Telling family about joining Catholic church

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tschu

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Hello!
I am in the inquiry period of RCIA but am seriously considering moving forward with joining the Catholic church. I was raised as a member of the Church of Christ as was most of my entire family. This will be a HUGE transition! My parents are coming to visit from out of state for the next couple of weeks and I am sure that this topic will arise. My mom will expect that we attend the Church of Christ on Sundays and therefore the conversation is sure to evolve. My husband and I are in the process of having our marriage convalidated and this is an exciting and anxious time in my life. I am REALLY struggling with having the conversation with my parents. Any suggestions? I feel like my mom is going to be really hurt and concerned for my soul. I know that my family want to do everything in their power to keep me from this decision. I know that they will cause me to feel that I am being fooled by the devil. Help!!!
 
Have you considered telling them before they come? Instead of letting it be a surprise during the visit? That would give them a little time to get used to the idea.
 
tschu said:
Hello!
I am in the inquiry period of RCIA but am seriously considering moving forward with joining the Catholic church. I was raised as a member of the Church of Christ as was most of my entire family. This will be a HUGE transition! My parents are coming to visit from out of state for the next couple of weeks and I am sure that this topic will arise. My mom will expect that we attend the Church of Christ on Sundays and therefore the conversation is sure to evolve. My husband and I are in the process of having our marriage convalidated and this is an exciting and anxious time in my life. I am REALLY struggling with having the conversation with my parents. Any suggestions? I feel like my mom is going to be really hurt and concerned for my soul. I know that my family want to do everything in their power to keep me from this decision.
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I converted from a Baptist/Evangelical background a few years ago, so I know where you are coming from. My parents (who are wonderful people) had an extremely hard time with it. Although their emotion over it calmed down somewhat after a year or so, they are still upset about it and concerned for my soul.

At least you have the support of your husband and are not going through it alone; that makes a huge difference. Perhaps you can make sure that he is also present when you decide to have the conversation with your parents? I would try to be as well grounded as you can in basic Catholic apologetics so that you have some good answers ready when they voice their concerns about the Catholic Church–but, on the other hand, they may very well not be ready for a calm, logical discussion on this issue. No matter how well-prepared you are to defend the faith, you probably will not be able to make them feel better about your decision at this time.
tschu said:
I know that they will cause me to feel that I am being fooled by the devil. Help!!!
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This was a hard one for me, too, when I went through the conversion process, because I didn’t really know any Catholics well, and I was converting alone. When all your family and friends are telling you that you are wrong and are being deceived by Satan, it does cause you to second-guess yourself at times. But eventually this can make your faith stronger. Two things that helped me to stay strong and realize that I was not going crazy were 1) reading conversion stories of others from my background and 2) most importantly, reading what the ancient Church Fathers had to say about the Eucharist, the Church, the Mass, and apostolic succession, particularly St. Ignatius (a disciple of the apostle John), St. Justin Martyr, and St. Irenaeus. They definitely did not hold a Protestant, Sola Scriptura view. 😉 Reading the words of these men who lived so many thousands of years ago, yet testified even then to the one holy Catholic and apostolic Church, helped more than I can say. You can always ask them to pray for you, too. 🙂
 
My family comes from a horrible cult that completely vilified the Catholic Church. I constantly joke with ex members about how much they hated the Catholics but told us we should all be loving towards our fellow man.

When I firs told my mom she said she would rather I be dead. She didn’t mean it of course but she was shocked.

I would not wait until they visit to tell them. Tell them over the phone so they can digest it before and if they decide to visit. Hopefully they won’t be as resistant as my family was. You don’t want to be stuck in the house with them when they are hurt and shocked by your conversion.
 
Your parents might feel better if they know you are not rejecting them or their values. Let them know (if it’s true) that you value the gift they gave you of raising you in the faith, nurturing your relationship with God, teaching you to pray, introducing you to scripture, etc. A lot of people grow up without that kind of background.

I’m assuming your husband is Catholic if you’re having your marriage convalidated. Again, if it’s true, you might talk about your desire for your family to share the experience of going to church together and participating in religious activities together. You know it’s important since that’s something you learned from them.

You wouldn’t be who you are or where you are today without their example.
 
Unfortunately, there is no time to talk to them before they come. They arrive tomorrow! I have however spoken with my mom…sort of. A few months ago we had a conversation via phone in which I let her know that I had become interested in Catholicism. Immediatley, of course, she began to tell me the things that she did not agree with. However, it was interesting that these same things were my concerns prior to learning what the Catholic church ACTUALLY teaches. It is interesting how many of us were taught untruths regarding Catholicism. So, she knows that I am on this journey but I feel like I will have to tell her that it is serious! Afterall, how can I avoid it on Sunday.

English Teacher… thanks for your advice! It is really comforting to hear other stories. Your reference to the church fathers is exactly what started me on this journey. I was studying a book regarding the origin of the bible. After looking at the book, which obviously pointed me to the church fathers as canonizing the bible, I could not reconcile in my mind how I could justify following their example in belief of what was sacred scripture without agreeing with the other beliefs that wrote so strongly about! When I read the early church fathers I saw Catholicism! When I spoke with my preacher at the Church of Christ regarding the early church fathers, I was told that I can look to them for the origin of the bible but I should not look to them for doctrine. This made NO sense to me at all! If I can trust that they were guided by the holy spirit in canonizing the bible how can I say that they were not being guided in other matters. I am sorry to get off on a tangent but it feels good to release the thoughts!

