Teenagers and Catholic Faith

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lukefan

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I’m having an ongoing battle with my 2 teenage sons regarding attending mass on Sunday. There is always some excuse or generally it comes to a battle and I go to mass and am frazzled. Last week we went on Sunday morning and my teenagers were to go to the LifeTeen Mass that evening. Of course there is a big argument and eventually they went. When they got home I talked to them about what was expected of them in our family as well as what obligations to faith that they have.

I have sent them to Catholic school, they are currently in Catholic High School, we have always attended Sunday mass and we generally abide by the church teachings. We are not as devout as some families but I am working on it!

At times I just want to throw up my hands and not push because I’m tired of arguing. Then I think if I push too much that as soon as they can they will leave the church. Then I go back to the fact that I am responsible for passing on the Catholic church teachings and traditions and that responsibility I take seriously and if I let them do whatever they want I have failed.

I have told them that as long as they live in this house and I pay all the money for a Catholic education that they will attend church on Sunday. If they choose not to then the Catholic schooling stops and they will go to public schools.

Where do you draw the line? I know that many people struggle with this issue.
 
I feel your pain. If your case is like mine, that’s because they’re following your example.

Unfortunately, I drifted away from the Church about the time I got married and left my kids without any religious instruction until a couple of years ago.

Perhaps I was luckier to come back to the Church while my kids are in their early to mid teen years, for we all go to Mass without having to pull any tooth. Yet, I do have difficulties with my eldest going to the youth group.

I have to pick my battles and I decided that it’s not worth pushing it as they do go to Mass. Not that I assume that they fervently love it, unfortunately not, but I’m planting a seed that I hope they’ll be able to cultivate in the future.

That’s why I always include St. Monica in my daily prayers.

Ultimately, it’s in Jesus’ hands.
 
I feel your pain, too. I try to be very calm and not overreact when I get resistance about going to Mass. I set ‘rules’ with my kids some time ago regarding privileges such as belonging to the baseball team, drill team, etc. My support and permission for those activites is only active as long as they fulfill their obligations. Those obligations include doing their share of the family chores, acceptable grades in school, and honoring the God who loves them by worshipping HIm at Mass on Sunday.

When they ask, “Do we HAVE to go to Mass?”, my answer is, “Are you planning to quit (driving your car, baseball, dance, etc.) next week?”. That’s usually all it takes. The trick is in setting up the rules ahead of time, and getting their agreement before there is a contentious issue.

Now, how to get them to LOVE the Mass is a question I can’t answer. I believe that God will have to handle that part. As long as I can keep them receiving Jesus in the Eucharist, I think that’s my best chance.
 
They are going to MassGo to the lifeteen mass with them

One thing I have discovered about youth masses that differ from regulare masses (besides the obvious) is the homily. Priests seem not to be afraid to give a relevant homily for youth. They will discuss the evils of premarital sex, the wrongness of abortion, etc. They are not afraid to offend a well contributing praishoner.
Some say youth masses are artifical, but take youself back for a mintue and picture coming to the holy sacrifice of the Lord eagerly awaiting the sacrifice only to listen to the priest prattle on about how we should all be better and how spirtuality realaties to some football game or some book.
Or you go to the sacrifice of the Lord, your heart filled with christian insparation because you were just taught a truth of the church…

…but going to church is no reason for disobediance, just remind them that their going to lifeteen is contingent on going to church with the family, rudeness and church shoud not go togehter.
(with the knowlege that they are going together and being nice to eachother so realize lifeteen is not anit-family)
 
As a teenager myself, I find the catholic church to be very unwelcoming to teenagers. Maybe your kids just feel uncomfortable. Have you asked them why they don’t have a desire to go to church? Perhaps letting them try different churches to see if one suits them better?

I mean no disrespect to the catholic church by this…just my opinion

Hope everything goes well…
 
I am also a teenager and now a very devout Catholic. I was a cradle Catholic but only about 8 months ago was i really turned on to the Catholic faith, a very special girl did that for me. Now i am getting out to 2 or 3 daily masses plus ofcourse sunday, wrote my first apologetics paper, and absorbing everything i can on faith and theology and apologetics. But going back to your question.

They have to want it, right now, from what you said and what i thought about me, that they are like what i was, just taking the Catholic faith for granted to some degree. God’s fullness is only to be found in the Catholic Church, and most Catholics dont even bother to see how good they have it. They (your children) have to want God, something has to click for them, and once that clicks than they will be attending church a lot more, praying more, beating down the door for Eucharist adoration. But the problems is you cant make them want it. That has to come from God and with in themselves. You cant force them to want Catholicism or any faith or God at all.

