Hi,
I thought I’d ask this question cause it’s been bothering me… lately, I’ve been tempted with horrible thoughts about everything that is dear to me, like God, my faith, the Church, Mary, my family, the Saints, etc. These thoughts just come to my mind and I don’t really feel like they’re from me, cause I’d never think such things!! But every time, I feel like I’m sinning. I don’t hear voices or anything. It’s just temptations to think certain thoughts or be angry for no reason. This isn’t constant, it sort of comes and goes. Do you think this might be from the devil? Or perhaps I’m just tired/stressed out and it’s my mind…
has anyone else experienced this, and if so, what do you do?
I really want this to stop and not come back.
‘When the intellect begins to advance in love for God, the demon of blasphemy starts to tempt it, suggesting thoughts such as no man but only the devil, their father, could invent. He does this out of envy, so that the man of God, in his despair at thinking such thoughts, no longer dares to soar up to God in his accustomed prayer. But the demon does not further his own ends by this means. On the contrary, he makes us more steadfast. For through his attacks and our retaliation we grow more experienced and genuine in our love for God. May his sword enter into his own heart and may his bows be broken (cf. Ps. 37:15).’
St. Maximos the Confessor
As this is occurring with this timing for you especially, it is a clear sign the spiritual battle has begun. Congratulations on being found worthy to begin to serve the Lord.
The purer the goodness of your intention, the better you will do in the Lord’s service.
You will be spending time in future learning to establish a healthy interior life that defeats all the attacks of the devils. This can take quite a time. You will have to approach it properly, with the aim of: undistracted contemplation of God, the repelling of evil thoughts by instinctive habit, the overcoming of temptations that come under all forms (good feelings and evil), and the using of your interior faculties both negative and positive for the sake of the Lord.
You will need to establish a prayer life aimed at repelling these attacks and establishing constant love and thought of God. If you slide into any heresy, you’ll be lost. If you slide into any grave sin, but not heresy, you’ll be pinned down until you overcome it or fall completely.
Without the virtue of discernment, based on completely fidelity to the Church’s true, traditional teachings many are misled.
Watch out for fantasies at a time like this, and bad relationships that are enticing. As I said attacks come both under the appearance of ‘good’ and ‘evil’, so evils appear under the guise of ‘love’. The attacks under the appearance of good are generally successful against those who do not know what they are doing or prone to accepting every positive emotion because it ‘feels good’ or due to cravings or lacks in their interior life.
I strongly suggest you try listening regularly to the sermons in the links below to give you the tools necessary to regulate your spiritual life and know what is sin and not.
The Catholic portions of the books of the Philokalia, and other writings of the saints about the interior life will be helpful to your understanding the interior battle.
