Temptation

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Lady_Love

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I don’t know if anyone can relate to this or not. I am tempted to believe that I will NEVER make it to heaven, that God has rejected me, that I am unlovable, and that I have no significant purpose. It seems as though everything I do is tainted with some form of selfishness and I feel very discouraged that I will NEVER learn to love God.

These temptations are so strong. They grip me and they are very difficult to let go of. I have been plagued by these thoughts and feelings off and on for 20 years. When these temptations come on, it feels as though my heart shuts down. I instinctively push God away out of fear of being rejected. I could use prayers and advice from anyone who has experienced this themselves.
 
Satan is placing these doubts in your head, my friend. God wants ALL of us to be with Him in Heaven. None of us are perfect; we are all sinners. I will be praying for you.
 
Most things we do are tainted with selfishness. We humans are egotistical beings and if we make no effort to change we won’t. Two things I can offer that have helped me on my spiritual path may or may not help you. First-each morning shortly after waking I recite this prayer/meditation. “All me to decrease so that you may increase.” I also recite this same prayer/meditation before going to bed each night. Believe me that the Divine gives me plenty of opportunities to decrease each day-the more I pay attention the more I find. One example that may seem tiny is when someone is in front of me in the check-out at the grocery store-I’ll tend to get quite agitated if they have a lot more groceries than I do and don’t ask me if I’d like to move ahead in line (I’m talking of folks that see me and ignore me). So for a moment I get agitated(selfish) then it comes to me to send the person blessings(mentally) we cannot be angry with others if we are blessing them, then I’ll think to myself Allow me to decrease that you may increase several times. This can be done in many circumstances. Second-Matthew 25:35-36 has changed my life. Helping people with no expectation of reward-difficult at first but easier with time and practice. stay safe and blessings to you and yours.
 
It is not an instinct that you speak of. It is a learned reaction perhaps. You may try to unlearn this. God will never push anyone away who embraces Jesus. So start at a confessional. Listen to the prriests advice on the matter. Pray about it. Make a commitment to yourself to accept the love and forgiveness of God. Accept the love of Jesus into your very being. And Pray the Lords prayer for deliverance when these thoughts occur. Continue with the priest if these thoughts reoccur. Don’t give up on God, because He won’t give up on you.
God bless.
 
I know that I do not deserve Heaven based on my own merits. But when my merits are joined with the merits of Jesus and Mary, I know that the possibility of Heaven exists for me.

Never push God away for fear of rejection. I have found that in this world rejection has been good for my soul, it has helped to humble my soul.

I do know that God is all Good and all Loving. If in the end I do not make it to Heaven, I know that God’s decision is Good, and it is my desire to praise and Love Him wherever He places me.

As far as your fear that you are incapable of Loving God perfectly in this world, I also have similar thoughts. That is why I also Love and pray to Mary, The Mother of God. I know that Mary knows only one way to Love God, and that is with perfect Love. I believe that when Mary prays to God for me, I am able to Love God perfectly through Her.
 
Lady_Love said:
I don’t know if anyone can relate to this or not. I am tempted to believe that I will NEVER make it to heaven, that God has rejected me, that I am unlovable, and that I have no significant purpose. It seems as though everything I do is tainted with some form of selfishness and I feel very discouraged that I will NEVER learn to love God.

These temptations are so strong. They grip me and they are very difficult to let go of. I have been plagued by these thoughts and feelings off and on for 20 years. When these temptations come on, it feels as though my heart shuts down. I instinctively push God away out of fear of being rejected. I could use prayers and advice from anyone who has experienced this themselves.
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Are you also struggling with sin when you have these thoughts/temptations? By what you have wrote it sounds simular to how i feel after losing to sin.
 
Thank you everyone for your prayers. My spirit felt lifted and at peace before I went to bed. It’s amazing how I can tell that I am being prayed for. I appreciate it so much. I also appreciate everything you shared with me. It is so awesome that I can reach out to this forum and be supported by your love.

To answer your question: I get this feeling often when I put myself out there to speak the truth and I get rejected. I haven’t gotten to the point where it is a joy for me. I do not like being rejected. Again, Thanks everyone for supporting me and being there for me. Jesus will repay you.

“You did it to Me.”
 
For what it’s worth, when I feel guilty about something I have done, or feel guilty about my motivations for doing something, I am resenting myself. If I am resenting myself, I can only imagine that God does the same.

There has been some great advice in this thread, assertions about who God is and His love and forgiveness. What I can add is that it is valuable to me is to work at forgiving myself. And I think that a big part of forgiving myself is understanding myself as a creature of God.

To me, God creates all of us as self-loving. As a child, I will behave well at the threat of punishment. I will seek God to avoid hell, because that is what I want. This is self-serving. I will be helpful to others because people give me positive feedback and attention when I serve. I will work at being nice to people because this is how I gain acceptance from those around me. Again, this is all self-serving. I can say to myself that I am serving God, that I am serving others, but when I ask myself why I do these things, it boils down to that I want to do it, that* I feel* fulfilled when I do it, that I feel good about myself when I serve. Because love is so much a part of service, when people gain something because of my actions, their happiness is indeed my own, *those I love become extensions of myself. *So again, even when I am serving others, I am self-serving.

Somewhere along the way, we naturally develop a rulebook about what is “selfish”, and we come to resent everything we do that seems to be motivated by self-service. For me, forgiving myself means accepting that I am self-serving. This doesn’t mean that I condone my own actions or the actions of others that are self-serving at the expense of others. When I do such actions, then I have additional blindness/motives to forgive, but forgive I will, with the help of my savior.
 
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