What you can do is meet God halfway, do your part, plus pray pray pray, and leave it into God’s hands. Try showing how good they have it in the Catholic faith, show the other side, and how the other side believes so strongly what is wrong, such as the Real Presence, or that all sin merits hell, or some even say that God doesnt love us unconditionally.

I hope this helps give some insight.

Peace and Joy!
 
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darwindidntknow:
As a teenager myself, I find the catholic church to be very unwelcoming to teenagers. Maybe your kids just feel uncomfortable. Have you asked them why they don’t have a desire to go to church? Perhaps letting them try different churches to see if one suits them better?

I mean no disrespect to the catholic church by this…just my opinion

Hope everything goes well…
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Darwin’s public profile says he/she is a born-again Christian, his/her religion is “Christian/hedonist” and he/she attends an evangelical church. As a teenager with that background, Darwin has little credibility in saying that the Catholic Church is very unwelcoming and in suggesting that we Catholic parents should let our teenagers try different churches to see is one suits them better. 😦
 
As a 14-year old who has a liking of Mass, I’d say my mom’s secret was yanking my butt to church at age 5, even if I didn’t want to go. Let me ask you a question: have your sons gone to Mass since they were 5? It doesn’t even have to be that long.
 
La Chiara:
Darwin’s public profile says he/she is a born-again Christian, his/her religion is “Christian/hedonist” and he/she attends an evangelical church. As a teenager with that background, Darwin has little credibility in saying that the Catholic Church is very unwelcoming and in suggesting that we Catholic parents should let our teenagers try different churches to see is one suits them better. 😦
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Thank you for jumping to conclusions. My dad was catholic. We attended every once in awhile and I hated it. I didn’t understand what anything meant and no one at the churches bothered to explain it to me. I liked knowing that my parents let me choose where I was comfortable attending. This was an evangelical church. It’s all a matter of preference. The content of the previous post was my opinion. No one had to accept it…sorry if it offended you.
 
Sorry, I really can’t relate, all four of my children went without much trouble, they still go even after leaving the house. My only question is do both parents attend together? My wife and I always go together, when they were young the children went with us, now that they are older, three have moved away, our youngest sometimes goes with us but he usually goes to the earliest Mass on Sundays, my wife and I still go together, but usually later than our son. All four of our children went to public school, so I doubt the school has anything to do with it.
 
I’m not sure that you should be forcing your children to attend a LifeTeen Mass. As a teenager myself, I would consider it to be absolutely purgatorial to have to endure another one, what with the horrid music, liturgical abuses, et al… You mentioned that you’re working on the orthodoxy thing. This is good. Make them attend an Indult Mass! 😃 Afterall, many great saints have been teenagers/young adults and the regular ol’ Mass that everybody else went to was good enough for them.

With that said, I do firmly believe that the Eucharist is the same Christ at a regular parochial Mass as it is at a LifeTeen Mass. BUT instead of alienating them and forcing them to attend a “youth” Mass, why not insist that they do something at the regular parochial Mass like serve at the altar, sing in the choir, or do the readings? Perhaps they can be sacristans. There’s plenty for teenagers to do, trust me. I’m 19 and already I’ve served as an associate director of music. The Church is NOT unfriendly to teenagers. Afterall, teenagers will soon be the next generation of priests, deacons, and religious. I think that the worst thing you can do to a teenager is tell him that he’s different than everyone else and that he needs to attend a special Mass. That’s lame. Totally lame.
 
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darwindidntknow:
As a teenager myself, I find the catholic church to be very unwelcoming to teenagers. Maybe your kids just feel uncomfortable. Have you asked them why they don’t have a desire to go to church? Perhaps letting them try different churches to see if one suits them better?

I mean no disrespect to the catholic church by this…just my opinion
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In a day when everything is marketed to teens, I think many are just accustomed to mass media and consumerism to submit to their desires. For a teenager the world resolves around them as if they were the most important thing in the world and their individual indentity, now then they enter a celebration of Mass and they have to be humble and honor someone else other themselves.

When we all take a step back, isn’t this more then a temper tantrum when a teenager completely refuses to go? Teens are use to immediate gratification, they have such a high level of expectations by secular society that they quickly become depressed. They constantly have to preoccupied with something about themselves, whether it be school, activities, music, clothes, culture, and being seen.

