Teens and Contraception

[Thoughtfulone]

This is just a question:

If you had a teenage daughter who was sexually active despite everything you tried to dissuade her, would you recommend that she use contraception to keep from getting pregnant? If not, would you go as far as to tell her NOT to use contraception so as not to compound her sin? Would you secretly hope that she WAS using contraception?

 

[Orleans_Attny]

This is just a question:

If you had a teenage daughter who was sexually active despite everything you tried to dissuade her, would you recommend that she use contraception to keep from getting pregnant? If not, would you go as far as to tell her NOT to use contraception so as not to compound her sin? Would you secretly hope that she WAS using contraception?

There was a time in my life when I would have put my teenaged daughter on birth control, whether I knew she was sexually active or not.

Now . . . I would not, ever, put her on birth control or recommend contraception to keep from getting pregnant or a disease. I would tell her to NOT have sex . . . I’d never get to the "but if you do . . . " conversation, which is a conversation that gives her a tacit approval to have protected sex.

And I would never “secretly hope” that she was using contraception. I’d hope that she would abstain.

Pax,
OA

 

[phoenixrrt62]

Yep.
I’d get the BC FOR her.
However, I really would stress that sex is something that really should be reserved for a special relationship, and not to be taken lightly…the emotional and possible physical ramifications are just too much for a teen.
Mind, I can’t be with her 24/7, so I would have to trust that some of my message got through somehow…but-you can only do so much…

 

[Rence]

I’m sorry, but I don’t really understand what people mean when they say that they can’t control their teens from having sex when I was a teenager, every opportunity was removed from me. I went to an all-girl catholic school with a closed campus. I was driven there by a parent, and driven home by a parent. When I worked, I was driven there and driven back, and the managers knew my parents…and knew where I was all the time. I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 19 and I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without adult supervision. How is it these teens are out having sex agains their parents’ directives?

That said: no, I wouldn’t get them contraception. I’d take away their opportunities to have sex…children should not be having sex.

 

[st_lucy]

If your daughter is not listening to you about not having sex how is she going to listen to you about how to have sex? It just doesn’t make sense.

 

[Bluegoat]

This is a tough one. I don’t know what I’d do. But honestly, if I knew she or he was having promiscuous sex, I’d hope at some level the he or she would be using condoms so as to avoid disease. I don’t mean I think it would be a good thing; I just mean I really do not want to be going to my child’s funeral, ever.

 

[Apollos]

If you had a teenage daughter…

As cruel at it may seem, my attitude would be that if she wants to act like a pseudo-wife, then the responsibility of taking care of her is her own and her pseudo-husband(s). Therefore no recommendations, no unsolicited advice, one way or the other. I would only suggest she set aside a grand for an abortion, just in case.

…oh, and no free housing, no free tuition. And I ain’t paying squat for no wedding reception.

And I expect at least a Christmas card with a picture of my grandchildren.

 

[AndrewA]

Yep.
I’d get the BC FOR her.
However, I really would stress that sex is something that really should be reserved for a special relationship, and not to be taken lightly…the emotional and possible physical ramifications are just too much for a teen.
Mind, I can’t be with her 24/7, so I would have to trust that some of my message got through somehow…but-you can only do so much…

Wouldn’t the teen say " But our relationship **is **special daddy(or mommy)!"

 

[Thoughtfulone]

I’m sorry, but I don’t really understand what people mean when they say that they can’t control their teens from having sex when I was a teenager, every opportunity was removed from me. I went to an all-girl catholic school with a closed campus. I was driven there by a parent, and driven home by a parent. When I worked, I was driven there and driven back, and the managers knew my parents…and knew where I was all the time. I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 19 and I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without adult supervision. How is it these teens are out having sex agains their parents’ directives?

That said: no, I wouldn’t get them contraception. I’d take away their opportunities to have sex…children should not be having sex.

That kind of parenting seems awfully extreme to me. Every girl I ever knew whose parents were that strict freaked out and got into sex and drugs pretty hardcore in college. Not dating until you were 19? You weren’t even a minor anymore!

 

[BornAgain2010]

Seriously whats the big deal about contraception? I dont know if I’ll ever understand it.

First off, let me agree though, kids should definitely not be having sex.
In my opinion, I dont think anyone should have sex until they are 18 or 21 (ages when they should be mature enough to understand it). ← And even then they should be married first.

Anyway, whats the big deal about contraception?
WHY is it wrong?
I AM against abortion though. Cause that really is straight-up murder.

But why is it frowned upon if you use conraception? Especially if your having sex? It is a medical fact that some types of contraception can significantly reduce the chance of STD’s and AIDS.

The way I see it is if you dont use contraception, then you’re just trading one problem for the other.

Example:
If you dont use contraception, you can still have the baby…but you may get an STD/VD which can harm the baby as well as the mother. (You solved one problem, but introduced another.)

If you do use contraception, you avoid the risk of STD/VD and the risk of pregnancy complications disappears as there would be no pregnancy to begin with. (You solve two problems, without introducing another.)

