temptation versus sin

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Kathrin

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When does temptation become sin?

If you know reading an article might arouse you, but you’re not sure - then you may be TEMPTED to read it, right…

Quite a while ago I had a post here about a kind of embarrassing type of “arousal” coming on through reading/hearing/thinking about bondage/torture etc.😊 (still blushing). It hasn’t been an issue because I try to just not make it part of my life.

However I saw an article about a movie that had torture scenes in it and I thought, hm, maybe shouldn’t read this, but then I thought, hey, of course I can read this… it kind of interested me… so I started reading it… but then changed my mind and didn’t read the whole thing.

Did I already sin???

I don’t think I started reading in order to be aroused, it was more like I told myself, hey, you’re strong enough to read this…the thinking at the time went really fast though, so how can I be sure…

Kathrin
 
If you read the article for the purpose of becoming aroused, it’s sinful. If you have a good reason (and I would say interest in the article itself aside from that which might arouse you is a good enough reason) to read the article, I would say it’s not sinful to do so. If you have a need to read the article, say for work or school, then you have an even better reason to go ahead and read, despite the risk that you will become aroused.

Now, why did you stop reading? Were you aroused, or were you afraid? Or did it turn out to be boring?

If you found yourself becoming aroused, and you did not really need to read the article, then you were prudent to stop, and in doing so, you kept yourself from sin. If it turned out to be boring and you decided not to waste any more time on it, it was good to stop. If you stopped because of fear, despite being interested in the material, you may have been giving in to your scruples, which is not so good.

Betsy
 
Hm.
Very clear answer, unfortunately I am less clear about what exactly went on in my head.
I did not need to read the article. It was in a newspaper, about a new movie or something. The problem is I am not quite sure why I started reading it.
No, NOT because I told myself, I want to be aroused.
But then why was I interested in it? Maybe a part of me wanted it, maybe that interest was in reality already interest in being aroused that I did not recognize. Veiled as normal curiosity?

Why did I stop… because maybe while scanning the article I did recognize some feelings that might be the tiniest beginning of arousal? But I am not sure. Maybe it was fear too.

The question of course could be looked at in a broader context. A man who sees a beautiful woman in a newspaper. If he “risks” reading the article even though he supsects he MIGHT get aroused, is he already sinning? And if so, mortally?

Does it depend on the reason why he reads it? If it is in order to be aroused? But what if he isn’t sure?

Kathrin

p.s. Part of my problem right now is that prior to a trip I get more stressed out. There are no scheduled confessions at my church before I leave, and I wouldn’t want to go to somebody who doesn’t know me at some different church… I could always ask the priest for a special appointment but if it is just my scruples I wouldn’t want to do that…
 
If the article is legitimately interesting to you, that’s reason enough to read it. If it turns out to be a temptation, you put it aside, and you have conquered. That counts for the man reading the article about the beautiful woman also. You can’t stop living your life because you might be tempted. Your extra stress is causing you to overthink things.

But why not make an appointment for a confession anyway? I wouldn’t get on a plane without it, but then, that’s MY big fear - I don’t fly happily at all. Have a safe and happy journey.

Betsy
 
baltobetsy said:
But why not make an appointment for a confession anyway? I wouldn’t get on a plane without it, but then, that’s MY big fear - I don’t fly happily at all. Have a safe and happy journey.

Betsy
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Hm. I think mostly I would want to avoid it because for me it might create a lot of extra stress… especially if I am already stressed, it might set off more anxiety. Shouldn’t though, I know.

But also because I don’t want ask for sepcial treatment “again” - I probably should have gone the last time my priest had scheduled confessions.

Easier when I’m back at San Francisco’s St. Dominic’s Church. They have confessions before most Sunday masses, pretty much every week.

I am a little afraid of obsessing about whether or not I should go to confession before I fly so I kind of decided, if it doesn’t absolutely need to be, I’ll wait…

I am not sure though. But a plane ride is definitely not something more dangerous than a lot of other things we do…😉

I am more afraid of possible troubles at immigration. But if I now start thinking along the lines of, if I go to confession they will be nmore likely to let me in, then I’ll probably head back to square one OCD thinking…
 
When we pray the Act of Contrition, we pray that we will, “…avoid the near occasion of sin.” Sadly, we often say these words as part of our rote memorization of the prayer, without thinking about what they mean.

Reading the article in and of itself was not NECESSARILY even a venial sin, but it DEFINITELY was failing to live up to the words of the Act of Contrition that say, “…avoid the near occasion of sin.”
 
It is so difficult sometimes to discern where scrupulosity starts.

Of course, just because I am scrupulous doesn’t mean that I don’t ever sin.😉

Right now I feel a kind of lump in my throat because of all this anxiety.
I feel bad for not wanting to go to confession before I leave, thinking maybe I am just trying to make it easy for myself blaming it all on scrupulosity.

I should not fear confession.
I think if ithere was a regularly scheduled one this weekend I would go.
But this way it is so anxiety-producing. But why. Maybe it is even sinful to think this way.

In any case I want to stop obsessing about this now! I will pray. And ask the Holy Spirit to lead me. And when I see the priest after mass on Sunday and the Holy Spirit leads me to ask him for a confession, then I hope I can discern what is the Holy Spirit and what is my scrupulosity.

