Telling someone to be quiet during Mass

[reff]

There was this elderly women sitting next to me at Mass today. There were these two young men sitting behind us and they were talking a lot, during the Eucharist she finally turned around and told them to be quiet. Now I do admit they were talking a lot, but the way she said it to them was very rude. And she said it loudly so everyone around us could hear, I could tell they were embarrassed. I heard one of them make a comment to the other in Spanish, he said “Sure talk down to the two Mexicans like we’re losers.” Again, they were talking a lot, but personally I feel that it’s their problem if they’re missing out on the Mass by talking to each other. I’ve always believed in just worrying about yourself. I’ve been around people who talk at Mass or at the Movies, etc. And I’ve never told them to be quiet, especially in the way she did. If she felt so urged to tell them to be quiet, in my opinion, just turning around, whispering to them, and saying “Please don’t talk during the Mass, it is distracting me.” But calling them rude and telling them to go outside if they wanna talk, and making everyone around hear you, to me is not very nice. The two young men were embarrassed, and I could tell because they wouldn’t even sing or respond to the “Lord be with you’s”. Just some food for thought. Tell me your opinion.

 

[rpp]

If someone is being distracting in this manner, they should be politely asked to stop talking.

It is all well and fine to say concentrate on the Eucharist, but one must realize that this can be difficult to do when people are chatting away around you.

 

[reff]

Yes that is true, but with all the other people around her talking I feel she singled those two out in a way. And the way she said it concerned me.

 

[Nickkname]

There was this elderly women sitting next to me at Mass today. There were these two young men sitting behind us and they were talking a lot, during the Eucharist she finally turned around and told them to be quiet. Now I do admit they were talking a lot, but the way she said it to them was very rude. And she said it loudly so everyone around us could hear, I could tell they were embarrassed. I heard one of them make a comment to the other in Spanish, he said “Sure talk down to the two Mexicans like we’re losers.” Again, they were talking a lot, but personally I feel that it’s their problem if they’re missing out on the Mass by talking to each other. I’ve always believed in just worrying about yourself. I’ve been around people who talk at Mass or at the Movies, etc. And I’ve never told them to be quiet, especially in the way she did. If she felt so urged to tell them to be quiet, in my opinion, just turning around, whispering to them, and saying “Please don’t talk during the Mass, it is distracting me.” But calling them rude and telling them to go outside if they wanna talk, and making everyone around hear you, to me is not very nice. The two young men were embarrassed, and I could tell because they wouldn’t even sing or respond to the “Lord be with you’s”. Just some food for thought. Tell me your opinion.

Well, I think they know better, and that comment they made is VERY rude. They are definitely in need of a good talking from a Priest about respect toward the Lord - especially during the Consecration of the Mass, when every spirit in heaven, on earth, and under the earth is silent before the Transubstanciation. I’d say the woman’s action is justified, but she certainly could have been politer about it. And again, I really think those young adults need a talking to by a Priest about reverence during the Mass.

 

[rpp]

Yes that is true, but with all the other people around her talking I feel she singled those two out in a way. And the way she said it concerned me.

You did not say that anyone else but this one pari was talking during Mass.

Frankly, that makes it even worse and imploring people to be quiet all the more important.

 

[Salonika]

I also find this and similar situations difficult and nearly always say nothing because by the time I am ready to do so I know that I am likely to come over too strong. Then I would have to apologise if not for what I said but how I said it. I would also be angry at myself for letting myself get so distracted and for being rude.

Returning rudeness with rudeness in my view condones the initial rudeness.

Think our reactions to such talking is also influenced by how easily distracted we are and what distracts us. I find people talking in a normal voice less disturbing than those who talk in a loudly or those whose whisper.

I also find it distracting when people treat the period before Mass as a time for social chit chat (I know this may be the only time they see each other but surely there would usually be time for them to do their catching up outside afterwards).

And at the risk of seeming completely intolerant (or is it completely disturbable) – I find someone saying or whispering the rosary during Mass distracting especially if the beads click loudly.

