Telling my parents about my conversion

[DarkLight]

First off - just joined at the Easter vigil last night, so :bounce::bounce::bounce:

Now the trouble is how to tell my parents. Our relationship hasn’t exactly been the greatest. Basically, I want to tell them just to get it out of the way - I don’t want them to find out from someone else, and I want to be able to practice when I visit without sneaking around. But I don’t particularly want to TALK about my conversion with them. Religion has never been a good subject with them ever since I left their strict fundamentalist church. I simply don’t have any expectation that a productive discussion can be held, and I know from experiences that these discussions are hugely stressful for me (to the point of heading back home and just curling up and crying).

I’m not sure how to approach this. I want to be polite and respectful while also indicating that this is NOT up for discussion. Any idea as to how I’d go about this project?

 

[jeannetherese]

Perhaps writing to them will be helpful. You can create your letter-put it aside for a few days-, and then read it aloud, looking for opportunities to make changes that might help you to gently communicate Your joy, hope and love.
Welcome, welcome to the Church.May God bless you and your family. Amen.

 

[MaryT777]

First off - just joined at the Easter vigil last night, so :bounce::bounce::bounce:

Now the trouble is how to tell my parents. Our relationship hasn’t exactly been the greatest. Basically, I want to tell them just to get it out of the way - I don’t want them to find out from someone else, and I want to be able to practice when I visit without sneaking around. But I don’t particularly want to TALK about my conversion with them. Religion has never been a good subject with them ever since I left their strict fundamentalist church. I simply don’t have any expectation that a productive discussion can be held, and I know from experiences that these discussions are hugely stressful for me (to the point of heading back home and just curling up and crying).

I’m not sure how to approach this. I want to be polite and respectful while also indicating that this is NOT up for discussion. Any idea as to how I’d go about this project?

I thought your post was excellent. Perhaps you could just paraphrase what you stated here…

1. You don’t want them to find out from someone else that you have converted and out of respect you are telling them yourself.
2. previous conversations regarding religion are very stressful for you so at this time you don’t want to TALK about it just let them know so they understand you will be practicing while you visit now.
   Short and to the point is always best in my opinion in circustances like this.

WELCOME and God Bless!!! and…all the Best for the conversation. Hope it goes better than expcted.
Mary.
Mary.

 

[realcatholic15]

First off - just joined at the Easter vigil last night, so :bounce::bounce::bounce:

Now the trouble is how to tell my parents. Our relationship hasn’t exactly been the greatest. Basically, I want to tell them just to get it out of the way - I don’t want them to find out from someone else, and I want to be able to practice when I visit without sneaking around. But I don’t particularly want to TALK about my conversion with them. Religion has never been a good subject with them ever since I left their strict fundamentalist church. I simply don’t have any expectation that a productive discussion can be held, and I know from experiences that these discussions are hugely stressful for me (to the point of heading back home and just curling up and crying).

I’m not sure how to approach this. I want to be polite and respectful while also indicating that this is NOT up for discussion. Any idea as to how I’d go about this project?

Welcome to the true Church of Jesus, the Catholic Church!! I am so happy for you.You finally found light in the midst of darkness!! I know that telling your parents about it is HARD but you can tell it anytime…It is your life, not theirs and you have already the mind and you can decide whatever religion you want… But be polite and loving in telling it… What is your age?? I can say that being a catholic and other christian denominations are ALMOST the same, WORSHIPPING AND BELIEVING IN CHRIST… Even we have different traditions, we must respect each other… Even they are “protestants”, and you are a catholic, that did’nt changes that you are their son/daughter and they are your parents. Maybe, after enlightening them, they will also convert to catholicism… But in opening that case to them, maybe you could say,
Mom, Dad, I want to tell you something important, but promise me not to get angry or disapointed…
When they agree not to be angry whatever it was, you may say,
After examining my conciense and through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Last saturday, I was convetred to catholicism, I found it like the one happened to Paul on his way on Damascus. Please do not be angry or frustrated.
Then,if they get angry, pray for them and for their conversion. Do not worry, they cannot be angry with you forever. Their anger will cool off. Just a suggestion. Its up to you if you will follow it.

God bless and good luck ,
realcatholic15

 

[Soren_Itenu]

I can say that being a catholic and other christian denominations are ALMOST the same, WORSHIPPING AND BELIEVING IN CHRIST.

Wrong.

Protestants deny the Eucharist and Confession, two fundamental doctrines, two of the seven Church sacraments. I would say that Catholicism is actually very different from Protestantism.

 

[PeacePilgrim66]

Hello

I liked the letter writing idea. Maybe even a belated Happy Easter card. Perhaps even talking/showing them the effects of your new faith, as in inroad to the news. My new found catholic faith is transforming my life. My mom sees the progress and is happy. My dad, I am not so sure. But then, their response is their own. They get to live with it. I am content in my life with my Lord. I trust Him to help them understand…because ultimately, it is in His hands.

