t need to give her anything particularly large, even something like a penny Catechism or the little books from Catholic Answers called “Pillar of Fire, Pillar of Truth” could do. They are small (I think about 100 pages or so) and easy to read. If she became more interested and wanted answers to deeper or particularly intellectual questions, the Popular & Definitive Edition of the Catechism might be a nice gift.

If she is like most young ones this might be a good way to go, as it isn’t pushing her or asking her to do much. All you could say is that you know that she has had some bad experiences in the past, but that you just want to tell her that Catholicism is different. Maybe even tell her that she doesn’t have to read it right away, but that you thought it would be good for her to have, and if she has any questions you can do your best to answer them or to find the answer for her.
 
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