I try not to be distracting but if I was being so I would like to know so I could remedy it. But preferably either by being spoken to privately or as part of a general reminder.

 

[reff]

I agree, like i said I focus on the Mass myself, and if someone else is talking or whatever, they’re the ones that are missing out not me.

 

[rpp]

I agree, like i said I focus on the Mass myself, and if someone else is talking or whatever, they’re the ones that are missing out not me.

Then would it not be a corporal work of mercy to asked them to be quiet to improve the chance that they will not miss out?

 

[Brian_Millar]

Yes that is true, but with all the other people around her talking I feel she singled those two out in a way. And the way she said it concerned me.

I likely would never attend your parish if chatting in the middle of mass is the norm, I’d opt to attend a protestant service if all of the local parishes considered that acceptable behavior and they showed reverence during it, just to give you an idea of my position here.

I was a little put off during mass this evening, the ushers were groaning about not having a second collection to pay for the new sprinkler systems, the current priest either did not believe in the necessity of a second, or he simply forgot. They both gathered together right next to me and began to talk among themselves about it, it wasn’t a simple murmer at all and even a word of discust was uttered out loud in that process from one of them, this is during the end of mass itself. I just looked at one of them without saying a word, but got my point accross that I was not happy they chose to do this so they took their argument out back.

When I left, there they were standing at the door with baskets in hand to try and collect again, I gave them a buck, it tore as I pulled it from my wallet, it wasn’t intentional, but there was a message being conveyed by that action, as in the word, division. This is a new parish for me that I’m attending, and I look to what they did as having total disrespect for the priest and the parish, much less the mass. I do not consider myself any position of authority here, but if I hear this again, I have to say something to them myself afterwards to at least keep their grumblings to themselves, if they are that desperate for cash, get a loan from the pope or something. I’ll pray they can see my perspective and hope I do not have to be the one to explain this to them.

That said, if you have people that think their chat is more important then mass, I’d tell them to simply stay home, I’d only do so after mass though and I would try to say it without offending them. In my case, there is a much more dire personal need for me to be there over some stupid sprinkler system I care not to elaborate upon on this thread.

 

[Nickkname]

That said, if you have people that think their chat is more important then mass, I’d tell them to simply stay home, I’d only do so after mass though and I would try to say it without offending them. In my case, there is a much more dire personal need for me to be there over some stupid sprinkler system I care not to elaborate upon on this thread.

It’d be better to simply ask them to be quiet, because telling them to stay away from the Eucharist is a bit offensive, and really, only a Priest could make that call.

Me personally, I do not tell the person to be quiet, unless they are extremely loud. I tell them as quietly as possible, with a little physical sign to emphasis my words (putting one finger on my lips), and if they continue to chat, than I just say a prayer for them and ignore them, because the matter is now in God’s hands.

I do like to inform a Priest, though, about chatty people, without actually dropping a name or hinting who it is (unless the Priest asks who it was), because I know that at the next Mass he’ll ask the Parish to not chat idally during the Mass but to show love and reverence to the Lord, in who’s awesome prescence we are at the celebration of the Eucharist. It usually drives the message home.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

Obviously the two young men felt she was singling them out. Maybe she was or maybe they were the loudest or closest to her. Too bad she did it in that way.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

There was this elderly women sitting next to me at Mass today. There were these two young men sitting behind us and they were talking a lot, during the Eucharist she finally turned around and told them to be quiet. Now I do admit they were talking a lot, but the way she said it to them was very rude. And she said it loudly so everyone around us could hear, I could tell they were embarrassed. I heard one of them make a comment to the other in Spanish, he said “Sure talk down to the two Mexicans like we’re losers.” Again, they were talking a lot, but personally I feel that it’s their problem if they’re missing out on the Mass by talking to each other. I’ve always believed in just worrying about yourself. I’ve been around people who talk at Mass or at the Movies, etc. And I’ve never told them to be quiet, especially in the way she did. If she felt so urged to tell them to be quiet, in my opinion, just turning around, whispering to them, and saying “Please don’t talk during the Mass, it is distracting me.” But calling them rude and telling them to go outside if they wanna talk, and making everyone around hear you, to me is not very nice. The two young men were embarrassed, and I could tell because they wouldn’t even sing or respond to the “Lord be with you’s”. Just some food for thought. Tell me your opinion.

