Tell another husband about his wife's affair?

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needHim

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I recently have found out about my husband infidelity. I have turned to the internet for a way to cope to hear stories of other’s and to try to see if I can forgive. One place I visited, with many people who have experienced the same things as me, claims that I need to tell the other woman’s husband as well. That if it were me, I would have wanted to know and that I am only keeping her secret if I don’t tell. I have a hard time with this because of my faith, and am not sure I want to involve myself. What do I do? If you know of anywhere where I can get help or guidance/prayers, please direct me. I need them terribly. Thank you!
 
You said you forgave your husband so im assuming he ended his affair with the lady?

To forgive someone it means you dont keep dragging it up…what are you hoping to acheive by telling the ladies husband and potentially ruining their marriage?..its so spiteful and could backfire on you…your husband may be appalled at what you did and it may drive him back to the other Lady.

If you have forgiven him then leave it alone and work on your own marriage and leave the other lady alone…you have nothong to gain and everything to lose…

Why not go to therapy with your husband instead?
 
If you know the woman, I would tell her she has a responsibility to inform her husband. Do not ask your husband to tell her this as he should have ceased all contact with this woman. Whether she does or not is up to her. I would not tell her husband, and I would not seek out his or the woman’s contact information if you don’t have it.

I am sorry that you are hurting. In your time of need, please do not burden yourself with a moral obligation you do not have.

I will be praying for you. :gopray:
 
I would not do it.

I know of a few marriage sites where they advocate total exposure of the wandering/unfaithful spouse – tell the wronged spouse, their family, co-workers etc.

But what if doing so resulted in violence or even murder??

Just pray for all involved and leave the rest to God.
 
nancymarie said:
I would not do it.

I know of a few marriage sites where they advocate total exposure of the wandering/unfaithful spouse – tell the wronged spouse, their family, co-workers etc.

But what if doing so resulted in violence or even murder??

Just pray for all involved and leave the rest to God.
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Thank you, this is part of what worried me. I know I love my husband even though I am struggling right now, I do not want to see any harm come to him or anyone else. I don’t know the woman personally, only from pictures on Facebook and I don’t know the husband, but in my small town I am sure I could find out. I also don’t want this to become the “talk of the town”. I want to keep it between us and God. My husband needs prayers more than me. He has fallen away from the church and we have struggled with this for awhile, now this. Thank you for any concerns or prayers.
 
Prayers for you and your husband.

Those people who say to tell the other woman’s husband–did they divorce? If you tell, it would seem to me more likely that her husband may leave. (I’ve read statistics that men are more likely than woman to leave their spouses after discovering an affair.)

I don’t think it is a good idea to tell him. At least not if you would like to see your husband leave her instead of him leaving you and her husband leaving her. If you discovered the affair instead of your husband telling you then leaving you, well, maybe there is still a chance of that he wants to stay married to you. Maybe you can somehow work things out and this whole affair can be put in the past. Maybe both your marriages can be saved. Telling her husband seems a bit like adding fuel to the fire. I would not tell. I’d worry more about saving my own marriage than think about doing something that might contribute to ending theirs.
 
Praying for you and your husband.

I would not tell the other woman’s husband as you could become a widow and he a widower.
 
I would tell. If my husband were cheating on me I would want to know. I believe I would have a right to know.
 
I don’t think anyone should tell such a thing. It is a grave sin, but not “our business” to tell what we know. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, it is better to never mention what you may know. There is always a “good” reason to have a thing going on with someone who is not your spouse, my reason was that my x did use the weapon women have been used since the dawn of this world, no sex. And I did not want sex, as such, I wanted someone to be close and near, and like me, even if it was for only a few hours, my x never did understand that, she thought that being close mean sex, when in fact, what I wanted, was to feel her close to me. Not a valid reason though for me to sin, but at the moment I did feel I had the right, but of course I did not. (Thees sins are told and absolved.) So don’t tell, you will gain nothing if you do so, you may feel good, but that will not last for long, alas.
 
I say loose all contact with this couple completely and leave them to God. That may mean a change of jobs, churches, even schools. Do not allow your children to play with there children, etc… When the phone rings do not answer. I would insist on this with your husband.

The other woman’s husband my start asking her questions when he sees that you guys will no longer have anything to do with them. But I don’t think you have any obligation to tell him and so I wouldn’t.
 
I worked with a man who recently commited suicide ( we think) after finding out his fiance was having an affair. You don’t want that on your conscience.
 
needHim said:
I recently have found out about my husband infidelity. I have turned to the internet for a way to cope to hear stories of other’s and to try to see if I can forgive. One place I visited, with many people who have experienced the same things as me, claims that I need to tell the other woman’s husband as well. That if it were me, I would have wanted to know and that I am only keeping her secret if I don’t tell. I have a hard time with this because of my faith, and am not sure I want to involve myself. What do I do? If you know of anywhere where I can get help or guidance/prayers, please direct me. I need them terribly. Thank you!
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Unless he is a real boob he probably knows or suspects. I would ask my pastor and see what his advice would be. Tell your husband he better get checked for STD’s. People who " drift around " generally get something. And have the Doc. report to you, don’t trust hubby to tell the truth. I’m glad I never had to deal with that situation myself, stayed single all my life and never had any " affairs. "

The Church does not require you to remain with a man who does that to you, but some how you have to find forgiveness.

Prayers
Linus2nd
 
needHim said:
I have turned to the internet for a way to cope to hear stories of other’s and to try to see if I can forgive. One place I visited, with many people who have experienced the same things as me, claims that I need to tell the other woman’s husband as well.
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Just a note about these sites. The infidelity sites on the net can easily be some of the most toxic of all sites due to reactions some people have (understandably) to their situation. Much of the advice you get is driven by vengefulness whether the people themselves realise it or not. You could benefit from some individual counselling to vent and receive some objective guidance but you are right not just to blindly follow advice from infidelity sites.
 
needHim said:
I recently have found out about my husband infidelity. I have turned to the internet for a way to cope to hear stories of other’s and to try to see if I can forgive. One place I visited, with many people who have experienced the same things as me, claims that I need to tell the other woman’s husband as well. That if it were me, I would have wanted to know and that I am only keeping her secret if I don’t tell. I have a hard time with this because of my faith, and am not sure I want to involve myself. What do I do? If you know of anywhere where I can get help or guidance/prayers, please direct me. I need them terribly. Thank you!
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I would stay out of it; their marriage, their problems; your marriage, your problems. You say you found about him; was it from him or someone else? Would it have been better to learn about it from him or some else? It will take LOTS OF TIME to forgive your husband (we may be talking a few years), breaking his vows and destroying your trust are very, very serious in a marriage, but they can be overcome if each party is willing to work to save it, and that will take LOTS OF TIME.
 
I would tell the offender (not her husband) that if I ever find her offending against me or anyone else ever again as she has done, including if I ever find she has had any contact with my husband, I will tell her husband and all she offends against. If I never find any such thing, I will believe that she has amended herself and handled her own affairs honestly, and will stay out of her affairs and hope nothing but the best for her. Then let her go.
 
Show and tell time, My mother had a fling with the lawn-mowing boy,
he even wrote his graffiti on our driveway. But dad was very forgiving
and nothing came of it.
 
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