Telling my atheist parents I'm converting

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stellabelle

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Hi everyone!

After much soul-searching, prayer, and opening up to my faith, I’m going to convert to Catholicism, and I will start RCIA through the church I was guided to.
My parents are atheists. They both left the Christian faith (my mother was a Roman Catholic). I am ok w this and love them, but I’m nervous about telling them that I’m converting because they will most likely react negatively or ask analytical questions about my faith and respond to my answers with their own negative answers toward me and my faith. The only way they talked about religion to me was telling me how it was evil and a negative force in the world. They have a lot of unhealed wounds about their own relationships with their faith and experiences.
They don’t ask me about my faith, and they really never have. They speak to me frequently about their own faiths and spiritualities (they are Zen Buddhists, but still harbor deep hate of Christianity, but they never ask me about my own faith.
Is it ok to simply love my faith, since they don’t inquire about it? I don’t have a problem with telling them about my conversion if they ask. But they never do, so I’m wondering - should I tell them, or just go about my business and keep practicing my faith in my own life? Thanks!!
 
stellabelle said:
Hi everyone!

After much soul-searching, prayer, and opening up to my faith, I’m going to convert to Catholicism, and I will start RCIA through the church I was guided to.
My parents are atheists. They both left the Christian faith (my mother was a Roman Catholic). I am ok w this and love them, but I’m nervous about telling them that I’m converting because they will most likely react negatively or ask analytical questions about my faith and respond to my answers with their own negative answers toward me and my faith. The only way they talked about religion to me was telling me how it was evil and a negative force in the world. They have a lot of unhealed wounds about their own relationships with their faith and experiences.
They don’t ask me about my faith, and they really never have. They speak to me frequently about their own faiths and spiritualities (they are Zen Buddhists, but still harbor deep hate of Christianity, but they never ask me about my own faith.
Is it ok to simply love my faith, since they don’t inquire about it? I don’t have a problem with telling them about my conversion if they ask. But they never do, so I’m wondering - should I tell them, or just go about my business and keep practicing my faith in my own life? Thanks!!
Click to expand...
1 how old are you?
2. They are atheists and buhddists? That doesn’t sound right?
Do you want to modify one of those?
 
stellabelle said:
Hi everyone!

After much soul-searching, prayer, and opening up to my faith, I’m going to convert to Catholicism, and I will start RCIA through the church I was guided to.
My parents are atheists. They both left the Christian faith (my mother was a Roman Catholic). I am ok w this and love them, but I’m nervous about telling them that I’m converting because they will most likely react negatively or ask analytical questions about my faith and respond to my answers with their own negative answers toward me and my faith. The only way they talked about religion to me was telling me how it was evil and a negative force in the world. They have a lot of unhealed wounds about their own relationships with their faith and experiences.
They don’t ask me about my faith, and they really never have. They speak to me frequently about their own faiths and spiritualities (they are Zen Buddhists, but still harbor deep hate of Christianity, but they never ask me about my own faith.
Is it ok to simply love my faith, since they don’t inquire about it? I don’t have a problem with telling them about my conversion if they ask. But they never do, so I’m wondering - should I tell them, or just go about my business and keep practicing my faith in my own life? Thanks!!
Click to expand...
One of the things about being a Catholic is not being ashamed to declare it before anyone. This is something to discuss with the pastor of your parish. He’s seen all this before.
Your faith life is your own. Do not be afraid.
 
Go about your business of preparing. If they are meant to know, a situation will arise in which you can tell them.If not, you can tell them as it draws closer and you have a better understanding.

Good luck!
 
ChurchSoldier said:
Go about your business of preparing. If they are meant to know, a situation will arise in which you can tell them.If not, you can tell them as it draws closer and you have a better understanding.

Good luck!
Click to expand...
This. ^ Follow the guiding advice of your pastor. Since you will not be starting RCIA until the Fall, for entry Vigil 2018, ask your pastor how you can best prepare until then. Don’t worry about telling your parents. That will happen at the right time.

God bless you.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
1 how old are you?
2. They are atheists and buhddists? That doesn’t sound right?
Do you want to modify one of those?
Click to expand...
AFAIK Buddhists are not theists, and Buddhism is not a belief system, such as Christianity is.
 
stellabelle said:
Hi everyone!