I completely understand that Homilies might not address their specific issues, but maybe teens need to think about other people and their needs.

Rebellion is a marketed idea, to sell. There was a great PBS special called the “Merchants of Cool”.

pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/cool/etc/synopsis.html

You can watch the entire one hour program online. You can also share it with your sons. They will think you’re cool. Not just because you can watch streaming video online, but because you care about them too.

It was a real eye opener. To think back in the mid 90’s when I was a teen what I thought was expressing my individuality was nothing more then a concept to make me buy stuff. If I didn’t cater to my whim, I just consider it “unwelcoming”.
 
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darwindidntknow:
Thank you for jumping to conclusions. My dad was catholic. We attended every once in awhile and I hated it. I didn’t understand what anything meant and no one at the churches bothered to explain it to me. I liked knowing that my parents let me choose where I was comfortable attending. This was an evangelical church. It’s all a matter of preference. The content of the previous post was my opinion. No one had to accept it…sorry if it offended you.
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Why does everyone think that we could be offended when a poorly founded opinion is presented? The fact is Catholics are obligated to attend mass every Sunday. Parents are also expected to see that their kids are properly educated in the faith so that they DO understand what is going on. By your own admission your family attended “once in a while” and made no effort at learning about it. So, yes it is your opinion–but your appeal to authority (my dad was Catholic and I’ve been to mass) is thin and therefore we have no basis for seriously entertaining or respecting this opinion.

Scott
 
Scott Waddell:
Why does everyone think that we could be offended when a poorly founded opinion is presented? The fact is Catholics are obligated to attend mass every Sunday. Parents are also expected to see that their kids are properly educated in the faith so that they DO understand what is going on. By your own admission your family attended “once in a while” and made no effort at learning about it. So, yes it is your opinion–but your appeal to authority (my dad was Catholic and I’ve been to mass) is thin and therefore we have no basis for seriously entertaining or respecting this opinion.

Scott
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I myself was a poorly educated Catholic, with my parents only attending during the holidays. But I didn’t go what I was merely comfortable with, I search for Truth and God.
 
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lukefan:
I’m having an ongoing battle with my 2 teenage sons regarding attending mass on Sunday. There is always some excuse or generally it comes to a battle and I go to mass and am frazzled. Last week we went on Sunday morning and my teenagers were to go to the LifeTeen Mass that evening. Of course there is a big argument and eventually they went. When they got home I talked to them about what was expected of them in our family as well as what obligations to faith that they have.
I have sent them to Catholic school, they are currently in Catholic High School, we have always attended Sunday mass and we generally abide by the church teachings. We are not as devout as some families but I am working on it!
At times I just want to throw up my hands and not push because I’m tired of arguing. Then I think if I push too much that as soon as they can they will leave the church. Then I go back to the fact that I am responsible for passing on the Catholic church teachings and traditions and that responsibility I take seriously and if I let them do whatever they want I have failed.
I have told them that as long as they live in this house and I pay all the money for a Catholic education that they will attend church on Sunday. If they choose not to then the Catholic schooling stops and they will go to public schools.
Where do you draw the line? I know that many people struggle with this issue.
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I know how hard it is, believe me–I also have teen sons.

I say as long as they live in the home, as a family you ALL go to Mass, together, like it or not. Explain to them the importance of the Sabbath, etc. and then just tell them not to argue again, or it will be a privilege taken away.

God Bless~

P.S. Have hubby help out too-----with breakfast dishes, etc. checking to make sure boys are dressed appropriately, so you can get ready in peace.
 
ok…i am 21 and wil be giving talks to teens precisely on this subject. i’ll tell it to ya in a nutshell. you have to give them the true catholic faith in its fullest so that they can see its beauty and be attracted to it. if they don’t see it as beautiful and attractive they can’t “want it.” so how do you present it like that to them? you take them somewhere where they will see it like that. take the to birmingham alabama to the shrine of the most blessed sacrament. if you want your kids to make the change, they wil do it there. you will be amazed at the wonders God can work with a little sacrifice from your part. spend three days there. go to the daily mass, go to father shannon’s talks, and go to every talk that you can. if you do not it will not make as much an impact. i suggest getting talks from father angelus and father shannon and definately going to daily mass at the shrine. i hope you take my advice. you will be glad that you did, believe me. the truth is our church. the truth i sattractive. not this lifeteen stuff where they teach kids that the mass is to feed tehm and is centered on them. they need to learn that the mass is centered on Christ. take them to see what Mother Angelica has done. don’t ask them if they wanna go, just take them! you have to be strong. when they are on fire with their faith, they will thank you. make sure to talk to the speakers you get before they talk so that they know your situation. you will definately see results. oh and don’t forget to pray and fast a lot for their reversions!
 
