Telling Non- Catholic relatives they cannot receive Communion at our wedding

[roseinthewinter]

So, this Christmas I met my fiance’s family and the question that we had been wondering how to handle came up. My fiance’s Episcopalian Aunt decided to grace us with her view of how unfair it is that non-Catholics cannot receive Communion. She said in her words " That is wonderful, now just do not do that Catholic blanket thing and say that non-Catholics cannot receive Communion." I was like…Oh please do not let us get into this argument on Christmas! Thank goodness her husband came and changed the topic…but it presented us with the problem again.

In the past few years I spent time at a place where a nice statement was read before each Mass that non Catholics could not receive Communion…but were invited to make a spiritual Communion. My fiance is not to keen on us making an announcement and wants to talk to each family member about why they cannot receive before the wedding. I am okay with that, but I doubt it is going to do much good. I just want to state before the Mass that it they cannot using the same format as the Catholic Bishops have suggested and that was used at the Shrine where I used to go to mass. He is afraid of the backlash…I could care less. I mean, this is Our Lord and there is no way anyone is going to receive Him who should not while I am around. I will do whatever it takes to protect the Blessed Sacrament…but do you all have any suggestions? Have any of you been in this same situation?

 

[roseinthewinter]

Oh, did I mention this particular aunt USED to be Catholic? Yeah…she thinks you just choose the religious that fits what you think.

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

Most priests will tell the congregation prior to the time of receiving of the Blessed Sacrament in most Masses where many different faiths may attend. Make sure you remind your priest beforehand to explain this and why. I find the explanation of why is important for people to understand.

I went to a funeral Mass recently and the priest did this. He explained the whole thing about how other denominations thought of it as proselytizing, so he did not want to offend them by having other denominations come up. This really helped a lot. I love when priests explain things. You learn so much.

Plus, it keeps you out of a family fight. Rules are rules.
.

 

[Newbie2]

Most priests will tell the congregation prior to the time of receiving of the Blessed Sacrament in most Masses where many different faiths may attend. Make sure you remind your priest beforehand to explain this and why. I find the explanation of why is important for people to understand.

I went to a funeral Mass recently and the priest did this. He explained the whole thing about how other denominations thought of it as proselytizing, so he did not want to offend them by having other denominations come up. This really helped a lot. I love when priests explain things. You learn so much.

Plus, it keeps you out of a family fight. Rules are rules.
.

I agree totally. Great advice!

 

[roseinthewinter]

Yeah, I am all for the priest explaining it. Father is awesome and I know he could do it well. I am not a fan of sugar coating it though. I am not sure that I would like it explained as proselytizing. That seems like a sort of…go around excuse to not make people angry. I prefer a more honest answer. I mean for one thing, Communion is a sign of unity in the Church…therefore if you receive Communion you are saying you believe the teachings of the Church about the Eucharist. For someone who is not catholic to receive would be for them to ,in a way, lie. In a way, that is also the reason that children must know and believe the teaching on the Eucharist before they receive…but yes, I think having the priest explain at the wedding would be awesome. The wedding is going to be in Latin, so its going to be different then most are used to anyway. I am excited at the chance to witness!

 

[roseinthewinter]

What do you think of t his…where I used to go to Mass everyday at the Shrine they used to make this annoucement before each Mass ( it is not exact but its close " As Catholics we fully particpate in the Celebration of the Eucharist when we receive Holy Communion. In order to receive Holy Communion particpants must not be conscious of grave sin. those who are conscious of grave sin, are not permitted to receive the Holy Eucharist without prior sacramental confession. For those who are not Catholic we cannot admit you to receive Holy Commion, however we encourage you to express in your hearts a prayerful desire for unity with the Lord Jesus and one another"
they got that from the USCCB…and I think it is all we really would neeed…but maybe in more simple termshis…

 

[stuart12]

We call the sacrament (among many things) Communion, so if you are not ‘in communion’ you are unable to receive. It’s as simply as that. It’s indicative of the modern world to pick and choose and demand privileges, but that it not how it works with religion. There’s truth and there’s error.

I can understand how hard it is for you to have others attack the Faith, but a reasoned and gentle response may work.

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

Yeah, I am all for the priest explaining it. Father is awesome and I know he could do it well. I am not a fan of sugar coating it though. I am not sure that I would like it explained as proselytizing. That seems like a sort of…go around excuse to not make people angry. I prefer a more honest answer. I mean for one thing, Communion is a sign of unity in the Church…therefore if you receive Communion you are saying you believe the teachings of the Church about the Eucharist. For someone who is not catholic to receive would be for them to ,in a way, lie. In a way, that is also the reason that children must know and believe the teaching on the Eucharist before they receive…but yes, I think having the priest explain at the wedding would be awesome. The wedding is going to be in Latin, so its going to be different then most are used to anyway. I am excited at the chance to witness!