After much soul-searching, prayer, and opening up to my faith, I’m going to convert to Catholicism, and I will start RCIA through the church I was guided to.
My parents are atheists. They both left the Christian faith (my mother was a Roman Catholic). I am ok w this and love them, but I’m nervous about telling them that I’m converting because they will most likely react negatively or ask analytical questions about my faith and respond to my answers with their own negative answers toward me and my faith. The only way they talked about religion to me was telling me how it was evil and a negative force in the world. They have a lot of unhealed wounds about their own relationships with their faith and experiences.
They don’t ask me about my faith, and they really never have. They speak to me frequently about their own faiths and spiritualities (they are Zen Buddhists, but still harbor deep hate of Christianity, but they never ask me about my own faith.
Is it ok to simply love my faith, since they don’t inquire about it? I don’t have a problem with telling them about my conversion if they ask. But they never do, so I’m wondering - should I tell them, or just go about my business and keep practicing my faith in my own life? Thanks!!
Click to expand...
Tell them. And know God is with you. I will keep you in my prayers.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
1 how old are you?
2. They are atheists and buhddists? That doesn’t sound right?
Do you want to modify one of those?
Click to expand...
Some Buddhists are atheists. Tibetan Buddhists are not, but Zen Buddhists can be. Source: relative who runs a temple.
 
stellabelle said:
Hi everyone!

After much soul-searching, prayer, and opening up to my faith, I’m going to convert to Catholicism, and I will start RCIA through the church I was guided to.
My parents are atheists. They both left the Christian faith (my mother was a Roman Catholic). I am ok w this and love them, but I’m nervous about telling them that I’m converting because they will most likely react negatively or ask analytical questions about my faith and respond to my answers with their own negative answers toward me and my faith. The only way they talked about religion to me was telling me how it was evil and a negative force in the world. They have a lot of unhealed wounds about their own relationships with their faith and experiences.
They don’t ask me about my faith, and they really never have. They speak to me frequently about their own faiths and spiritualities (they are Zen Buddhists, but still harbor deep hate of Christianity, but they never ask me about my own faith.
Is it ok to simply love my faith, since they don’t inquire about it? I don’t have a problem with telling them about my conversion if they ask. But they never do, so I’m wondering - should I tell them, or just go about my business and keep practicing my faith in my own life? Thanks!!
Click to expand...
OP, you will be in my prayers. Ask God for strength, confidence, and firmness of faith. Do you have someone you can roleplay the conversation with? Think of all the things your parents might say and practice responses. It’s okay to say you don’t wish to discuss it or argue about it, though that’s easier if you’re an adult.
 
I know some posters have said you should tell your parents, but I would give some different advice, depending on your age and how well your relationship is with your parents. I would shoot the local pastor with an email explaining your situation. If your parents might abuse you for being Catholic, that’s definitely something to be concerned about! (Of course, I’m not accusing your parents of being abusive, I just think it’s wise for the rest of us giving advice to make sure that you won’t have parents that abuse you). Thus, the reason why I recommend you shoot your local pastor with an email, as your pastor can advise you if you should be a secret Catholic or not.

Although, if you do have to endure persecution for the faith, remember that “Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven”
(Matthew 5:10 New American Bible Revised Edition). Assuming you live in America, that is the Bible that you will be hearing from during the Liturgy of the Word during Mass.

God bless,
Inquiringperson
 
Inquiringperson said:
I know some posters have said you should tell your parents, but I would give some different advice, depending on your age and how well your relationship is with your parents. I would shoot the local pastor with an email explaining your situation. If your parents might abuse you for being Catholic, that’s definitely something to be concerned about! (Of course, I’m not accusing your parents of being abusive, I just think it’s wise for the rest of us giving advice to make sure that you won’t have parents that abuse you). Thus, the reason why I recommend you shoot your local pastor with an email, as your pastor can advise you if you should be a secret Catholic or not.

Although, if you do have to endure persecution for the faith, remember that “Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven”
(Matthew 5:10 New American Bible Revised Edition). Assuming you live in America, that is the Bible that you will be hearing from during the Liturgy of the Word during Mass.