In other words…first option (1 for1), second option (2 for 1).
I’d side with the two-for.

Its the same as the drug debate, (and for some sex can be a drug). You have to ask yourself…“wouldnt you rather have your child be a drug dealer…than a drug addict?”

 

[twoangels]

My husband and I do not intend to allow any daughters to date in highschool. If she started having sex, it would be completely behind my back and without my knowing. If she got pregnant, I would help her face the pregnancy, give her as much courage to do so and try to help her to trust God. I would remind her that her Dad was the result of a teenager getting pregnant and about her biological grandmother’s courage to give him up for adoption, and that the important thing to consider when pregnant is the well being of that baby.

I would not secretly hope that she were using contraceptives. That would be like hoping that if my kids do drugs that they were using clean needles every time. It sort of misses the point.

 

[Bluegoat]

That kind of parenting seems awfully extreme to me. Every girl I ever knew whose parents were that strict freaked out and got into sex and drugs pretty hardcore in college. Not dating until you were 19? You weren’t even a minor anymore!

It’'s interesting - kids that become delinquents come equally from homes where parents are lax/permissive/uncaring and homes where they are super-strict. It’s been my own experience that with kids from such strict families, if they decide to rebel once they are out of the home it’s almost like they have no control at all.

 

[Thoughtfulone]

If your daughter is not listening to you about not having sex how is she going to listen to you about how to have sex? It just doesn’t make sense.

Trust me, teens DO listen to their parents about birth control and condoms. It may be sinful to recommend/use birth control, but it seems like a better alternative than AIDS or teen pregnancy.

 

[1ke]

If you had a teenage daughter who was sexually active despite everything you tried to dissuade her, would you recommend that she use contraception to keep from getting pregnant?

No. We can never counsel someone to commit a sin. I would continue to counsel her on chastity.

If not, would you go as far as to tell her NOT to use contraception so as not to compound her sin?

I would continue to discuss sexuality as having a place only in marriage. I would not in any way encourage or condone her premarital relations.

The idea that you could send a message “not” to use contraception under the guise of ‘not’ committing two sins is, frankly, bizarre. Premarital relations is a sin. To try to dissuade someone from using contraception as some kind of compromise, IMHO, is encouraging them to continue with the other sin. It’s a seamless garment, the only message can be abstinence.

Would you secretly hope that she WAS using contraception?

Heck no.

 

[twoangels]

That kind of parenting seems awfully extreme to me. Every girl I ever knew whose parents were that strict freaked out and got into sex and drugs pretty hardcore in college. Not dating until you were 19? You weren’t even a minor anymore!

I think people who do that sort of stuff after having parents that are so strict tend to stick out more than other people because its such a drastic change. I think they also tend to be more niave about it and tend to talk about how their parents’ efforts failed. Again, it sticks out. That doesn’t mean that strict parenthood causes it. I have plenty of friends from when I attended FUS who were raised in such homes and were personally well disciplined and never rebelled. Some of these friends joined convents. Moreover, these friends tend to keep tidier rooms, are more polite than other people, etc.

 

[Thoughtfulone]

It’'s interesting - kids that become delinquents come equally from homes where parents are lax/permissive/uncaring and homes where they are super-strict. It’s been my own experience that with kids from such strict families, if they decide to rebel once they are out of the home it’s almost like they have no control at all.

I think many times, kids who have never had any freedom or autonomy at all honestly don’t know how to deal with it once they DO have it. Their parents really haven’t prepared them to make their own decisions at all.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Trust me, teens DO listen to their parents about birth control and condoms. It may be sinful to recommend/use birth control, but it seems like a better alternative than AIDS or teen pregnancy.

Unless they get pregnant or infected anyway.

Some STD’s are transmitable skin to skin. Condoms fail often.

 

[BornAgain2010]

Trust me, teens DO listen to their parents about birth control and condoms. It may be sinful to recommend/use birth control, but it seems like a better alternative than AIDS or teen pregnancy.

Thats the main idea I was trying to convey in my earlier post…albiet I did it in a more colorful manner.

 

[Thoughtfulone]

Unless they get pregnant or infected anyway.

Some STD’s are transmitable skin to skin. Condoms fail often.

True, but I would rather give them a fighting chance…

 

[st_lucy]

Trust me, teens DO listen to their parents about birth control and condoms. It may be sinful to recommend/use birth control, but it seems like a better alternative than AIDS or teen pregnancy.

So you are saying that teens DON’T listen to their parents about sex but they DO listen to them about birth control?

IF I were to tell my children that having sex outside of marriage is wrong and sinful, but hey I know you are weak and unimportant so here let me teach you how to put a condom on, or here let me pump your perfectly healthy body with a drug that will make it not work right and could later on cause infertility or even cancer. What kind of parent would I be?

No I will teach my children now the truths and foundation of their faith so that when they are older and faced with these decisions they can choose the narrow path to heaven. I always remind them when they leave the house to remember their goal in life.