Tell my wife?

[whit]

Don’t tell your wife. It’s not between you and your wife. It’s between you and God, and Satan.

You have a habitual situation that you need to break for both your salvation and your marriage. All you have to do is break the habit and change your attitude about sin.

What is sin? As humans we normally thnk of sin as being any act which we know from our informed conscience, God has directed us to do, or not to do, for example, as in the commandments He has given us. We tend to get, as we age, a little settled in our sins. We are used to them and hope and pray for God’s mercy and often don’t get too concerned that we continue to commit the same sins over and over again. After all, we as Catholics have the Sacrament of Reconciliation and get them forgiven and therefore we have a good chance at salvation. Right? No. Not necessarily. Because as a part of confession we must have a firm purpose of amendment. In other words we are going to fight the temptation to commit that sin ever again. And we say with God’s help we will win. But often we walk out of confession knowing in our minds that we are sinners and are probably going to do it again but right now we don’t want to and so we feel better.

But really, what i sin? Sin is our turning our backs on God. And God/Jesus has told us that if we turn our backs on Him, that He has no choice but to turn His back on us. That we have made the choice, not Him. And therefore at our death if we have sin on our souls, that it is us who have chosen to not be with Him for eternity and have chosen, instead, eternal damnation.

We, as humans, often take it for granted that since we are Catholics that we have an easier time getting into Heaven. But,That’s not a necessity by any means.

(Matt. 7:13-14) 13 "Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. 14 How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life. And those who find it are few.

(Matt. 7:21) "Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.

(Matt. 6:24) "No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.

These, and other passages tell the story we all need to know. Many of us are complacent in our lives and feel that “Hey, I’m not really a bad person. God will have mercy on me, I know.” Nope. That’s not what He says. He says what is just quoted above so we must be ready at all times. And not to worry about confession. We might not have the opportunity. These passages made a big change in my life. Let me try to help them make a change in yours.

Continuing on another message…

 

[whit]

Continued from previous post…

First, you have got to acknowledge that sins against chastity are probably the most difficult to break.

This is what helped me so much.

You first have to understand that you are continually committing the same sin(s) over and over and that in reality you are not making much headway even though there has been a good break since you had last been habitutally commiting the sin(s). It means it is a continual fight. There is only one way to break the habit and that is to change your attitude and actions. You have to realize what sin is and how it will and does affect you.

You have to really be down on yourself for committing the sin. Next, take your rosary and a crucifix into a darkened room that is quiet and you won’t be bothered and say the rosary. My favorite mysteries are the Sorrowfrul but you can do any of them. As you are praying, think about the fact that you are tired of this sin and when you are done w. the rosary grab the crucifix and run your hands over it understanding what and WHO it signifies. And think in your mind’s eye, very hard what it will be like at the moment of your death when you are facing God for your particular judgement. Scary! It’s just you and God. Is He facing you? Are you facing Him? Ask yourself are you ready for death and salvation? (I mean right now.) If, in your mind’s eye, you can imagine that He has his back turned on you then you must realize that you have died in sin and you will NOT be with Him for eternity. That this is the real thing and that YOU have sent yourself away from Him. He is just doing what you asked Him to do by your actions on earth.

Now in order for this to work, you have to really be able to imagine what it will be like. That it will be just you, your spirit, and God, His Spirit. And that you must understand that what you want is for Him to be facing you and welcoming you into His arms to be with Him for eternity. Otherwise you must understand that if He has his back to you then you have lost your own salvation.

What I have outlined above is a very scary thing to do but it will help you to realize just what the truth is and to realize that your actions on earth can have a tremendous consequence for eternity.

Now the next thng you must do is to tell yourself that the object of your life is to be with God at your death, and that this or these sins are NOT going to stop you. You therefore just tell yourself this statement and MEAN IT. “I DON’T DO THAT ANYMORE!” That’s all. You just don’t do it anymore. It is no longer available to you. That sin just does not exist in your reportoire. And from that moment on, every time you are tempted you say “Thank you Jesus.” It works. I know it sounds crazy, but Jesus and a sinful thought cannot occupy the same space. The sinful thoughts occur normally w/o you requesting them but when you say “Thank you Jesus” you are purposely placing the thought of thanking Jesus for everything He has done for you and will do for you. You are not saying to yourself, get away, Satan. You are changing the conversation you are having in your mind. You are positively bringing Jesus in to replace the other thought. And you can keep saying “Thank you Jesus” to yourself as many times at it takes to squelch that other thought.

Now it is not necessarily a miraculous thing. You must continue to fight it and every morning when you wake up you make sure that you ask God to help you to keep from turning your back on Him today. Ask the same from Mary, your angel, St. Michael the Archangel, all the Saints you pray to. That is the primary statement you use. “Don’t let me turn my back on you.” And remember that you told yourself that “I don’t do that any more.”

Now daily when you are out and you happen to see a beautiful woman, you just specifically state to God that He is a fine artist and that He does good work. And then go on with whatever you were doing and don’t dwell on it. And say “Thank you Jesus.”

As to your wife. You don’t have to mention anything to her. Over time she will notice. You will have changed and because you will no longer be having problems as before you will, on your own be paying more attention to her and in the correct way because you will continually be saying to God in the morning, “God don’t let me turn my back on you today.”

Now, you also mentioned a problem w. scrupulosity. Go to www.liguori.org and look at their newletter for Sscrupulous Anonymous. It’s free and will help you a bunch.

pax et bonum

Now you can maybe be really sure, at last.
God bless.

 

[AndyF]

notreallysure:

This is really a very focused question and I would appreciate it if we did not stray too far. I do not ask that you agree with the background/assumptions that go in to the question; but debating the assumptions will not help me or give me what I am looking for.

1. My wife and I have discussed the issue many times and she has told me that if I ever committed adultery, stopped, was sorry, had reformed and had confessed, that she would NOT want to know. She would consider me telling her to be a very selfish act that would only hurt her with the sole goal being that I would feel better/have less guilt.
2. My wife knows that in the past I have struggled with porn.
3. My wife told me that I needed to beat the porn and that she felt it was affecting our marriage.
4. In response to that, I worked at it very hard.
5. My wife knows that I have been beating that addiction for about 2 years.

The question:
I have recently slipped backwards on the porn issue–Do I share this with her? Or is this a situation like fact #1 that I should keep to myself?

On one hand I feel as if she may be able to help. On the other, I worry that sharing this with her would just be a selfish act and that I just need to try harder by myself.

As I said, I know from other threads that many may disagree with the attitude expressed in #1, but it is her attitude and it forms the basis for the question. What do I do given these facts?

I’d stop talking about it and start cementing a relationship that has only your wife has focus, and the same goes for your wife.
Sounds like satan wants you both to start playing head games by keeping you both off balance. Take an evening out with candlelight and make a formal resolve to start over afresh.

I don’t see it as a good idea to hurt someone if there is no benefit that can be gained from it. The risk in such a case is to health, so there isn’t a place for NOT caring in the 80,90,2000’s.

But more to the point, if someone is conditioned to habitual sin, he should stop immediatly those facets that could impact the partner physically, and work with a resolve on the rest. Sincere personal confession,communion,rosary,mass,sacrifice,charity are the guranteed tools to stop the habit.

Andy