Tell me everything I need to know about guys

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Glomung said:
Hard question, but I’ll give it a shot.

As another said, the behaviors of men runs the gamut.
First, trust nothing that anyone says. Pay particular attention to what guys do, rather than what they say. There is a class of guys that make a hobby out of getting into girls pants. These types do tend to be more flattering than the average, but they can be hard to spot at first. Charm is often not a reflection of morality. Being “religious” is also no guarantee of morality.
Many of the guys who are moral tend to be very shy around girls.

Don’t allow yourself to be put in awkward situations.
Be the sober girl at the party.
If you are interested in some young man, take your time, be patient, and give him
every opportunity to show whether he’s a decent fellow or not, this takes time.
Don’t associate with harmful people (i.e. when you discover some guy is a jerk have NOTHING to do with him).

Red flags:
loner
doesn’t want to meet family
doesn’t want to associate with your friends
any kind of illegal behavior
can’t handle his finances
controlling
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I’d say yes to a lot of that, with possible allowances for nice “loners.”

Also, commit this to heart (it’s about the dangers of the older boyfriend):

scarleteen.com/article/abuse_assault/why_i_deeply_dislike_your_older_boyfriend
 
E_7 said:
  1. A man won’t cross the line unless you allow it. Keep that in mind.
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Nope. But that’s how you tell you’re dealing with a Bad Person. A reasonably good guy (not a reasonably good Catholic or other Christian guy), but a reasonably good guy will not cross lines unless you allow it. A Bad Person totally will.

So, think about exit strategies. If you get a ride from someone, do you know them well? Do you have a well-charged cell phone? Do you have cash to pay for a taxi home or a friend that can pick you up? Better yet, don’t accept rides from men by yourself you don’t know really, really well.
 
  1. A man won’t cross the line unless you allow it. Keep that in mind.
I’m sorry but that’s completely untrue. There are men that will more than cross the line whether you want them to or not. There are ways to be careful to avoid situations where it’s easy for them to do so but even that is not a guarantee of safety. Sexual harassment and assault happen every day and the women affected didn’t ‘allow’ them to do anything; let’s not fall into the trap of victim blaming.
 
redbetta said:
If a guy asks me out, should I accept at least a first (appropriate) date or should I only accept such an offer from someone I am already familiar with/spoken to before? Should I find out if he is Catholic before going out on a date?

**I have some bad news for you. It’s quite likely that unless you are very pretty, that no guy will ask you out during your four years of college. Dating is virtually dead at many college campuses.

That’s kind of normal these days. So, if it happens to you, don’t worry that you’re some sort of hideous misfit that nobody is ever going to love. **

Also, what do I do in response to inappropriate comments/harassment?
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If it’s a stranger, don’t respond and keep on moving.

If it’s somebody you know and will have to deal with as an equal, how about, “That’s inappropriate,” or “That makes me feel uncomfortable” and leave it hanging right there. Give them space to apologize–don’t rush in to smooth things over, but don’t demand an apology.

If it’s an authority figure, watch for a pattern of behavior and if there is one, feel free to report them to the powers that be (for instance, in course evaluations).
 
Don’t fall for the first guy you meet.

It will be a different enviornment for sure, but remember you are going to a college. Your studying comes first.

Try to join the Catholic Student Center if your campus has one.
 
As a former 18 year old guy I can tell you that hormones are in high gear and emotional maturity is low. Many young men will want to have sex with you and no real relationship.

But stay close to God and all will go well. Be faithful and you will be blessed with wisdom and protection, even from yourself.
 
redbetta said:
Background: I’m an 18-year old girl who is starting college in September who has attended an all-girls high school for all four years and has not had any contact with males outside my immediate family and none that are around my age. Tell me everything I need to know so that I can be prepared because I know absolutely nothing. Thanks.
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Men are able to read other men infinitely better than any woman could ever read a man. I suspect the opposite is true, too. I sometimes feel that I’m virtually blind to women’s characters, yet when I ask for female assistance, they always seem able to accurately size up other women. So, I think you should bear that in mind. Don’t fool yourself into believing you’re able to read males as well as you are females.

Also, know in no uncertain terms that alcohol is a date rape drug. It is the tradional date rape drug of choice; it always has been, and it always will be. I’m not trying to frighten you, because obviously not all men are rapists, but just to be safe, if you ever find yourself out drinking you should always be in the company of girls you trust. Alcohol is just a fact of college life. You’re going to have to decide whether you want to go down that path. Unfortunately, very few people seem to forego it, at least in my experience.
 
redbetta said:
If a guy asks me out, should I accept at least a first (appropriate) date or should I only accept such an offer from someone I am already familiar with/spoken to before? Should I find out if he is Catholic before going out on a date?

Also, what do I do in response to inappropriate comments/harassment?
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Ok, I’m a father with two daughters, been married, have four sisters and been around friends of my daughters as well as friends of my sisters.

Blue Eyed Lady has given you, IMHO, the best advice-- treat each individual whether male or female as an individual. All come from different backgrounds with different attitudes towards morality, modesty, behavior etc. etc. etc. I can make generalities but they always get in the way of assessing individuals.

In general do no fall for the most common lie told to young women in any of it’s variants. That you are so mature for your age/girls mature faster than boys, etc. Do not allow yourself to get pressured into things or situations you’re not ready for or you’re not comfortable with. I wouldn’t climb into a car with a stranger, no matter how nice they looked, acted, or smiled.