Thanks guys! You are AWESOME!
 
Op,
You received some great advice. A couple of point just to keep in the back of your head. You and your husband are married and adults and this decision is both of yours. While you don’t want to upset your parents and still maintain good relations with them, you are a married adult now and out of their home. If they get very upset and try to talk you out of it, just say “mom, i love you and respect your devotion to God but this is a decision husband and i are making. If you are open, there are books and info I can share with you to help you understand if not please respect us, we are not leaving Christ.” Likewise, it probably helps that you don’t live close to them. I am sure even if she gets upset. still try to maintain a calm demeanor which will help disfuse the anxiety.
 
When I told family (fundamentalist Baptists) that my husband and I were “looking into” the Catholic Church, they were quick to throw insults. They informed us of the “crazy” things that Catholics apparently do and quoted Bible passages that they believe contradict the Church. Unfortunately, many Protestants are very misinformed about Catholicism. They have been told things by their leaders that are out of context or simply untrue.

What I would advise is to beware that many Protestants know their Bible verses well, but not the context in which the verses should be understood. They will truly fear for you only because they believe many fallacies about the Church.

I think the quote goes like this… “There are not over a hundred people in the United States who hate the Catholic Church. There are millions, however, who hate what they wrongly believe to be the Catholic Church.” --Archbishop Fulton Sheen

I would not get into arguments with them, but rather lovingly guide them to talk to a Priest about their concerns. My concern with dealing with our family was that I would do a disservice to the Catholic Church, either by misinterpreting her beliefs or by losing my temper. So, what I did was point out to my family how a friend had been hurtful in her treatment of us based on our decision to leave our old church for Catholicism. I pointed out that we were hurt by her words and by her lack of respect for our decisions for ourselves and for our daughter. Once they knew how hurt we had been, they no longer said hurtful things themselves.

I like to think of it this way… I would rather behave in a way that will lead my family to the Catholic Church, than try to win arguments. If they see that I am kind with my words, loving and gracious, then maybe they will want to learn more about our beliefs instead of fueling the fire of dislike for the Church. They always have the option of sitting down with a Priest if they really want to get into apologetics.

Ok, I feel like I am rambling. I just think we have been in a similar circumstance and I really hope your visit goes well! I wish you all the best on your journey into the Church and PM me if you want to! God bless you!
 
tschu said:
Hello!
I am in the inquiry period of RCIA but am seriously considering moving forward with joining the Catholic church. I was raised as a member of the Church of Christ as was most of my entire family. This will be a HUGE transition! My parents are coming to visit from out of state for the next couple of weeks and I am sure that this topic will arise. My mom will expect that we attend the Church of Christ on Sundays and therefore the conversation is sure to evolve. My husband and I are in the process of having our marriage convalidated and this is an exciting and anxious time in my life. I am REALLY struggling with having the conversation with my parents. Any suggestions? I feel like my mom is going to be really hurt and concerned for my soul. I know that my family want to do everything in their power to keep me from this decision. I know that they will cause me to feel that I am being fooled by the devil. Help!!!
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It might help if you had a copy of Patrick Madrid’s book, “Surprised by Truth”. It is stories of others conversions into the Catholic Faith. And you might ask them to read it before they get upset with you. Even if they read just one or two stories in it, that may help. You read it first as its a wonderful learning tool also. You can get it at any Catholic book store. You can explain to them that all the things most protestants believe about the Catholic Faith just isn’t true. catholic.com has many good leaflets too. Prayers for all. God Bless, Memaw
 
tschu said:
Hello!
I am in the inquiry period of RCIA but am seriously considering moving forward with joining the Catholic church. I was raised as a member of the Church of Christ as was most of my entire family. This will be a HUGE transition! My parents are coming to visit from out of state for the next couple of weeks and I am sure that this topic will arise. My mom will expect that we attend the Church of Christ on Sundays and therefore the conversation is sure to evolve. My husband and I are in the process of having our marriage convalidated and this is an exciting and anxious time in my life. I am REALLY struggling with having the conversation with my parents. Any suggestions? I feel like my mom is going to be really hurt and concerned for my soul. I know that my family want to do everything in their power to keep me from this decision. I know that they will cause me to feel that I am being fooled by the devil. Help!!!
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Luckily, you will be attending the Church of Christ on Sundays…😃

Have you tried “coming out” to your mom first? Tell her you are gay and leaving your husband. Then, just tell her you are Catholic…😛 Sadly, these days, the former is usually taken better than the latter.

But seriously, you are an adult, you have made a decision. There is no reason you cannot expect at least respect and civility.

BUT, if they are truly anti Catholic. You better become quite the adept apologist and fast to the exact objections they will have. And you know what those are…
 
I went through the same thing when I converted to Catholocism from the pentecostal church of god.
 
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