Tempted by pornography

[newcharacter]

How do I get rid of this desire. I often use the computer properly, but its such a dangerous tool. I at times can let the temptaion go, but at other times I give in and its like I turn onto another person. I know its wrong, but I fear that even if I stop for a while, evntually I’ll look again, or at least watch improper stuff on tv.

I am not a pornography addict or anything like that, but enough to cause concern. I think it also has something to do when I don’t feel like trying or I have doubts in my faith. Its scary what can happen if you lose faith.

The worst thing for me is the blasphemies that are often expressed in this industry. Misuse of the Name of God, calling themselves “angel”, or they may be wearing crosses aroud their necks, not to mention its sinful in many other ways. But once I start watching its hard to stop, and easier to ignore those abominations.

 

[Online_Knight]

trueknights.org

 

[Stratiotes]

This is one of those things that occasionally plagues most of us. Some more than others but I doubt there are many immune to it. I think one factor that makes it difficult to kick is secrecy. Thinking that nobody will know makes it more of a temptation. And, I think, that’s why Confession is such a great tool in this battle. If we can get into a habit of regular confession then we will be reminded that we will be found out – and we gain the confidence in the fact that we will discipline ourselves – self discipline is something that improves with practice. So, I think your post is a good reminder of the right direction to go with this problem.

Cool website, knight!

 

[ABiii]

I am just like you and what helps me still is what I know about theology of the body.

You can order “Naked without shame” by Christopher West… google it up and get the CDs.

If I understood theology of the body correctly, this desire is not evil… just misinterpreted. Please do not kick yourself about it, lets just try to fight it every day.

God gave us an innate desire to love, and through love, sex brings life.

I know for myself, what really attracts me is the intimacy and the desire to make a woman happy… that is why I when I watch I look at the woman’s eyes and find some sort of peace when the woman is yearning or reaching a climax. In a way I want to be the one giving that, and imagining the situation with my future wife ( I am single ). When God explained that to me in my prayers, I have come to terms on how I was deceived, and how I am to react.

In sex, something wonderful is shared, and for single men, that is what we look forward to.

I think that for married men, it is still the same issue, but our perspective is wrong… maybe no communication with the wife on what we emotionally need in regards to this aspect. Just as women have some self-esteem issues… so do men, instead of pornography, we are meant to live and give to our beloved properly with love.

Pornography robs us and our partner with the selfless love aspect, and makes it selfish. As a matter of fact, it robs us of the real fruit of love which is life…

I guess all men somehow want to be supermen… to their woman (or woman to be).

 

[tm30]

newcharacter -

Confession, rosary, confession, rosary, confession, rosary, confession, rosary, confession, rosary…

It will not go away overnight. But the enormous grace of the sacrament of penance will give you strength, and the assistance of the most pure of God’s creations - the Blessed Mother - will help you prevail.

There is no formula but to surrender it to God over and over. God allows us certain battles to strengthen our faith and to remind us not be prideful creatures, so don’t become discouraged. This is part of fighting the good fight, and God wants you to succeed.

 

[Riley259]

How do I get rid of this desire. I often use the computer properly, but its such a dangerous tool. I at times can let the temptaion go, but at other times I give in and its like I turn onto another person. I know its wrong, but I fear that even if I stop for a while, evntually I’ll look again, or at least watch improper stuff on tv.

I am not a pornography addict or anything like that, but enough to cause concern. I think it also has something to do when I don’t feel like trying or I have doubts in my faith. Its scary what can happen if you lose faith.

The worst thing for me is the blasphemies that are often expressed in this industry. Misuse of the Name of God, calling themselves “angel”, or they may be wearing crosses aroud their necks, not to mention its sinful in many other ways. But once I start watching its hard to stop, and easier to ignore those abominations.

I’m sorry to say but it does appear as though you are already addicted to pornography…your description essentially confirms that. However, please don’t despair because there is a way out. Confess your transgression in the sacrament of reconciliation each and every time as soon as possible. Fast at least once or twice a week. Also, get an accountability partner, a porn blocker, and be very discerning in what you watch on tv or read in magazines…even relatively modest but provocative images could trigger your porn viewing. Try to go longer and longer between “falls” and know that eventually the intense urges will subside and pass. Most important: Pray to our Lord through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin to give you the grace to resist the temptations…this is very powerful indeed. Steve Wood has some great resources and www.trueknights.org is a very good sight to plug into. It’s a struggle but keep fighting it - you’ll eventually overcome it. I’ll pray for you.