If you’re living at home, any date should involve the guy showing up at your home and getting sized up by your parents. (and recording of the car and driver’s license numbers, photographing him, fingerprints …)

Do not look at any date as a commitment to anything more than a couple of hours involving a single event. There is no obligation for follow-up dates, and no point in continuing dating someone if you’ve decided it’s not going anywhere. At your age and limited experience, keep it light- you’re probably gonna break up with the first few guys you get semi-serious about. Harder to do if you’ve over-committed. You should be assessing the kinds of things in men you can accept, and those things you can’t. Hold to a high standard in your own behavior, expect and do not tolerate anything less in the young men you date.
 
Exiled_Child said:
…
Also, know in no uncertain terms that alcohol is a date rape drug. It is the tradional date rape drug of choice; it always has been, and it always will be. I’m not trying to frighten you, because obviously not all men are rapists, but just to be safe, if you ever find yourself out drinking you should always be in the company of girls you trust. Alcohol is just a fact of college life. You’re going to have to decide whether you want to go down that path. Unfortunately, very few people seem to forego it, at least in my experience.
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Yep, used by both men and women to decrease the inhibitions of their target. Kill the little voice that tells you something is a bad idea. Hence it being referred to as ‘false courage’, some folks drink it to deliberately kill the voice themselves. Used, along with other drugs, by serial killers of both men and women to make their target more vulnerable and compliant.
 
styrgwillidar said:
Yep, used by both men and women to decrease the inhibitions of their target. Kill the little voice that tells you something is a bad idea. Hence it being referred to as ‘false courage’, some folks drink it to deliberately kill the voice themselves. Used, along with other drugs, by serial killers of both men and women to make their target more vulnerable and compliant.
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Yeah, and add to that the fact that dating can be so totally nerve-wracking, and can leave us scrambling for ways to chill out and calm down, and we just become that much more susceptible to deciding to drink. It’s a real trap - one of life’s greatest hidden pitfalls.
 
redbetta said:
I’m just looking for practical advise. Seriously, my social knowledge is severely limited.
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Blue Eyed Lady is right.

Men aren’t unicorns, rare and mystical 😉 . They can be annoying, loud, messy, quiet, funny, sensitive, trustable, crazy…

They possess the same emotions as girls, although they express them differently. With regards to dating, I wouldn’t go on any dates without previously knowing the person for comfort reasons, as well as safety. Make sure if you go out in his car that you will have a back up way to get home if something happens, and always have some money handy.

As styrgwillidar says, one date does not mean you have a commitment with that person. If you want to know if he’s religious, I would not ask on a first date unless you are sure you want to continue having dates with this person.

If a man harasses you are tries to pressure you into something, walk away. No man worth your time would make you feel uncomfortable in this way.

Lou
 
Xantippe said:
If it’s a stranger, don’t respond and keep on moving.

If it’s somebody you know and will have to deal with as an equal, how about, “That’s inappropriate,” or “That makes me feel uncomfortable” and leave it hanging right there. Give them space to apologize–don’t rush in to smooth things over, but don’t demand an apology.

If it’s an authority figure, watch for a pattern of behavior and if there is one, feel free to report them to the powers that be (for instance, in course evaluations).
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They say that sexuality runs rampant on college campuses, but, dating is dead? That doesn’t make much sense. Then again, I see a lot of things that don’t make sense these days. And, this is a response to the bolded text within my quote. I’m not sure why that blurb doesn’t appear when I reply.
 
redbetta said:
They say that sexuality runs rampant on college campuses, but, dating is dead? That doesn’t make much sense. Then again, I see a lot of things that don’t make sense these days. And, this is a response to the bolded text within my quote. I’m not sure why that blurb doesn’t appear when I reply.
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Unfortunately, sex and dating aren’t mutually exclusive. You will see some people who are only looking for pleasure, and not in a relationship. Make sure you don’t get pulled into this, and definitely don’t let anyone pressure you into compromising your morals.

Lou
 
Do guys ever want to be friends with girls, or is that not possible? I’ve been lurking the Family Life forum for a while and a good chunk of posters talk like they don’t think opposite gender friendships are possible. Which is discouraging because I haven’t clicked with other girls. In fact, I have only one female friend and that is online. I was just hoping that maybe being in a co-ed environment would give me a better chance at having friends.
 
We understand women a WHOLE LOT better than we let on.

We will sometimes use our feigned ignorance to our advantage.

We think about sex a WHOLE LOT more than you do. If you are attractive then I guarantee that some guy, at some time, has fantasized about you (and everything that goes with it).
 
redbetta said:
Do guys ever want to be friends with girls, or is that not possible? I’ve been lurking the Family Life forum for a while and a good chunk of posters talk like they don’t think opposite gender friendships are possible. Which is discouraging because I haven’t clicked with other girls. In fact, I have only one female friend and that is online. I was just hoping that maybe being in a co-ed environment would give me a better chance at having friends.
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I often wonder the same thing. I genuinely enjoy having friends who are female, and I always have, but it causes a lot of confusion and misunderstanding. So the answer to your question is sometimes, but unfortunately you won’t be able to tell when.

It seems to be a rare impulse among either gender, as far as I can tell.🤷
 
redbetta said:
Background: I’m an 18-year old girl who is starting college in September who has attended an all-girls high school for all four years and has not had any contact with males outside my immediate family and none that are around my age. Tell me everything I need to know so that I can be prepared because I know absolutely nothing. Thanks.
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Do you not go outside, watch TV, talk to people or what? Seems like you would have some sort of contact with others.

And I don’t think it realistic that strangers on the Internet can tell you “everything you need to know about guys”. I suggest you talk to your parents. Why have they not prepared you for adult interactions?
 
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