Let Go and Let God.

dave

 

[Christy_Beth]

Welcome to the true Church of Jesus, the Catholic Church!! I am so happy for you.You finally found light in the midst of darkness!! I know that telling your parents about it is HARD but you can tell it anytime…It is your life, not theirs and you have already the mind and you can decide whatever religion you want… But be polite and loving in telling it… What is your age?? I can say that being a catholic and other christian denominations are ALMOST the same, WORSHIPPING AND BELIEVING IN CHRIST… Even we have different traditions, we must respect each other… Even they are “protestants”, and you are a catholic, that did’nt changes that you are their son/daughter and they are your parents. Maybe, after enlightening them, they will also convert to catholicism… But in opening that case to them, maybe you could say,
Mom, Dad, I want to tell you something important, but promise me not to get angry or disapointed…
When they agree not to be angry whatever it was, you may say,
After examining my conciense and through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Last saturday, I was convetred to catholicism, I found it like the one happened to Paul on his way on Damascus. Please do not be angry or frustrated.
Then,if they get angry, pray for them and for their conversion. Do not worry, they cannot be angry with you forever. Their anger will cool off. Just a suggestion. Its up to you if you will follow it.

God bless and good luck ,
realcatholic15

They may not agree to not getting angry. Also, they are bound to be just that since they are so rough when the OP doesn’t go to their church. This will be the family equivalent of WW3. Writing a letter for practice would help, but even using that as a form of communication might backfire. There’s all kinds of pitfalls here. Just do it as quickly as you can, and then prepare to make a quick get away when they go ballistic.

Maybe just saying, “I’m a Catholic now,” will be enough. Any explanation might not work, that is, if they get upset. Tell them that, then tell them more if they ask about it. But if they get upset, let they know that you love them, but can’t take their drama. Then say that you are willing to discuss it at another time, after they cool down. Then leave the situation. Just my opinion here.

 

[Demetra2]

I have some personal experience with this and from what you have written I would do whatever makes you feel SAFE. If you can write a kind letter with a promise to speak to them at a later and calmer date it might be best. Parents can go crazy over a child converting because what makes perfect sense to you in your desire to become Catholic makes them feel inadequate because you are rejecting their belief system. They may say it is over religion but deep down it is also an unspoken angst that you are somehow rejecting and critizing them.

I hope thatyour parents take it well but realistically you have to expect that they might be upset for quite a while and may hurl horrible words at you. If they do, it is wrong but please stand strong. Be calm and respectful at all times and if necessary walk away. You may have to have to insist on boundaries and limited contact depending on your situation.
I truly hope that they are respectful and calm but you must prepare yourself for anything.
Once the initial shock has settled they might come around. Most parents love and respect their adult children and want a relationship with them. Most understand thay are getting older and need to stay on good terms with their kids.

It is wise that you are telling them about your conversion and not trying to hide it anymore. From this point onward you must be honest but also make it clear that your Catholic faith is important to you and deserves respect. At the same time you must respect their feelings also. Hopefully you can achieve the necessary balance. It is truly a great gift from God that you have converted. Please pray for yourself concerning this and especially for your parents (try the Divine Mercy Chaplet) daily. Ask your priest for some guidance too. Welcome home, dear one!

 

[RedFox0456]

I certainly feel for your situation. While my parents are religious, three of my four siblings are not. Talking about faith around them tends to be tricky. In addition, I have a strained relationship with many of my oldest friends. Once I started taking faith seriously they began to push back at me with some aggressive atheist remarks. I have found the best way to address the topic is to show you are still a rational person. We are a church of reason, after all. While rationality alone isn’t why I have faith, I find it to be a good starting point to talk to people who haven’t yet let God into their hearts.

 

[realcatholic15]

I mean, similar in belief that Jesus is the Lord and God.
Yes, you are right. they OPPOSE our Holy Sacraments.They think that Jesus was just SYMBOLICALY present in the Eucharist. They accuse us of being the anti-christ. They accuse us of being satanists, but the Lord said to love your enemies. Let us bring them to the light of Christ. Let us help them to be in Noah’s Ark, ( the Catholic Church ) to be saved.

Wrong.

Protestants deny the Eucharist and Confession, two fundamental doctrines, two of the seven Church sacraments. I would say that Catholicism is actually very different from Protestantism.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Welocome Home!!

I know this has been a stressful time for you and I pray that the grace of your conversion shines out.

I do like the idea of writing a letter (Easter card) but I would make even that short and sweet. This language is not bad.

After examining my conciense and through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Last saturday, I was convetred to catholicism, I found it like the one happened to Paul on his way on Damascus.

It may help them understand better if you use their Protestant terminology for a bit as you try to explain things - being convicted in the Holy Spirit, etc.