She did what I would have, but maybe in a little different way. I might have responded in stages, a look first, then a finger to the lips, last a few words.

 

[Brenda_V]

Maybe we should all make up little cards with a “please do not talk unnecessarily during Mass. It disturbs those sitting near you ” Then we wouldn’t be making any noise ourselves either, perhaps include a paper Holy Card with it of the Mass or the Patron Saint of the Parish. I say this partly in jest but partly seriously having been the one at the end of the “too noisy” comments but over a baby playing with a set of beads around my neck (they were quieter than many a Rosary bead being clicked while praying at Mass!)

I do know what you mean by others talking and making too much noise. Now perhaps the lady near the OP didn’t realize that the talkers were adults until after the Sign of Peace when she saw who was sitting behind her. Also, the loudness with which she spoke could easily have been because she had a hearing aid which was also why their talking was extra distracting to her.

Brenda V.

 

[kathielee]

There was this elderly women sitting next to me at Mass today. There were these two young men sitting behind us and they were talking a lot, during the Eucharist she finally turned around and told them to be quiet. Now I do admit they were talking a lot, but the way she said it to them was very rude. And she said it loudly so everyone around us could hear, I could tell they were embarrassed. I heard one of them make a comment to the other in Spanish, he said “Sure talk down to the two Mexicans like we’re losers.” Again, they were talking a lot, but personally I feel that it’s their problem if they’re missing out on the Mass by talking to each other. I’ve always believed in just worrying about yourself. I’ve been around people who talk at Mass or at the Movies, etc. And I’ve never told them to be quiet, especially in the way she did. If she felt so urged to tell them to be quiet, in my opinion, just turning around, whispering to them, and saying “Please don’t talk during the Mass, it is distracting me.” But calling them rude and telling them to go outside if they wanna talk, and making everyone around hear you, to me is not very nice. The two young men were embarrassed, and I could tell because they wouldn’t even sing or respond to the “Lord be with you’s”. Just some food for thought. Tell me your opinion.

Only one time was I sitting around anyone noisy at Mass. I was in the back row and in front of me were two teens that were about to be confirmed in a couple of weeks. Their mom was next to them but was ignoring their talking, poking each other and shaking the pew. I was not in a bad mood about it but did feel like saying something. When it came time for the sign of peace, they turned to shake hands and when the older of the two (and the noisier one) shook my hand, I said, “May peace and quiet be with you” and I smiled at him. He looked surprised but he was quiet after that. And, it appeared that no feelings were hurt. I think I just surprised him.

Kathie

 

[Brian_Millar]

It’d be better to simply ask them to be quiet, because telling them to stay away from the Eucharist is a bit offensive, and really, only a Priest could make that call.

Me personally, I do not tell the person to be quiet, unless they are extremely loud. I tell them as quietly as possible, with a little physical sign to emphasis my words (putting one finger on my lips), and if they continue to chat, than I just say a prayer for them and ignore them, because the matter is now in God’s hands.

I do like to inform a Priest, though, about chatty people, without actually dropping a name or hinting who it is (unless the Priest asks who it was), because I know that at the next Mass he’ll ask the Parish to not chat idally during the Mass but to show love and reverence to the Lord, in who’s awesome prescence we are at the celebration of the Eucharist. It usually drives the message home.

If you are chatting away during mass, you have no right to the Eucharist, you have clearly shown zero respect for what it stands for on any remote level and in fact, have raised offense simply by being there, might as well let in a bunch of athiests to mock the priest during the ceremony at that stage and call it all perfectly enjoyably sanctified by them as well…

 

[pnewton]

I have no problem with what she did. I can’t judge how she did it, as I was not there. But a person has the right to shush people up who are talking and a distraction in Church.

 

[kristie_m]

I shush my kids all the time!