 

[ChangingHeart]

I’m sorry to say but it does appear as though you are already addicted to pornography…

I would have to agree with this statement. The day I decided that I no longer wanted to drink alcohol, I stopped, and never slipped up again, being totally sober for nearly 10 years now. I don’t miss alcohol in the least. Why was it so easy for me, when so many other people struggle with it? Well, the answer is quite simple. Through God’s grace, I never became addicted.

If you are trying to stop viewing pornography, but find yourself unable, then guess what? You’re addicted. That’s the bad news. The good news is that through Christ you can overcome.

I’m wondering, rather than merely shooting from the hip, is there any man in this community who once was ADDICTED to pornography, but has completely overcome it, through God’s grace? That is someone who I would like to hear from, and who I feel can REALLY benefit the OP. If so, what worked for you, and how long have you gone without slipping up? My personal record is about a week shy of 8 months, but I can not YET consider myself victorious on this issue, so I am probably not the best person to give advice.

 

[blackrobe]

I am not a pornography addict or anything like that, but enough to cause concern.

This sentiment is a sure sign of current or imminent addiction. Stop now, absolutely and without compromise. Whatever it takes. Please, listen to me; I have been there.

JSA

 

[Confused_1_1]

It’s been 4 months since I looked at pornography and I have not felt the need to ever do it again, because I now frankly feel disgusted by it. And I thank God for that, prayer, confession, fasting, repentance is what you need to do

 

[Pat_the_Cat]

Regular, **good **confessions, with a **firm purpose of amendment **, and the knowledge that you **WILL **be happier when you conquer this affliction, always helps!

Keep on fighting the good fight! :knight2:

 

[inthecloud]

The Way of the Pilgrim has a good councel to beat addictions like this.
The Jesus Prayer each time you are tempted.

 

[Stratiotes]

The Way of the Pilgrim has a good councel to beat addictions like this.
The Jesus Prayer each time you are tempted.

Amen to that and to all the comments about Confession. Prayer and accountability are key. Its been over a year - before I converted to Catholic- since the last time I gave in to the opportunity. I have tried to make Confession a habit so that I am continually examining my conscience in order to know what I’m going to say at my next confession - that means I know I will have to tell if I fall again. Perhaps that fear is not the ideal motivator but it is better than the alternative of thinking I can get away with something I shouldn’t be doing.

 

[ChangingHeart]

It’s been 4 months since I looked at pornography and I have not felt the need to ever do it again, because I now frankly feel disgusted by it. And I thank God for that, prayer, confession, fasting, repentance is what you need to do

The fasting aspect is what fascinates me here. Can you provide some more specific details in regards to the fasting, please? As Catholics, we tend to talk about abstaining from meat on lenten Fridays, and for many of us, that is the extent of our so-called “fasting.” Can you please elaborate on what you did, for how long, how and why you feel it benefitted you? I’m saying this as one who is curious, and by NO MEANS am I trying to put you on the spot or be antagonistic. Fasting is just an aspect of the faith, that, honestly, I don’t fully understand. Thanks.

 

[Lazerlike42]

I think we have to be very careful with a lot of the things that are being said here. I understand everybody’s true desire to help, but as a person who happens have had a lot of experience with and to know a great deal about pornography and pornography addiction, I can say that some of the advice that has been given could be somewhat dangerous if it isn’t properly qualified.

I was addicted to pornography for many many years. I wanted to stop many, many times for various reasons, including religious ones, but I was never able. I had no power whatsoever over it. I was addicted. Upon coming to the Catholic Church, I was given the Grace to quit pornography immediately, after which time I didn’t look at it for nearly two years. I hardly even had any temptation to look at it during that time - there may have been 3 or 4 occasions over 2 years in which I even had any temptation to do so.

However, after nearly two years I did end up looking at pornography again one evening. This was a real shock in many ways because I had for two years had no temptation or desire for it at all. This began a period of time where I really considered pornography quite abhorant most of the time, but fell to it once every week and half or so. Now I know full well why it is that this happened: I began at that time to suffer from lonliness. The circumstances in my life changed so as that I was no longer really able to see most of my friends. This was the ultimate seed of looking at the pornography in the first place. The other recurrences sprung up for the same reason, and if it happened that during a few days I would fall more frequently, it was because I had fed the sin. The first time would inevitably be from lonliness, but that fed the lust within me and occassionally led to a looking at pornography again out of pure lust.

