Temptation, porn, and how do you undo years of bad habits?

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I grew up un-churched, but became Catholic in college. Aside from my “honeymoon” period (about 9 months) following my entering the church I’ve had regular trouble with temptation and masturbation. A few years ago I fell into internet porn for the first time. Oddly enough, I thought in a way it wasn’t as bad as when my imagination gets carried away… the internet is pretty passive afterall.

I’m simply sick and tired of failing and finding myself in confession again. I want desperately it for good. I truly feel as though I’m a casualty of no religious ed and growing up in a household where these things weren’t talked about (and all the while HBO and R-rated films were common in the home). I feel I’ve been wired toward using masturbation as a means of release and escape.

Does anyone have any advice on overcoming this kind of “wiring?” Things have gotten better, but now I’m married and have a baby boy to think about. I need to kick this for good.

All comments welcome.

RAR
 
First let me say what a Grace God has given you for the desire to be rid of these things. He must love you so much.

I myself have been a victim of such things. You have to be very pro-active. Ask the blessed Virgin to guard your eyes, ears and your mouth. Fasting is of GREAT help. Also, (this might not be possible for you as I am living single) keep your place cool. I know it sounds silly but it helps, a priest recommended this to me.

And don’t lose heart. Keep picking yourself up and go to confession when you fall. You can get over this. The past memories can be the worst. Get busy, get up and going on something. Go for a walk. I would also suggest daily communion, or go as often as you can. It arms the body for the battle like nothing other. 👍
 
RAR said:
Does anyone have any advice on overcoming this kind of “wiring?” Things have gotten better, but now I’m married and have a baby boy to think about. I need to kick this for good.
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Yes, you do need to kick it for good. Sooner the better. You will hear everything from the Rosary to fasting, all the best weapons against impurity. Thats a given.

Step one in any serious recovery program is an Internet filter. ( yes, I know that not everyone agrees with me ) Integrity on Line and Net Mop are both good. To my knowledge, net mop does not block proxy filters, but they may now. Your filtering software will send out a daily email to your accountability partner with every site you visited.

You can use it without accountability, but that makes it bullet proof.

Your accountability partner can password protect your filter or the Tec Support can do it for you and keep it with them.

Addiction to internet porn is a big, big thing. The addiction is both psychical and psychological. Pure On Line is a dynamite Christian streaming video recovery work shop with a 20 week program that will give you some in site into the disease. They have several work shops, depending on your age and situation. Its the best I know of.

You may consider talking it over with your paster. He may know a good candidate who knows the street that can be you accountability partner.

Good luck man. Its a journey.
 
RAR said:
I grew up un-churched, but became Catholic in college. Aside from my “honeymoon” period (about 9 months) following my entering the church I’ve had regular trouble with temptation and masturbation. A few years ago I fell into internet porn for the first time. Oddly enough, I thought in a way it wasn’t as bad as when my imagination gets carried away… the internet is pretty passive afterall.

I’m simply sick and tired of failing and finding myself in confession again. I want desperately it for good. I truly feel as though I’m a casualty of no religious ed and growing up in a household where these things weren’t talked about (and all the while HBO and R-rated films were common in the home). I feel I’ve been wired toward using masturbation as a means of release and escape.

Does anyone have any advice on overcoming this kind of “wiring?” Things have gotten better, but now I’m married and have a baby boy to think about. I need to kick this for good.

All comments welcome.

RAR
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After a 35-plus year struggle with the same thing, with the grace of God and a change in tactics, I have been clean for over 4 months.

You might not get this advice anywhere else but here goes:

Masturbation and porn must be treated as two separate sins. Porn is rocket fuel for masturbation. Porn exists for one reason and that is to enhance masturbation. Without masturbation, porn is nothing but a source of frustration! **First destroy your porn collection and resolve never to look at immodest material again. This is incredibly easy to do. **Start living a G-Rated lifestyle by rooting out all impure entertainment and associations.

Confine your masturbating to the daytime hours and NOT in your bedroom. The bathroom would be appropriate. Your bedroom is for sleeping, intimacy with your wife and communion with God through prayer. Do not use any visual stimuli whatsoever (not even the pretty girls in the newspaper ads) to enhance this sin or you will be right back to porn in no time! Focus all of you sexual energy into your marriage bed. As your mind purifies itself through prayer, regular confession, G-Rated living and God’s grace your masturbating will slow down and probably come to a complete stop. While you are trying to quit the masturbating, you need to be going to confession on a regular basis and tell the priest that you are taking steps to quit.

Remember… you might have stopped the porn sin. But masturbation is still a sin and must be confessed. Confession brings incredible grace and gives you help to quit!

Stopping porn consumption cuts off the rocket fuel, but those swimsuit photos and lingerie ads are still gasoline for the masturbatory fires. You gotta guard your eyes like a mother hawk!

Read my other posts on this topic for more perspective.