Actually, my priest went through the whole stance of the Church, including the fact that it used to be okay for Eastern Orthodox, Anglican, and Lutherans to receive Communion in an RC church. The truth is, Pope John Paul II had to stop this practice in, I believe 1992, because these church groups did not want people to come to the Church. It’s actually the truth. They were getting angry with this “inclusiveness” and really did see it as proselytizing. It shows the annoyance some of them feel with those under Papal authority to this day.

Other than that, he explained that the other denominations and religions could not receive because we believe it is really and truly the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ and all must believe that.

If you are not under Papal Authority, you are not allowed to take communion in the Roman Catholic Church at this point in time.

Sadly, many churches overlook this point and give out communion anyway, which is sacrilegious. I attended a church like that previously.

The point I make about proselytizing is something I figure even the most persistent evangelical would understand and comply with the request of the priest, and it’s the truth.

As far as a latin Mass for your wedding, good for you! I’ve never been to a latin Mass wedding. Congratulations!

 

[rick43235]

" As Catholics we fully particpate in the Celebration of the Eucharist when we receive Holy Communion. In order to receive Holy Communion particpants must not be conscious of grave sin. those who are conscious of grave sin, are not permitted to receive the Holy Eucharist without prior sacramental confession. For those who are not Catholic we cannot admit you to receive Holy Commion, however we encourage you to express in your hearts a prayerful desire for unity with the Lord Jesus and one another"

Are you going to have a “program” (I know that’s not the right term, but I can’t think of the correct word off the top of my head) that you pass out to guests at the wedding? If so, you might want to include the above statement. I don’t see anything wrong with the priest making this announcement either.

Personally, as a non-Catholic, I don’t understand why someone would insist on receiving communion when they are told that it is not permitted under Church rules. Would they like it if a Catholic attended a service at their place of worship and flagrantly broke the rules?

I mean, this is Our Lord and there is no way anyone is going to receive Him who should not while I am around. I will do whatever it takes to protect the Blessed Sacrament…but do you all have any suggestions?

My suggestion: Make the above announcement, assume your guests will act accordingly, and enjoy your day. I have this vision of you in your wedding dress, standing at the foot of the altar beating the heathens back with a Louisville Slugger.

 

[redrosetea]

Those who don’t belong don’t make the rules for those that do…tough rocks…everything isn’t all about her

It is your day and your faith

 

[Rolltide]

Actually, my priest went through the whole stance of the Church, including the fact that it used to be okay for Eastern Orthodox, Anglican, and Lutherans to receive Communion in an RC church.

It’s still ok for the Orthodox to receive Communion in a Catholic Church if they approach of their own free will, but the Orthodox Church generally forbids it.

 

[jc-servant]

The Catholic wedding masses that I have attended all had the statement on the program and spoken by the priest at the appropriate time. The priest always makes it clear that Catholics who are in a state of grace are invited to come forward and receive so it is clear that there are additional requirements above merely “being Catholic.” I think this would make it clear to the fallen away Catholic aunt and anyone else that not sharing our beliefs and not being in a state of grace both prevent one from receiving.

I’ve met a lot of fallen away Catholics who have a chip on their shoulder about Holy Communion or anything they feel is not “inclusive” which usually turns out to be whatever they give that definition. There is no way to please those people because they have a personal agenda that includes animosity toward the church that they have rejected. Some of them have gone to another church that allows them to excuse something they know is sinful like divorce and remarriage, artificial birth control, casual sex, etc. No one at a wedding can fix their hostility toward the church that shines a light on their sin.

A couple can only make a reasonable effort by an announcement about communion and then it is on the head of the individual if they choose to be defiant and receive the Holy Eucharist unworthily.

 

[mwscott]

I find most people are understanding when you explain that because we believe the that bread and wine truly become the Body and Blood of Christ we cannot allow those that do not believe this doctrine to receive out of respect for the Blessed Sacrament. If we allowed any one to receive we would be allowing sacrilege to the Eucharist.

 

[Phemie]

Wish people cared enough about that in our parish to include it in their wedding order of service. Of course if they did the pastor would raise an eyebrow and ask why. Unfortunately, in our parish, non-Catholics are given Communion without so much as a blink, and it’s not because he doesn’t know since those include the ministers from the various non-Catholic parishes in town.:banghead:

There are a few non-Catholics who regularly attend Mass and don’t receive but they’ve been drilled by spouses and in-laws that it’s not allowed. The rest just follow the crowd. I don’t doubt that there are a few who receive very reverently and probably even believe in the True Presence, but that still doesn’t make it right.

Sometimes I’m tempted to put a note about closed-Communion in the parish bulletin to see if he’d make me take it out before printing.

 

[graceandglory]

.but do you all have any suggestions? Have any of you been in this same situation?

I have seen it beautifully printed up in the wedding program. I have heard it explained lovingly before the Mass started. How about a wedding homily explaining the Sacrament of Matrimony and the Sacrament of the Eucharist, and how they are similiar?