God bless,
Inquiringperson
Click to expand...
Age, independence, living situation can indeed change the answer. A17 year old at home and a 45 year old married with a family of their own would have immensely different answers here.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Age, independence, living situation can indeed change the answer. A17 year old at home and a 45 year old married with a family of their own would have immensely different answers here.
Click to expand...
Definitely. It’s okay to wait until you’re fully independent, if you are not already.
 
I think you’re fine keeping it to yourself util you are comfortable sharing it, but I suspect you will find keeping it secret a pretty unsustainable situation when you have a family. For instance, what are you going to do when you want to be married?
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Age, independence, living situation can indeed change the answer. A17 year old at home and a 45 year old married with a family of their own would have immensely different answers here.
Click to expand...
Yes. If you are already living on your own, then that will necessitate a different response then if you are still dependent. Hence my advice to talk to the local pastor.
 
I think that if you are of legal age and independent that you should just go about your business for now. Also, do speak to your priest about this as he can advise you better than we can. Also, note that you do not have to wait 'til Easter Vigil of 2018 for baptism if your priest and or instructor feels you are ready/mature/well prepared and emotional stable enough to take the “plunge” baptism. Peace and prayers for you.
 
Hmm…

Well, it they don’t ask about your situation, you’re under no obligation to share it. Until they ask, I’d suggest do what works best for you. Share what you want to share when you want to share it. If you’re asked a direct question, given that they are your parents, your family, it seems appropriate that you answer it as best you can.

If the conversation comes about, especially if it’s potentially controversial, you might adopt a strategy of patient listening. If they want to make a case for or against anything, let them. You don’t need to agree or disagree, you can just be a good listener. If they have a lot they need to get off their chest, let them vent, be there for them. Listen, and show evidence that you are sincerely trying to understand their position. If you listen well enough, and long enough, over enough time, that’s your best hope for them coming around to listen to you too. Just be patient and wait, it will happen sooner or later.

Point being, you don’t need to sell or justify Christianity, you can just be Christian as fully as you can, and that will likely open more doors than any argument or position. The end goal should not be that anybody converts anybody to anything, but that an environment where constructive conversations are possible is created and supported.

If your parents are really mad about Christianity, that’s evidence that your parents are probably serious about their spiritual journey, and thus frustrated that Christianity didn’t work for them personally. You can be united with them in that seriousness, without the need to come to agreement on methodology. Maybe Zen really is what they need to do, and Catholicism really is what you need to do. Ok, so be it, the point should be that everyone follows their own path as far as they can.

Finally, you may be able to relieve their concerns about your faith if you focus your Catholic experience on acts of love, instead of on ideology. Walk the walk, and don’t worry too much about talking the talk. Love unites people, and ideology typically divides. They’re your family, the only parents you’ll ever have, so love and unity should take priority over ideas where possible.

Good luck!
 
I’m praying for everything to go ok for you. Be strong.

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.

🙂
 
stellabelle said:
Hi everyone!

After much soul-searching, prayer, and opening up to my faith, I’m going to convert to Catholicism, and I will start RCIA through the church I was guided to.
My parents are atheists. They both left the Christian faith (my mother was a Roman Catholic). I am ok w this and love them, but I’m nervous about telling them that I’m converting because they will most likely react negatively or ask analytical questions about my faith and respond to my answers with their own negative answers toward me and my faith. The only way they talked about religion to me was telling me how it was evil and a negative force in the world. They have a lot of unhealed wounds about their own relationships with their faith and experiences.
They don’t ask me about my faith, and they really never have. They speak to me frequently about their own faiths and spiritualities (they are Zen Buddhists, but still harbor deep hate of Christianity, but they never ask me about my own faith.
Is it ok to simply love my faith, since they don’t inquire about it? I don’t have a problem with telling them about my conversion if they ask. But they never do, so I’m wondering - should I tell them, or just go about my business and keep practicing my faith in my own life? Thanks!!
Click to expand...
like previous posts, I wonder what your age is (maybe I missed your response). In general, I’d say take the class and join the church, w/ or w/o their permission. They may kick you out of the house, etc.

DON’T argue with them under any circumstances.

I am in an extended family where people’s beliefs go across the spectrum.

It seems somebody should be able to be atheist and still be nice to people. If that’s not the case, it speaks for itself, but keep that to yourself.
 
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