The points that I want to bring up from this story have mainly to do with the suggestion that newcharacter is addicted. He may well be, but there is certainly not enough information in what he’s said to indicate that this is in fact the truth. During my second period of pornography, there’s no question I wasn’t addicted to it, and recall that I know what it is to be addicted. Rather, circumstances in my life became a temptation, and were no doubt used by Satan to further that temptation. Just as in the case of newcharacter, I was more than able to control my temptations many times. Other times I gave in. This is the biggest reason I say that I would be very wary to label him as addicted. One addicted to pornography might be able to fight off a temptation once in a while, but not on a relatively consistent basis.

Now this relates to the idea that some have presented about overcoming the sin and stopping it altogether. I agree in one sense that this is a goal that is achievable. In another, I have to warn that this is a dangerous way to talk about things. We never really overcome our sins, strictly speaking. We are always capable of returning to a sin, whether it is one that we struggled with for some time, or one we committed once or twice. Jesus tells a parable that is most appropriate for this situation. He tells of a man who had a demon in his house, and proceeded to clean the house and sweep the floors and expel the demon. The man then went on a walk. While the man was out, the demon gathered seven others more evil than himself and returned, and the state of the man was worse than in the first place.

This parable really confused me for a long time, but I finall do understand it. We may have a sin we struggle with, and finally we may be able to get rid of it. Yet we cannot say we have overcome it, at least not strictly. While we might have really defeated the sin and be in a state wherin we need never again give in to it, we must nevertheless not consider ourselves to have done so. We must not consider the house clean and go ahead and take a walk, like the man did, for then, as experience shows me and many others, the first sin returns, but it is even worse. Rather, we must always maintain vigilance, recognizing that that sin may return at any time. The poster who hasn’t seen pornography in 4 months is on a very wonderful path, but I was on it as well. I was not as cautious as I needed to be, and so my sin returned, albeit for a different reason. And in fact this was a more difficult reason, because it is one of a true human need - the need for communion with other people. It is actually, in many ways, so much more difficult to fight than temptation merely from lust or from addiction.

Now newcharacter, if you end up looking at pornography several times a week, then chances are you may well be addicted. But if you are tempted frequently and give in occassionally, then you may not be.

So far as advice for what to do, I can give you some that I think will truly help. I must go to Mass now, but as soon as I return I’ll put it up.

God bless.

 

[ABiii]

I concur with Lazer… after “surviving for a month”, the desire sort of leaves… but a little exposure can bring it back… and worse.

I know not to kick myself/get too depressed when it fails… and I know that even Jesus was tempted… so temptation will never leave… its how we get up and try again that really counts… no?

 

[joecap]

I feel your pain, NewCharacter.

For me, fighting the urge to view porn and self-gratify myself is a daily on-going battle.
Through the grace of God and daily prayers, I have managed to avoid both for almost a year now.
Sometimes I almost submit to the temptation, but thinking about having to go to confession is usually enough to stop me.
I know that viewing porn is dis-ordered, but still, the female body is sooooo beautiful, sexy & attractive, and with porn so easily available, it takes all my strength to resist.

I pray for you, for myself, and all of us to have the grace to continue being chaste.

 

[ChangingHeart]

Through Jesus we can be set free. We must trust in His grace, and the sancitifying Power of the Holy Spirit. We can overcome. God will set us free. I know that God can set us free, as I have experienced it, in other areas. Yes, we should never become prideful, always remembering that the credit needs to go to God, not to us, but God can fully and permanently deliver us from any addiction. Pornography may very well be the most difficult sinful addiction to break free from(other than lustful thoughts, themselves), but it can be done.

 

[newcharacter]

The number of Catholics who have responed here is appreciated.

I can relate to parts of Lazerlike42’s situation. I was an “average” Catholic growing up. But then I would say about 3 yrs ago, my faith grew. I attended Mass frequently, prayed the Rosary, started reading the Bible. A part of this transformation was that I didnt masterbate for I think at least two yrs, but at times I viewed immoral things on tv and Internet.

But lately although I have Faith in God and the Church, its no where near as strong and I’m no where near as pure as I was in my faith and in my actions.

I do not think I am in denial by saying that I dont think I’m a pornography addict, but I could see that if I’m not careful I could head down this dark path.

I dont think that at this stage im an “addict”, this is because i rarely abuse myself (maybe 4 times in 3 months, but 4 times in 11 months), and I live with a close family member and fear getting caught and seeing what a hypocite I am. I fear also that he might think it is okay as a Catholic to view this material. Furthermore, the desire fades and goes, and often when I start looking at stuff I see how theres no purpose in it, its empty and in vain. But the problem is that Im still tempted, then I start doing other disordered things like look at women inappropritely in public, or hire out movies with sexual content etc. I agree with the Lazerlike42 that it is related to lonliness and also to idleness.

