Telling others about past masturbation problems

[buckr02]

Hey all,

When would it be ok to tell your friends and talk with them about a previous addiction to porn/masturbation, particularly friends of the opposite sex? Would it ever be ok, or should this be kept private and only talked about with a girl- or boyfriend or spouse?

Also, as to talking to a friend about the addiction while the addiction is still present - I have heard many people say that when one is addicted, they should get an accountability partner to help break the addiction. What could this partner do, though? Are they someone you should just talk with about the addiction or what? I’m a little confused.

Thanks

 

[Starwynd]

i don’t talk about my personal problems to my friends anymore. They simply are unable to understand them and always get hostile to me.There’s really no one I can talk to about them. They always generate hostility and I’m being a stupid retard, so on and so forth.

 

[wcknight]

I would think most people would be really embarassed to talk about their sex life especially to folks of the opposite sex. Plus I would think no one really wants to hear about your sex life. IF you are having problems or you are trying to help someone else who is having problems that might be a different story. But in general I would think you would want to keep your private stories to yourself.

 

[Caesar517]

I see no reason to discuss things like this as long as there is some reason to. In the right time and place (and when any people involved are comfortable with this sort of discussion) it can be very beneficial to those who are currently struggling with masturbation.

 

[AndyF]

Hey all,

When would it be ok to tell your friends and talk with them about a previous addiction to porn/masturbation,

Never. Confessional, pastoral, or psychiatric assistance, and a caveat comes with the third guy. He works with a partner now.

particularly friends of the opposite sex?

… and the motive would be?

Never.

Discussing mortal sins has an everyday casual non-therapeutic talk is never a good idea. If it isn’t realized then, (and maybe even the object of light humour) it will be later.

Andy

 

[AHapka]

… and the motive would be?

Never.

I’m going to have to disagree with you there. What if he was possibly considering taking the relationship with this person to a deeper level where marriage might become a possible future consideration? The topic would need to be discussed as part of discernment for the vocation and covenant that follows.

I think that it really depends on the situation and other person. If the other person is a commited Christian who might assist you, then I would say yes.

 

[Joe_5859]

Hey all,

When would it be ok to tell your friends and talk with them about a previous addiction to porn/masturbation, particularly friends of the opposite sex? Would it ever be ok, or should this be kept private and only talked about with a girl- or boyfriend or spouse?

Also, as to talking to a friend about the addiction while the addiction is still present - I have heard many people say that when one is addicted, they should get an accountability partner to help break the addiction. What could this partner do, though? Are they someone you should just talk with about the addiction or what? I’m a little confused.

Thanks

I don’t think anyone can really give you a blanket answer to this question that would apply to everyone. There’s really no shortcut. It will take discernment on your part.

Personally, I can’t imagine discussing this issue in mixed company unless that person was a serious boy/girlfriend or spouse. Most opposite sex friendships (at least in my experience) involve at least one party thinking that the day will come when they will be “more than friends”. Talking about past sexual experience would be uncomfortable, to say the least, and could very well harm the friendship.

That said, having and accountability partner of the same sex could be a great idea. It doesn’t mean you have to go into great detail about your sins (which wouldn’t be productive). All it means is that your friend would ask you how things are going “in that area”. The mere fact that you know this friend is going to ask you this simple question every night (or every week) can give you that extra bit of determination to avoid sin in those moments of temptation. Because, when he asks, you will have to admit “I stumbled” (which will increase humility). Note, you should not go into great detail. A simple “I stumbled” is sufficient.

I don’t think it’s bad to talk about this sin with close friends in a general way. We all know what masturbation is, so you don’t have to give details. Although it’s probably not the same for everybody, sometimes talking about the sin can help reduce the sin’s power over you. When it is a “secret” that nobody knows, it can be easier to continue doing. When you expose sin to the light of day, though, you can see it more clearly for the ugly thing that it is. Of course, this doesn’t mean you broadcast your sins to anyone and everyone. It means going to Confession and perhaps talking about it with a close friend.

 

[AndyF]

AHapka:

His future spouse would expect that he resolved his issues before marriage whatever they were and that is most likely addressed in the first step, and I feel the resolution can be found in these steps.

He deserves the benefit of the doubt, which is why I asked for his motive.

I still feel never is the general rule, then exceptions. The case is similar to many that are presented in the confessional. One may wish to reveal past indiscretions to a spouse to clear his conscience, but this is discouraged as they mostly produce negative results. Sometimes it’s best to let go.

But I’m not in entire disagreement with you.

AndyF