There was one time, during a reconciliation service, as folks were lining up for individual confession that we had a REAL problem with people chatting. There was a group next to me that was making plans for the weekend, and I finally stood up and said, “I’m sorry, but it’s impossible for me to do my examination of conscience when I can hear everything you’re saying. Can you please have this conversation outside?” They were good about it, and I think a little embarrassed (as they should have been…these are adults we’re talking about!)

As for during the Mass…honestly, my kids are usually the ones being the most distracting, so I can’t say much to anyone else.

 

[Cat]

To me, this is a hospitality issue.

I think I am interpreting this correctly–the OP said that the two young men were Hispanic?

Couldn’t it be possible that one was translating for the other?

This would mean, of course, that both gentleman were totally committed to not only listening to the Mass, but understanding it as well. That would be participating in the Mass at a very high involvement level, probably more so than many other “quiet” people who are actually zoned out completely from Mass.

I agree, it’s too bad that they had to be so loud about it. But perhaps the one listening has a hearing impairment. Or perhaps they just aren’t good at “whispering.” It would be best if they could use the church’s “cry room” in the future so that they could talk without disturbing others. But maybe they don’t know that the church has a cry room (are there “cry rooms” in Hispanic nations?) Or maybe the church doesn’t have a cry room–too bad.

When my daughters were young and I brought them into the worship service with me (Protestant), I would talk to them throughout the service and explain what was happening. We usually sat in the front off to the side to try to avoid disturbing people.

That’s the way people learn–through someone “translating” or “interpreting” for them.

Does anyone get upset when the translator for the hearing- impaired stands right up near the front of the church and TALKS with his/her hands? Of course not.

So why get upset when someone who does not speak English as a first language is trying to learn the Mass in English?

The U.S. is becoming more and more diverse and lots of people who do not speak English are moving here and trying to learn English and become assimilated into American life. Let’s help them out, not tell them to be quiet.

I suspect the two men will give up on English Masses in the future and just go to the Hispanic Mass. Would this be best for everyone?

 

[SwizzleStick]

Hmm, it was a necessary action by the woman, it sounds like, though I likely would have just tried to ignore it. Maybe she tried that and just got more and more aggravated and then lost her patience. We are all human, after all. There is no reason to ever be chatting throughout an entire Mass. Personally, I think it should be avoided completely, if possible. The woman perhaps could have shown a bit more charity in the manner she conveyed her message, though. Smiling, whispering to please be quiet as it was distracting and disrespectful to our Lord would have been a better course of action, but maybe she just “lost it” after enduring such disrepect and noise?

I had something similar happen not long ago. Two men, an older man and a younger man, maybe a father and son, sat behind my family one Sunday before Mass started. They sat talking like they were anywhere but in a Church. It was weird. Everyone kept looking toward them because they were so loud, talking in normal conversational voices. That to me is completely unacceptable, but apparently it was routine behavior for them. They were engaged in conversation like they were at the mall, but apparently didn’t realize that they were the only ones talking in the entire Church. I was getting aggravated because I was trying to pray and prepare myself for Mass and could not do it very well with the noise (I failed miserably in that regard since my blood pressure was just going up), but I didn’t say anything to them. They did stop talking once Mass started and then only stayed for 15 minutes of the Mass. Oddly, after they left, a lone woman arrived very late (in my opinion) and took their seat. It was just a day for distractions, I guess.

 

[SwizzleStick]

Does anyone get upset when the translator for the hearing- impaired stands right up near the front of the church and TALKS with his/her hands? Of course not.

So why get upset when someone who does not speak English as a first language is trying to learn the Mass in English?

I have to respectfully disagree with you. When someone is doing sign language, you can turn away, ending the distraction. You cannot stop hearing someone who is loud.

As far as the not speaking English, I feel it is required to sit quietly anyway. Can you imagine the chaos in a Church if translations were going on in several locations of the Church during a Mass? No. I say listen quietly, watch, learn what others are doing. Translating an entire Mass is completely improper and disrespectful. Avoiding disrupting the Mass for others seems like basic consideration and not asking too much.