Telling Parents to Stop Gossiping With You?

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In order to avoid any confusion, I am 19 years old. I will be 20 years old in September. I am not a minor. However, I do live with my parents. My parents are baptized (my father was confirmed, but my mother wasn’t) but have fallen away from the faith.

It seems that no matter where I go, somebody somewhere will be trying to gossip to you. I do not want to gossip/detract. To do so is a sin. I don’t need to hear about what neighbor so and so is doing presented in a negative light. Usually I just try to keep silent or change the subject. However, with my parents I usually tell them to stop gossiping. As my parents aren’t practicing Catholics, they do not understand the ideas of detraction.

For example, say my father is telling me that the neighbors so and so are doing something and presents it in a negative light. I proceed to tell him that I don’t want to gossip and that detraction is telling the truth with the intention to hurt others reputations. Then me and my father get into a (very minor?) argument about gossip.

I find this to be a very difficult situation as if I remain silent then I am basically forced into sin without consent, but if I tell my parents to stop gossiping then I could possibly be disrespecting them, but I am not sure.
 
You asked a very similar question last week. It is time to ask your priest. Peace.
 

1. It’s human nature to gossip​

2. Don’t worry about it ,​

 
I assume at least one your parents work a full time job. Probably both of them? They put a lot of time and energy into providing a nice home for you. Fulltime employment is not always fun. It can be stressful. Providing for a family can be stressful. Maybe your parents need to blow of some steam once in a while.

Expressing frustration is necessarily gossip. Let’s say, for example, a neighbor doesn’t keep his property up very well. Can you imagine how your parents feel at the end of a long work day to come home a see rundown looking house next to the home the are working hard to pay for? (Then to top it off to be corrected by their 19 yo son?)

You post a lot on the gossip subject. It is possible you are obsessed with it?
 
Try changing the subject. Or, gossip can also be stopped by asking the gossipers the right questions. Trying to pin down the gossiper usually makes them uncomfortable because they really just want to mindlessly tear into an easy target without any resistance. But that tactic may require skill that you don’t have. It’s very effective but won’t work on someone who is just interested in pushing your buttons by gossiping to you about others.

On the other hand, some people will vent/talk about an issue that may concern someone else, and I would not be quick to label that as being gossip. Since I don’t know specifically what your referring to, I thought I’d throw that out there.
 
Melodeonist said:
In order to avoid any confusion, I am 19 years old. I will be 20 years old in September. I am not a minor. However, I do live with my parents. My parents are baptized (my father was confirmed, but my mother wasn’t) but have fallen away from the faith.

It seems that no matter where I go, somebody somewhere will be trying to gossip to you. I do not want to gossip/detract. To do so is a sin. I don’t need to hear about what neighbor so and so is doing presented in a negative light. Usually I just try to keep silent or change the subject. However, with my parents I usually tell them to stop gossiping. As my parents aren’t practicing Catholics, they do not understand the ideas of detraction.

For example, say my father is telling me that the neighbors so and so are doing something and presents it in a negative light. I proceed to tell him that I don’t want to gossip and that detraction is telling the truth with the intention to hurt others reputations. Then me and my father get into a (very minor?) argument about gossip.

I find this to be a very difficult situation as if I remain silent then I am basically forced into sin without consent, but if I tell my parents to stop gossiping then I could possibly be disrespecting them, but I am not sure.
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Hi Melodeonist,

I agree with Mary Estelle where I would ask your priest.

I would ask him to clarify this for you, the next time that you get a chance to go to confession.

I understand your concern about it, because you want to do the right thing, while honoring your parents at the same time. This is why I say to talk to your priest about it during confession, so that you can receive some guidance as to what to do when this situation comes up again.

God bless you. 🙂
 
Other people are going to gossip, you can’t avoid it. Just don’t contribute to the conversation. Change the subject, or say “I don’t think we should talk about this”

Also, its only a mortal sin if you gossip on purpose and consent to it. It happens without knowing sometimes. Just try and get in the habit of avoiding it
 
Thanks for the replies! 😃

I’m very confused in regards to this. I just don’t have the nerve to interrupt people and change the subject as I don’t want to be rude. I wish I could just stay silent, but it seems that this is not the most recommended approach. 😦
 
Melodeonist said:
Thanks for the replies! 😃

I’m very confused in regards to this. I just don’t have the nerve to interrupt people and change the subject as I don’t want to be rude. I wish I could just stay silent, but it seems that this is not the most recommended approach. 😦
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You might consider consulting an etiquette book, which would help clear up what actually constitutes rude behavior, and most will give suggestions on gracefully exiting a situation you don’t wish to be part of.

Curiously, many people seem to think that being polite means “putting up with whatever people dish out.” Really, I think the art of etiquette is learning the appropriate way to say “no thank you.”

Judith Martin, otherwise known as Miss Manners, is a great resource on this, and very, very practical.
 
I think you’re being a little obsessive about gossip. If your dad says, “Ugh, Bob was playing music really loud last night, it was annoying.” you really don’t need to freak out.
 
You do not have to change the subject. You can talk about the person as if what you were saying was going to be quoted in the newspaper with your name on it* or (better yet, perhaps) as if the person were eavesdropping. You’ll find this has the added benefit that people will trust you more, because you will talk the same about everyone no matter who is listening in. (A favorite wry remark of people using this strategy to a gossiper is, “Wow. And to think she always says such nice things about you.” That only works, though, if it is actually true!)

You can also become the person like one of my relatives of whom it was said: If A---- has nothing to say about you, you have to something else again. (That is how ironclad this relative was about “find something good to say or say nothing at all.”)

Remember that it is not a sin, by the way, to disclose the true faults or failings of a person to someone who has a reason to know them. Yes, that is dynamite, but even dynamite has its legitimate uses. Use it with the care it deserves, though.

(*In this day of ubiquitous electronic recording devices, this is closer to the real state of things than most of us want to admit! :D)
 
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