Temper, Temper

[Ma.Eugenia]

Hi!

I am doing a thesis for a minor (but necessary) subject in Nursing school. I have two other groupmates (a man and a woman) in this project.

The thing is, BOTH of them are giving me a headache! They don’t seem to understand the value of time—or at least, **my **time!

You see, we are all second coursers and have experienced working in offices where being on time is a must—yet in our meeting, they are perpetually late or no-show.

What really hurts me is that this thesis should have been started 3 weeks ago, and as a concerned member, I have not been remissed in calling for a meeting since that week. Chapters 1, 2, 3 are due in three days and we haven’t accomplished anything!

I have written the approval letters, I asked questions to professor. I have very stayed late in school on my own waiting for the professor have our topic signed. They haven’t done anything yet! They told me that I shouldn’t take the thesis too seriously because it is just a minor subject. But then, without this subjcet we cannot graduate.

Since three weeks ago, I have called for meeting after meeting, always adjusting my time to what they say is convenient time for them.

The woman, told me once that she was ok to have the meeting at 12: 30 I was waiting and waiting for her—she then she calls at around 1:30 pm saying that she was on her way. She arrived at 2 pm.

Then next meeting, I asked her, “What time are you sure to arrive?” She said 5 pm. I was home already at 7 pm, after waiting for her in vain and she calls me on the cellphone that she was on the way! I told her not to bother as I was home already.

Still, I gave her a chance, I said today, “What time are you really, REALLLLLLY going to school?” She said 2 pm. At 2: 14 pm (I was again in the fastfood restaurant, meeting place) she texts me that she is on the way, thing is she is coming from a province thats about 3 hours away from Manila. I ended up waiting for her 3 hours–which is even worse than her previous late records before!

But then—I thought to myself, “At least she tries come!”…coz the guy groupmate is even worse!

1st meeting: This guy tells our groupmate that the group would meet at 2 pm, the other groupmate comes one and half hours late and stays for about 5 minutes because as it turns out she has a test to go to. The guy, well, he just didn’t show and just had the woman tell me that he was busy with school elsewhere.

2nd meeting: I ask him in the morning, are you really, REALLLLYYYY going to come to the meeting at 5 pm? He said yes. Then at 4:45pm, he texts me that he cannot make it as he has to do something else.

3rd meeting: I asked him the day before, what time is he really available for the meeting…he said 12:30 pm he is free. Then…the next day…I waited and waited in the fastfood restaurant where the group was supposed to meet. He was again NO SHOW! He told the other groupmate that he looked for me did not see me, so he went back to school as he had to be in class in a far off building in school at 1 pm!

After that I really lost my temper. I texted him the following:

“I am not amused! Once that you were a no-show, I can still forgive you, but 3 times!—TOO MUCH already!—especially since you were the one who dictated the time! You know, if you think that I have all the time in the world to waste waiting for you—think again! If your time is so precious to you, so is mine! I hate that people like you do not put value to my time. I think you are selfish and think only of yourself! We should all respect the time of others because I’ve been respecting yours. That’s why I make it a point to be on time. I really don’t like being made to wait long and you do not even bother to text that you will not come to a meeting, the time YOU yourself set. INCONSIDERATE!”

Then he texts sorry to me but adds that I should understand him as he is taking the last theoretical subject in Nursing and I should be aware that it is a busy time for him.

I texted back:

“No, I will not understand! What you did is too much! You think the world revolves around you and your time! I could have put MY TIME to better use than wait for you NOT TO SHOW UP! Its a waste of my time and resources. You are inconsiderate and irresponsible! Besides, if there was a time conflict for you, why not just say so (in advance) instead of dictating the time and then not show up. I don’t buy your excuse that you looked for me as the (name of restaurant) is small—funny why you didn’t text me when you couldn’t find me.”

(continued)

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

He did not text me after that.

Today, during another meeting (he was again a no-show), the woman who is perpetually late (his friend) asked me if I really insulted her friend. I said “YES—if calling him selfish, inconsiderate and irresponsible an insult to him! I was just stating facts!”

I cannot believe he had the gall to be the one with “hurt feelings” after all he had done!

She tells me that I should watch my blood pressure—truth is, I have normal blood pressure—but I can very well get high blood with them!

What really amazes me is that they cannot see why I am so angry. They think that my reaction is too much. To me, I feel Iike I am living the Jack Nicholson film: “Anger Management”!

Thing is, the professor made the rule that there will be no transferring of groups. We have to learn to cooperate with each other—if not, we work alone.

My problem is this: A thesis can be very time consuming and very expensive to make. Having groupmates is supposed to share the workload and defer costs. I do need them and they need me.

Unfortunately, they are stressing me out—especially since submission of the first three chapters are due in 3 days–and we have nothing done yet! They have a calm and relaxed attitude of waiting for someone to move. Unfortunately, the only one moving is me!

I am so tempted to report them to the professor, but I feel concern that doing so may mean automatic failure in the subject
for the guy. This may mean a delay in his graduation that has already been set at the end of this semester.

Please help me what I should do in this situation. My temper has really has been on the edge lately because of my two groupmates.

BTW, sorry this is very long.

 

[chevalier]

Could you perhaps inform them that if they don’t start working, you’re going to report them and that in no case will you agree to share the credit but do most of the work on your own? If they tell you they won’t start working at that point, then it’s on their own hands only.

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

Could you perhaps inform them that if they don’t start working, you’re going to report them and that in no case will you agree to share the credit but do most of the work on your own? If they tell you they won’t start working at that point, then it’s on their own hands only.

Thanks for the advise. I guess, I’ve been really stressed out lately with the deadline looming and need to vent.

I think they thought I was too nice to get mad and were surprised at my reaction (after 3 failed meetings) .