I’m a teenager, but have never been to a LifeTeen/youth Mass. I would love to attend one, but would not leave my current Parish or stop attending its Mass for it. I love my church and the Mass that I attend every Sunday too much to leave! :love:
 
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Please edit your posts for tone and/or content before pressing the submit button

Paul Stephens
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creedseebas:
ok…i am 21 and wil be giving talks to teens precisely on this subject. i’ll tell it to ya in a nutshell. you have to give them the true catholic faith in its fullest so that they can see its beauty and be attracted to it. if they don’t see it as beautiful and attractive they can’t “want it.” so how do you present it like that to them? you take them somewhere where they will see it like that. take the to birmingham alabama to the shrine of the most blessed sacrament. if you want your kids to make the change, they wil do it there. you will be amazed at the wonders God can work with a little sacrifice from your part. spend three days there. go to the daily mass, go to father shannon’s talks, and go to every talk that you can. if you do not it will not make as much an impact. i suggest getting talks from father angelus and father shannon and definately going to daily mass at the shrine. i hope you take my advice. you will be glad that you did, believe me. the truth is our church. the truth i sattractive. not this lifeteen stuff where they teach kids that the mass is to feed tehm and is centered on them. they need to learn that the mass is centered on Christ. take them to see what Mother Angelica has done. don’t ask them if they wanna go, just take them! you have to be strong. when they are on fire with their faith, they will thank you. make sure to talk to the speakers you get before they talk so that they know your situation. you will definately see results. oh and don’t forget to pray and fast a lot for their reversions!
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They say the Lifeteen Mass is for Teens so they can preach about social justice issues in the homily…after all its for teens who don’t know how the church stands (and therefore aren’t going to withdraw their offerings when they hear something they don’t like) Plus the priests often explain parts of the mass before or after. Its stuff that my parents don’t know but probably would be offended to hear becasue it would make them look dumb that they didn’t
There is much, much more to the LifeTeen mass being for Teens then just the music.
 
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lukefan:
I’m having an ongoing battle with my 2 teenage sons regarding attending mass on Sunday. There is always some excuse or generally it comes to a battle and I go to mass and am frazzled. Last week we went on Sunday morning and my teenagers were to go to the LifeTeen Mass that evening. Of course there is a big argument and eventually they went. When they got home I talked to them about what was expected of them in our family as well as what obligations to faith that they have.

I have sent them to Catholic school, they are currently in Catholic High School, we have always attended Sunday mass and we generally abide by the church teachings. We are not as devout as some families but I am working on it!

At times I just want to throw up my hands and not push because I’m tired of arguing. Then I think if I push too much that as soon as they can they will leave the church. Then I go back to the fact that I am responsible for passing on the Catholic church teachings and traditions and that responsibility I take seriously and if I let them do whatever they want I have failed.

I have told them that as long as they live in this house and I pay all the money for a Catholic education that they will attend church on Sunday. If they choose not to then the Catholic schooling stops and they will go to public schools.

Where do you draw the line? I know that many people struggle with this issue.
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As Clinton used to say, “I feel your pain!” My kids are no longer kids. They’re 28 and 26 but when they were little and then as teenagers sometimes they would say to my wife and I, “Why do we have to go to Mass?” I would replied, “Are you gals Catholic?” They would replied, “yes.” Then I would say, “That’s why we go to Mass. That’s what we do as Catholics, period, let’s go.” Well, now they are grown and they go sometimes with us or on their own, but they do go. Sometimes they would be so irritated they would threatened us with becoming Protestants when they would grow up. My reply? “Go right ahead and we’ll leave the house to the parish not to you gals!”

You are correct when you say it is our obligation as Catholic parents to transmit the faith. Sometimes it isn’t easy and boy, you know that!

Like you, I used to tell them, “as long as you live in this house, you’ll go by our rules and part of those rules is that as Catholics, we go to Mass, end of the story.”

Now, because we are Hispanics, that helps. The parents have a tremendous authority advantage and the kids don’t want to mess with us.

Antonio 🙂
 
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