 

[Newbie2]

Those who don’t belong don’t make the rules for those that do…tough rocks…everything isn’t all about her

It is your day and your faith

I’m sure saying that would go a long way for family harmony. “Tough Rocks, Auntie May, tough rocks”.

 

[Sarabande]

As a musician, I have been to many Catholic wedding masses. For the majority of them, the priest will usually make an announcement before the communion hymn begins and before he begins to distribute communion. The priests have always been good at explaining why. Over the past couple of years, they have also included that Catholics who were not in a state of grace could also not receive.

Some couples also put it in their “programs”, but the majority don’t because the priest will announce it and usually explain why. I think it’s easier that way on the couples as well, especially if they do have some volatile relatives ready to gear up for an argument. They can’t take it out on the couple then.

 

[thomas_jd]

So, this Christmas I met my fiance’s family and the question that we had been wondering how to handle came up. My fiance’s Episcopalian Aunt decided to grace us with her view of how unfair it is that non-Catholics cannot receive Communion. She said in her words " That is wonderful, now just do not do that Catholic blanket thing and say that non-Catholics cannot receive Communion." I was like…Oh please do not let us get into this argument on Christmas! Thank goodness her husband came and changed the topic…but it presented us with the problem again.

In the past few years I spent time at a place where a nice statement was read before each Mass that non Catholics could not receive Communion…but were invited to make a spiritual Communion. My fiance is not to keen on us making an announcement and wants to talk to each family member about why they cannot receive before the wedding. I am okay with that, but I doubt it is going to do much good. I just want to state before the Mass that it they cannot using the same format as the Catholic Bishops have suggested and that was used at the Shrine where I used to go to mass. He is afraid of the backlash…I could care less. I mean, this is Our Lord and there is no way anyone is going to receive Him who should not while I am around. I will do whatever it takes to protect the Blessed Sacrament…but do you all have any suggestions? Have any of you been in this same situation?

It is not your position to limit communion to anyone. That is a matter for the priest. Just as extraordinary eucharistic ministers are not allowed to deny reception to a communicant
you must let the priest address this. Talk to the priest and ask for his help. He may surprise you.

 

[FrDavid96]

So, this Christmas I met my fiance’s family and the question that we had been wondering how to handle came up. My fiance’s Episcopalian Aunt decided to grace us with her view of how unfair it is that non-Catholics cannot receive Communion. She said in her words " That is wonderful, now just do not do that Catholic blanket thing and say that non-Catholics cannot receive Communion." I was like…Oh please do not let us get into this argument on Christmas! Thank goodness her husband came and changed the topic…but it presented us with the problem again.

In the past few years I spent time at a place where a nice statement was read before each Mass that non Catholics could not receive Communion…but were invited to make a spiritual Communion. My fiance is not to keen on us making an announcement and wants to talk to each family member about why they cannot receive before the wedding. I am okay with that, but I doubt it is going to do much good. I just want to state before the Mass that it they cannot using the same format as the Catholic Bishops have suggested and that was used at the Shrine where I used to go to mass. He is afraid of the backlash…I could care less. I mean, this is Our Lord and there is no way anyone is going to receive Him who should not while I am around. I will do whatever it takes to protect the Blessed Sacrament…but do you all have any suggestions? Have any of you been in this same situation?

The best thing you can do is to explain the situation to the priest. Let him know that not only will non-Catholics be in attendance, but also that some of them reject the Church’s belief as to who can receive. I wouldn’t suggest putting it in the program, because people either won’t read it, or will ignore it. Let the priest handle making an announcement at some appropriate time. If people hear it from the priest himself, they will be less likely to ignore it. In other words they might think “not only is it in the program, but the priest means it when he says it.” Doing it this way also “insulates” you in a certain way from criticism. Those who have a problem with it can complain to the priest who made the announcement, rather than to you who put it in the program.

Bring it up to the priest, but let him handle it. He’ll know what to do, and how to do it.

 

[Chatter163]

Actually, my priest went through the whole stance of the Church, including the fact that it used to be okay for Eastern Orthodox, Anglican, and Lutherans to receive Communion in an RC church. The truth is, Pope John Paul II had to stop this practice in, I believe 1992, because these church groups did not want people to come to the Church. It’s actually the truth. They were getting angry with this “inclusiveness” and really did see it as proselytizing. It shows the annoyance some of them feel with those under Papal authority to this day.

I do not believe that Anglicans or Lutherans were ever permitted to receive communion at a Catholic Church, though I know that many rogue priests encouraged this. But the Church herself never permitted this. Even in the eighties my parish was making similar announcements about who could receive communion, and in RCIA several former Anglicans and one former Lutheran were told to abstain from receiving the Eucharist until they had been fully inititiated in to the Church. And my parish at that time was no bastion of traditionalism.