I also find that, as another poster said, that I dont think that most of the time I dont want to see anything weird or dirty , but I just crave to be intimate (its a selfish desire, but a common one).

I know how it feels to defeat the temptation and even the thought of it, but from experience I know that if you dont keep fighting it, and you give in a little at a time, I find that im back at square one.

The Rosary is a strong weapon, for the first time in a while I prayed the sorrowful mysteries. I also know that the memory and feeling of emptiness and shame after self abuse should be enough to stop the desire, but sadly it often doesnt.

 

[Hibblyn]

How do I get rid of this desire. I often use the computer properly, but its such a dangerous tool. I at times can let the temptaion go, but at other times I give in and its like I turn onto another person. I know its wrong, but I fear that even if I stop for a while, evntually I’ll look again, or at least watch improper stuff on tv.

I am not a pornography addict or anything like that, but enough to cause concern. I think it also has something to do when I don’t feel like trying or I have doubts in my faith. Its scary what can happen if you lose faith.

The worst thing for me is the blasphemies that are often expressed in this industry. Misuse of the Name of God, calling themselves “angel”, or they may be wearing crosses aroud their necks, not to mention its sinful in many other ways. But once I start watching its hard to stop, and easier to ignore those abominations.

Dear Newcharacter,
God has given us 5 Senses, within them there is “Natural Desire”. These Natural Desires are Gifts from God and they are Good. If you are thirsty you desire water. It tastes so good because you are giving your Natural Desire what it needs to live a healthy life. To eradicate these desires from ourself is impossible in this life.
The Unnatural Desires that we experience in life are learned habits, they do not come from a Pure God.
These are habitual appetites that we willfully cling to. They are selfish and egocentric and will leave you in spiritual bankruptcy. To try and mix love for God with alien love is an affront to God. The bible says “we are not our own, we were bought with a price, therefore glorify God in your body and your spirit which are His.”
We are to Love God with all our heart, mind, strength.
The Bible also says : “the truth will set you free.” I believe that your problem is that you are not speaking the truth to yourself. You believe that you belong to yourself. This is not true. Your natural desire for sex is a gift from God. To look at multiple naked bodies and get physical pleasure is deadly for your soul.
Do you realize that the Eucharist is a picture of the marriage between Christ and His Bride? It is so Holy and Pure and Single. That is why Christ said “one body,one spirit, one love.” This is why it is so important to go to confession before receiving the Eucharist. To receive the Eucharist without confessing and receiving cleansing of your sins is like entering into the private love chambers with your virgin bride only to find out that she has many secret lovers.
The Groom has been betrayed.
You are betraying your soul, and the Body of Christ by allowing this unnatural habit.
Prayer and fasting of this habit is the answer to your souls’ freedom. I feel for you…
Humbly,
Hibblyn

 

[Pat_the_Cat]

The fasting aspect is what fascinates me here. Can you provide some more specific details in regards to the fasting, please? As Catholics, we tend to talk about abstaining from meat on lenten Fridays, and for many of us, that is the extent of our so-called “fasting.” Can you please elaborate on what you did, for how long, how and why you feel it benefitted you? I’m saying this as one who is curious, and by NO MEANS am I trying to put you on the spot or be antagonistic. Fasting is just an aspect of the faith, that, honestly, I don’t fully understand. Thanks.

Fasting is one of the best ways to gain self mastery! Denying yourself something which you strongly crave, so that your appetites learn that your will is stronger than thy are. It’s a virtue (self-mastery) and comes with practice.

Fasting comes in two forms: the first is to abstain from food (ie only have bread and water for a day). Or have a modest meal to sustain you, but no more than is absolutely neccessary. or when your food is bland, rufuse to put salt on it. All these things strengthen your will, like a muscle doing weights. Slowly and steadily you will be strong enough to fight any appetite, including your sexual appetite. The Church reccomends a fast that almost anyone can do. One main meal and 2 snacks in one day. Ie small breakfast, small lunch and an average dinner. Not so hard. Then you can work your way up from there. A friend of mine , who swore that fasting changed her spiritual life, coined the phrase “Fast to Fast forward in holiness”.

The second is mortifications, denying yourself other things that are not food ie Beer, Tv, some sleep time (that extra hour in bed on saturday), or doing things on purpose that you do not want to do. ie give away your favourite Coat to a homeless guy, stay after mass for an extra 15mins (enter name of some other thing you wouldn’t like). Again these things help strengthen your spiritual muscles and teach your will that it can be stronger than the urge of your appetites.