Kathrin
 
Kathrin, I’m going to be very frank with you. (I’m putting on my stern “mother” look.) Scruples or no scruples, if you haven’t been to confession since before Easter, you need to go. Your Swiss priest knows you and your struggles with scrupulosity, right? And you can just go to him on Sunday and say you’re getting ready for a trip and ask him to hear your confession. Then, you can bring up your fears about saying things wrong and not being able to clarify while you are in the USA, and he will be able to assist you with this. Stop going back and forth and take care of this now. You’ll be glad you did.

Betsy
 
Betsy.:eek:

You just now changed my mind. Because I have come to respect your opinion.

I had decided not to go.

After reading your post I went down to the church (just about 2 minutes from the library) and rang the bell even though the office was closed. The priest was there and opened.

Now I have an appointment for Wednesday morning.

He was nice. I hope I did the right thing. I did mention the anxiety. I am not sure if I was totally 100% turthful about why I want to go. Because I don’t know myself? Anyway. I hope I did the right thing. Right now my anxiety is back up. But at least I din’t need to go back and forth anymore.

Kathrin
 
Hey. I need to say thank you, Betsy.
This was probably the best thing to do.
And this way, because I did it after getting the advice (from you) to do it, I did not do it out of giving in to some compulsion.

So this is win-win.

I don’t have to go back and forth over it anymore.
The OCD hasn’t won either because I am going for another reason (because somebody whose opinion I respect advised me to).
And - I get to go to confession. 🙂

Kathrin

Yes, I do feel relief now.🙂 🙂
 
Good for you, Kathrin! Now, place yourself in God’s loving hands as you examine your conscience. Trust the Holy Spirit to show you your sins and help you express them to the priest. Most of all, concentrate on how much He loves you and how sorry you are for having offended Him, putting aside fear for now. And after you receive absolution, concentrate on gratitude instead of going back over your confession to check for errors.

Remember, Honey, it’s all about LOVE. I’ll be praying for you between now and then.

Betsy
 
I wanted to point out a bigger issue here…it would not be a healthy development for your sexuality to start latching on to bondage and torture. If you feel arousal at these images or verbal descriptions, then it can only lead to misery.

St. Paul tells us to FLEE IMMORALITY.

So, TURN AND RUN from any images/stories that have arousing depictions of bondage and torture. That is not healthy at all and will only lead to misery.

Ask God to help clean your memory and help you to love chastity and fidelity and healthy sexuality within marriage. God can help heal memories and “take out the trash.”

God bless you!!!
 
Hello KentuckyLiz,

I am usually pretty good with chastity! 😉 I am almost 33 and still a virgin. Sexuality doesn’t play a big role in my life. I am more somebody who who wants to lead a simple life and do charitable things. I have never really felt the need to be in a relationship.

Anyway… the bondage fantasies etc… it is really weird, they really do not match with who I am and what I want my life to stand for. As a child, I liked to play such games… and then in my early twenties I went through a phase where I kind of indulged those fantasies… just by myself. Now I really just try to NOT make them part of my life at all. because yes, I do not think it is anything healthy at all.

A psychologist would probably tell me that I need an outlset for my sexuality. But I see things differently. I prefer to live a chaste life… unless I fall in love and find the man of my dreams, of course, I mean, who knows, love is strong, it would probably change everything.🙂 But the way I have been living now… I feel more called to a single life. I am very independent and have been able to help a lot of people this way.🙂 🙂

Kathrin
 
Good for you! That’s marvelous.

I’d just hate to see you become enslaved to really dark desires.

If you ever do marry one day, you want to have a pure and holy sexuality for your greatest happiness personally and in marriage.

I know not everyone is called to marriage, I am called to be single too and serve others. So I get that, I really do. Still, God had to forgive my sins and clean up my mind, I won’t go into great details about what, but I know it’s possible.

Hopefully your struggle will ease, too, because your hormones are going to start declining with age and that biological compulsion will lessen. It is such a blessing and brings greater peace and calm into a person’s life. 🙂

God bless you, Kathrin!!!
 
I am glad somebody understand me!🙂

I get the impression sometimes that a lot of people think not having an active sex life means you are missing out on something.

BUT!!! it is just a different way of living life. It frees up energies for other things!

God bless you too!

Kathrin
 
Kathrin said:
I am almost 33 and still a virgin.
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That alone is an EXTREMELY POSITIVE AND ATTRACTIVE fact about you, if you ever wanted to seek a husband in the future. The fact that you were willing to broadcast that on a message board is even more attractive, because it shows that as a single woman, you understand more about what GOOD men want, than most women who are constantly in relationships do.

Yes, ladies, there are very few personality or physical characteristics under the sun that are more attractive to men than being a virgin.
 
Sorry to drag out this old post. I just had a ssimilar issue again. There was a cartoon in a paper and it was something about torture and I looked at it and afterward I wasn’t sure if I had looked at it, again, because some part of me seeks arousal from such things.

Would that be venial or mortal?

Kathrin
 
It can’t be mortal unless you are certain you did it on purpose. If you have to ask, you are not certain.

I have my doubts about its being venial (that is, sinful at all) as well, but that’s something you should take up with your confessor. It should not, however, keep you from receiving Holy Communion.

Betsy
 
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