However, other than insisting that Catholics really are Christians , and making sure that you go to Mass on Sundays when you are visiting (even if you also agree to go to their church), I would steer clear of the conversation.

A good response to whatever arguments they have is “I will pray on that.”

For my part, I will pray that your health insurance and financial situation is worked out.

 

[realcatholic15]

Perhaps writing to them will be helpful. You can create your letter-put it aside for a few days-, and then read it aloud, looking for opportunities to make changes that might help you to gently communicate Your joy, hope and love.
Welcome, welcome to the Church.May God bless you and your family. Amen.

I like your idea also, writing letters can be the solution.

 

[realcatholic15]

I like your idea also, writing letters can be the solution.

But if your parents WERE ROOTED AND VERY STICKED to that religion, it is hard to reveal your RELIGION now. Example, protestants says that our church was fake and theirs are the real, we could feel anger and hatred, also, if we say to them that their church was the anti-christ, they would be angry to us.

 

[DarkLight]

Thanks everyone! My parents are definitely in the “Catholics are of the devil” camp. And my mother has so far refused to be corrected on, well, anything. This is an ongoing problem with everything, not just religion - my mother in general refuses to accept that I might know anything that she doesn’t, even on basic issues like what’s appropriate to wear to my job. And she’s already pretty much decided that I’m out of God’s will, especially given that she continually seems to feel disrespected by everything I do.

I know I’m perfectly capable of rationally defending my faith. The problem is my mother doesn’t handle these things rationally. She handles things she doesn’t like by going into attack mode. It becomes the only topic of conversation she’ll engage in, and one where she’s out to win and not really giving me a chance. Even if she sees this as progress (it’s an improvement over atheist, so she might), I’m worried that it’ll become more ammo for her idea that my atheism was just a stage of me being a stupid kid and that I’m clearly not mature enough to make my own decisions.

 

[realcatholic15]

Oh, STRICT, catholics are of devil, How old are you and what is your former religion?

 

[realcatholic15]

Thanks everyone! My parents are definitely in the “Catholics are of the devil” camp. And my mother has so far refused to be corrected on, well, anything. This is an ongoing problem with everything, not just religion - my mother in general refuses to accept that I might know anything that she doesn’t, even on basic issues like what’s appropriate to wear to my job. And she’s already pretty much decided that I’m out of God’s will, especially given that she continually seems to feel disrespected by everything I do.

I know I’m perfectly capable of rationally defending my faith. The problem is my mother doesn’t handle these things rationally. She handles things she doesn’t like by going into attack mode. It becomes the only topic of conversation she’ll engage in, and one where she’s out to win and not really giving me a chance. Even if she sees this as progress (it’s an improvement over atheist, so she might), I’m worried that it’ll become more ammo for her idea that my atheism was just a stage of me being a stupid kid and that I’m clearly not mature enough to make my own decisions.

Pray to the Holy Spirit to enlighten her mind…

 

[Lochias]

If you think there’s going to be that much drama at approaching the situation at this time, I wouldn’t even tell 'em. You can show your parents respect and love while still keeping the boundaries you need in place to have peace.

Or, conversely, you could just tell 'em, and if they get up-in-arms and angry, just don’t be around them for a while. They’ll have to learn that, to have you in their lives is to understand and accept that you’re Catholic now, even if they don’t agree.

 

[DarkLight]

Oh, STRICT, catholics are of devil, How old are you and what is your former religion?

I’m 24. I grew up in a fundamentalist baptist church. I left about 4 years ago after getting tired of the bullying and misogyny and impossible requirements that were passed off as “being serious about God.” My mother only recently started to see the problems in that church after something happened to HER, but she’s been glossing over that I called those problems out before she did and acting like it’s all a new discovery for everyone.

 

[DarkLight]

Hello

I liked the letter writing idea. Maybe even a belated Happy Easter card. Perhaps even talking/showing them the effects of your new faith, as in inroad to the news. My new found catholic faith is transforming my life. My mom sees the progress and is happy. My dad, I am not so sure. But then, their response is their own. They get to live with it. I am content in my life with my Lord. I trust Him to help them understand…because ultimately, it is in His hands.

Let Go and Let God.

dave

I have to say, this is part of why I don’t want to engage. I know that engaging will not only lead to a lot of hurt on my part but to my mother feeling very hurt and disrespected and unloved. It is sad, but I have not found any way to disagree with her that doesn’t leave her upset and hurt. I know she’s going to feel that the church is “taking her daughter away from her”, and I’m not sure I can do anything to stop it.

 

[novelista]

I think you should just tell them now, especially since you’ve been in RCIA this whole time–right? Did they know you were in RCIA? I think they will be hurt that you couldn’t tell them the truth starting in the Fall, or whenever you joined RCIA.

But ultimately, you know your parents, and how they will react. Whatever you decide to do, good luck.