:cool: :cool:
 
YipYupYep said:
Yes, you do need to kick it for good. Sooner the better. You will hear everything from the Rosary to fasting, all the best weapons against impurity. Thats a given.

Step one in any serious recovery program is an Internet filter. ( yes, I know that not everyone agrees with me ) Integrity on Line and Net Mop are both good. To my knowledge, net mop does not block proxy filters, but they may now. Your filtering software will send out a daily email to your accountability partner with every site you visited.

You can use it without accountability, but that makes it bullet proof.

Your accountability partner can password protect your filter or the Tec Support can do it for you and keep it with them.

Addiction to internet porn is a big, big thing. The addiction is both psychical and psychological. Pure On Line is a dynamite Christian streaming video recovery work shop with a 20 week program that will give you some in site into the disease. They have several work shops, depending on your age and situation. Its the best I know of.

You may consider talking it over with your paster. He may know a good candidate who knows the street that can be you accountability partner.

Good luck man. Its a journey.
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The problem is in the heart, not on the internet. Internet filters are worthless at the magazine stand or adult video rental counter.
These filters cannot hurt, but they would have never stopped me.
If internet porn didn’t exist, we all still be sitting there with a Playboy in our laps.

😉
 
Good stuff guys. All of you.

I’ve had periods of success in a number of these areas, but have always seemed to return. I think it is because in many ways I didn’t have support around me and didn’t “do it 100%.”

I’ve been working all night and am pretty shot (goin’ on 20 hours since I slept). I’ll get back on in the afternoon and respond some more. I just wanted to touch base here.

Just a few things… I didn’t know there were filters available with accountability emails like one of you mentioned. And I’ve wondered for some time now if fasting would be a good weapon… it’s good to get such a strong endorsement from another of you. And I’ve been doing better since I realized I couldn’t “handle” R-rated movies like I thought I should be able to, but haven’t gone completely G-rated like another of you mentioned.

And hearing such confident responses really gives me hope, too.

Thank you all. Until tomorrow or the days to follow.

RAR
 
Caught my teen son looking at a porn magazine once. I was very calm about it and simply picked it up and while opening up to the “Center Fold” (:eek: much to my son’s horror that I would do that, and just a little embarrassment to go with it…👍 that part was hoping for), I made the comment…

“WOW son, this girl has the same body parts as I do, pretty cool, and I am a size 2 like she is, imagine the possibilities there”

He no longer wants to even Think about looking at a porn magazine after I planted the very visual seed of him “seeing” his mom on the pages. 👍

The other posters gave great advice,this was just what I did for my son to help STOP a problem before it got started. He is 15, so far so good. Now how do I get him to clean his room…🤷
 
Prayer, confession, other diversions, all will help but it takes a real determination to totally kick the habits. First off recognize that Jesus is more powerful than any sin or temptation. Believe fully that with the grace of God you can and will overcome these temptation.

After years of forming bad habits, you need to develop good ones to overcome them. Get in the habit of avoiding any 'near occasions for sin", get rid of the links to questionable sites, turn the channel if any R or X rated movies or scenes come on TV.

Instead of induging, pray or focus on the suffering that Our Lord endured to save us from our sins. You are married now, so your sexual “release” is within the sacramental union with your spouse.

It takes time to develop good habits, but it can be done. Also keep in mind that the sex drive is strongest while we are young. It does diminish over time, so things do get easier or less problematic. BUT you still have to develop the good habits to avoid the bad ones. I made a habit of automatically turning my head away when I see a pretty girl, and the sexier the girl the longer I keep my head turned. It is counter intuitive but it works.
 
wcknight said:
I made a habit of automatically turning my head away when I see a pretty girl, and the sexier the girl the longer I keep my head turned. It is counter intuitive but it works.
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Fabulous point. For this reason I even had to give up watching certain cable news channels while I was in the early stages of my “reform”. 😃

It only takes a few seconds of seeing a pretty girl to set the “mental part” of the masturbatory machinery into motion. Satan loves doing this. He thinks it’s funny. This gets better as the mind purifies itself through G-Rated living and prayer, etc… But never EVER let your guard down. 👍
 
TLM08 said:
While you are trying to quit the masturbating
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Absolutely not. I don’t believe it’s healthy to try to “wean” oneself off of sin. St Paul instructs us to “flee from sexual immorality,” not to inch away from it slowly.

You must stop cold turkey, but it’s not a matter of repression. You must pursue the virtue opposite the vice you’re struggling with. In this case: purity. But not just your purity. Pray for the woman after whom you lust. Pray for the media pimps who put their images on the newsstands and internet pages. Begin to see them as people, body and soul.

Talk to your wife about it. She is your other half and can help you.

Also realize that the Church understands it’s not always about sex, oddly enough. Meaning, it’s necessarily some disordered sexual appetite. For instance, I’ve struggled with this for years, but it took me a long time to realize that what motivated me to lust and masturbate was stress. Masturbation was a distraction, allowing me to forget at least for a bit whatever it was that was distressing me.

Get to the root of your struggle.
 
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