I feel trapped with two “clowns” who don’t take anything in life seriously…even when its serious already. It can be very, very frustrating.

Anyway, you’re right…I think its about time I lay the ground rules with those two.

 

[gam3rchic]

I feel for you!!! When in nursing school myself, they constantly had us doing “group” projects which usually turned out to be one or two hard-working people doing everything for the slackers! Definitely report these lazy bums to the professor! This is ridiculous! If this is the kind of work ethic they have now, what kind of work ethic will they have when taking care of sick people? Scares me personally. They are both VERY irresponsible, especially the boy, and I’m glad you told him off! He deserved it…how flaky these two are. It seemed like whenever I got into a group I either did the whole assignment by myself or with only one other person…I HATE group assignments. Ok, now that i’m off my soapbox tell your teacher…they had more then enough opportunities to do the right thing…you shouldn’t risk your grade and passing school b/c of those lazy slackers.

Just my two cents from someone who graduated from school not too long ago

 

[chevalier]

Anyway, you’re right…I think its about time I lay the ground rules with those two.

Yeah. You may worry you will harm them if you go directly to the teacher if you rat them out, but if you place them before the choice of actually doing their job or accepting the consequences, you’re being fair to them. If they actually wanted you to do most of the work for them and allow them to share in the credit, they should at least come up with a very good reason and ask you kindly. Very kindly. They can’t expect you to do all the work and share the credit. Or just do all the work, anyway

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

I feel for you!!! When in nursing school myself, they constantly had us doing “group” projects which usually turned out to be one or two hard-working people doing everything for the slackers! Definitely report these lazy bums to the professor! This is ridiculous! If this is the kind of work ethic they have now, what kind of work ethic will they have when taking care of sick people? Scares me personally. They are both VERY irresponsible, especially the boy, and I’m glad you told him off! He deserved it…how flaky these two are. It seemed like whenever I got into a group I either did the whole assignment by myself or with only one other person…I HATE group assignments. Ok, now that i’m off my soapbox tell your teacher…they had more then enough opportunities to do the right thing…you shouldn’t risk your grade and passing school b/c of those lazy slackers.

Just my two cents from someone who graduated from school not too long ago

Hello! It’s nice to get to meet someone from the same field of study. Congratulations on your graduation from Nursing School. Me—I will graduate next year.

Here I thought that my two groupmates were a rare breed—apparently not.

I really don’t want to be mean but sometimes I feel my groupmates do not understand English…or at least, the meaning of the word “courtesy” . After the second meeting, I told my female groupmate this:

"**The definition of a "meeting: **It is not staying for one minute and you will say you have other things to do. It is staying and discussing and sharing of ideas.

The definition of respect for people’s time: It is not saying you are available at 2 pm, then arriving at 5 pm., or saying 5 pm and then calling at 7pm that you are on the way."

If it wasn’t so irritating…I would find this whole thing hilarious! I mean, we are old enough to know the importance of time and what a meeting is…do they have to have the meaning of it spelled out to them!!!

I thought she understood me after that…but the next meeting (the 4th one, yesterday)—she was 3 hours late—and she was the one chose the time schedule!!! Grrrrrr… and her friend was again was absent!

I wonder sometimes, its like saying, “Earth…to Mars…hello!!!..can anyone hear me…understand me??..”

(Sigh) Sometimes I feel that they are some sort of “punishment” to me. I guess, they will be a test of patience and understanding for me—as I am stuck with them until the end of this semester for this subject.

I agree with you—I hate group projects too. It is nice to work with a bunch of pro-active people…but if you’re stuck with irresponsible,inconsiderate …and dense people, you would wish that “you were alone on the island”.

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

You may worry you will harm them if you go directly to the teacher if you rat them out, but if you place them before the choice of actually doing their job or accepting the consequences, you’re being fair to them.

This is good advise, chevalier, thanks!

 

[Viki59]

Could you assign them each a part of the project, and do your part? Leave it up to them whether they do their parts or not. Make sure the professor understands that you have done the part that was your responsibility.
You will have to make the assignments since you are the only one involved in the project, but that 's only fair.
Good luck!

 

[Tonks40]

I’m currently attending a university that emphasizes “teams” throughout our program. We are required to draw up a team charter indicating how we are to participate, what our team meeting will be about, when we’re meeting, what happens to someone who does not pull their weight, etc. This is drawn up before we get productive on our projects. It’s not a perfect solution, but it lays it out on paper what we expect from everyone.

At first, getting into a groove was difficult, but when it came down to the nitty-gritty, everyone contributes. Yes, there will be one or two people in the group that does the majority of the dirty work, but we also have that option of not participating in a group if things get pretty hairy.

As a result of our team charter, one person has moved on to another group, and everyone else has stepped up to do their work.

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

Could you assign them each a part of the project, and do your part? Leave it up to them whether they do their parts or not. Make sure the professor understands that you have done the part that was your responsibility.
You will have to make the assignments since you are the only one involved in the project, but that 's only fair.
Good luck!

Nice idea!

I informed my groupmate that since we are 3 in the group and we have to submit 3 chapters by Wednesday (in two days)—I will do Chapter 2, they will also have to do one chapter each. It will be up to them to do their part.

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

I’m currently attending a university that emphasizes “teams” throughout our program. We are required to draw up **a team charter **indicating:

1. how we are to participate,
2. what our team meeting will be about,
3. when we’re meeting,
4. what happens to someone who does not pull their weight, etc.
   This is drawn up before we get productive on our projects. It’s not a perfect solution, but it lays it out on paper what we expect from everyone.

Thanks for the suggestion. I think this can also be helpful in workplace meetings/projects–not only in school. I shall print what you said here for my groupmates so we can have our own “team charter”.